In the wake of trophy support being added to the PS3, I've found myself playing more and more PS2 games on my Sony days (I have a rigorous and mostly fair schedule for gaming, a kind of joint custody arrangement between consoles that I'm sure fellow latchkey kids will understand). It isn't because I'm some sort of trophy whore who will only play games with the promise of some intangible prize above and beyond the joy of actually playing. At least not entirely. But why play a feature-incomplete game when you have a sizable backlog of actually complete ones right over there on the shelf?

It was in this spirit of shelf-mining that I recently popped in Shadow Of The Colossus. I picked it up a few years back when it dropped down the magic price of 20 bucks, but never got around to playing it for some reason. I certainly was surrounded by critical praise heaped upon the game, the glowing tales of deep, artful play and stunning visuals. If memory serves, Tycho wouldn't shut up about it when it first came out, and the Podtoid crew routinely gushes over it like it was their first love. So it must be good, right?

The relationship between videogame player and game is similar to that of two people having sex, and not just because 9 times out of 10 only one side gets any enjoyment (following this analogy, whether multiplayer games are fun-filled orgies or disturbing gang-rapes is a discussion for another time, but no matter how you slice it, WoW is a dirty, dirty whore). Ultimately, the successful gaming experience is about communication between the player and the played. The game tells you what it wants you to do and rewards you for doing it by responding in a way that is pleasurable to you as a player, be it raw points, flashy effects, or cheerful dings. Playing Shadow Of The Colossus is like fucking a deaf-mute from Guatemala. You may have a rough idea what you are doing, but they are unwilling or unable to give you any sort of direction or encouragement, so you fumble around enough until you get frustrated and get up, put pants on and go watch TV while you think about if this is what you want in a relationship.

To be fair, I'm certainly not in favor of the overenthusiastic hand-holding in many modern games, but sometimes a little direction is a good thing. The early story provides no impetus for action beyond "a disembodied, gibberish-speaking voice told me to," and while one could make an argument that SotC is bringing up issues of player agency (both in story terms and the actual act of playing the game itself) in ways similar to "the big twist" in Bioshock, the difference is that you feel some investment in the world and the characters within Bioshock when the twist happens. Here, you have about as much knowledge and insight into the main character as you do into Pitfall Harry or that bug guy from Yar's Revenge.

I guess my biggest issue with Shadow so far (I am probably about a third of the way through the game, which I'm sure in some people's minds completely invalidates everything I have said to this point) is at no point do I feel like I am making any progress. It just feels like grinding at this point, except harder and with no reward. This feeling is compounded by the fact that within "the community", this is a game with all sorts of artistic undertones and moments of epiphany that I am apparently simply too slow to understand. Even as I progress through the various battles, I still don't feel like I am playing the game correctly, and that any success I am having is either a glitch in the game or made despite myself. There is no progression, no advancement, no carrot on a stick that validates the journey I am undertaking.

I will continue to play Shadow, though, although it will have to wait until Psychonauts is done though (one of the advantages to having little story is there is little to forget between extended absences), and while it may seem like I unequivocally hate the game, there is plenty to like. The vistas are beautiful, the art style particularly on the colossi is interesting, and the music is killer. However, I don't like feeling like I am playing a game strictly for "gamer cred" reasons. I'm hoping I will eventually see what all these people, people whose opinion I respect, see in this game. I welcome the debate I will probably have over this, and I will happily eat crow if the game surprises me, but I have the feeling I won't be swayed. But then again I thought Pulp Fiction was underwhelming too.