So, I have a problem. It’s called masochism. There are some genres of games that I love. I love playing them, watching them, and everything associated. And I also suck balls at some of these genres. Specifically, fighters. My name is Pangloss, and I have a problem.


AUDIENCE: HEY, PANGLOSS.

So, where to start? I enjoy fighting games, for various reasons. I of course love exhibitions of martial prowess, which is certainly on display here. And being the manly dude that I am, I love the fierce competitive aspect that fighters revolve around. And I love watching excellent players of fighters ply their skills. But I am not among their number. I am not even a “good” player. A brief youtube search reveals that much.

There’s this thing, a difficulty curve to these games. And oh [indeterminate deity of your choice], is it ever steep. SNK, Capcom, et alia all have a rather large-ish volume of fighters, and I love them all. And I am far, far away from achieving anything approaching decency in any of them.

I should explain. Being “good” and/or “bad” at these games depends largely on what sort of level you play at. And on one level, I probably qualify as “not half-bad”. Whenever I pick up a new fighter, I quickly gravitate (within, say, an hour or so of play) to a level of competent mediocrity. Among friends who play only casually, say, when company is over, I generally dominate without much effort, to the point that nobody wants to play with me anymore. They think I’m good at these games.

No, they are dead wrong. I know better. I have seen people who are truly good at these games (who no doubt have other players that can make them feel inadequate). I have been dominated by the third AI opponent in line on the old SNK arcade games. I’ve looked at the FAQs, at the combo lists I’ll never master. I’ve tried network play, teeming as it is with fresh vistas of humiliation. Oh yes, I know where I stand here.

And even though I am aware of my place, I still love fighters. I picked up BlazBlue the week it launched, and I adore it so far. And I’m still not good at it. The pain that is always attendant with network play is still fresh in my mind. As per my usual pattern, I quickly attained level 13 on Live, and hit a streak where everyone was better than me. And the AI can still demolish me when it takes a shine to the notion. Three days before this Monthly Musing theme was announced, I had the message of my status in fighters drilled home once again, when I bravely volunteered to host BlazBlue for 360 FNF. And had the pleasure of my fellow Dtoiders grinding me into the dust. Repeatedly. Sweet Odin, I’d never even SEEN a well-played Carl Clover before.

But I’m committed, now. I’m trying to get better. I’m studying over at Dustloop every other day or so now. It makes my head hurt, but I’m learning, I think. I’m practicing more, and it’s hard to tell whether I’m improving at all, but I, well, I think I’m getting better? I think I’m on my way (dinged level 15 the other day! Woo!), but for now, I’m just going to accept my status in the world.

My name is Pangloss, and I suck at fighting games. And I enjoy it.

So I'm scanning google news and I see this article about a new "University" (not accredited yet) in the Silicon Valley, founded by Ray Kurzweil. This is tangentially game related, I promise. For those of you who don't pay attention to futurist nerd stuff, Kurzweil is one of the main guys predicting the advent of the Technological Singularity (AI that can make itself smarter, tech advances at unimaginable rates, etc) about halfway through this century. And he's starting the Singularity University, with backing from Google and NASA.

Go ahead, make the Robocalypse/Skynet jokes. Especially since Google went ahead and flagged everything ever as malware last week. I mean, come on. Talk about low-hanging comedic fruit. But after some further reading, I'm not especially worried about world-changing progress emerging from this thing. Why? Something about the faculty list seems a bit... off.

What could it be? It's a blue-ribbon panel of Nobel physicists and nanotech/AI professors. Except for the fact that for some reason, Will Wright has been hired as faculty. No, "Will Wright" is not some obscure genius rocket surgeon who shares a name with the game designer. They have hired the guy who made Spore. WHY.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I like Will Wright. I'm not a huge fan of his games, but he is a great idea man. But he's not exactly a scientist. So I'm not worried about Singularity U destroying humanity anymore, because hiring a big-name game developer is not how you get substantive research done. This seemed like it had the potential, on first read, to generate some interesting progress, but now it just looks like a $25,000 networking camp for grad students.

And her security detail took my friend's camera and escorted me from the premises. So there aren't any pictures, or anything. She did shred my WoW discs though.

What? You thought it would end like... this?

The above image is dedicated to the awesome Texans who gave me a lift to Cincinnati and laughed at my stupid jokes. You guys are awesome, and also crazy, for driving for almost a full day just to party. To all of you who didn't give me a lift, I love you anyway. Every single person in attendance was completely awesome. I just wanted to say that it was great to finally meet you guys. Getting swag, playing games, and getting drunk was just icing on the cake. I'm sorry, you'll have to continue to do without pictures from the party for a while because I didn't bring a camera and would forget to take pics even if I had. I'm proud to be part of such an awesome community. Take care, you ridiculous bastards, and know that drinks are on me next time.

DISCLAIMER: I am not actually buying any of you drinks without sexual favors being involved.

In Rev's gushing preview of Braid, he touched on something I've been thinking a bit about lately. That is, he held up Braid's foundation on simple, intuitive platformer mechanics, with the deep, added mechanic of time travel as proof of Braid's accessibility. I've seen other games that presented a similar case like this, such as Fez, Portal, and many, many others. And all of these games (that I've gotten a chance to play) have been pretty much awesome.

I'm gonna be bordering on NVGR, here, but I've noticed this phenomenon in other mediums as well. In particular, Death Note, at its core, is a fairly straightforward mystery tale, built on the foundation of a set of arbitrary rules. Where the twist comes in is the complex philosophical conundrum that rides on the concept of Kira. All the suspense we feel throughout the series is characteristic of mystery thrillers, the added ingredient is our contemplation of justice and its costs. It's no coincidence that Death Note's my favorite anime ever.

So, it looks like the format of "familiarity with a well-crafted twist" is very successful, both in video games and other artistic fields. My question is, why is this so compelling? Feel free to let me know.

Just yesterday I borrowed FFIX from a friend, because I still haven't played it. I popped it into NOT MY PC TOTALLY A PLAYSTATION and got several hours into the game, when suddenly they yanked my healer from the party for story purposes, and sent me into a new area where it was made painfully obvious that I should have invested a couple hours into grinding. I even came up against a random mob that one-shotted my party members in slow succession.

I've beaten the five other Final Fantasies I've played without resorting to grinding once. Unless you count the Paladin Shield in FF6. Is there something I'm doing wrong here? This is right after the hunt festival or whatever. Please tell me I'm fucking something up, because there's nothing I hate worse than an RPG that has mandatory grinding.