Damn Destructoid. It's 12:30 AM, I have to be up at 8:00 so I can go watch a documentary about Simon and Garfunkel at college, and things are a lot different from the man/retard/fish/Will Smith look-a-like I was at the beginning of the year.
As I commuted back home on those fucking trains ( I saw a documentary about trains recently, its some crazy stuff, a more important change in the world than the Internet, so take that you fucking memes) my mind drifted back to this summer.
Let's roll back down memory lane, I was downright miserable. I hadn't seen my friends since I broke up from school, and my days were spent inside, online, or in the garden reading. I was getting cabin fever, and was going a little bit crazy, probably because of all my free time. It was also the last time I was seriously blogging on Destructoid.
The story can't actually continue till you press the button.
Fast forward to November, and I have a social life (with people, not with dolls), I'm focusing really hard on my studies, and I'm happy. Yes my friends can be trying, and I could nit-pick out any other bullshit, but I can't. Because I'm happy. And I'm too distracted to ponder the gaming world and its contreversies.
That's not to say I've stopped gaming. What do you take me for? Why would I even be still here if I wasn't still actively interested in gaming? I took a day off today, just to play Dark Souls and watch a film about Henry IV of France (good, but not great, also it's in French). I still play plenty of indie games, and The Walking Dead was amazing.
That's the crazy thing. The thing that has changed about me. I've learnt "The Art Of Moderation". I've learnt to phase games out of my life to the point where they still exist, but as a secondary area, rather than my primary focus.
Sometimes at school, during boring maths lessons, I would imagine a Mass Effect conversation wheel would come up when people talked to me. SO MANY DECISIONS.
When i was meant to be revising for my high school exams in May, I was playing Mass Effect 3. When i was at school, meant to be learning, I was thinking about Mass Effect 3 and talking to my friends about Mass Effect 3. I probably could have got far higher grades, if I hadn't been so damn distracted. If I wasn't playing Mass Effect 3, I was playing Minecraft on a server with a Skype call. I was just gorging on fictional media to fill a void in my stomach. I read 17 books in the first half of the year. For a teenager, that's some pretty messed up baloney.
But worst of all, it made me take advantage of video gaming. I wasn't able to appreciate it, because I was surrounded by it constantly. Surrounded by these walls I had built around myself.
What's really weird is that my friends have gone through it aswell. My friend was a serious WoW addict, now he's a party skater douche who smokes a lot of weed. While not the best transition, going from 4AM WoW raids to making out with drunk chicks is a lot of nerds dreams.
And while no, unfortunately, I haven't gone down the route of stereotypical teenagers to nights I'll forget (I have a weird ability to not get hangovers) and "illegal substances" (though I have an unnatural amount of contacts in that area) , I've still changed from that depressed, raging, self hating, lonely guy.
Destructoid, you always seem to help me out. Whether I'm dropping the odd comment here, or just remembering some of my experiences since I've been here. First time I read one of Elsa's blogs, or when VenusInFurs reccomended "The Little Prince" to me (that book was beautiful), or just seeing all your comments, the fact that my work was validated by your approval really meant something to me.
And now I'm here, and I think Destructoid helped me along the way. Reading about all of you, your opinions, your lives, your lies, your "Declarations of War" (yes you PhilKenSebben) it gave me a way out, a way to experience something besides my own solitary confinement.
I think the way to describe blogging for me was "therapeutic". It allowed me to get what I wanted off my chest, and the people were always keen to give a helping hand (sometimes a little too keen, I'll be mailing back that hand that one of you sent me, who is James McButtJuggalo?), and maybe now, I'm all therapy-ed out. Does that mean I'll continue blogging?
Hopefully, I don't want to stop. But at least I know to myself, that if I end up never blogging again, it's for a good reason, rather than just plain laziness (or you know, banging Playboy models, either one sounds cool).
One of the people from Communitoid defined the C-blogs as "The Guest Bedroom" , but it's not. The C-Blogs is, at least to me, the heart of Destructoid, the "Living Room". The front page is the entrance, welcoming you to something much more than a front door. And you have the other sections, but I can't be bothered to name them. But the C-Blogs is where the family shut the fuck up, listen to each other, and watch re-runs of Deadliest Catch, Fraiser, and Courage The Cowardly Dog, or whatever else it is you Americans watch.
My mum used to get angry at me for playing games all day, saying I was wasting my life. Now she moans (jokingly) at me for always going out. It always makes me smile, to see that I have moved on from who I was, because to be honest, I kind of like myself now, and in the end, isn't that all that really matters?
Also, if you came here to see pictures of me busting one out, I'm sorry to disappoint you, have a picture of the jacket from Drive instead.
Loves you Destructoid, go all Tina Turner and keep "Rollin' Like A River".