My name is Alex. I'm 15 and I hide in my dark corner of the internet writing a so-called "blog" here on Destructoid. I think far too critically of myself which has reflected on my personality, as I'm cyncical and highly critical of...well a lot of stuff.
Anyway, games. It was all about the GameBoy Advance when I was young, and have grown up on an unhealthly diet of portable gaming (GBA,DS,PSP), a recent introduction of console gaming , lots of fictional media, and yummy food.
I'm lazy and very day-dreamy, non-committal and kind of temperamental. Plus I get distracted easily...I'm really painting a rosy picture here aren't I? Still, if you stick around, (I'm hoping) you may find something of quality here, and who knows, I don't think I'm THAT bad, right...right?
So yeah, vidjo games.
Deus Ex Human Revolution
Batman Arkham City
Total War:Shogun 2
Jurassic Park:Operation Genesis
Super Mario 64
House Of Dead III
Also, I have twitter now, even though I now feel like a complete sell out. Follow me and see how uninteresting I can be.
Sup Dtoid bloggers, long time no see. No blog or anything today, but I have been thinking about making a return and writing again, exams are killing me at the moment.
Anyway, every PAX, Dtoid runs an avatar adoption scheme, which I was taken to by bbain who to this very day is still just as awesome for doing that. So in gratitude, I took his avatar to MCM Expo here in London ( which is basically our Comic-Con)
Anyway its happening again in a week's time, so does anyone want me to take their avatar to MCM to get some cool pictures? Just drop a comment and then (if there are any entries) I'll pick someone to take!
How do I write this? How do I sum up 2.5 years of Dtoid? Comments and PM's and Blogs and responses and people and dicks and staff leaving, staff coming, dicks, people leaving, people expanding and everything inbetween. How do I sum up what this all means to me?
My God, seriously how could I ever do this justice? What Dtoid means to me, what it was, what it became, how it has been intrinsically woven into the fabric of my life for the past couple of years.
Lets just say I suck at goodbyes.
I'm not going to be saying goodbye forever, I'll still be around, reading articles and commenting random stuff I can think of, but as far as blogging goes, I'm done. I'll still be around to participate in avatar adoption schemes and maybe, just maybe, I'll actually one day meet someone from Dtoid, I live in London y'all, so hit me the fuck up.Here's my pimpin twitter bitches:
Here is my first blog. A pathetic excuse for a blog, ignorant and unbroken, it was more of an odd rant rather than a blog. But I learned. I like to think I became a semi-decent writer. One of the many things I have to thank for Dtoid.
Oh god, how much I have Dtoid to thank for. I could dedicate an entire blog to that. The amount of kindness, rudeness, education, enlightenment, humour, hilarity, sadness, anger, madness, insanity, loveableness, lots and lots of homosexuality makes me truly appreciate how much I value this place of all places, if there are dark corners of the internet, then Destructoid is that bit in the center of the room lit up by so much light it's kind of hurts your eyes. Seriously what the fuck, is there no light switch in here?
Now many (many is a strong word) reading this may be thinking "Who are you?" or "I remember you wrote a blog a long time ago, so you kind of quit then?" or "Why you filthy prick?". Well because I'm a different Alex, a different PK to the one who blogged before. I've moved into a much better place in my life and I think its better to end it on a high note, eh?
Luckily for you pricks, I won't be leaving Dtoid, I'm just ending blogging. I'll still be listening avidly to podcasts and reading articles and blogs like fuck knows. But as for actively creating blogs. I'm done. Either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become a villain? I'd rather leave when my writing hasn't declined in quality.
But its not that. I've got so much going on, I simply don't have time. But on the other hand, I don't want to leave this fucker on indefinite hiatus, so I'm gonna say goodbye, and if in 4 months or so, I suddenly feel the need to blog, maybe I'll return. But for now, I'm saying goodbye. Properly. Check out my oscar speech:
So here it is. To everyone who ever commented or gave me feedback, I waited avidly for every piece and read it all, even if some of it was mean. Or spam. Gotta luv dat spam.
To everyone who tried to offer insight onto me psyche, I loved you for trying. DynamoJoe's advice still sticks with me today.
To my C-blog idols, the ones I aspired to, both former and still current. Elsa, Strider, VenusInFurs, bbain, Voltech, Blindfire, Wolfy Boey, TheManWithNoName/TheDoctorWithNoName and everyone else I can't think of.
To Occams, your witty comments were one of the only reasons I read the comments sections. Words cannot describe how much I love you for these.
To the teams at Secret Moon Base and Communitoid, I still await each episode with eager anticipation. I fucking love these.
To all the staff who have ever contributed, and especially those who took the time to read my blogs, I still remember Johnathan Holmes comment on my Zombies blog.
To Mr Andy Dixon, for running an incredible community. And that fucking pink dressing gown man. I need one.
To bbain again for taking my avatar to PAX. It's one of the only community interactions I've had, but I was so grateful for it.
To VenusInFurs for showing me The Little Prince, and being one of the first people to broaden my horizons on this place.
To PhilKenSebben, my greatest friend on Destructoid, the one who I am most grateful for on this site. He was there for me in a time of need, and I owe him a debt I can never repay. You generally are too awesome to be my friend.
To Niero, for creating my favourite site on the internet. For real.
And finally, to everyone who I haven't mentioned, to everyone who doesn't know me, who might not even read this, or be checking out my work for the last and final time. You guys make Dtoid so much more than every other game site. I will generally never forget my time here.
Oh fuck, this really is happening. It's all written out, waiting to be published. 2 and a half years summed up in these words. Jesus Christ, it's really been beautiful. This was definitely one of the best choices ever made in my life. I will never be able to do this place justice.
Damn Dtoid, I guess I'll see you on the other side.
I never did tell you guys what game my favourite game was? Well, honestly? I associate good games with good memories, so honestly? It's a spilt between Rayman Advance, Deus Ex Human Revolution and Halo 3. Halo 3 is the game that defined this generation for me. Rayman is childhood. Deus Ex is the classiest game I ever played.
Also, fuck yeah limbless boy.
See ya later Dtoid. It's been so much more than fun.
Damn Destructoid. It's 12:30 AM, I have to be up at 8:00 so I can go watch a documentary about Simon and Garfunkel at college, and things are a lot different from the man/retard/fish/Will Smith look-a-like I was at the beginning of the year.
As I commuted back home on those fucking trains ( I saw a documentary about trains recently, its some crazy stuff, a more important change in the world than the Internet, so take that you fucking memes) my mind drifted back to this summer.
Let's roll back down memory lane, I was downright miserable. I hadn't seen my friends since I broke up from school, and my days were spent inside, online, or in the garden reading. I was getting cabin fever, and was going a little bit crazy, probably because of all my free time. It was also the last time I was seriously blogging on Destructoid.
The story can't actually continue till you press the button.
Fast forward to November, and I have a social life (with people, not with dolls), I'm focusing really hard on my studies, and I'm happy. Yes my friends can be trying, and I could nit-pick out any other bullshit, but I can't. Because I'm happy. And I'm too distracted to ponder the gaming world and its contreversies.
That's not to say I've stopped gaming. What do you take me for? Why would I even be still here if I wasn't still actively interested in gaming? I took a day off today, just to play Dark Souls and watch a film about Henry IV of France (good, but not great, also it's in French). I still play plenty of indie games, and The Walking Dead was amazing.
That's the crazy thing. The thing that has changed about me. I've learnt "The Art Of Moderation". I've learnt to phase games out of my life to the point where they still exist, but as a secondary area, rather than my primary focus.
Sometimes at school, during boring maths lessons, I would imagine a Mass Effect conversation wheel would come up when people talked to me. SO MANY DECISIONS.
When i was meant to be revising for my high school exams in May, I was playing Mass Effect 3. When i was at school, meant to be learning, I was thinking about Mass Effect 3 and talking to my friends about Mass Effect 3. I probably could have got far higher grades, if I hadn't been so damn distracted. If I wasn't playing Mass Effect 3, I was playing Minecraft on a server with a Skype call. I was just gorging on fictional media to fill a void in my stomach. I read 17 books in the first half of the year. For a teenager, that's some pretty messed up baloney.
But worst of all, it made me take advantage of video gaming. I wasn't able to appreciate it, because I was surrounded by it constantly. Surrounded by these walls I had built around myself.
What's really weird is that my friends have gone through it aswell. My friend was a serious WoW addict, now he's a party skater douche who smokes a lot of weed. While not the best transition, going from 4AM WoW raids to making out with drunk chicks is a lot of nerds dreams.
And while no, unfortunately, I haven't gone down the route of stereotypical teenagers to nights I'll forget (I have a weird ability to not get hangovers) and "illegal substances" (though I have an unnatural amount of contacts in that area) , I've still changed from that depressed, raging, self hating, lonely guy.
Destructoid, you always seem to help me out. Whether I'm dropping the odd comment here, or just remembering some of my experiences since I've been here. First time I read one of Elsa's blogs, or when VenusInFurs reccomended "The Little Prince" to me (that book was beautiful), or just seeing all your comments, the fact that my work was validated by your approval really meant something to me.
And now I'm here, and I think Destructoid helped me along the way. Reading about all of you, your opinions, your lives, your lies, your "Declarations of War" (yes you PhilKenSebben) it gave me a way out, a way to experience something besides my own solitary confinement.
I think the way to describe blogging for me was "therapeutic". It allowed me to get what I wanted off my chest, and the people were always keen to give a helping hand (sometimes a little too keen, I'll be mailing back that hand that one of you sent me, who is James McButtJuggalo?), and maybe now, I'm all therapy-ed out. Does that mean I'll continue blogging?
Hopefully, I don't want to stop. But at least I know to myself, that if I end up never blogging again, it's for a good reason, rather than just plain laziness (or you know, banging Playboy models, either one sounds cool).
One of the people from Communitoid defined the C-blogs as "The Guest Bedroom" , but it's not. The C-Blogs is, at least to me, the heart of Destructoid, the "Living Room". The front page is the entrance, welcoming you to something much more than a front door. And you have the other sections, but I can't be bothered to name them. But the C-Blogs is where the family shut the fuck up, listen to each other, and watch re-runs of Deadliest Catch, Fraiser, and Courage The Cowardly Dog, or whatever else it is you Americans watch.
My mum used to get angry at me for playing games all day, saying I was wasting my life. Now she moans (jokingly) at me for always going out. It always makes me smile, to see that I have moved on from who I was, because to be honest, I kind of like myself now, and in the end, isn't that all that really matters?
Also, if you came here to see pictures of me busting one out, I'm sorry to disappoint you, have a picture of the jacket from Drive instead.
Loves you Destructoid, go all Tina Turner and keep "Rollin' Like A River".
So last PAX, I had my avatar adopted by bbain as he went to PAX, and me being in England, 16, and broke, had absolutely no way and no intent on going there. But I wrote a blog asking someone to take my avatar to PAX (through Dtoid's customary avatar adoption), and bbain got me to see loads of awesome stuff. It also made me realise what a horrible avatar picture I have :P
So I returned the favour, and I took him to London MCM Expo, which happened today (can't feel my legs) so let's start bbain's awesome journey!!!
This is my train station, It's 6AM, and the sky is still pitch black. I do not understand this logic. Also, I was up at 5, so my brain is incredibly scrambled right now.
I'm in a queue! Also, we got there an hour earlier than usual, so I proceeded to spend the next hour talking to a transvestite called Mai/Matthew. The two events don't have any correlation, but I thought I'd just drop that in.
And then just behind me! BAM! A father and son duo of Umbrella security (I think?) Doesn't stop Operation Raccoon City from being a piss poor game, no matter how touching this is.
What is this? Empty queues at the biggest nerd event in England?
Oh that's much better. Now we can be penned in like cattle from every direction!
This was literally the first thing I saw when I walked in, so I took bbain over to get a nice picture with Knight Rider!
Here we met the writer of a comic about a lunar based satellite which puts on a suit and fights crime. He thought bbain had a pretty cool face. Also, a human shaped moon wearing a suit. 'Nuff said.
This is the creator of a comic called Zombie Bears and it's first episode was called "Left 4 Ted". It was a happy moment. I think he enjoyed it, as he gives me a subtle wink to tell me what he's going to do to that picture when he gets home. I managed to grab it before he ran off with it to do unspeakable things.
This is bbain meeting youtube comedy duo OMFGIt'sJackAndDean (trust me, their videos are a lot better than their name), and also, you don't want to know what made Jack pull the scared meerkat face.
Oh, look who it is!! It's Hollie Bennett, former Destructoid EU Community Manager, and now a Consumer and Community PR Executive for Namco Bandai! She literally convinced me to buy Ni No Kuni, but alas, I have no PS3 :( On the other hand, she was super awesome and bbain had fun to, you can tell by his smile!
Me and bbain played some Halo 4, where he brought me no luck, and I was massacred 4-14. Fuck you multiplayer. Also, if bbain was an AI, he wouldn't go rampant, because he already has rampant sex appeal.
Some bear from League Of Legends. I say no more on the subject.
bbain decided we should go meet Cas Anvar, who is noted as being the guy who voiced Altair in Assassin's Creed Revelations. Also, he was in Source Code, and starred a bit in Lost.
And finally, bbain went to go see Alexis Cruz, Skaara in Stargate and Stargate SG-1 . I've never seen either of those shows, but he did some voice work in L.A Noire, and more importantly, he was selling his own brand new wicked cool (that phrase hasn't been used in 20 years) graphic novel "The UnProfessionals." I've read a little, and it's some good shit.
And that's it! I hope bbain had a nice time, and if he didn't, well then tough shit. But seriously man, it made my MCM a lot more fun knowing that I was doing something for a friend I've never even met, but greatly respect man.
Somebody in the forums had this as an avatar picture, and I wanted to bull tackle him with happiness,because that shit is funny.
Sup, people, just a question, any Dtoiders going to the MCM Expo next week? I've never met anybody from Destructoid (and I've been here a while, at least I think I have, time seems to lose it's flow when you're reading through the forum game of Werewolf) but it would be pretty awesome if I could meet up with all these people who I read about online.
Now, for the real reason you bastards are here. I have Hawken beta code, and I'm gonna make you jump through hoops to get it. Give your opinion on these things:
1) Leonardo Da Vinci
2) People who wear Abercrombie & Fitch
3)Fall Of Cybertron (If you have played it, if not, your opinion on Transformers in general)
4) Why Agent 47's chrome dome is just so damn shiny
Also, you don't have to enter to give your opinion, I enjoy reading other people's useless opinions just as much as I enjoy chewing on the side of tables. Which is to say, a lot.
You know what's odd? The reasons people play video games. Some do it to relax, some do it to "activate" (a la fighting games improve reflexes etc), some do it to shut their kid/brother/sister/friend/kidnapped alien up for half an hour so they can do some work/play outside/work out what to do with a kidnapped alien without the kid pleading to play 2-player with them.
Me? I'm in it for the story.
I play games, because...well, in my opinion, games are the best medium at having the possibility of telling great stories. It combines the length and depth + detail of a book, but it uses pictorial form, which has a far greater effect on the human mind, since we rely on our eyes as our most important sense, things have a far greater effect when you see them, rather than reading about it.
That's for another time though. What I'm HERE (thanks Elect Nigma) to talk about is my time (or rather lack of) spent in what is now, just as important, if not more. I'm going to talk about multiplayer and online-iness in general.
I could not have spent in all my collective time on online video games, more than 25 hours in total. That covers all my games. EVER. I have barely ventured into the realm of solo multiplayer, and I don't really have any reasons why.
It's not so much that I must take a stand against the disgusting leech that is tacked-on multiplayer, or even good dedicated multiplayer, it probably falls down to two reasons. I have limited internet, and multiplayer almost always has no story value.
I need a reason to care. A reason to progress. A reason to waste my time in a virtual world instead of doing something worthwhile in the real world. Once I finish a story, I barely ever return to a game. Multiplayer basically offers me a burger, but without the meat. It's just bread, and some onions which you know are going to come out badly at the end. It's not interesting, I have no patience for level grinding, and I never have "great" connection. I generally have a predisposition to just avoid multiplayer, simple as.
That's not to say I detest multiplayer. I just like to do it with a friend who I can actually see. Many a school night was spent at my friends house, playing Guitar Hero, then Guitar Hero II, and then Halo 3. My God, the fun I had playing Halo 3 with my friends. Endless memories of awesome.
Maybe that's why I don't like multiplayer now, because it's solitary. Yes you play with other people, but even with friends, you can never shake the feeling that you're sitting alone, talking into a headset. When you play with people around you, it just feels better. It doesn't matter what generation, it's always better with a friend by your side. GoldenEye, Pokemon Stadium, Micro Machines, Battle Engine Aquila, Halo, Halo II, Halo 3, Guitar Hero, CoD. All contain memories, and all would have been far less interesting without having a friend right next to me to experience them.
It scares me to be honest. Like an invasion of my solitude. Now every game has multiplayer (almost all of the Alien's Colonial Marines coverage on the internet has been about its multiplayer., and Dead Space 2 had the most useless multiplayer ever, just because they thought it might appeal more) Every game now has day one patches. Sleeping Dogs required half of it to be downloaded, before I could play it. Total War Shogun 2 regularly requires massive, hard drive space eating, patches.
( It would be nice if I could play my games offline, without having to go online just to be allowed to play them).
I can't keep up. Steam requires you to go online to allow for offline play. Portal 2 had an 11GB patch (I have 30GB a month, and I can just about keep above water), so I had to delete it. I regularly have to visit friend's houses to get some serious downloading done, and it's getting worse. Almost unattainable.
So maybe I just have to give up on games. After all, everything is all about inter connectivity and online-only (F2P games, they don't have offline modes at all) and huge patches for unfinished games, where they assume that everyone has unlimited usage. I've pretty much fallen behind, like a runner who has a stitch, and just can't keep up.
Gaming alone is over. My solitary space is gone now, replaced by Steam notifications and adverts to spend money on extra clothes (Sleeping Dogs). Fictional media requires suspension of disbelief, which is hard to do when people drop in and ask you to skip the cut scenes
I guess I've turned into the gaming equivalent of a dinosaur. And the meteor is coming, in the shape of my disconnection to the rapidly growing multiplayer market The gamers who play games for stories are no longer the majority. But to be honest, where they ever?
Also, I realize how ridiculously "first world problems" and middle class I sound.
Unrelated note: That Werewolf forum thread is actually amazing. It's such a cool idea.