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13 hours ago - 1:43 PM on 08.29.2015

If someone used the blog reply feature to just divide a somewhat long blog into easier-to-digest chapters that could be consumed at the leisure of readers, would that be kosher?

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16 hours ago - 10:20 AM on 08.29.2015

Hey, all you Australian/UK/German Pokemon trainers out there! The Shiny Rayquaza event is ending, has just started, or will be starting in a few days (respectively), so be sure to get in on it while the getting is good!

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9:14 PM on 08.28.2015

someone help i think i'm writing what is going to be my longest blog yet

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9:06 PM on 08.28.2015

[url="http://nintendoeverything.com/yacht-club-on-the-shovel-knight-amiibos-origins-nintendo-on-third-party-figures/#more-216265"]Interview with Yacht Club Games that miiiight basically confirm Shovel Knight isn't getting a Nintendo boss/level?[/url]

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1:06 PM on 08.28.2015

Wait, wasn't that Pokemon Detective Pikachu game supposed to come out this year?

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10:21 PM on 08.27.2015

[youtube]https://youtu.be/z04MAOubUgM[/youtube] This might've been a fun show.

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2:37 PM on 08.27.2015

The breast kinds of reviews!

Ahead of its US release at the hands of XSEED, Senran Kagura 2: Deep Crimson has released in Europe, and naturally, some reviews are starting to make their way onto the internet.

For those of you who have been hiding under rocks for the past few years, Senran Kagura is an action series developed by Tamsoft and published by Marvelous (localized by XSEED in the US and Marvelous in Europe) starring an increasingly large group of increasingly well endowed girls whose clothes have seem to use less and less stitches with each new entry. The games often pit the girls against each other, horrific monsters, street hooligans, and all sorts of enemies as they learn about the way of the ninja, life, and maybe cop a feel along the way.

Many just tend to stop paying attention at the "well endowed" part.

So, as one can expect of a series of Senran Kagura's, well... nature...

... some people are judging primarily on the aesthetics of the series, as is wont to happen with more niche Japanese games. It happens with quite a few of them, as I've written a number of times about before. It seems as hypocritical to me now as it does then when we're still fine glorifying so much death and destruction, but that's not actually what I'm writing this rushed blog for today.

See, I'm fine if people don't like the games. I get it. They're not going to be for everyone. I wish people would acknowledge that they're not for everyone more often, rather than coming down on these games for simply being what they are or having an art/theme/whatever direction that targets a demographic smaller than the norm, but whatever. I don't necessarily like that people don't always get that target audiences and whatnot are real, but I get it.

Here's one such review by a site called TheSixthAxis. It seems straightforward enough. They don't like the gross sexualizing, fine fine, it seems pretty straightforward. Fact is, I've actually been wary of the direction that Senran Kagura 2 went in myself, so despite the issues they have with the aesthetics, which pretty clearly warped their perception of the game, there are some seemingly fair criticisms in there, subjective as they always are.

That is, until you get to this one point near the end...

I'm sure most people looking at a Senran Kagura review from an uninformed perspective won't see anything immediately out of place here, and as I said, I didn't think anything was too off at first either. Sure, fine, they might be being overly hard on the game based on their own prejudices against the game's content or art style, perhaps to the point that it never had a chance (which is often the case with games like Senran Kagura, Neptunia, and so on), but I get it. People like what they like and don't like what they don't like.

... except there's the little bitty issue of the review twice praising the game for a feature it doesn't actually have.

Now I will readily retract this blog and even offer an apology (in fact, I apologize in advance and will delete this blog if I'm wrong on this) if it turns out that the game does have English voices, but neither XSEED nor Marvelous EU has mentioned this game having English voices, nor have any of the people who have it. What's more, so far, none of the gameplay trailers released by either company feature Engish, at least that I've seen.

In other words, as far as I'm aware, the game doesn't actually have English voicework in it. And again, if I'm wrong, I'll own that, but the European players I've seen commenting, people who have the game, can't be wrong too, can they?

Yet the reviewer made it a point to mention this. Twice. They went as far as to add it to their list of good features of the game, in fact.

It's one thing if someone doesn't finish a game and maybe makes an assumption about how it ends, and I get that reviewers can't finish games but still sometimes review games based off of where they were when they stopped. I get that. Not everyone has an army of Chris Carters at their beck and call to review everything, so sometimes things get missed.

But the voices?

You can't not know what language a game is in unless you didn't play the thing.

Look at the other things they added as positives. It really does almost read like they just plucked random things that can apply to almost any niche Japanese title. Senran Kagura just happens to be one of those rare ones that actually forgoes an English dub completely in favor of keeping the original voice track, or at least it has so far.

Basically, if I haven't been clear yet, assuming the game really doesn't have English voice acting, then that entire review is based on nothing. The opinion presented there, influencing who knows how many people, has no basis to it. Their thoughts on the combat, even what they said was positive, absolutely none of it is valid. Not when you can't even experience the gameplay itself without hearing the voices they've complimented here.

Forgive me for going around in circles, but I'm more than a bit mystified by this. I think many people know that there are reviewers out there who review things, be it books, movies, or yes, games that they don't actually experience themselves, but you'd think someone would at least fact check what kind of voices a game had before publishing a review trashing the thing, wouldn't you? And (potentially) seeing someone basically admitting it is, well... It's a little disappointing.

... said the person who isn't 100% positive himself whether or not the game has those voices...

Is that really what this whole "issue" has come to? People forging reviews, making them look as real as possible, to make games they haven't even played look bad?

Who actually gains anything when this happens?

I've said it before when this site's covered Neptunia titles and when I've talked about the topic as well, but people, not all games will appeal to everyone. Not all content is made for everyone. Is it really that terrible to just acknowledge that certain things are made for certain tastes, even if it's not to your own? If multiple reviewers can't tackle a game, that much seems fair, but people are so set on deciding that this kind of content is "wrong" that that kind of thing probably never even crosses their mind.

As welcome as outside perspectives are, you could get viewpoints that offer comments that might come from a place completely different to what the fanbase wants or feels. Destructoid's Hyperdevotion Noire review commented on the game's too long cutscenes, to name one example off the top of my head, yet most people in the Neptunia fanbase that I've discussed the game with generally think the game's narrative portions were too short.

That's not to say we should dissuade toutside perspectives, no, not at all, but it does go to show how sometimes the people buying the game might want the exact opposite of what people giving the verdict on these games want from them. If we had people of all preferences and interests reviewing these games, it would actually be pretty cool to be able to contrast the different viewpoints, but...

We don't.


What is a Yo-Kai going to do with a TM? She doesn't know! She has no idea! This isn't her territory!

Context matters, and demographics are real.

It's one thing to review a Nintendo game, usually something often made to appeal to everyone, as an adult, but you can't review a kid's game specifically made for kids as an adult without taking who it was made for into consideration. More than that though, when people get up in these games' faces about the fanservice, yet so few fingers are raised towards the likes of Mortal Kombat, Assassin's Creed, and their ilk anymore, it all just comes off as a little more than hypocritical to me.

... buuuuut that's getting a little off topic, and I'm not even completely sure what the topic is here, honestly.

At least I've kept this one under 1,500 words, though! Progress! Progress that I will promptly toss into the toilet when I post the furry blog I was originally writing within the next few days!

 
But hey, forget all that! Senran Kagura 2 has a guy in it!

I guess it's just disappointing to see something I've always suspected about these kinds of games (potentially) confirmed is all. It's clear enough that many people out there don't and likely never will give 'em a fair shake, and that's cool and all, but...

Bah. I dunno. I think I'm coming down with something so I'll just cut this off here before this is suddenly 5,000 words long.

Instead...

Who wants to talk about boobies?


DISCLAIMER:
If it turns out everyone who have commented on the game at the time of this writing have missed English voices being in it, I will gladly offer apology to the reviewer/site, though I kind of doubt they'll actually ever see this for it to be an issue in the first place. Still, if I'm wrong, I'm wrong, and if I am, I apologize in advance.

Still under 1,500.
Awwwwright.

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1:09 PM on 08.27.2015

I've been mad at myself all morning for missing the apostrophe in "I'll" on my Quickpost last night, but it turns out that apostrophes just don't show up on the feed! Isn't that the bee's knees?

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1:56 AM on 08.27.2015

[url="http://www.nintendolife.com/news/2015/08/rumour_fresh_sources_suggest_shovel_knight_is_indeed_digging_his_way_to_super_smash_bros"]Exciting rumors of Shovel Knight arriving in Smash have surfaced![/url] Get those salt shakers ready!

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12:05 AM on 08.27.2015

I'll never get how making an inanimate object or a plant look like an animal or just alive somehow is considered more "out of ideas" than just an animal being an animal. That seems more like the opposite of being "out of ideas" to me.

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10:19 PM on 08.26.2015

Post be nimble, post be Quick. Post be made without referencing a dic-- DARN IT!

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8:01 PM on 08.26.2015

Come on! Ride her! Ride that pretty ol' corpse!

In the name of not pandering to the evil mainstream and fighting the advent of the site's recently acquired popularity contest nature, I am going to assert all of my nonexistent power over all of the nothing I have authority over and use it all try to make a blog that appeals to absolutely no one except for me.

To put it even more simply, I shall bring forth that which is niche, that which is unknown to most, that which is unheard of to many, and most of all, as much of what I enjoy in as few words as possibull, and I will create a series of words tied together by pictures that will make sense to no one, thus wasting hours of my life for nothing but my own enjoyment.

And so without further delay...

Gentlemen... BEHOLD!


ROW ROW DATED REFERENCE

Wait, I forgot to say what I was actually going to be talking about, didn't I? Okay, let's back up a little, since there actually is going to be a theme here besides a bunch of random nonsense tied together by a theme. As for today's theme, let's see what our options are...

  1. Fire Emblem
  2. Neptunia
  3. Kamen Rider
  4. Harry Potter and the Kickstarters of the Apocalypse
  5. Boooooooooooobs

And you chose... Kamen Rider! Man, are you sure that's niche enough, guys? This blog is supposed to be about fighting the power, not giving in and choosing one of the most popular and widely beloved franchises worldwide!

Because it is one of those, after all.

Now, there's a new Kamen Rider series coming out in October, but of course all of you guys know that already, don't you? For all two of the hundreds of people that will see this that aren't informed, I'll fill you in.


If you're wondering about the title, I have realized Kamen Rider sort of sounds like Comeon Rideher if you say it a certain (wrong) way. I then subsequently realized I am not nearly as mature as I thought I was.

So, the new show is called Kamen Rider Ghost. It stars, you guessed it, Kamen Rider Spooky Scary Skeleton Ghost. And Ghost? Ghost sees dead people. He also is dead people. Before even becoming a Kamen Rider, the poor guy gets himself killed! Sucks, right? They should make a video game with a premise somewhat similar to that one. Oh well, that's neither here nor there. Moving on!

Thanks to reasons, after dying, he comes back to life as Kamen Rider Ghost, using the power of an eye-like device that has his soul in it. He can also use other versions of these devices to use the power of the souls of other dead people, "Great Men" specifically, like Robin Hood and Oda Nobunaga and Benkei. One would hope he's not taking the actual eyes of these dead people, but who knows?

So who applies? Oh, you know, heroes, warriors, that kind of thing. His final form will probably be Gilgamesh or Hercules or some other amazing hero... If only there was one of those that was more well known... Oh, sorry! Where was I?


If a Kamen Rider series like the Sengoku era didn't get Koei Tecmo willing to make a Kamen Rider game, a Kamen Rider that actually can be Oda fucking Nobunaga better do the job.

Now where on Earth am I going with this?

You see, dear Destructoiders, on my quest to come up with an absurd blog that would only appeal to me, I came upon this topic:

WHAT DEAD CHARACTERS COULD GHOST USE FOR TRANSFORMATIONS AND HOW WOULD THEY HELP HIM ON HIS QUEST FOR (whatever his quest will be)?


Oh, and about that "warriors" thing... Does Thomas Edison count as a "warrior"? No...? but dat snazzy light bulb face tho!

It's at this point that I offer the obligatory disclaimer: Imma be spoilin' some things in this blog. Rather than individually say which things I'm going to spoil, in turn spoiling this blog, I'll instead simply say that I'll only be using characters whose deaths aren't... really spoilers, either because they die very early on in their source material, are based on real life and thus their death has been spoiled for years, or their death has become an internet meme. If you feel like you still don't want to risk it, feel free to skip this blog!

And with that said, I'm sure some of you can already guess some of the characters I'll be using, so let's move on!


GHOST, BUST HER? BUT I HARDLY KNOW HER!


PIROHIKO "THE UNLOSING RANGER" ICHIMONJI - Zettai Hero Project: Unlosing Ranger vs Darkdeath Evilman

For the first entry of our "non-spoiler" category, we have Pirohiko Ichimonji of Z.H.P.!

Pirohiko is introduced to the player as a superhero who, late to the party, gets hit by a car before he can transform, dying within the first few moments of the game. Tragic! Even more tragic, this game is something of a comedy, so no one really takes this seriously most of the time!

Enough about that guy, though. Just what is it that he could teach an innocent looking lad like Ghost, anyway? For one thing, Pirohiko has already been the mentor of a hero in training before! Perhaps more importantly, though, the Unlosing Ranger is an unlosing ranger in the literal sense: He can't die! He just comes back to life after losing all of the growth he made in life! Tough, sure, but that means he's raring to go again once he comes back.

Perfect for a guy who's already died before, right? No more risks. Or something.

Next!


RAMIREZ aka KYORYU CYAN - ZYUDEN SENTAI KYORYUGER

Ramirez is the man, and not just because he's the first ever non-Japanese Super Sentai hero either! Though in case you can't notice, he kind of, you know, is that too. This guy was such a great hero in his life, that after death, he was able to keep on fighting evil as a spirit. With the ability to make big ghost energy hammers with his hands and summon a giant robot ankylosaur with just a battery, how could he not be a great ally for Ghost?

If nothing else, he'll be able to give Ghost a pretty sweet hammer version of his weapon and an in with a Sentai team, so that's a pretty nice upgrade, yeah? And just look at that beard!

Most importantly, though, Ramirez's actor owns a bar in Japan, meaning the underage Ghost would have connections for when it comes time to take a cute zombie girl out on a date.

Speaking of cute zombie girls...


HSIEN-KO - DARKSTALKERS

... who says a "Great Man" has to be a "Great Man"?

If you've played a Darkstalkers game, you probably know how this undead duo could be a great asset to Ghost. If you've played Darkstalkers, you also understand why I said "duo" there, but that's besides the point. With a crazy sized arsenal of even crazier weapons, not to mention the whole "cuteness appeal" thing going on for her that could be a surprising asset against whatever enemies Ghost will likely have to deal with, just imagine how Ghost could make use of having this undead darling on his side.

Better than letting a bad Kamen Rider Comeon and Rideher, right? See how I brought that home?

Think about it! Ghost has a hoodie going for him, so let's give him some long sleeves to match it to fill with some weapons or ten and call it a day with this one, shall we?


RYOKI - SENRAN KAGURA

Now that Ghost has cuteness appeal, it's time to work on sex appeal. (Does he really need either of them, though?)

With a Senran Kagura character on his side, the token Kamen Rider bug eyes will gain pupils that totally aren't the bouncing magical orbs that Senran Kagura is known for, and he might be a little curvier looking if you catch him at the right angle...

With that completing this perfect package, alongside the giant boob shield Ryoki's soul will inevitably give him, Ghost will be able to go into battle without any worry at all! Neither man nor woman will be able to resist his charms, and whatever beasts that do escape them won't be able to penetrade his giant shield anyway!

It's a good thing he brought protection, huh?


PHANTUMP - POKéMON

And who said a Great Man had to be a Great HuMan, huh? Besides, Phantumps actually are (deceased) humans that are possessing tree stumps, so it's not that much of a stretch, is it? Just, you know, a little bit of a mood killer, so let's talk about how awesome this could be before this gets too depressing!

By using a Phantump, not only will he save this little guy from turning into the terrifying Trevenant, but he'll be saving the Phantump. He'll help a little kid that would have otherwise been enslaved, trapped in a ball and forced to do the bidding of some kid, and put him into a magic eye item to help him... do what he... needs to...

So like I wassaying, with Phantump on his side, he'll gain mastery over plants and gain root arms or something! That's pretty cool, right?


LU BU - DYNASTY WARRIORS

Is Lu Bu a good guy? Nope! Is he a Great Man...?

... Well... Not really...

Oh, but if we're going by his video game adaptation, uh... Oh, it means the transformation will have this awesome theme song!

... Not good enough?

Okay, then let's be serious for a second. Sure, Lu Bu isn't a good guy, but who says all of Ghost's forms need to be good guys, strictly? Lu Bu's an ancient warrior with a lot of infamy going for him, and his might could be backed by a berserker ability to match his reputation and personality. It could be a last resort form for Ghost before he gets his inevitable final form, or even a form that's still stronger than that, but so violent that he can't trust what he'll do with it!

Do not pursue (the eye of) Lu Bu!

 
KAMINA - TENGEN TOPPA GURREN LAGANN

Overhyped? Maybe. Still fitting? Definitely.

Not only would having Kamina's soul on his side give Ghost a healthy dose of hotblood, but it would give his helmet some seriously cool shades on top, a perfect fit for a Kamen Rider if I do say so myself.

I don't think I need to get into too much detail here as far as the benefits of having Kamina's soul might be, but there is one that I think deserves special mention:

Giant robot.

See, Kamen Riders don't normally get those, but with Kamina? Fuhgeddabout it! Giant robots, explosions, manly speeches, everything Ghost will need to keep up with the Super Sentai heroes in the obligatory crossover. He can even combine it with that robot dinosaur he'll be getting from KyoryuCyan!

And his sword ain't too bad either.


GANDALF - HARRY POTTER AND THE DEFINITELY ORIGINAL JOKES

At a glance, Albus Dumbledore isn't quite the same kind of Great Man like others listed here, but then again, is Thomas Edison? As anyone who knows their Lord of the Potter canon can tell you, Dumbledalf is one of the toughest cookies around. Not only will Dumbledore help Ghost out by equipping him with an assortment of magic skills, but he'll give his sword magical properties, not to mention he'll turn that sweet hoodie into a sexy wizard robe.

With this, Ghost's sword will ascend to the level of magic sword, become a sword that can become a gun simply by giving it a high five.

Oh, Wizard did that?

... Uh...

I smell a croooossoveeeeer!

 
SONIC THE HEDGEHOG - HEDGENIC THE SONHOGI

I mean, is there going to be any real argument on this one? People think he's dead, and if he's dead to the public, he's dead. It's not like he hasn't died a couple of times anyway, right?

Now, the real question is this: How can this actually benefit Ghost, you ask? It's pretty simple, really.

See, Kamen Rider Ghost (as in the show, see how I italicized that?) could end up sucking, and it could end up sucking hard. Because of that risk, Toei is going to need a backup plan. For that reason, they can introduce Sonic early on as a WAY PAST COOL transformation that Ghost only uses one time to get some easy toy sales and maybe get a McDonald's deal going or something. They can forget about it as long as sales and ratings are good, but if things look bad... Boom!

Bring in the wise cracking mascot character that people forgot about, call that one time cameo meant to promote a toy foreshadowing, and then sit back and rake in the nostalgia money.

Oh, and I guess he can make Ghost really really fast or something. The helmet could be a cracked Chaos Emerald so it looks like the mono-eye thing too. See? It works! And while we're on the subject here...


MARIO - IT'S A-ME!

Sonic's died in stories before, but Mario? If you think about it...

He dies every time someone plays the game.

That means there are hundreds of thousands of millions of eyeballs with Mario souls in them that Ghost could use!

Am I stretching this a little? Maybe. Is this my blog? You bet it is.

So what is it that Ghost will get from Mario? Another hammer, for starters, but maybe he'll get some nice jumping abilities too. And just imagine, instead of that sweet hoodie, he could have some fine, sweet... overalls.

Actually... On second thought, maybe this wasn't the best idea. Better than a fursuit though, right?

Let's make a rule. No more stretching things from now on. Neeeeeeeeeeeext!


X - MEGA MAN

Hey, X is actually dead. No loopholes even necessary on this one, save for the whole... not exactly being human thing. As of the Mega Man Zero games, X is in this weird state of... not being alive, so that counts enough, I'd say, even if it is in the far future from where Ghost is.

I would say pretty much anyone reading this knows what X could do for Ghost, but really, any Mega Man would be a huge benefit to Ghost, or any Kamen Rider, if you think about it. Not only will Ghost get a sweet suit of robotic armor, but he'll be able to take on the abilities of everyone he defeats in battle without having to hunt down their magic eyeballs.

And lemme tell you, for the protagonist of an episodic series like Kamen Rider, that kind of ability is going to come in handy. Speaking of handy, he might have to give up one of his handies for a buster cannon, but who needs that with a cannon, right?


SON GOKU - DRAGONBALL Z

... What? He's died! He didn't stay dead, but neither did Ghost! Surely there will be some loophole in the context of Kamen Rider Ghost that allows for this!

Just think, with Goku on Ghost's side, that would pretty much be it for their enemies. The hoodie could be upgraded into one of Goku's many snazzy gis, Ghost could trade in his weapons for some hand to hand combat, energy blasts, and even flight. He'd almost be as good as the first form of Kamen Rider Wizard if he trained a little! ... Aw, who am I kidding? With Goku, he could kick Wizard's butt!

And would Goku make for a great final form or what? It wouldn't even be that hard, because Kamen Rider and Dragonball are both owned by Toei!

Huh? This is too much of a stretch? I've pushed it too far this time?

Okay... Okay, fine, you're telling me Goku is no good? Not even for a final form? Not even when it would mean it would turn Ghost's face into a cool little Kamen Rider face that looks like a Dragonball? No? You really won't let me finish here, imaginary person I'm talking to?

Fine. One last serious one before we call it quits then.


SABER - FATE/STAY NIGHT

For those unaware, the Servants of Fate/Stay Night are historical figures who have been called back to the world to fight over the Holy Grail. While Saber's identity is pretty commonly known, out of politeness for all three people in the world who don't know who she is yet, I'd say it's pretty fair to say that her true identity is one that might actually end up in Kamen Rider Ghost down the road, even if Saber herself does not.

Heck, I have half a mind to think that she (or rather, who she's based off of) is going to be Ghost's final form given that choices like Nobunaga and Robin Hood have already been used up!

Buuuut that's enough speculation. What good is Saber as Saber for Ghost?

For one thing? She could turn Ghost into a girl without anyone knowing it when he's using her soul, which could be convenient for... reasons, especially if he and Kamen Rider Specter end up having nice chemistry. On a more serious note, though, amazing magical resistance and an invisible sword are probably really handy things to have in your arsenal, especially when you're in a show with Ghost in the name. Least you can do is even the playing field a little, right?

I'd say with all of these guys and gals keeping an eye out for him, Ghost should probably be able take down any challenge that comes his way. Better yet, I've successfully dealt a blow to the evil Mainstream Empire, with some of their own weapons to boot! Not only that, I've also making yet another one of my patented Offensively Long Blogs! Truly, I am on my way to starting my own empire... of justice, that is!

I don't know about you, imaginary person I've been talking to throughout this blog, but I think I can say that this is mission accomplished, don't you?

I suppose...

There's just one thing left to do...

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