Platform style games are normally last on the list of games I want to play. Anything from Mario to The Tomb Raider series fall into this genre in my mind. Part of the problem is no patience on the player’s part. It’s hard to say if it’s the jumping insane chasms or having to collect 97 dingle berries before meeting a mind numbingly difficult boss that just drive my blood pressure through the roof. I’d take a 12 hour run through an RPG or slaughtering idiots online in an FPS over platforms any day. Lately with the goodness that is Game Tap I have been venturing a little more into platform games and the rage that normally accompanies playing them has warped into some insane obsession with beating the damn things.


The rage usually starts when I have to run the same jumping sequence over and over and it appears that the game is quite picky about how it’s done. If you’re not hanging just at the edge of the ledge you’re suspended from you miss the next ledge. If you’re sitting at 22.5 degrees on the vertical pole you just scaled like a monkey and the game expects you to be at 22.3 degrees then your fucked my friend. It’s probably going to take 5 attempts or a degree in geometry to figure this shit out. Most of the time after three or four of these ass raping sequences I throw a tantrum that would make a three year old blush and never play the game again. Which, sucks because I hate quitting anything and these games routinely make me tap out like a bitch. That wouldn’t be so bad if my massive failure didn’t ride around in my brain for weeks afterwards.


So I downloaded Game Tap and the first title snagged was Blood Rayne. This one annoyed me and yet the obsession of beating the bastard was too much to make me quit. Yet it didn’t dawn on me until I started playing Tomb Raider Legend just how warped my view on these games was becoming. Playing it would cause a stroke inducing blood rage and yet 30 minutes later I would be right back at it until I finally beat the bastard on hard tonight. Medically getting this worked up over a video game probably isn’t healthy and yet I feel rather proud to be able to finish them instead of quitting like usual. No matter how much I grow to love them though, I still won’t play anything with the word Hitman in the title.