Community Discussion: Blog by OpiumHerz | OpiumHerz's ProfileDestructoid
OpiumHerz's Profile - Destructoid

Game database:   #ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ         ALL     Xbox One     PS4     360     PS3     WiiU     Wii     PC     3DS     DS     PS Vita     PSP     iOS     Android

click to hide banner header
German Blogger, writing the series "The worst thing about censorship is ███████ " (go check it out!) since I like to write about that topic and am invested in it a whole lot. Also writes some other stuff sometimes. Likes to listen to very strange bands and has the ultimate goal in life to taste every soft drink there is at least once.
Pure Gonzo - and while I thank god for Jim Sterling sometimes, I thank god for Hunter S. Thompson every day.

I'm a bastard. Don't trust me. Always keep asking, don let yourself get fed bullshit - not even by me.

I like good games. Yes, that's quite general, but I don't really like confining myself to certain genres. I like interesting approaches, invention and creativity. But I can enjoy a straight-up shooter as much as a "Bastion". It just has to be done well and appeal to me on some level.

Want to know anything else? Just leave a comment under a blog or write a message. Same goes for corrections (please), as English isn't my native language and thus isn't nearly perfect.

Censorship Blogs so far:
001: The System (Part 1)
002: The System (Part 2)
003: The stupid publishers
004: How Germans get uncensored games
005: Bioshock Infinite
006: Call Of Duty
007: Grand Theft Auto
008: Dead Space
009: Manhunt
010: Sniper Elite V2 (again)
011: Fallout
012: Various Games #1
013: Nazis
014: Mortal Kombat 9 on Steam
015: Contra
016: Halo
017: Saints Row
018: All the other stuff
019: Command & Conquer
020: The Lanzarote Convention
021: Various Games #2
022: Half-Life
023: The Legend Of Zelda
024: Various Games #3
025: Various Games #4

026: What system would you prefer
027: South Park - The Stick Of Truth
028: South Park - The Stick Of Truth (Part 2)
029: Various Games #5
030: Wolfenstein
031: Resident Evil (main series)
032: Resident Evil (spin offs)
033: Various Games #6
034: Turning Point: Fall Of Liberty
035: Blacks and women

Stuff I also wrote and you should read:

~ Punish the individuals - not the scene they move in
~ My consoles don't fight each other - what's your excuse?
~ But what about the men?
~ Fake gamer girls and the damage they do
~ The Raid On Castle DToid
~ My little guide to german music (NVGR)
~ You should buy Goat Simulator - no, seriously...

... und Pan spielt die Flöte.
Player Profile
Steam ID:OpiumHerz
Origin ID:OpiumHerz
Follow me:
OpiumHerz's sites
Following (7)  

Through something that came up apparently over the last few days and that toally passed me by I had the idea to this blog. It'll get video games related down the line, trust me, but you'll have to sit through some NVGR introduction at first. You see this fucker here? This is Varg Vikernes.

This dude was convicted for burning down at least three churches, for trying to burn down another one, for illegal owning of weapons and explosives (which he wanted to use to blow up the norwegian parliament) and is mostly known for driving over to another musician and stabbing him to death with a number of knifestabs you would be surprised go into a human body. He is a racist, he is a fascist, he is an antisemite and a homophobe. In short: he is batshit bonkers.
And yet... he is a absolute genius. I think it's somewhat known now that I like metal and especially Black Metal and this dude is basically one of the founding fathers of the genre and the scene. He did some really important music for this area. Without him maybe a lot of the music I love today wouldn't exist and I might be a different person altogether.

Fast forward to this weekend, apparently (I say this because, after all, it might be a HUGE setup - which I personally don't believe, but that's not what this is supposed to be about) game maker Zoe Quinn was publically exposed by her now ex-boyfriend for cheating with multiple men on him, also having sex with a Kotaku editor for favorable reviews of her game Depression Quest, which just recently found it's way on Steam.

She first garnered attention with her game for two reasons. First and foremost being that the game exceptionally well covers and brings attention to the topic of depression. The second point was that she was apparently attacked for putting that game on Steam Greenlight in the most despicable ways. I remember Jim Sterling even doing a little rant about it back then. Now it was also "proven" that this thing was total bogus too.
Just by coincidence we know even had a C-Blog promoted to the FP (congrats to ooktar) about that game. Of course these topics where brought up there too and ooktar himself replied, stating he didn't know about all this at the time of writing and that it doesn't effect his opinion of Depression Quest.

Which lead me to the question if artists and the art they produce are separate entities or tied together forever? I mentioned Vikernes before and how I basically love what he did, but I wouldn't want to share a room with him. He is a disgusting human being and I'm still surprised he found a wife. So far I haven't bought anything that would benefit this man, but that doesn't change the fact that he created something that is part of the center of my life at the moment (and for years).

This is how normally handle a situation like this. If there is an artist I don't like as a person, but whose art I like, I usually consume it through "free" ways like YouTube. I don't want to support this person with my money, given the fact that I don't like, for example, shoving my money into a the throat of a racists nutjob asshole.
And yet, for some reason, this whole Depression Quest thing irks me somewhat stronger. Mostly for the reason of treason... and that rhyme wasn't intended. The thing is, and I think everybody who has some experience in life can confirm this: getting betrayed by someone you like hurts, but being betrayed by someone you love is devastating. It's like a sledgehammer right into the brain. And this is where the connection between the artist and the piece of art comes in. Quinn made a game about depression and then did something that could very well cause it. I guess this is the thing that rubs me so much the wrong way here. My reaction with this, unless it will come to light that all of those screenshots etc. are fake, will be the same as before: I won't support this person with my money. Now the game itself is free to begin with, but I will surely watch that I will never support anything she is part of.

"Oh, but Jim, huge companies do also very disgusting things and you buy their games!". A thing that crossed my mind too and I'm willing to offer a simple theory why people jump on this. Because it's a single person that did something here that is generally detested in our society. It wasn't a board of faceless directors and investors, no. It was some single person that can be reached through media like Twitter etc.
Now I still wanna draw a line of sorts here. I see little to no reason to now go after her and shit on her through social media. I find the possible corruption of one of the biggest networks our gaming has (and like Kotaku or not, they get an assload of attention and clicks) and the fact that she did something of this magnitude while on the same fighting for giving Depression more general attention far more interesting (and I would also like to ask possible commentors to stay civil in the comments). That said, vengeful bastard that I am at time, I can't say I feel sorry for her if now people really do shit on her. Because, so far, the evidence that Quinn is a meatbag of assholes are pretty incriminating. Should her game taken off Steam for it? Certainly not. It, apparently, is still as important for depressed people as it was before (even though the Steam reviews aren't really favorable) and asking for that would be moronic.

How is it with you? Do you seperate artists from their art or are they entangled in each other?
Photo Photo Photo

Apparently, after the wave of Facebook and social games seems to be going back and dying off again, there is a new gringo in town. Someone who is even hated more and more ever since. The talk is about: DLC! ... and somewhat Season Passes. I mean, a lot of people seem to hate those two things to death. Fuck, it feels like half of Jim Sterling's career nowadays is bashing companies for these two things.
The thing is... I don't hate them. And I think neither should you. Let's cover the points brought up most of the time, shall we?

It's on the disc! So I already paid for it!

Nope, you did not. I heard the most ridiculous comparisons about this. Like a pizza being delivered with extra toppings you can't use. "No other industry does this!". Total bullshit.
First off, you didn't pay for the DLC you dimwit. When you buy Mortal Kombat 9 (just because I know the Kratos DLC was on the disc there) you paid for Mortal Kombat 9. You did NOT pay for the DLC. You didn't know it was there, you didn't buy the disc knowingly it will be there. And the thing is: you actually have to go out of your way to even learn the DLC is on the disc. Because I'm pretty sure most people won't check their game console discs for what's on there, it's a very few people who do that and share their findings. However, the initial point is far more relevant. You did NOT pay for the DLC, even when it's on the disc. You bought the main game and that's what you paid for.

Sticking with the food comparison, it's like demanding you get everything on the menu because you order one main course. Nobody would demand that because it's ridiculous. You order the main course, you get the main course, you pay for it. Another example, which I find far better fitting, would be a car purchase. If you ever bought a car new you might already know where this is going. When you buy a car basically every little piece of luxury - like a radio with CD player, AC, heated seats etc. - costs extra. Of course the ads always show cars with all the extra in them and then say the prices for their "worst" setup. You still get to see the extras and all, like on a menu card in a restaurant, and you have to pay for each and every one of them.
That is one of the first things people need to start to realize. You don't OWN the add ons just because you bought the main game. This is a claim nobody ever did with DLC that was just extra and had to be downloaded, but suddenly, when it's on the disc, it changes it's ownership. By very simple logic this is very stupid.

Which leads us the next point...

If they had time to produce it and release it on Day 1, why is it not included in the main game?

Because, most likely, it wasn't planned to be included in the main game. I think some game dev even explained that some while ago (but I can't find it anymore - anyone else know what I'm talking about?), but there is a timespan between the completion of the main game and it's release. A game has to go through QA, it has to be rated etc. It's not that the game is finished and standing in storeshelves next day.
So in this time you have a whole team of people sitting around. Now I tell you guys a little secret here. Companies whose workers sit around don't make money. Companies want and live to make money through the products their workers produce. You see where this is going?

Games nowadays have usually big teams on them, it's not just two guys in a garage anymore that create ELITE. You have maybe hundreds of people on the team for a game and each and every one of those gets a monthly salary. Time is, literally, money and stuff like costumes, new weapons or anything like that is created quickly and also doesn't affect the rating, so it doesn't have to run through the whole process again. So you can either have a team sit around with their thumbs in their asses or you can let them produce additional content which will inevitably flush more money into your pockets on release day. No matter what you do, you have to pay them anyways.
Calm your tits for a second, imagine you lead a company and are confronted with this choice. Only an idiot would chose to let the team sit around.

Then again I have no doubt that stuff is created during production that is always meant to be DLC. I can't really say anything in defense of this - and also nothing against it. Because on what basis?

It's taking stuff out of the game that would otherwise be in there!

On that basis? Well, that is something that I just doubt. Of course I might be wrong with this, but somehow I think that no CEO walks into the office of his programmers and says: "These dozen sidemissions have to go - we need more costumes!!".
Really, the face of games and their making has changed a lot over time. Not necessarily to the customer's advantage, but I already stated my theory that, if we all, as a community, would have dismissed Steam from the get go, we wouldn't be in this mess now (hidden message: it's mostly our own damn fault and that of the journalists who praised Steam for being so "innovative"). 

Back to topic: of course there are instances where you can easily get the impression that stuff is being sold to you that would have been in the game ~20 years ago. I even dare to say there are a few instances where it's ridiculously obvious. I don't remember which game it was - Saints Row? - where cheatcodes were sold as DLC. Yes, cheat codes. Back in the day all you needed was usually the button next to the 1 key or some strange button prompts on consoles. I'll cover those right in the next point.
That said, does it REALLY take stuff out that would have been in the game? Capcom for example re-released it's games with additional content already when the SNES was around. So that is one major player that already did it 20 years ago, when it was usually more en vogue to wander to a direct sequel or new title.

But then you look at stuff like the Resident Evil Revelations DLC, which is basically new weapons and have to wonder: would those weapons have been in the game back in the day... or would those weapons have never been made in the first place?
Really, we don't know. We never will. We can never surely say if Batman's costumes would have been in the game if it had been released x years ago or not. However, looking at old games, I'd actually bet money that it wouldn't have been made at all. Stuff like new skins/costumes or bonus weapons weren't really that common, come to think of it. You maybe had one or two, a super go boom weapon you get at a certain point in the game or unlock it after completing the game for a second play through - but nothing like it can be done to day. You couldn't choose between x number of paint jobs for your mechs in Blast Corps. You didn't have alternative character models in GTA 3. This kind of add on content is something that is quite new.

Which, again, segways into the next point:

[One thing I wanted to mention here that I forgot and now have to fit in, but I can't find a way to properly write it in, is Alien: Isolation. Many people complained that the DLC for the original crew would have been a prime example for stuff that would have been in the game once, but isn't now. NO! BAD PLAYER!
I can't believe nobody has pointed this out yet but the "argument" that the crew of Alien isn't in an Alien game can only work if it were a game about the movies! Which it isn't. Alien: Isolation is pretty much what amounts to fucking FANFICTION you shitlickers! There is no reason why the original crew would be automatically playable when the game is about a whole other set of characters altogether! This is like complaining that Ezio isn't in Assasin's Creed 4. Yes, it's the same universe, it's the same world, but it's a different plot at a different point in time about a different character!
GOD, the fucking rage fits I had about this...

The DLC is far shorter than Add On packs!

This is true. This is also the nature of DLC. Some of you might not even remember traditional add on packs, like the three Quake II Mission Packs (all of them were by the way released 98 - yes, three add on packs in ONE year with one of them being a colorful mix of just mods and fan maps... and they SOLD those), but back in the day you couldn't just download new stuff. If you are old enough to surf through the internet with 5,6kb downrate (at best) and being charged by the minute (!) you know what I'm talking about. Ever since we have come a long road, thank god, and now we actually are able to download additional content.
Yes, DLC is usually shorter than what was sold as an add on before - but in return it's also cheaper. A traditional add on pack usually cost between 50% - 100% of the full game. Today you get DLC for 99 cents. The content is less - and so is the price. In fact it's kinda hard for me to come up with expensive DLC. I was, for example, able to completely unlock the one card deck I care for in Magic 2012 for one Euro. I think the most expensive thing I can come up with is COD with it's 15$ map packs. But then again we all know those prices are only so high because it's COD and COD can - or could - afford them. It was pretty unique with that. 

That said we shouldn't forget one thing. Gaming was always an expensive hobby. It has been since it's very first days or do I need to remind you of the arcade times, where you have paid per life? Imagine that today. Paying 25 cents for every life you lose with games solely created for you dying as often as possible (see what they did there?).

It's being abused!

Now I saved this one for last because it's the big momma. You know what? You. Are. Right! In theory the system for DLC and Season Passes is pretty damn great. It's almost perfect. It's just not perfectly used.
I mean, Saints Row The Third has 19 pieces of DLC available, all of which cost 52 Euros at the time of writing. And most of them are... well... not too interesting, to say the least. Saints Row IV is even worse with 26 pieces of DLC (at least two of them are free) at a cost of 64 Euros. Borderlands 2? 46 pieces of DLC for a total cost of 151 Euros! Color skins over color skins (and this one is especially mean because you get the color skins as drops in game, but you can't use them without the DLC, if I remember the game correctly). And of course the traditional Horse Armor DLC which is considered the starting point of the whole misery.

It just stupid to pay 150 Euros for what amounts to mainly skins. Even though gaming was always a pricey thing, these examples show that some companies go above and beyond with this shit. BUT we shouldn't forget one thing: we got the power! We are the customers. And if a company tries to milk it's players brutally and stupidly like that, you know what you can do...?

Don't. Buy. The. DLC!

It's really simple. Just don't buy that shit. I haven't bought Saints Row 4 until just last week in the GOTY which includes all the DLC (of which I used almost nothing, by the way - so even with it being there, I didn't miss most of it). We still have controls over our wallets and we can still decide what we spent our money on. Show them through your buying behavior that you won't support these tactics. You know why Activision sells 15$ map packs? Because they're being bought! Blizzard released a WOW mount for 25$ years ago and people were practically standing in lines to get this. 25$! For a FUCKING MOUNT! Shit wasn't even epic!
But yeah, in the end the sales and feedback are what the companies go by. If something doesn't sell, they won't do it again. Want proof? Tell me the release date for the next Assassin's Creed game with Aveline. And let the companies know that you will wait for the GOTY version with all of it included or that you won't buy the product/shitty DLC. Because yes, the principle is being abused (just like DRM in general) and we shouldn't support it.
Because let's not forget one thing: it's a company's right to release whatever they want. They're grown ups, they take the responsibility for their deeds. But it IS their goddamn right to release a thousand costume 4,99 DLC packs if they feel like it. However it is your choice, and your choice alone, if you want to support these tactics or not. Or if you only want to invest into DLC that is actually worth money (really, who the fuck ever bought the cheatcode DLC? WHO ARE YOU?!).

But please, please, PLEASE stop hating on a model per se because you're just not used to it, because you think you're entitled to something you aren't or because you're a moron (well, if you are a moron, chances are you won't listen to me because you are a moron - but hey, knowing about an error is the first way to fixing it, you can do it!). It's not the DLC's fault and DLC per se is a great thing. Season Passes are, in theory, a great thing. It allows swift delivery of content to it's users on a worldwide scale and makes it possible to flush money into the pocket of liked companies (there are companies whose DLC I'll gladly buy, because I love the product the DLC is for). I know this is a sentence you'll read nowhere else, but I like DLC and Season Passes. Mostly because I'm not dolphinraping dickwad and know which DLC to avoid (that is another thing that irks me. We can obtain information about anything easier than ever and it takes mere minutes to get pretty much all the details about a DLC and it's contents, you don't need mad Google Fu for it).

And if you think that not buying it won't work... well, think about why they're getting more and more keen on the pre-order bonusses. And no, I won't defend those now too...
Photo Photo Photo

Salida dear readers,
my name is Jim aka "OpiumHerz" and as some of you may already guess by that nickname: I am german. With the blog series "The worst thing about censorship is ███████ " I want to simply give you a little insight in videogame censorship, which is still pretty much alive and kicking here in Germany (but I won't restrict myself to Germany exclusively). I started this blog in 2013 and consider this series to be now in Season 2. Fuck yeah! After getting frontpage-famous I'll continue to take stuff from my colleagues at Schnittberichte and recycle that stuff for your enjoyment.

This episode is about Turning Point: Fall Of Liberty

Turning Point is a 2008 released FPS that handles a WW II alternative timeline, in which the Nazis won and you have to fight them. It wasn't really that well received with a Metacritic of 43 at best. Of course with a topic like that the game isn't to be expected to release uncensored in Germany. And I bet you know alerady what happened.

Yup, they removed the Nazis again. They changed the texts etc. so they don't mention the Nazis explicitally anymore and all the Nazi symbols were removed or exchanged. they censored the handbook, they censored the artwork and the bonus artworks.

So, why am I telling you all this in a singular entry and not one the bunches multiple games censored like this together. Well, because Turning Point made the news last week again. A german player bought the through Amazon, found the uncensored version in his hands and now this fucker sues Amazon because they sold "nazi-game". I. Shit. You. Not.

Yeah, this is how imagined you asshole would look like...

National police investigates.
Amazon delivered Nazi-game
Kmetsch: "That went too far. I complained to Amazon immediatly."
The internet shop took the game off his page, but that wasn't enough for Kmetsch. He sues Amazon for spreading symbols that are unconstitutional. "Ich can't believe that no one at Amazon has noticed this before.", so the packaging technologist.

I found this too funny to pass on. The lawsuit will most likely go nowhere and that's it, but it was SO ridiculous. You might ask now: "but Jim, how did the dude get the uncensored version?"
That's because you can sell them through Amazon and Amazon has import dealers on their site. Those can, of course, sell their stuff. So often you find games with stuff like "[UK Import]" or "[PEGI VERSION]" in the title. That's totally normal and you then know what version you get. Even if that's not in the title, the boxart clearly shows a non german version. So at least when he held the game in his hands, Daniel Kmetsch, fuckwit on duty, should have been able to find out that he is not having a german version.

Oh, by the way, guess what I found on Amazon today?

Salida, dear readers. Till next time.
Photo Photo Photo

Salida dear readers,
my name is Jim aka "OpiumHerz" and as some of you may already guess by that nickname: I am german. With the blog series "The worst thing about censorship is ███████ " I want to simply give you a little insight in videogame censorship, which is still pretty much alive and kicking here in Germany (but I won't restrict myself to Germany exclusively). I started this blog in 2013 and consider this series to be now in Season 2. Fuck yeah! After getting frontpage-famous I'll continue to take stuff from my colleagues at Schnittberichte and recycle that stuff for your enjoyment.

This episode is about Various Games #6.

You might remember that I once mentioned that Doom 64 got censored in Japan? The same censorship befell another id FPS on the N64 - Hexen aka Beyond Heretic.  As with Doom the censorship here for the japanese market was very simple: red blood was colored green, everything else was kept the same. Everywhere else in the word this game is uncensored.

Another classic most people wouldn't think of when you mention censorship is Ice Climbers. In this case you can get the uncensored version just in Japan (I actually don't know if the Virtual Console versions are censored too or maybe even censored worldwide). An enemy was exchanged. In the original version you weren't clobbering Yetis but seals. This was changed most likely due to the association with seal clubbing.

Then there was Robocop for the Playstation 2. And yes, it was as shitty as it looks on the screenshot. The censorship in this case was for the german version, rated 16+, only. It was, again, about blood. To cut it short: blood was removed. That's all, next.

Going back a bit further in time again we arrive at a game called Space Invasion. You have most likely never heard of this game, right? That's because you know it under another name: Commando. The scrolling shooter got somewhat famous as a classic and has a simple premise. You are a soldier and you shoot other soldiers. But as we all know: shooting humans was a no-go back in the day in Germany. So we renamed it "Space Invasion" and changed the soldiers to robots. Both on the cover and in the game. Even the transporters were changed to look more futuristic.

Last but not least: do you remember the RPG Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines? If not, you should be ashamed of yourself and fix that mistake. This great title, rated 16+ over here, got censored in one teensy bit. Someone gets decapitated in the intro... but not in the german version. When it's chopping time it just jumps to the next scene.

That was it for today. See you next time.
I'll also start streaming some shit for Streamtoid soon. Don't know what, really, but when you're free on a wednesday noon (1pm Chicago time) feel free to tune in.
Photo Photo Photo

It's THAT time of the year again. OpiumHerz has looked at some stuff he has and then decided to give it away.

[u]How it works:[/u]
- you name the game you want
- you get the game you want

- you can give me something in return. I take pretty literally ANYTHING. A dollar Steam credit? Steam collector's cards? Another game? A slap on my dick (PhilKenSebben only)? You decide! Decide what the game you want is worth to you. Rip me off if you want, you'll each get a key. Depending on the timeframe you ask for it maybe even more than one. Try your luck.

I have to say ONE THING first however: somehow the sites I have the keys stored on (Humble Bundle etc.) are fucked up. For some keys I simply don't know if I gave them away already or not. Links I gifted to people for example don't show that the game has been redeemed so I don't know if that gift has been claimed, if I never gave it away or whatever. Just putting this out here because you should know there might be games in the list that aren't available anymore, but of course I can't check that!
Games that are confirmed taken will be marked red!

On to the list.

- Anomaly Warzone Earth Mobile Campaign
- Antichamber
- Beatbuddy: Tale of the guardians
- Beatbuddy: Tale of the guardians
- Bioshock
- Bioshock 2
- Bioshock Infinite
- BlackSoul: Extended Edition
- Broken Sword 2
- EvilQuest
- Deadly Sin 2
- Gemini Rue
- Giana Sisters: Twisted Dreams
- Guacamelee! (Gold Edition)
- Gun Monkeys
- Imagine Me
- Jolly Rover
- Kingdom Rush
- Knights Of Pen & Paper (+1 Edition)
- Last Dream
- Legionwood 2: Rise of the Eternal's Realm
- Mafia II
- Master Reboot
- Nightsky
- Organic Panic
- Peggle Deluxe + Bejeweled 3 + Bookworm Deluxe + Escape Rosecliff Island + Feeding Frenzy 2 Deluxe
- Psychonauts
- RPG Maker XP
- Ravensword: Shadowlands
- Rochard
- Savant: Ascend
- Shadows: Price for our sins (Bonus Edition)
- Skyborn
- Soulbringer
- Spec Ops: The Line
- Starseed Pilgrim
- Starseed Pilgrim
- Sweet Lily Dreams
- Sword of the stars: The Pit (Gold Edition)
- Syder Arcade
- Tales From The Deragon Mountain
- The Bureau: XCOM Declassified
- The Shivah
- The Swapper
- To the moon
- Ultratron
- Viscera Cleanup Detail: santa's Rampage
- X-COM: Apocalypse
- X-COM: Enforcer
- X-COM: Enemy Unknown
- X-COM: Interceptor
- X-COM: Terror from the deep
- X-COM: UFO Defense
- Zeno Clash

- Cafe 0 - The Drowned Mermaid DELUXE
- Home Sheep Home 2
- Jazz, Trump's Journey
- Jibs Arcade
- Master Reboot
- Samphi
- ThreadSpace: Hyperbol

- Command & Conquer: Red Alert 3 - Uprising
- Dead Space 1
- Peggle Deluxe + Bejeweled 3 + Bookworm Deluxe + Escape Rosecliff Island + Feeding Frenzy 2 Deluxe
- Plants vs Zombies (GOTY) + Peggle Nights + Zuma's Revenge
- Populus

And remember: when you comment, you get a game. If you want one or not. Don't be a bitch about right (got it, Dixon?).
And now have fun.

Photo Photo Photo

10:08 AM on 07.14.2014

Also: Adventure Time.

1. I love Kane & Lynch... both parts!

How do you solve ANY problem? Bullet to the face.

I said this before already, but I really do like those games. Don't get me wrong, they're not exceptionally great. They don't bring anything new to the table (albeit the MP for part 2 was really fucking neato in theory). But I just love them. I like Kane and Lynch as protagonists (sadly they dialed Lynch down for part 2) and I like the world they apparently live in. A world without any form of remorse or compassion where you live by the gun and die by the gun. It's dark, it's gritty, it's dirty and it's brutal. And I love it for that.
I also especially like the "raw" art style part 2 introduced, even though apparently everybody else hated it to death. I really like the cheap handycam optics. Yeah, alright, what should be a grand finale was a sad little whimper, but the game was still pretty decent. At least it did nothing wrong. And only fucking casuals cry about getting hit sometimes while being in cover. Boohoo, go home CoD boyz!

2. Call Of Duty - SINGLEPLAYER (dam dam daaam)

Oh Ghost. Did you ever know that you're my hero?

Well... at least the Modern Warfare trilogy. Now I know that this thing sold like sliced bread and was high regarded in some ways. But I just really played CoD only for the campaign. And I liked them. MW3 was a bit weak, but part 1 and 2 were really good games. The stories were at least pretty decent, I always like to call it the poor man's Tom Clancy. Makarov was a hell of charismatic evil guy and sadly completely underused but the Hans Zimmer soundtrack in part 2 goes especially well with some scenes you see.
I actually don't really know anybody else who liked or even played the CoD campaigns, but I just don't give a fuck about the MP in there. Most of all MW2 was just put so damn well together it's pure fucking magic. They way everything is staged, like perfect little cogs that work together, is just amazing. Yeah, it's scripted. Yeah, it's linear. But is still absolutely masterful. Being on a small roof, holding out against troops that just keep coming while a whole orchestra is putting pressure on your ears still gives me the chills, especially when you seem to fail the mission and your colleague yells "Rocket in the air! Code Black! CODE BLACK!" into the microphone. As with K&L the finale is a bit weak, but fuck it. Greatest single player campaigns for an ego shooter I had in a long time.

3. The german language

That pretty much sums it up.

Nobody likes the german language except a few retards and I'm one of them. Either it's too complicated (it is) or it just sounds strange (it does) or both. Really, the german language is like a five course menu of the finest meals. It's just not for everybody and it's heavy, but you'll have a good shit afterwards.
Wait, what was I talking about again?

4. Poop

Know your shit!

Shit is my one and only nonsexual fetish. That's all.

5. Zombies

The world is against me. It wouldn't be fair otherwise.

Okay, granted, the market has been a bit oversaturated. But really, I'm not sick of the zombie theme itself. There have been so very few good games with that setting and just a million one that are either just shit or some puzzle game which has zombie sprites in it for the lulz. But "real" zombie games like Left 4 Dead (2) or Dead Island are far and few between.

6. Dead Island


Yeah, the game has it's weaknesses. But really, I like it for some reason. I said it in another blog before, but Dead Island is most likely the closest thing I'll ever get to my dream game. I like the mixtures of the dangers here, because you fight both zombies and humans I find it interesting that the game is not only melee focused, but that guns are also somewhat inferior against the undead. Overall I just enjoyed the game.

7. the DToid forums

I really don't know where the reputation the place has comes from. Maybe it changed so much in the past? But really, the forums are a great place. Yes, the general tone is a bit rougher. But when you can deal with that it's a great place to kick back and talk about games. The great thing is however that you also can have serious discussions. The best proof for this is whenever someone from the FP staff shows their mug down there. The thread they post in, usually the Community Discourse thread, switches into serious mode INSTANTLY. If you really think it's just a bunch of shittalkers you're plain and simple wrong and were maybe never loved by your parents.

8. Vanilla Coke

Shut up Tubby, I know this shit is bad for mah gainz!

It's the best Coke on the whole damn world.

9. "Artsy" games

Fart games. He... hehe... get it?

Dear Esther, Dinner Date, Gone Home... I enjoyed all of these games. And yes, they are games. If you say otherwise you're wrong and for some reason so damn bitter that you should be swallowed with a shot of Tequila.
But really, next to games full of action I also enjoy games that are more focused on telling a (short) story and have less interaction. Those games usually do things no other medium could effectively do. Imagine a movie or a book about something raffling through his house and discovering his sister became a lesbian and ran away from home. Say what you want, it would never be as good an experience as when YOU are the one who can raffle through the house and discover all the little pieces yourself, in your own pace. Last but not least: I consider games like this just the final piece of evidence that games are art. And not all art has to be same. Diversity is what makes art so great and I can't stop wishing for more diversity in this regard.

10. Andy Dixon

I know that this is you, Dixon. Don't even deny it.

Just kidding. Nobody hates Andy Dixon.
Photo Photo Photo