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11:19 AM on 02.18.2015

Dtoid's 9th anniversary: Birthday time is here again!

Salida!

Since Andy is a bit busy at the moment, the honor of posting this year's anniversary thread goes to me. So as usual we have a little something for you to do and we have a little badge if you do the little something to do. This time we decided to make it all over bonding, the community and you: it's users.



We want you to write about 9 Dtoiders that left an impression (or maybe even influenced) on you. As an example you could take Mr. Andy Dixon, the only TRUE mascot of this site. "His love of boners totally changed my view on everything phallic. Bla bla bla...". It doesn't have to be an essay, but you should also maybe get past just three or four sentences for every one.

Of course there is a badge, too. And of course with the new anniversary comes a new badge. Soon we'll have to resort to using Final Fantasy ones because no other game series goes this high, but until then, we present you with this.
[img]http://i.imgur.com/5gAzwCS.jpg[/img]

This picture might possible change though. Just to fuck with you.

You can either write a blog or make a posting here. So get to it. You'll have time til the end of april, you all of you have appropiate time to write something neat up about 9 Dtoiders you find worthy for that list.

Salida

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9:04 AM on 02.05.2015

OpiumHerz's Amiibo Dealership

Salida!

Alright fellas, this started out as a little personal offer on Twitter but the feedback was too big to keep it there. So, let's cut right to the core: you want Amiibos and can't get them? I'll try to get them for you! See, the thing is nobody really seems to give much of a fuck about them here in Germany. I see Villager in stock on Amazon or stores all the time. So if you want to get Amiibos for a humane price, here is what we'll do.

1. You tell me what Amiibo(s) you want
2. I see if I can get them (I have several shops in my proximity, also Amazon.de - see below)
3. I'll give you an estimate on the price
4. You transfer the money to me.
5. I'll organise the Amiibo(s) you want
6. I'll ship them to you


You can of course try to order them through Amazon.de (or any Amazon) directly. However, Chillybilly told me he did that twice and BOTH Amiibos were damaged. So another route would be:

1. You order the Amiibos from Amazon.de to me
2. I'll check them
3. If they're broken, I'll retoure them. I'll tell you about the damages beforehand though and will wait for your answer, if you either want the Amiibo in it's state or not. It's free for me and I think it shouldn't be too much of a hassle, but I do have to look that up still.
4. If they're okay, I'll send them to you.


There are some more things:
- Community members only. If you just see this somewhere and thing "Oh yeah, I want in on that", nope, sorry. I'll do this for the members of Dtoid.
- Private orders only. If you want 20 fucking Villagers to get your kid through college with them, I won't do that.
- I love you guys, but I love my lifetime slightly more and having someone in the house who sold a lot of stuff through eBay recently I know how much time stuff like this will eat up. So I'll ask for a small fee per Amiibo. I'll charge 3$ per figurine. No more. Everything else will be my buying price. The package, the shipping cost etc. I personally think that is a fair amount for the time I'm willing to put in (first order by ChillyBilly/smurfee/Swishiee will be exempt from this though, because I offered it to them privately before this blog).
- I will document everything with pictures, if demanded. From the Amiibo as I received it to the bill for the package.
- I should be able to do tracking numbers if demanded, but they will cost more. Again, if you want those, or express shipping, tell me. If you don't order tracking etc. I will take no responsibility for lost packages or anything. You can ask the german post to search for lost packages, but you shouldn't expect too much out of it.
- I'll send the Amiibos in air cushion envelopes. If you want real packges for further safety of the Amiibos, I can do that too, but again: it'll cost more.
- I'll keep you updated whenever I do something. Could find it for price X, couldn't find it, received/got it, shipped it.
- If you want one, leave a comment here. Others, please don't post in that comment thread. I'd like to keep them "clean" for the sake of an overview.
- Money has to be transferred to me beforehand. I won't buy or ship anything on credit. This means the money has to be on my bank account. Payment can be done directly to my german bank account or through Paypal, I accept both. If you go with Paypal, I'll buy the figurine (if you don't order it to me) once the money is on there, Shipping will be done once the money is transferred from Paypal to my account though, which should take 1-3 work days.


Seeing how some of these fuckers go away for 90$ or more over eBay, I think that this might help you getting these fuckers for a more reasonable price. If you have further questions, just ask. And yes, the Mount Your Friends tournament is still happening, registration for it will close this weekend.

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2:21 PM on 02.02.2015

2 years of Dtoid



Two years. 730 days. 17520 hours. A long fucking time. Lots of things happened in this while. Hey, I told you my next entry will be a bit more lighthearted, didn't I? And I know I'm a few days early, but fuck all the the rules (it's just because I'll most likely be away on weekend though - need to get shit done here, yo).

So I kept blogging here. I didn't manage to churn out as many entries as I did last year, but I feel my writing overall got more bearable. Also I have to be honest: I'm starting to run low on content here, so spreading it out a bit more is something that I'm fine with to keep the series, generally, running for a bit more longer. As last year, I'm doing a bit of a break at the moment. I do this to get away from writing about censorship (somewhat) regularly a bit, but also so a bit of new content can maybe pile up.
I also did some non-censorship related stuff. I explained why you should totall buy Goat Simulator and was totally serious about it. You still should totally buy Goat Simulator, if you haven't done so yet (What the fuck is wrong with you?!). I also wrote a little obeisance to Gravelord Nito, clearly the best thing that ever happened to videogames. Also I started writing for Digital Confederacy, a site created by former Dtoid legend ZombiePlatypus and still somewhat active Dtoider usedtabe. I don't write a lot about videogames there, though. I focus on music from Germany/Austria/Switzerland there. So if you dig music, or want to explore something new, you should head over there. It's fun there and I enjoy it, since music is even a bigger passion for me than games are.



I also became a good bit more active in the forums. Not only because I became a mod there, but because I also became an Admin there. Since Mxy resigned, Nihil and myself got promoted. So we take care of business down there together with our only true site mascot: Mr. Andy Dixon. Things are pretty easy going, even though there is a lot on my plate. The Forums Feature Request thread I started took off a lot more than I expected.
Dtoid has become more and more my digital home over last year. I used to compare the other community where I was active with a city and Dtoid is no different, even though a smaller one. I got less active on the Frontpage though. Last but not least there were changes in the line-up I simply disliked and it got mirrored by recently published articles. Yes, I'm one of the people who got pretty pissed off that "The Badger" articles were put online. Not for their writing style, not at all. I actually dig THAT. Remindes me of Spider Jerusalem. But the content was so utterly shitty, I'm more productive by taking a wank before showering. That reminds... brb. I was also very happy about some other changes in the line up. Let's say the right people got promoted.

That being said, the Blogs are awesome as ever. Just recently I looked at a few other sites and I just realized how high the quality here is. And I'm not shittalking here. The C-Blogs are incredibly strong, considering they are just a few people writing for the fun of it.



So what brings the future? Well, first off we'll have a Mount Your Friends tournament soon. I also plan on blogging about censorship coming May or April again, at latest. There are also some C-Blog Interviews that are basically done and if I manage to pull my thumbs out of my asses, I might start getting those up again. Here and there I'll surely do some small Editorials and opinion pieces. We'll see.
If come to know some people better, but don't really know anyone as good as I'd like it. Timezones are bitch. But if nothing bad and unexpected happens, I'll stick around. Sadly I'm sure others will follow my creed, but hey, it's always good to have people around that work as an example for the person you never want to be. Even if they're just very few here on Dtoid (the douchebag density is surprisingly low too).



So, let's raise our glases once more to antoher good year. May it better than ever, may the Steam discounts be bigger than ever and may we also find pleasant things to do with our genitals.

And now get off of my lawn, you cunts.

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10:54 AM on 02.02.2015

The more I know about people, the better I like my dogs

Salida!

I think I've said it multiple times now: I never followed the person cult when it comes to games or the game industry (well, to be honest, I followed almost no person cult at all - I never had Star posters or anything like that hanging in my room and even now I only have a very few artists I have the utmost respect for, but nothing compared to the usual fanboying happening). Over last year though, it just so happened I did invest some time into looking a few people up. No, that's not right, let me correct that. I was linked stuff, from where I clicked my way on through other stuff of these people. Like a Twitter account or other articles or anything like that. The result of this time spent? Let me put it like this: if I had a loaded gun, I wouldn't know if I should shoot these people or myself. Be prepared, this is nothing than subjective bitching. If you don't want to read all that, feel free to skip to the last paragraphs. This is basically the antithesis of my .hack//G.U. entry - no games, just bullshit and drama.



The first one was Anthony Burch, most of him will most likely know him as the guy behind Borderlands and the oldies around here will also remember him from the Frontpage. How he ever survived here I don't know, but by god did that man make me cringe. He is the kind of guy you could accuse of being sexist just by the fault of being a male and he would get down on his knees and apologize like the worst cliché Japan guy, whose son just spilled soda on a Yakuza boss. I think the moment that tipped me over the edge here was how he complained over games that are just about killing for loot. Coming from the guy behind Borderlands this sure is rich. I also loved how he went public with his divorce (by god, as if this wasn't fucking stupid to begin with - WHY would you do that?) and offered people the means to send him anonymous messages, then complained over getting trolled through this very function. Basically this guy is like a kid that puts his hand on the hot stove plate over and over again and you just want to smack him so he learns his lesson. But hey, thank god he finally resorted to basically stealing his punchlines from jokes he finds and does online, maybe he will steal a good one one day by accident.


Ugh...

And than there was Leigh Alexander. I'll cut this short: I've never seen the word "toxic" so fitting for a person ever. I saw her threaten multiple people, IN PUBLIC, to basically ruin their careers forever if they don't play to her rules. She insulted the people behind charities. She insulted people working hard jobs. She advocated doxxing. Seriously, fuck her. That's all there is to her. Just fuck her. She is one of the worst people I ever had the good grace of reading about and here in Germany we cover World War II for easily two to three years in school.


Looking forward to the day she has to work a real job again and someone forwards this to the potentital employer.

Adam Sessler was a name I didn't hear a lot of until this whole Gamergate thing started. When he stated he watched hacking happen live, something I'd expect out of a Hollywood movie about digital terrorists, it raised my eyebrows to say the least. While I didn't invest too much time or effort in GG (because, after all, I don't have any stake in it) he has proven proven time and time again to be just a fucking cunt over it. Oh, and he himself ALSO advocated doxxing. It's on tape. For everyone to watch on YouTube, enjoy (funnily enough I only found the small clip first, then people said it was taken out of context - so I wasted about two minutes of my life to find out that no, it really wasn't taken out of a lot of context). While GamerGate might have brought out the worst in A LOT of people, he actually stated this in 2013 already.  Thank god now I know that calling someone a faggọt is enough to justify spreading someone's personal data. I wish this guy nothing but burning diarrhea and arms too short to wipe.




Of course you aren't...

And then there was a whole other bunch of people I only dabbled in for a really short time before I decided: nope, not gonna dig deeper here, I got stuff to do, I got games to play. Granted, I shouldn't be surprised. Being the cynic I am I just assume you're a cunt until proven otherwise for the most part. I tend to prepare for the worst possible outcome rather than for the best possible outcome. But the last ~year or so has just proven to me: I'll stick with what I have done so far now. Just stay away from the individuals. There is nothing to be gained here, only disappointment in the human race as a whole and the wish to do horrible things to horrible people. I think Sessler was the last one I had a bit of a look into and it was the final straw where I decided I'll just resist the urge.
The thing here was: apparently, everybody else knew this shit already besides me. Peoples' reactions can pretty much be summed with "Yeah, how is this news?". I would be surprised that these people have a large enough following to pay for their lifes, but as I said: cynic, no hope in humanity, fuck all this shit. I guess part of me was still a wee lad in this regard. You see, I grew up with games, like many of my generation. Back then, for me as a kid, the videogames industry was this secret monolith that produced all these awesome things. The journalists back then, at least the german ones, were people with passion. Fuck, Boris Schneider-Johne, who works now at Microsoft (no, not for X-Box - at least not anymore), translated one of my all time favorite games: Monkey Island 2. I guess because I never really took a deeper look at the people, I never realized that, yes, there are cunts in this field too.


This golden door was brought to you by the Forumers. Now please, fuck off.

Destructoid in this regard is still very much bearable for me though. I do still think that Jonathan Holmes isn't fit for the EiC position and that he not only approved the posts of "the Badger", but also, at least according the Badger, asked for them is just further proof of me to that (how fucking stupid OR desperate for clicks can you be? Or was it just both at the same time?). Which basically lead me to a simple decision: I simply won't give his articles any clicks anymore. And because of certain things he said on his Twitter account, and some generalizations towards the forum crowd, the same goes for the videos of Bill Zoeker. The reasons might be petty, but it's the only thing to show consequence in this regard. And there were other people elsewhere where I just scratched the surface before I turned back and just decided I won't waste any more time on getting me in a bad mood. To drop to more names here: Ben Kuchera and Jonathan McIntosh might as well fight for the pole position when it comes to being a huge fucking idiot. But I guess that was public knowledge a long time now too.

I still think there are quite a few people I find totally okay. Both here on Destructoid and elsewhere. But from now on I guess I'll stick to the path I had before: just don't follow the people. In some very rare instances ignorance can be certainly a bliss and I don't think my life would be any worse if I would not know  that there is Ms. Alexander out there, validating every women-hating asshole in his opinion. And if you yourself have some of those illusions left that I had a while back, do yourself a favor and stay away from researching these people. You might now think: "But Jim, this way I see who I want to support and who not". This might be true, but I found a neat red line here, which might also apply for you. I didn't read any of these people's articles to begin with. Ever since I started being a bit more of an active reader when it comes to games and game related news, I stuck with the people whose style I liked. Which was Kotaku before they started to pander more and more to demographic I'm no part of, later then Destructoid and Gametrailers. Fuck, I don't even know who does the reviews for GT. And I don't care. They're good reviews without any bullshit on the side. I'm happy with them.


The thirst has never been more real.


Bottom line: being the nostalgic I am, I miss the old times. I just miss the times before Twatter, where everybody was just a name in the list of employees. No personalities, but at least also no fucking assholes. Guess I finally AM getting old.

Don't worry people, next time it'll be something happy again, I swear.

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5:21 AM on 01.27.2015

The Tournament of Dangling Dongs - Mount Your Friends!

Edit 4: Winners for the finale
Match 1: OpiumHerz
Match 2: Steven Hansen
Match 3: El Dango

EDIT 3: Winners so far
Match 1: Tonich
Match 2: OpiumHerz
Match 3: Robo Panda Z
Match 4: Steven Hansen
Match 5: El Dango
Match 6: pk fire

EDIT 2: I randomized the list of participants. Since we have an uneven amount of participants the lucky last one in the list passes the first round automatically. In this case thsi means pk fire automatically advances!

This leaves the following order of fights.

The finale will be a three dong stand off. Everyone agaisnt everyone.
I will sent out notifications right now. If you fail to manage to deliver the winner of your match until February 15th 2015, you are out of the tournament!

May the best dong win!


EDIT: REGISTRATION CLOSED


Salida!

So it happened that just recently fellow Dtoider Tonich invited me to a round of Mount Your Friends, together with Luckrequired and... shit, I already forgot who else was with us. However, the idea for a tournament bracket came up and why the fuck not? Let's try this.

Now what is Mount Your Friends? It's a sort of... uhm... I actually don't know what genre to put this in (we have a term for in German that I can't translate though). Basically you have a climber and his dangling dong (which can be replaced with a fish or a pickle if you so desire) and a Goat on a signpost. You control both feet and hands, which are sticking to any surface they touch as long as you don't push their button. The goal is to climb atop the goat, and then the next player has to clinb atop of you. Higher and higher. All this is done within a timelimit. You can play it with a controller (which I find a lot more practical) and of course keyboard/mouse.

All we need is YOU now. It's an absolutely retarded game in all the right and positive ways and laughs are pretty much guaranteed. But we need players. So if you want to mount around with others, sigh up for this duel of manliness (girls are allowed too, but only if they're manly enough for mounting friends - hue hue hue).
This will be a duel to the dongs (no boners though, that'd be gay - the stage between flacid and errect is acceptable though). It will be played 1v1 with a 60 second climbing timelimit. Maybe I'll give a little prize out to the winner too. Just leave a comment and I'll enter you and contact you once all is done, presuming we get enough players together.

Registered Mounters:
01. OpiumHerz
02. ElDango
03. PedophilKenSebben
04. The Scholary Gamer
05. Tonich
06. Steven Hansen
07. Zerotonin
08. pk fire
09. Luckrequired
10. Robo Panda Z
11. Solar Pony Django

So register yourself now for the upcoming Tournament of Dangling Dongs! Mount strangers, become friends, mount them again and conquer the Goat! GOAT!

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5:40 AM on 01.24.2015

STFUAJPG - .hack//G.U.

No drama. No bullshit. Just games.

Since the censorship topic has run a bit dry over the course of almost two years (you can only make so many articles about that topic and keep it interesting, but don't worry, more are on the way) and I wanted to write a bit more again, why not write about something fun? Games! I want to focus on games I feel went a bit under and I'm not talking about these "secret tips EVERYBODY knows". OMG, have you played this underdog game ICO? Have you, motherfucker, HAVE YOU PLAYED ICO? I'm sure over the course I'll cover something that's borderline to that field too, but I'll try to stay a bit away from it. I might also go beyond just introducing games, but they will be the sole focus. This is just about games. So what I wrote in the beginning is kinda the creed: no drama. No bullshit. Just some goddamn, motherfucking, cocksucking, cumgargling, asslicking, dick cheese producing, pig impregnating, FUCKING DAMN GAMES!

So, .hack//G.U., right?

My first contact with the .hack// series was in form of the anime .hack//SIGN. The universe has multiple entries, but they all revolve around an MMO in the not too distant future called The World. SIGN also produced a four part videogame series on the Playstation 2, which I got solely for the sake of having. An anime related game series, in Germany? I want to support that!
But what I found was a bit lackluster. The game was so grindy it was brutal. The graphics weren't too pretty either. The dungeons were absolutely repetitive. It was just not a very well put together dungeon crawler. Yet, I pushed myself into part 3 before giving up. I saw a game that was good in it's core, just not too refined. The fact that it was released over here years after it came out in Japan didn't help either. Time is no fair enemy.

And then I saw THIS fucking trailer (sorry, the quality of videos in 2005 was another one - there exists also a subtitled version of this trailer somewhere). And ho... ly... shit! I was pretty much instantly flashed. Instantly this thing was on my map. .hack//G.U. was a three part series playing version 2 of The World, after the events of the first games, with a new cast and setting (a nice bonus of the MMO setting - you can completely revamp the world in every aspect and blame it on "new version").

The plot follows Haseo, a famous PlayerKillerKiller called "The Terror of Death". As the name suggests he hunts PlayerKillers, so players who kill other players ingame. The game of The World offers basically absolute freedom in regards of movement etc. and isn't restricted like any real MMO (at the moment). Then however his dear friend Shino gets killed by a guy named Tri-Edge, who looks very familiar if you know the SIGN series or played the first set of games, which made her real life player fall into a coma.
From there on Haseo seeks to fix this and of course revenge. And of course stuff isn't that simple. Because it never is. There are functions and skills and bugs in the game that can harm the real player. A company that tries to cover everything in that regard up. And of course Haseo has more on his hands than he initially thought. But to reach his goal the absolute loner is forced to cooperate with many fractions.

The basic gameplay is the same as the first series, but it was expanded on a lot. It's still a quite typical JRPG with an action fight system. You have a party of maximum 3 people, multiple people you can invite in your party. You take quests, you level up, you do stuff on the side if you want, and you advance the plot through events either in the cities or the dungeons.
Dungeons are created by a combination of three words. New words can be acquired by finishing other dungeons (you get rated in the end and are rewarded with an item depending on your rating - which can be a new dungeon word) or you find them in the forums. Yes, there are forums! The whole game takes place inside the game, you never see the outside world or control the player outside of The World. But you do go to the desktop many times. There you can read mail (which is often needed to start the next part of the plot), look at news from the outside world and watch a mysterious, apparently game induced disease named "Doll Syndrome" spread through articles and videos or read the forums. The news websites you can read are nice to have, the articles are often accompanied by short animated clips and there even is a series where a journalist tries to uncover the truth about doll syndromes, which is told through multiple episodes, each a few minutes long. The forums get new posts in regular intervals too. Most of the time it's just reading which you will either love for the fluff or hate because, well, it's just text. You also get to interact/answer to forum posts sometimes and can get something out of it (new stage words, more flavor text, increase sympathy with party members) or you can download pictures you can use as your desktop background in the arts forum. Most of it is mindless banter, but I found it kinda cool. Especially when you then see these users run around in the game, because you recognize their handle. It can however be a bit dry at times too, seeing as it's plain text without anything else.

The fight system is, as already mentioned not turn based. When you get close to an enemy/group of enemies (three at maximum) the battle starts. Beat all the enemies, earn XP/gold/items. Par for the course. You can use weapons, magic (if you learn the spells - since Haseo isn't a magic class you have to teach him spells through respective items, while magic class users will learn spells through leveling up too) or items to kill your enemies. The variety for Haseo comes from the fact that he is what the game calls Adept Rogue, bascially a multiclass. He starts out with two short swords, but his class gets expansions over the course of all three games. After a few hours you get to use a Broadsword already. Even though I found the dual wielding to be the most efficient way to fight, it's nice to be given variety so you can play different fighting styles if you want to.

Sidequests usually involve reaching a certain number of things (guess some shackles of the MMO can't be thrown off in the future either) or present you with a dungeon you have to conquer, sometimes even delivering a little plot while doing so. For example one quest you get is handing out flyers to players. You hand them out by talking to them. So you will stop and talk to every NPC you find along your way. Another one is kicking a certain amount of so called Lucky Animals. You can find them in dungeons and have to chase them to kick them. If you manage to do so, they'll give you a blessing. Temporary state bonuses, money, you might be revived after dying while you are in that dungeon. Beware though, there are also UNLUCKY Animals. Don't kick them. Just don't. Then there is also a Card Game which gets activated throughout the game (it's down for maintenance in the beginning) which you can sink hours in, if you want to be the very best.

So there is enough to do on the side for completionists and you can advance the plot at a reasonable pace. Here and there you have to grind a bit, but it doesn't force you into hours of what feels like slave labor (one of the biggest downsides of the first series of games). Not everything that glitters is gold though. The first thing I missed personally was a way to activate japanese voice acting. The english voices are a bit dodgy here and there, but they get the job done. Dungeons are still a bit repetitive, since you only have a few design sets (Cave, Temple, Field etc.) which the dungeons are created from. Expect to see the same assets a lot. And while I like the plot per se, sometimes I found the characters to act completely illogical. That the plot is a fix thing also somewhat ruins certain moments. You can train to level 99 and completely WRECK your enemy in a tournament - it will still trigger a cut scene where you then get your ass handed to you and "plot thing X" happens. It would have been nice to create at least two versions of the cutscene where things like these would have been accounted for. My biggest gripe however is that the plot goes too far. I won't spoil anything but you reach a part in the last game where you beat a boss and it would have been a pretty perfect spot to end the game - but it goes on. There is an additional evil pulled out of it's arse you have to fight then and it's not just an additional bossfight, there is literally more story happening. I didn't like that as I found said point to be a perfect spot to bring it to an end and I still don't like it. Another thing where the story can somewhat interfere is that your party members have to available for you to invite them to your party. They can be either offline or busy and will stay in that status until you advanced the plot a notch. So there I was, in a spot where I wanted to level my healer and support, and my healer was unavailable. I wanted to level her though for the upcoming fight, which was necessary by story. The plot dictates that she comes late to that fight, so I couldn't level her right before it anymore. ... you see the problem there? Granted, you get a pretty good choice of characters over the course of the games and you usually always have someone available, but it can be annoying if you're forced to work with characters you don't like. The cities are also a bit... well. City #2 you unlock pretty quickly, for example, basically just consists of an item shop, a Savepoint and the entrance to the fight arena. Nothing I would really call a city.
Still, .hack//G.U. aged well enough. The graphics don't look too shabby and it proves that good design is timeless. And if you play this game on an emulator you can crank up the resolution and the models will look just crisp as fuck. I have seen modern games in 1920 resolution that don't have character models this sharp, I'm dead serious. Sadly the pre-rendered sequences suffer with the higher resulotion a lot. Since they are rarely used, however, it's a sacrifice worth bringing.

.hack//G.U. will deliver you a trilogy of good JRPG fun with everything needed there. A bit of animu drama (but really toned down to a pleasant scale - in fact I started playing this again recently because Final Fantasy 13 was just overkill in this regard for my taste), revenge, mystery and some nice light hearted moments. It offers a pretty good balance in that regard. If you can't stand games where you have to crawl through dungeons, this won't convert you though. Make no mistake here. But you get a rich world with lots of lore and that you basically play a game where you always play a game gives it an interesting Meta touch. It has it's downsides and is nowhere near a perfect game, but god damn it I never regretted actually importing these three games from the USA (which I had to do, because they were never brought to Europe! And it was quite expensive too). Nowadays those games go for 100$+ easily and since there are no new units produced I think you can crack out the emulator. These are some damn fine JRPGs right here and if you want to waste a few dozen hours, go for it. In a world where realistic graphics means "grey and brown" it's nice to have a game where you can put a fat bellied pig dog walking on two legs in your party. Even if he is a soft hearted wimp.

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12:22 PM on 01.21.2015

The worst thing about censorship is ███████ - 039 - Predictions for 2015

Salida dear readers,
my name is Jim aka "OpiumHerz" and as some of you may already guess by that nickname: I am german. With the blog series "The worst thing about censorship is ███████ " I want to simply give you a little insight in videogame censorship, which is still pretty much alive and kicking here in Germany (but I won't restrict myself to Germany exclusively). I started this blog in 2013 and consider this series to be now in Season 2. Fuck yeah! After getting frontpage-famous I'll continue to take stuff from my colleagues at Schnittberichte and recycle that stuff for your enjoyment.

This episode is about: the year 2015
We'll do something a little different today. This year has some releases announced and I'll just pick some out and predict if and how they'll be censored in Germany. At the end of the year we'll then compare reality with predictions. Please consider I have to work with release dates I was given, so if something doesn't end up being released in 2015, well that's bad luck. So then, shall we start the dance?

Game: Killing Floor 2
Chances for uncut release: maybe if hell thawes out again after freezing when Duke Nukem Forever finally released. Never.
What will happen: given the gore that has already been demo'd and what happened to part 1, there is no chance this will be released uncut in Germany. I predict heavy cuts, i.e. all of the damage model and gore gone. Maybe even the blood. The censored version will be rated 18+ still, while the uncut version gets indexed.


Game: Dying Light
Chances for uncut release: maybe, but I doubt it.
What will happen: from what I saw the gore in this game wasn't actually too groundbreaking, considering what was promised by Techland here. Still, it was enough to get Dead Island denied a classification. If the game hits a lucky day it might pass. If it won't pass, however, I can see it getting indexed.It was already announced it fell through the USK rating at this point, so this is kinda out of the game, but we saw a censored version at the Gamescom. Let's wait.


Game: Dead Island 2
Chances for uncut release: maaaaaaybe.
What will happen: Yager are a german company and thus know the boundaries pretty well. They managed to show some gruesome shit in Spec Ops: The Line and get away with it because of the context. I don't see that happen with Dead Island 2 though. Still, they too might hit a lucky day with the ratings board and manage to walk the line.


Game: Halo 5
Chances for uncut release: high.
What will happen: HALO games were pretty much rated 16+ and uncut throughout, I just see no chance that they will ramp up the gore. This thing will get rated 16+ again and pass the ratings board without problems.


Game: Resident Evil Revelations 2
Chances for uncut release: hard to predict.
What will happen: Resident Evil games have a history of getting censored, but it got better over the last few years. Revelations 1 was uncut too. It basically all depends on how much they'll ramp up the gore. My final prediction goes to it getting rated 18+ without censorship.
Bonus prediction: the japanese version will get censored somehow.


Game: Bloodborne
Chances for uncut release: pretty good.
What will happen: the Souls games never got censored, even though they had some decent amount of blood and just general gruesomeness in it. Bloodborne seems to ramp up the blood a bit more. Still, I'll say it'll manage to get by the USK with an 18+ stamp on the box.


Game: Mortal Kombat X
Chances for uncut release: we'll rather have a real life Mortal Kombat happening.
What will happen: won't pass the USK, if they even attempt it. Will get confiscated. Indexed at least.


Game: Rainbow Six: Siege
Chances for uncut release: good.
What will happen: the Rainbow Six games were never too brutal to begin with, but here and there some censorship happened within the Tom Clancy (RIP, man) universe. The fact that you can play the evil guys and maybe execute hostages etc. might tip the scale here. I think Siege will make it through the USK, but will get a red 18+ sticker slapped on.


Game: Silent Hills
Chances for uncut: hard to predict.
What will happen: this is one of the harder predictions to make. Two of the eight Silent Hill games we had so far got censored. The Silent Hills demo however showed already some pretty scary and bloody stuff (Fetus). I'm really torn, but I predict it will go through uncensored, but anything besides an 18+ rating is out of the question.


So, that's it. If you want to make your own predictions, feel free to do so in the comments. Coming the end of the year I'll dig this one up again and see what happened to the games. I'm actually curious for most of the games I listed here myself and sure hope they all manage to arrive at german shores uncensored, but with some games I'd bet real money that they won't.

Salida

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10:19 AM on 01.14.2015

Let's clear up the console wars, shall we?

Alright fellas, this topic is as old as I am: which platform is the best to game on? This battle has raged on ever since people had choices regarding gaming and I want to go a bit into it, objectively, to answer that question. Not in regards of consoles against each other, but in regards to the good old PC vs. Console topic. Now before anyone wants to accuse me of fanboyism: I consider myself a gamer and not a company fanboy. I have a dozen consoles from all the players, besides a PC, in my house. Back in the day for example my grandma had a Sega Mega Drive (fuck you calling it Genesis), I had a Super Nintendo, and we traded back and forth. I have an X-Box and X360, I also have a PS3 and WiiU. Fuck, I'm even one of the 12 people in Europe who own both the PSP and Vita. So as you can see, I'm particularly in favor of any company, but I get the console I want to game on.
Now that this is out of the way, let's get to it.


Hardware
This is one where consoles are clearly legging behind. The reason is simple: you can't upgrade a console. It gets done at point X in history and usually it has pretty nice specs for the time it releases. However, then begins the decay. Hardware is moving forwards incredibly fast and if you really want to count in high class configurations, chances are that PC hardware has run past the consoles within a few months, easily.
The problem is you can't upgrade a console. Stuff like the N64 RAM Packs were attempts at it, but really not common anymore. On the other hand you can incrementally upgrade a computer. Just put another RAM bank in it, and bam (this goes, of course, for desktop computers, not Laptops). You don't have to buy a whole new computer to keep with the times (even though that is something I prefer, to be honest, instead of just upgrading it piece by piece).

No matter how you twist and turn it, this is a victory for the computer - the fact aside that a game doesn't have to have high end graphics to be fun. Usually devs learn over time to tickle a bit more out of a console, but that doesn't change the fact that console basically stands still in the regards of hardware.




Innovational hardware
Console manufacturers seem to be more daring here. Stuff like camera controlled games, games like the Rock Band stuff with plastic instruments, the controls of the Wii and the WiiU pad, Kinect and Playstation Move... that is all stuff you don't see too much on PC. Oh sure, we have Oculus Rift and there are obscure projects going on. But the PC somehow didn't manage to push things on the user like consoles. That is, of course, most likely too due the fact that if you buy a console, you have to deal with that controls. You can't just plug in a keyboard and mouse. Which is a pity, both ways around. I always wanted to play a lot of consoles games with keyboard and mouse and I would love to have something like the WiiU tablet for my PC.

This point goes clearly to the consoles. I'm sure the PC would offer options for the same things, but the problem is someone has to develop, make and get them to the customers and supported (what good would something like PS Move do, when no game supports it?).


Functionality
This'll be a short one: decisive victory for the PC. While the consoles did gain more and more features over time, it's a simple matter of fact that the PC can simply do more, because it was build with that intent.



Money (Software)
Now this is something I can only tell from a german perspective, because I get in other countries there are different prices. Building on that however you have more ways to save with PC games and thus safe more money there. Since a few years keydealers and cheap Bundles are blooming businesses. The big players of course try to prevent people from getting games in countries like Russia because they are way cheaper there, but they rarely go through much hassle with it. Worst case scenario for me was that I needed someone to gift a game to me - but that was no real problem. The absolute worst case would be that I have to run a proxy while gaming, but games that go so far are rare.
I can get a game at release on PC for easily 35~40€ (~41-47USD). Normal new games cost between 55-60€. And no, that is no typo: we do pay more than you on games, generally speaking. There are many established sites dealing with games in their digital form. And since all you get today is a disc with a bit of activation code on it, because you need one of the prevalent game plttforms (Steam, Origin etc.), which is a problem for another point, you don't really lose anything by not buying the retail version anymore. Once you used the content of the box it's useless. So you don't lose anything by buying online.

Victory for the PC. You surely can save a good bit on consoles games by using sales or shop in Asia, but the amount you save and that it's a bit easier on PC just tipped the odds here.

Money (Hardware)
Now this is a bit of a tricky one. If you want a PC that is worth something you have to spend around 1200-1400€ (or your local currency etc.). You get a machine for this that will take a few years until you have to scale down the graphics for something to run well. A new gen console will cost, even at release, less than that. But as elaborated before, the console "stand still" in regards to it's power, while you can keep a PC afloat easily with little spendings.

This one is a draw, actually. The reason for this is that if you see it from as a current investment the consoles would easily win here. No debate. However, as a long term investment the PC has the upper hand.


Game reusability
This is something where both platforms where on the same height once and then STEAM happened. Over last decade physical games for PC games have become more and more obsolete. Often times you find only a disc with some sort of activation stuff on it or even just a piece of paper with an activation code. The collector inside of me really weeps over this, as I'd love to have a large collection of PC games in my shelf to present. But why would I bother with it when I can get the exact same thing for less money online? I mean, seriously. The contents of the retail box become useless once used.
Now Microsoft tried to pull some shit with the XBone but fell flat on it's fucking face with it. To this generation you can simply rent out a disc to a friend or resell it. You have customer freedom on consoles that just doesn't exist on the PC anymore in that form. Sure, there are exceptions from the rule. The Witcher games for example you can get DRM free, not bound to any platform like STEAM. But those are just that: exceptions. The consoles tipped their toe in that pond already last gen by adding DLC tokens instead of putting it on the fucking disc.

But speaking from a current standpoint the consoles just win here. The developments of PC in this regard over the last few years were pretty shitty for us collectors.


Controls
What you like to game with is pretty much personal preference. Putting the innovative hardware I mentioned before aside here for a moment though the PC simply offers a wider variety. There are of course mouse and keyboard which are for certain genres almost considered essential (strategy and Management games to mind). On consoles you are stuck with what the manufacturer gives you. As I said before I wanted to plugin a keyboard and mouse on certain games I played on my consoles. I prefer keyboard and mouse for almost every genre. If I had wanted to do that though I'd have to get a ~70€ adapter for it (which was said to allow for actually keybinding and all that, but I never knew if it was true because I didn't pony up that cash for something that shouldn't be problem when the console has USB ports anyway). And controllers are no problem on PC. If you don't like the X360 one for some reason (never heard anyone say anything bad about) reason there is a wiii~de variety, including special controllers like for flight sims.

This point has to go to the PC as long as the console guys don't start to open up their systems just a little bit in this regard. I'm actually surprised they didn't do it, seeing how enabling play with keyboard and mouse could bring genres that are basically nonexistent on consoles to them.


Downward Compability
This is another strength of the PC. Now let me get out of the way one thing: there sure as hell are a lot of old games on PC that won't run properly on new PCs anymore. Or games that are a hassle to start up. But you also can't slam a SNES game in the WiiU.
To get old games on newer consoles you have to buy them through the digital shop, as most consoles offer it now. Which boils down to a simple fact: on console you have to put money on the table, no matter what (and I actually found the WiiU shop classic games so ridicously expensive that I will most likely never buy one of them). If I want to put my old Baldur's Gate discs in the computer, I can do that without trouble. DOSBox is a free tool allows you to run a lot of old games just fine and there are even shops that specialize on making old games compatible again. Of course you have to pay money in those store too.

This point goes to the PC. It simply offers at least a free possibility, while I have to pay if I want to play Terranigma on my console again. Not only that, but these digital stores just offer a limited amount of games, so maybe the game I really want isn't even available if I were willing to spent 6 bucks on it.
... and let's not talk about Sony's dickmove of removing downward compability.


Bugs/Patches/Mods
The big momma. Why? Because bugs can render games unplayable/unbeatable, patches have become essential (especially in games with multiplayer components) and Mods can extend the lifespan/time you have fun with a game by x amount of time. The mods are the easiest part, because it's very simple: there are no Mods on consoles. This is a downside of a closed system, it's just not doable. And one of the upsides of Steam is that they make mods applicable really easy. All the installation goes through Steam. And even if you have a game/mod that isn't installed through Steam I found modding has become a simple matter of adding/replacing files through the explorer these days. It sure as hell has become a lot easier.

Bugs and patches are somewhat a tragedy no matter where you look. Games are pretty equally fucked up on both sides of the river. About a decade ago, that was one of the things console users could gloat about. There was no way to patch games on consoles or anything like that, so the games had to run well on release. Of course there were black sheep around then too, but they were pretty rare. And the big games always ran fine, especially on all the consoles before the PS2. Back then, the consoles clearly were the better option in this regard.
However, while the tables haven't turned, it has stopped in the middle. Worst case scenario is that the console version doesn't even get properly patched. Team Fortress 2 never got a patch on consoles and is still on Version 1 there (which is one of the reasons it's dead for many years). I also remember that Payday 2 basically never got really patched, which means a lot of content and balancing is missing. Granted, those are two extreme examples. But it doesn't negate the fact that the quality of console games in this regard has gone done signifacantly. PCs on the other hand have become MUCH better. Actually in the last 7 1/2 years I had two bluescreens. Two. Games rarely crashed or glitched out on me (fuck, I even played Assassin's Creed Unity and Far Cry 4 without too many hiccups). The old cliché, where the fucking mouse driver fucks up the graphics of your new game because of compability issues, just isn't contemporary anymore.

So this ends up in a draw again. Over the last years consoles have fallen down the hill while the PC climbed it up and now they've met in the middle. A few years back the consoles were the clear winner, but those times are over. As are the times where every game was a risk game with the hardware.

Conclusion
And the final result is... 8:4 for the PC. You're welcome.

Having grown up primarily on consoles it kinda hurt me to make this list. I really love consoles, but I feel they have gone astray as of late. They become more multifunctional and multimedia centers, and apparently people forget a console is supposed to be a dedicated gaming machine (to be fair: Bill Gates said from the beginning on he envisions the X-Box as a media center, so the path they went was what they always had in mind). And PC gaming has become so much better over the last few years too. I don't know if I'm just the luckiest gamer ever, but I almost never have crashes of any sort. And I do/game a lot with my computer.

But in the end it's the games that make the customer. I bought the X360 solely for Dead Rising. I saw this game and knew I had to have one of those and I didn't regret the buy one second. It was a great a console and I still have it for a reason. Now I could have of course gone over the topic of exclusives and multiplatform releases, but that is something that is up to the developers and publishers and has less to do with the console itself. Same thing goes for bad ports (then again, I'm apparently the only person that doesn't consider it a "bad port" when it's simply on par with the console version *shrug*).


I can only repeat what I said in the beginning: I consider myself a gamer, thus I game on everything I want to. I'm not loyal to a company, I'm loyal to my hobby. And if you are really loyal to a single company just because - get the fuck out of here, I don't want you on my porch. People who do that have lost the control over their fucking lives. In a perfect world there would be comradrie over this. "I just bought a PS4." - "Awww sheeeeit dude, let's grab something to game on that. Next week at my house, I'll get my WiiU till then." I mean, god damnit, we have the same fucking hobby you idiots. Which is giving our hard earned cash to companies for expensive elctric toys. So, you know... don't be a fucking cunt.
I never understood why people would shit on each other for this - but then again I also don't understand how you can be in absolute denial over what is the better platform.

Salida

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8:19 AM on 12.29.2014

The only definite 2014 review

Salida!
Alright guys, you know what's up. 2014 is coming to an end and since I never count the December in for these things, I think it's time we start the reviews for this year. This is the only definite and right one to be ever created and you should be thankful I grace you guys with it. Every one of the awards I give away is perfectly chosen. That's a fact.
This only covers games I have played in 2014. So you might find old titles or good games from this year not in the list.


Biggest positive surprise:
Wolfenstein: The New Order (PC)

Best Remake:
Binding of Isaac Rebirth (PC & Vita)

Best licensed game:
South Park: The Stick of Truth

Best teach to type game:
Typing of the Dead: Overkill (PC)

80s Award:
Far Cry: Blood Dragon (PC)

Worst Shooter:
Medal of Honor (2010) (PC)

Least skill requirement:
Peggle Nights (PC)

Best Adventure:
The Wolf Among Us (PC)

Shortest Playtime:
The Shivah (PC)

Best Demo:
The Expendabros (PC)

Best fun shooter:
The Darkness II (PC)

Best Quote:
The Wolf Among Us (PC)
"See you around... Wolf."

Craziest humor:
Jazzpunk (PC)

Shittiest port:
Dementium II HD (PC)

Best Titanfall:
Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare (PC)

Most forgetable:
Titanfall (PC)

Honorable mention: Watch_Dogs

Worst experience:
Thief (2014) (PC)

Gravity Falls award:
Costume Quest (PC)

Game I loved the most but somehow couldn't get into:
Deception IV (Vita)

Worst Calladudes:
Call of Duty: Ghosts (PC)

Best Jump 'n' Run:
Super House of Dead Ninjas (PC)

Best idea:
Goat Simulator (PC)

Most granted success:
Coffeestain Studios for Goat Simulator

Best open world stabby game:
Middle-Earth: Shadow of Mordor (PC)

Most meh:
Game of Thrones RPG (PC)

Best art:
Transistor (PC)

Worst written characters:
Resident Evil: Revelations (PC)

Worst Coop:
Resident Evil 6 - Ada's campaign (PC)

Best Coop:
Payday 2 (PC)

Most customer friendly F2P system:
Might & Magic: Duel of Champions (PC)

Worst company related to gaming:
Ubisoft Montreal

Worst personality in gaming:
Anthony Burch

(before somebody wants to cry I didn't choose Leigh Alexander/Anita Sarkeesian over the guy who for example criticized games that are just "Go and kill stuff for rewards" after doing THREE fucking Borderlands games, let me explain that I consider neither of them personalities in gaming. Just because I write about a topic I have barely an idea about, insult people and am a moron in public doesn't mean I'm a figure in that area, I just talk about it)

Worst gaming website:
Polygon

Biggest perversion in regards to the original:
The Bureau: XCOM Declassified (PC)

"That's interesting" award:
Stacking (PC)

Best YouTuber related to gaming:
TotalBiscuit

Best romance:
Hatoful Boyfriend (PC)

Best haircut:
Bayonetta in Bayonetta II (WiiU)

War, WAAAAAAAAAAR!!!-Award:
Warhammer 40.000: Dawn of War/Dark Crusade (PC)


Game of the Year 2014

Goat Simulator (PC)

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2:14 PM on 11.28.2014

OpiumJim's Mega-Super-Game-Giveaway-Extraaa~vaganza

Salida dear Dtoiders!

It's that time of the year again: Jim is giving away free games. Free games, everybody, FREE GAMES! Free fucking games for everybody! Well... almost everybody. It saddens me, but I simply have to implement a little rule because I don't want to feed parasites. We don't have to know each other, but if I don't know your nickname, I will check your account. And if your account is a brand new one, with zero postings besides the one asking here for stuff, you can fuck right off. Generally speaking: if your account is new and leaves the impression it was just created for grabbing shit here, you can fuck right off. Also, PlayBoyMan, you won't get shit either. I fed you a game last time, knowing you wouldn't start contributing anything to the community (because you never did), so go beg somewhere else.

Really, it kinda pisses me off that I even have to write this. I give shit away for basically free (basically because you are still free to give me something, ANYTHING, back in regard - I know most people don't do this or don't grasp the principle of "Give me something because I won't ask for anything and if you give me a choice between two things I still won't ask for one of the two things, it's your decision to make" and just grab their game and fuck off, but the choice is yours in the end) and even didn't have a problem to give away multiple games to one person. Pretty much all I demanded is being so honest to just be straight and ask for that shit and actually run the risk that someone else asks before you. So there you go. I'm kinda sorry for legit newbies that stumble across this, but I'm just not willing to cope with such pieces of shit.

 


So, the same procedure as every year, Miss Sophie:
- you ask for a game and you ask for it here, in form of a comment. No PMs or other shit like that.
- I sent you a link or code to activate the game. Or the game through Steam. Or a key. Depends on the game.
- you CAN give me something back in return, but I won't ask for anything. A funny link, a cool YouTube video, Steam trading cards, other games, whatever. I'll take ANYTHING. You and you alone decide what the game you receive is worth to you. If you give me a choice (I got X or Y, what do you want?) I won't decide. I solely want you to decide the worth of the things, not me.And yes, I'm a particular little bitch about this aspect. It's literally... *drumroll*... the price you pay. *badumpish*
- when a game is taken I'll STRIKE IT THROUGH. If you ask for a game that is already taken I will simply not respond. Everyone else will get a reply that says when I sent the game.
- first come, first serve.
- you can ask for multiple games, however I demand you to ask for one game at a time and let some time pass before asking for a another one.

If I get the feeling you haven't read the rules because you are acting against them, you won't get a response. Simple as that.

Thanks to Lumpommer who decided to donate a few games too! Give the man props.

Desura:
- Millenium - A New Hope
- Laxius Force
- Cafe 0 - The Drowned Mermaid DELUXE (Desura)
- Samphi (Desura)
- Home Sheep Home 2


ORIGIN ONLY
- Dead Space
- Command & Conquer: Red Alert 3 - Uprising
- Populus
- Peggle Deluxe, Bejeweled 3, Bookworm Deluxe, Escape Rosecliff Island, and Feeding Frenzy 2 Deluxe
- Plants vs Zombies GOTY Edition, Peggle Nights, and Zuma's Revenge


GOG.com:
Defender's Quest: Valley of the forgotten


Steam:
- 7th Guest & 11th Hour
- Amnesia: A machine for pigs
- Amnesia: A machine for pigs
- Amnesia: A machine for pigs
- Anachronox
- Anomaly Warzone Earth Mobile Campaign
- Antichamber
- AquaNox
- AquaNox 2: Revelation
- Bad Mojo: Redux
- Battlestations: Midway
- Beatbuddy: Tale of the guardians
- Beatbuddy: Tale of the guardians
- Beatbuddy: Tale of the guardians
- Bioshock 2
- Black Mirror
- Clones
- Company of Heroes 2 - The Western Front Armies: Oberkommando West
- Cook, Serve, Delicious!
- Cook, Serve, Delicious!
- Crazy Plant Shop
- Crusader Kings II + Norse Unit Pack + African Unit Pack + Russian Unit Pack
- Crusader Kings II + Norse Unit Pack + African Unit Pack + Russian Unit Pack
- Crystals of time
- Daikatana
- Darksiders
- Deadfall Adventures
- Deadlight
- Deadlight
- Deadly Sin 2
- Defender's Quest: Valley of the forgotten
- Deus Ex: Invisible War
- Deus Ex: The Fall
- Doom Classic Complete
- Dreamcast Collection
- Eldritch
- Eldritch
- Empire: Total War
- Ethan: Meteor Hunter
- EvilQuest
- FEZ
- Fiding Teddy
- Fist Puncher + Robot Unicorn Attack DLC
- Five Nights at Freddy's
- Fortix
- Freaking Meatbags (Early Access)
- Galactic Civilizations II: Ultimate Edition
- Game Dev Tycoon
- Garry's Mod
- Giana Sisters Twisted Dreams
- Giana Sisters Twisted Dreams
- Gone Home
- Gone Home (with soundtrack)
- Gun Monkeys
- Gun Monkeys
- Gunpoint
- Gunpoint
- GTR Evolution
- Hammerwatch
- Harvester
- Hitman: Absolution
- Hitman: Blood Money
- Hitman: Codename 47
- Hitman: Contracts
- Hitman 2: Silent Assassin
- Hoard
- Home
- iBomber Attack
- Ignite
- Imagine me
- Insanely Twisted Shadow Planet
- Insanely Twisted Shadow Planet
- Jazzpunk
- Jazzpunk
- Jibs Arcade
- Jolly Rover
- Just Cause 1
- Kerbal Space Program
- Knights of Pen & Paper +1 Edition
- Knock-Knock
- Kill The Bad Guy
- Kingdom Rush
- Legend of Grimrock
- Legends of Persia
- LightFish
- Lily looking through
- Litil Divil
- Long live the Queen
- Ludwig
- Luftrausers
- Mechanic Escape
- Mini Ninjas
- Monaco: What's yours is mine
- Ms. Splosion Man
- MS vs ATV Reflex
- NiGHTS into dreams
- N.P.P.D. RUSH - The milk of Ultraviolet
- No time to explain
- Nosgoth (Veteran Pack)
- OlliOlli
- One Way Heroics
- Orcs Must Die! (GOTY)
- Orcs Must Die! 2 (Complete Pack)
- Orcs Must Die! 2 (Complete Pack)
- Our Darker Purpose
- Out of the park Baseball 14
- Papers, Please
- Paranautical Activity
- Payday 2: Lycanwulf & The One Below mask
- Peggle Deluxe + Bejeweled 3 + Bookworm Deluxe + Escape Rosecliff Island + Feeding Frenzy 2 Deluxe
- PixelJunk Eden
- PixelJunk Eden
- PixelJunk Shooter
- Project Temprality
- Psychonauts
- Q.U.B.E. Directors Cut
- Race the sun
- Ravensword: Shadowlands
- Ravensword: Shadowlands
- Red Faction: Armageddon
- ReignMaker
- Reus
- Risk of Rain
- Sanctum
- Savant - Ascent
- Shadow Man
- Shadows: Price for Our Sins Bonus Edition
- Shank 2
- Shivah: Kosher Edition
- Skyward Collapse Complete
- Sokobond
- Soulbringer
- Soundodger+ and Soundodger+ DLC
- SpellForce 2: Demon of the Past
- Stacking
- Starseed Pilgrim
- Steamworld Dig
- Super Hexagon
- Super House of Dead Ninjas + True Ninja DLC
- Super Puzzle Plattformer Deluxe
- Supreme Commander Gold Edition
- Sweet Lily Dreams
- Sword of the Stars: The Pit - Gold Edition
- Syder Arcade
- System Shock 2
- Tales from the dragon mountain: The Strix
- Tales from Space: Mutant Blobs Attack
- Tales from Space: Mutant Blobs Attack
- Teleglitch: Die More Edition
- Teleglitch: Die More Edition
- Teleglitch: Die More Edition
- Terraria
- Terraria
- The 39 Steps
- The Basement Collection
- The Bridge
- The Cat Lady
- The Incredible Adventures of Van Helsing - Complete Pack
- THE KING OF FIGHTERS XIII STEAM EDITION
- THE KING OF FIGHTERS XIII STEAM EDITION
- The Novelist
- The Novelist
- The Swapper
- The Yawhg
- Thief Gold
- ThreadSpace: Hyperbol
- Titan Quest Gold
- Total War: Rome 2: Caesar in Gaul (DLC)
- Total War: Shogun 2 - Fall of the Samurai
- Tower of Guns
- Type:Rider
- Unholy Heights
- Universe Sandbox
- Universe Sandbox
- Vertical Drop Heroes HD + Halloween DLC
- Viscera Cleanup Detail: Santa's Rampage
- Volgarr the Viking
- Windforge
- Wizardry 6 + 7
- XCOM Enforcer
- Y's Origin

That's it. Now fuck off.

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9:30 AM on 11.24.2014

The worst thing about censorship is ███████ - 038 - Left 4 Dead 2

Salida dear readers,
my name is Jim aka "OpiumHerz" and as some of you may already guess by that nickname: I am german. With the blog series "The worst thing about censorship is ███████ " I want to simply give you a little insight in videogame censorship, which is still pretty much alive and kicking here in Germany (but I won't restrict myself to Germany exclusively). I started this blog in 2013 and consider this series to be now in Season 2. Fuck yeah! After getting frontpage-famous I'll continue to take stuff from my colleagues at Schnittberichte and recycle that stuff for your enjoyment.

This episode is about: Left 4 Dead 2

Unlike with Left 4 Dead, the sequel got only one censored version in Germany. This time the banhammer hit harder than before though. L4D got indexed on list B but german justice went full retard on the second part. In February of 2010 the US version of the game got confiscated (the UK version follow in March 2013 - because logic!).
No I know that L4D2 is censored in Australia too, I don't know however to which extend. It MIGHT be that the version is identical, it might be that it is not. I don't have a comparison for it at hand so I can't really say too much about it.

First thing that got hit in Germany was the cover again. The ripped off thumb got retouched for Germany.



There is also an alternative version for the UK. Because the island dwellers don't know how to use their middle fingers properly showing middle- and index-finger like the cover does is an insult. So it got changed for obvious reasons.




The first thing that got hit pretty hard was the intro. It's a mixture of missing scenes (Ellis shoots the zombie a hole in his head, Rochelle slams an axe into a Zombie's face, the Smoker's tongue gets sawn off) and the removal of gore and bloods. Basically everything too explicit was removed or edited, meaning the Zombie apocalypse is a pretty clean thing in Germany.


 

As for the game itself, it got scrubbed too. First off every kind of splatter effect was completely removed. Flying legs, parts of meat being shot out of the Zombies bodies, heads being cut off - all that is completely gone. Event the ripped apart, bloody post-explosion Boomer body was completely removed. There is also a sort of special death animation where the Zombie in question is loosing part of it's colon. This animation was removed too. Same goes for the burning animation. Instead of dying painfully in the flames the Zombies pretty much just drop dead instantly.



Blood is still in the game when you hit enemies, but that's it. There are no blood splatters on the walls or the ground anymore. Blood from decorative corpses has been colored black. The survivors have been compeltely cleaned. They don't get any sort of wounds anymore, even when another player shoots at them. There are no blood splatters on the screen anymore when you hit an enemy at close range and also the melee weapons don't get covered in blood anymore.

Last but not least corpses dissolve pretty much instantly again. This means the corpse ragdoll is also out of the window.





That's it for this time. check in again next week when the big Christmas Giveaway will start. You can get games for freel. Lots of them.

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10:03 AM on 11.01.2014

The worst thing about censorship is ███████ - 037 - Left 4 Dead

Salida dear readers,
my name is Jim aka "OpiumHerz" and as some of you may already guess by that nickname: I am german. With the blog series "The worst thing about censorship is ███████ " I want to simply give you a little insight in videogame censorship, which is still pretty much alive and kicking here in Germany (but I won't restrict myself to Germany exclusively). I started this blog in 2013 and consider this series to be now in Season 2. Fuck yeah! After getting frontpage-famous I'll continue to take stuff from my colleagues at Schnittberichte and recycle that stuff for your enjoyment.

This episode is about: Left 4 Dead

Left 4 Dead was one of those games that didn't have it easy in Germany. Being literally a bloody good time it was announced early the game would arrive censored in Germany. For some strange reason the X-Box 360 Version and the PC version were censored differently, even though they were both rated with the same rating (18+ - yes, even in the censored version). The game got indexed on the so called B List, means the board that indexed the game saw a juristical relevance here and stated the game would glorify violence, making it a candidate to get confiscated.

The first and most obvious censorship hit the cover. The ripped of thumb was a bit too much and so the thumb was added back. The same censorship hit the japanese version by the way.



Japan also has another censored version of the cover where the wound is covered by a white splash.




Now on to the game the intro sequence was the first thing getting hit. Of course the iconic hand is censored here too.
That aside, the intro got treated pretty good. There were only four parts censored: the corpse of a Boomer got removed, a Zombie is allowed to keep it's head and two blood splatters were cut out/lessened.






The X360 version is a different beast. The hand got censored here too, but overall the censorship was far more drastic here. Walls were scrubbed clean, blood got completely removed (for example by coloring it black so it falls together with the surrounding shadows) or colored green. Welcome back to the 90s.







Now the game got censored differently too. In the PC version the Zombies still do bleed like normal. For the X360 version the blood got colored green and was slightly reduced. In both versions corpses disappear pretty fast instead of staying on the ground.




When you shoot a survivor in the PC version it also still bleeds, but the wound on the character model is missing.



When you shoot a survivor in the X360 version the wound is missing too, but the blood was also colored black. Shooting a decoration corpse on the X360 version was also changed so it only yields black splatters. Also generally blood splatters that are there for decoration on walls etc. were colored black too.








What was completely removed was blood splattering on walls. When you shoot an enemy close to a wall a blood decal will show. This was completely removed in the german X360 version, but is still there in the german PC version.
Also completely removed were of course the splatter effects. If you hoped to see flying limbs in any german version you were naive. Every kind of limb removal or head splattering was taken out completely. Blood splattering on the camera, which happens when you kill an enemy close by, was removed too.

Just like with the players the Special Infected don't show any blood on their bodies when you hit them. Also the Hunter got cleaned up too. Usually it is covered in blood after it attacked a survivor. In both german versions he remains "clean" after an attack.





Fire effects were also hit by the censorship bus. When enemies are set ablaze they waddle around a bit and die (except the Special Infected of course, which can keep attacking even when burning). In the german versions the enemies just don't catch fire. They take damage like normal and even move like they are burning. It looks like they're having a stroke before they die.



And last but not least any ragdoll effects are gone in both versions too.

Overall the german versions got butchered pretty hard. Right next to it's sequel Left 4 Dead is one of the most censored games in recent times and it's somewhat surprising Valve went the extra mile here. Usually companies these days decide to just not release the game instead. The question which way is better is up to debate. This level of censorship was unacceptable to me however. I want blood and gore in my Zombie settings, it just belongs together for me and I can't imagine "clean" Zombies. It's just part of the fun.

Salida and until next time



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