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|Steam ID:||OpiumHerz||Origin ID:||OpiumHerz|
So, something lazy today,. Came down with the flu over the week which hit it's high point, I hope, today. So I parked my ass in front of my computer, got comfy, and won't get up from this seat until I go to bed anymore. I'm SO ready to friday after today, you have no idea. To pass the time for me and you, why not play the good old game we all know?
Come on fellas, don't be shy, ask me anything. I might even answer honestly.
Since Andy is a bit busy at the moment, the honor of posting this year's anniversary thread goes to me. So as usual we have a little something for you to do and we have a little badge if you do the little something to do. This time we decided to make it all over bonding, the community and you: it's users.
We want you to write about 9 Dtoiders that left an impression (or maybe even influenced) on you. As an example you could take Mr. Andy Dixon, the only TRUE mascot of this site. "His love of boners totally changed my view on everything phallic. Bla bla bla...". It doesn't have to be an essay, but you should also maybe get past just three or four sentences for every one.
Of course there is a badge, too. And of course with the new anniversary comes a new badge. Soon we'll have to resort to using Final Fantasy ones because no other game series goes this high, but until then, we present you with this.
This picture might possible change though. Just to fuck with you.
You can either write a blog or make a posting here. So get to it. You'll have time til the end of april, you all of you have appropiate time to write something neat up about 9 Dtoiders you find worthy for that list.
Alright fellas, this started out as a little personal offer on Twitter but the feedback was too big to keep it there. So, let's cut right to the core: you want Amiibos and can't get them? I'll try to get them for you! See, the thing is nobody really seems to give much of a fuck about them here in Germany. I see Villager in stock on Amazon or stores all the time. So if you want to get Amiibos for a humane price, here is what we'll do.
1. You tell me what Amiibo(s) you want
2. I see if I can get them (I have several shops in my proximity, also Amazon.de - see below)
3. I'll give you an estimate on the price
4. You transfer the money to me.
5. I'll organise the Amiibo(s) you want
6. I'll ship them to you
You can of course try to order them through Amazon.de (or any Amazon) directly. However, Chillybilly told me he did that twice and BOTH Amiibos were damaged. So another route would be:
1. You order the Amiibos from Amazon.de to me
2. I'll check them
3. If they're broken, I'll retoure them. I'll tell you about the damages beforehand though and will wait for your answer, if you either want the Amiibo in it's state or not. It's free for me and I think it shouldn't be too much of a hassle, but I do have to look that up still.
4. If they're okay, I'll send them to you.
There are some more things:
- Community members only. If you just see this somewhere and thing "Oh yeah, I want in on that", nope, sorry. I'll do this for the members of Dtoid.
- Private orders only. If you want 20 fucking Villagers to get your kid through college with them, I won't do that.
- I love you guys, but I love my lifetime slightly more and having someone in the house who sold a lot of stuff through eBay recently I know how much time stuff like this will eat up. So I'll ask for a small fee per Amiibo. I'll charge 3$ per figurine. No more. Everything else will be my buying price. The package, the shipping cost etc. I personally think that is a fair amount for the time I'm willing to put in (first order by ChillyBilly/smurfee/Swishiee will be exempt from this though, because I offered it to them privately before this blog).
- I will document everything with pictures, if demanded. From the Amiibo as I received it to the bill for the package.
- I should be able to do tracking numbers if demanded, but they will cost more. Again, if you want those, or express shipping, tell me. If you don't order tracking etc. I will take no responsibility for lost packages or anything. You can ask the german post to search for lost packages, but you shouldn't expect too much out of it.
- I'll send the Amiibos in air cushion envelopes. If you want real packges for further safety of the Amiibos, I can do that too, but again: it'll cost more.
- I'll keep you updated whenever I do something. Could find it for price X, couldn't find it, received/got it, shipped it.
- If you want one, leave a comment here. Others, please don't post in that comment thread. I'd like to keep them "clean" for the sake of an overview.
- Money has to be transferred to me beforehand. I won't buy or ship anything on credit. This means the money has to be on my bank account. Payment can be done directly to my german bank account or through Paypal, I accept both. If you go with Paypal, I'll buy the figurine (if you don't order it to me) once the money is on there, Shipping will be done once the money is transferred from Paypal to my account though, which should take 1-3 work days.
Seeing how some of these fuckers go away for 90$ or more over eBay, I think that this might help you getting these fuckers for a more reasonable price. If you have further questions, just ask. And yes, the Mount Your Friends tournament is still happening, registration for it will close this weekend.
Two years. 730 days. 17520 hours. A long fucking time. Lots of things happened in this while. Hey, I told you my next entry will be a bit more lighthearted, didn't I? And I know I'm a few days early, but fuck all the the rules (it's just because I'll most likely be away on weekend though - need to get shit done here, yo).
So I kept blogging here. I didn't manage to churn out as many entries as I did last year, but I feel my writing overall got more bearable. Also I have to be honest: I'm starting to run low on content here, so spreading it out a bit more is something that I'm fine with to keep the series, generally, running for a bit more longer. As last year, I'm doing a bit of a break at the moment. I do this to get away from writing about censorship (somewhat) regularly a bit, but also so a bit of new content can maybe pile up.
I also did some non-censorship related stuff. I explained why you should totall buy Goat Simulator and was totally serious about it. You still should totally buy Goat Simulator, if you haven't done so yet (What the fuck is wrong with you?!). I also wrote a little obeisance to Gravelord Nito, clearly the best thing that ever happened to videogames. Also I started writing for Digital Confederacy, a site created by former Dtoid legend ZombiePlatypus and still somewhat active Dtoider usedtabe. I don't write a lot about videogames there, though. I focus on music from Germany/Austria/Switzerland there. So if you dig music, or want to explore something new, you should head over there. It's fun there and I enjoy it, since music is even a bigger passion for me than games are.
I also became a good bit more active in the forums. Not only because I became a mod there, but because I also became an Admin there. Since Mxy resigned, Nihil and myself got promoted. So we take care of business down there together with our only true site mascot: Mr. Andy Dixon. Things are pretty easy going, even though there is a lot on my plate. The Forums Feature Request thread I started took off a lot more than I expected.
Dtoid has become more and more my digital home over last year. I used to compare the other community where I was active with a city and Dtoid is no different, even though a smaller one. I got less active on the Frontpage though. Last but not least there were changes in the line-up I simply disliked and it got mirrored by recently published articles. Yes, I'm one of the people who got pretty pissed off that "The Badger" articles were put online. Not for their writing style, not at all. I actually dig THAT. Remindes me of Spider Jerusalem. But the content was so utterly shitty, I'm more productive by taking a wank before showering. That reminds... brb. I was also very happy about some other changes in the line up. Let's say the right people got promoted.
That being said, the Blogs are awesome as ever. Just recently I looked at a few other sites and I just realized how high the quality here is. And I'm not shittalking here. The C-Blogs are incredibly strong, considering they are just a few people writing for the fun of it.
So what brings the future? Well, first off we'll have a Mount Your Friends tournament soon. I also plan on blogging about censorship coming May or April again, at latest. There are also some C-Blog Interviews that are basically done and if I manage to pull my thumbs out of my asses, I might start getting those up again. Here and there I'll surely do some small Editorials and opinion pieces. We'll see.
If come to know some people better, but don't really know anyone as good as I'd like it. Timezones are bitch. But if nothing bad and unexpected happens, I'll stick around. Sadly I'm sure others will follow my creed, but hey, it's always good to have people around that work as an example for the person you never want to be. Even if they're just very few here on Dtoid (the douchebag density is surprisingly low too).
So, let's raise our glases once more to antoher good year. May it better than ever, may the Steam discounts be bigger than ever and may we also find pleasant things to do with our genitals.
And now get off of my lawn, you cunts.
I think I've said it multiple times now: I never followed the person cult when it comes to games or the game industry (well, to be honest, I followed almost no person cult at all - I never had Star posters or anything like that hanging in my room and even now I only have a very few artists I have the utmost respect for, but nothing compared to the usual fanboying happening). Over last year though, it just so happened I did invest some time into looking a few people up. No, that's not right, let me correct that. I was linked stuff, from where I clicked my way on through other stuff of these people. Like a Twitter account or other articles or anything like that. The result of this time spent? Let me put it like this: if I had a loaded gun, I wouldn't know if I should shoot these people or myself. Be prepared, this is nothing than subjective bitching. If you don't want to read all that, feel free to skip to the last paragraphs. This is basically the antithesis of my .hack//G.U. entry - no games, just bullshit and drama.
The first one was Anthony Burch, most of him will most likely know him as the guy behind Borderlands and the oldies around here will also remember him from the Frontpage. How he ever survived here I don't know, but by god did that man make me cringe. He is the kind of guy you could accuse of being sexist just by the fault of being a male and he would get down on his knees and apologize like the worst cliché Japan guy, whose son just spilled soda on a Yakuza boss. I think the moment that tipped me over the edge here was how he complained over games that are just about killing for loot. Coming from the guy behind Borderlands this sure is rich. I also loved how he went public with his divorce (by god, as if this wasn't fucking stupid to begin with - WHY would you do that?) and offered people the means to send him anonymous messages, then complained over getting trolled through this very function. Basically this guy is like a kid that puts his hand on the hot stove plate over and over again and you just want to smack him so he learns his lesson. But hey, thank god he finally resorted to basically stealing his punchlines from jokes he finds and does online, maybe he will steal a good one one day by accident.
And than there was Leigh Alexander. I'll cut this short: I've never seen the word "toxic" so fitting for a person ever. I saw her threaten multiple people, IN PUBLIC, to basically ruin their careers forever if they don't play to her rules. She insulted the people behind charities. She insulted people working hard jobs. She advocated doxxing. Seriously, fuck her. That's all there is to her. Just fuck her. She is one of the worst people I ever had the good grace of reading about and here in Germany we cover World War II for easily two to three years in school.
Looking forward to the day she has to work a real job again and someone forwards this to the potentital employer.
Adam Sessler was a name I didn't hear a lot of until this whole Gamergate thing started. When he stated he watched hacking happen live, something I'd expect out of a Hollywood movie about digital terrorists, it raised my eyebrows to say the least. While I didn't invest too much time or effort in GG (because, after all, I don't have any stake in it) he has proven proven time and time again to be just a fucking cunt over it. Oh, and he himself ALSO advocated doxxing. It's on tape. For everyone to watch on YouTube, enjoy (funnily enough I only found the small clip first, then people said it was taken out of context - so I wasted about two minutes of my life to find out that no, it really wasn't taken out of a lot of context). While GamerGate might have brought out the worst in A LOT of people, he actually stated this in 2013 already. Thank god now I know that calling someone a faggọt is enough to justify spreading someone's personal data. I wish this guy nothing but burning diarrhea and arms too short to wipe.
Of course you aren't...
And then there was a whole other bunch of people I only dabbled in for a really short time before I decided: nope, not gonna dig deeper here, I got stuff to do, I got games to play. Granted, I shouldn't be surprised. Being the cynic I am I just assume you're a cunt until proven otherwise for the most part. I tend to prepare for the worst possible outcome rather than for the best possible outcome. But the last ~year or so has just proven to me: I'll stick with what I have done so far now. Just stay away from the individuals. There is nothing to be gained here, only disappointment in the human race as a whole and the wish to do horrible things to horrible people. I think Sessler was the last one I had a bit of a look into and it was the final straw where I decided I'll just resist the urge.
The thing here was: apparently, everybody else knew this shit already besides me. Peoples' reactions can pretty much be summed with "Yeah, how is this news?". I would be surprised that these people have a large enough following to pay for their lifes, but as I said: cynic, no hope in humanity, fuck all this shit. I guess part of me was still a wee lad in this regard. You see, I grew up with games, like many of my generation. Back then, for me as a kid, the videogames industry was this secret monolith that produced all these awesome things. The journalists back then, at least the german ones, were people with passion. Fuck, Boris Schneider-Johne, who works now at Microsoft (no, not for X-Box - at least not anymore), translated one of my all time favorite games: Monkey Island 2. I guess because I never really took a deeper look at the people, I never realized that, yes, there are cunts in this field too.
This golden door was brought to you by the Forumers. Now please, fuck off.
Destructoid in this regard is still very much bearable for me though. I do still think that Jonathan Holmes isn't fit for the EiC position and that he not only approved the posts of "the Badger", but also, at least according the Badger, asked for them is just further proof of me to that (how fucking stupid OR desperate for clicks can you be? Or was it just both at the same time?). Which basically lead me to a simple decision: I simply won't give his articles any clicks anymore. And because of certain things he said on his Twitter account, and some generalizations towards the forum crowd, the same goes for the videos of Bill Zoeker. The reasons might be petty, but it's the only thing to show consequence in this regard. And there were other people elsewhere where I just scratched the surface before I turned back and just decided I won't waste any more time on getting me in a bad mood. To drop to more names here: Ben Kuchera and Jonathan McIntosh might as well fight for the pole position when it comes to being a huge fucking idiot. But I guess that was public knowledge a long time now too.
I still think there are quite a few people I find totally okay. Both here on Destructoid and elsewhere. But from now on I guess I'll stick to the path I had before: just don't follow the people. In some very rare instances ignorance can be certainly a bliss and I don't think my life would be any worse if I would not know that there is Ms. Alexander out there, validating every women-hating asshole in his opinion. And if you yourself have some of those illusions left that I had a while back, do yourself a favor and stay away from researching these people. You might now think: "But Jim, this way I see who I want to support and who not". This might be true, but I found a neat red line here, which might also apply for you. I didn't read any of these people's articles to begin with. Ever since I started being a bit more of an active reader when it comes to games and game related news, I stuck with the people whose style I liked. Which was Kotaku before they started to pander more and more to demographic I'm no part of, later then Destructoid and Gametrailers. Fuck, I don't even know who does the reviews for GT. And I don't care. They're good reviews without any bullshit on the side. I'm happy with them.
The thirst has never been more real.
Bottom line: being the nostalgic I am, I miss the old times. I just miss the times before Twatter, where everybody was just a name in the list of employees. No personalities, but at least also no fucking assholes. Guess I finally AM getting old.
Don't worry people, next time it'll be something happy again, I swear.
Edit 4: Winners for the finale
Match 1: OpiumHerz
Match 2: Steven Hansen
Match 3: El Dango
EDIT 3: Winners so far
Match 1: Tonich
Match 2: OpiumHerz
Match 3: Robo Panda Z
Match 4: Steven Hansen
Match 5: El Dango
Match 6: pk fire
EDIT 2: I randomized the list of participants. Since we have an uneven amount of participants the lucky last one in the list passes the first round automatically. In this case thsi means pk fire automatically advances!
This leaves the following order of fights.
The finale will be a three dong stand off. Everyone agaisnt everyone.
I will sent out notifications right now. If you fail to manage to deliver the winner of your match until February 15th 2015, you are out of the tournament!
May the best dong win!
EDIT: REGISTRATION CLOSED
So it happened that just recently fellow Dtoider Tonich invited me to a round of Mount Your Friends, together with Luckrequired and... shit, I already forgot who else was with us. However, the idea for a tournament bracket came up and why the fuck not? Let's try this.
Now what is Mount Your Friends? It's a sort of... uhm... I actually don't know what genre to put this in (we have a term for in German that I can't translate though). Basically you have a climber and his dangling dong (which can be replaced with a fish or a pickle if you so desire) and a Goat on a signpost. You control both feet and hands, which are sticking to any surface they touch as long as you don't push their button. The goal is to climb atop the goat, and then the next player has to clinb atop of you. Higher and higher. All this is done within a timelimit. You can play it with a controller (which I find a lot more practical) and of course keyboard/mouse.
All we need is YOU now. It's an absolutely retarded game in all the right and positive ways and laughs are pretty much guaranteed. But we need players. So if you want to mount around with others, sigh up for this duel of manliness (girls are allowed too, but only if they're manly enough for mounting friends - hue hue hue).
This will be a duel to the dongs (no boners though, that'd be gay - the stage between flacid and errect is acceptable though). It will be played 1v1 with a 60 second climbing timelimit. Maybe I'll give a little prize out to the winner too. Just leave a comment and I'll enter you and contact you once all is done, presuming we get enough players together.
04. The Scholary Gamer
06. Steven Hansen
08. pk fire
10. Robo Panda Z
11. Solar Pony Django
So register yourself now for the upcoming Tournament of Dangling Dongs! Mount strangers, become friends, mount them again and conquer the Goat! GOAT!