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About Me

Just your regular, average Everyday Legend.

I play just about anything you sit in front of me. The only genres that I tend to turn my nose up in disgust with are stale, derivative FPS games and yearly-churned-out sports turds. I turn my nose up at them because they stink of the purest of dark beer-fueled shite, and some may call that a strong opinion, but it sure isn't as strong as the smell of the newest Madden rolling out of EA's rectum every August, that's for sure.

I believe in the power of imagination in game design. Say what you want to about GTA IV, but any game that lets you play pool, darts, bowling, crackheaded Tetris, watch TV, see stand-up comedy, date chicks and let you sociopathically murder every person in sight has to count for something. Double bonus points for not involving a Wii remote for the first three and still managing to be quite good in the end. But like my first sentence said, I believe in imagination! There's not enough of it, there's far too much of a "me too" element in modern game design these days. It doesn't have to push any envelopes per se, but it does help if you actually thought to do something a little fucking different, or at least that's how I see it. I think that this entire industry could achieve a renaissance of sorts if that was the primary drive of creating games.

Think I'm crazy? Look at Okami. It's not new - it's fucking Zelda, just done with a little bit of imagination and love thrown into the mix. Imagination incarnate, however, is a term that goes to label games like Katamari Damacy...if we had more games like that, where a designer/developer decided to actually make something that had NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE...then we'd probably start to see a paradigm shift in how games are perceived by the world at large, not just our hardcore niches. But, that too would carry a price, because then everyone would be making Katamari-style games, I guess...whatever makes money is whatever everyone tries to ape. Just for instance, look at Devil May Cry: it begat the remake of Ninja Gaiden, which therefore spawned God Of War, which shat Ghost Rider, which in turn shat Viking, etc. The quality goes down the more that imitation takes place...think of the copier theory: make a copy of a copy enough times and you get a unintelligible, blurry fucking mess in the end.

So, long story short, FPS and sports games aren't screwing up the industry at all, but it's definitely the streetcorners that the whoremongering masses gather around to be the next trick turned. And games like Okami don't sell well - which may not prove that God doesn't exist, but it definitely makes a strong case.

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Games You Must Play Before You Take The Celestial Dirt Nap:
(Disclaimer: List in in constant state of evolutionary flux.)

Megaman 2/3 - NES
Chrono Trigger - SNES
Pilotwings 64 - N64
Metal Gear Solid - PSX
Okami - PS2
Jet Set Radio Future - XB
Rez/Rez HD - DC/XB360
Marvel VS Capcom - ARC
SoulCalibur - DC
StarTropics - NES
Dragon Spirit - NES
Kickle Cubicle - NES
Puzznic - NES
Lumines - PSP/PS2(Plus!)/XB360(Live!)
Street Fighter II: CE - ARC
Aliens VS Predator - ARC
Garou: Mark Of The Wolves - NG/ARC
The Last Blade 2 - NG/ARC
Donkey Kong Country - SNES
Final Fantasy VI (III) - SNES
Panzer Dragoon Orta - XB
Indigo Prophecy - XB/PS2
Mercenaries - XB/PS2
Grand Theft Auto 4 - XB360/PS3
Gran Turismo 3 A-Spec - PS2
Sonic Adventure - DC
Star Fox 64 - N64
The Legend Of Zelda: Twilight Princess - Wii
WarioWare: Smooth Moves - Wii
F-Zero - SNES
UN Squadron (Area 88) - SNES
The Guardian Legend - NES
Faxanadu - NES
Shadowgate - NES
Ikaruga - DC/GC/XB360
Shadow Of The Colossus - PS2
Ico - PS2
Katamari Damacy/We Love Katamari/Beautiful Katamari - PS2/XB360 (BK)
Ace Combat Series - PSX/PS2/XB360
Portal - PC/XB360/PS3
Rise Of The Triad - PC
Sam And Max: Hit The Road - PC

Capcom VS SNK - DC/ARC
JoJo's Bizarre Adventure - DC/ARC
Radirgy (Radio Allergy) - DC
Shikigami No Shiro 2 - XB


...and many, many, MANY more.


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Following (24)

Resuscitate Me, Vol. I - Virtual ON OhJAM | 10:19 PM on 05.19.2008 11 comments

With just about every game I see these days getting a crazy, plastic peripheral controller, it makes me pine for the good old days. Not because there were any less crazy plastic peripherals that were being produced for the home console market (and for one game only, at that), but because of when you saw something that blew your f'n mind, it stuck with you forever, and the game that peripheral was made for along with it. It's too bad that the kids these days don't know what an arcade is or was really like back when I was a young buck, and while I know that makes me sound (and feel - ::shudder::) old, it's the honest truth. Cyber Troopers: Virtual ON made me want to go back to the arcades again for something besides Street Fighter. This was something so indescribably familiar, yet so new I couldn't possibly grasp the magnitude of the game at first. It was an experience like no other, and I wish that Sega would get off of their dead asses and make a PROPER entry in the series. Virtual ON is best described as this: If you own a set of these, congratulations. I officially hate you. The twin sticks represent the left and right side of the giant robot (yes, I said GIANT ROBOT) that you choose, much like a standard fighting game. Move sticks forward in tandem, the robot moves forward. Back, it goes in reverse. Pull both to one side, left or right, and the robot will strafe in that direction. Pull them apart from each other, the robot jumps, again for double-jump. Pull them together and make a quick descent. There's a button on the top of each stick, called a Turbo. Push the turbo on the stick in the direction you're moving in and "go kicky fast okay!" Pull the triggers for weapon shots: left for bombs, grenades and the like, right trigger for gun fire, both triggers for special weapons. Press Left Turbo and any weapon trigger (or combination) and get a weapon that will damage armor, allowing the opponent to take damage more easily. Press Right Turbo and any trigger (or combination) and the weapons take a bit longer to fire, but fuck people up most egregiously. Now that you've had the gameplay primer, play this game (in the arcade, mind you) in a cockpit seat adjacent to the cockpit seat of the punk bitch you're about to twerk. The speakers are situated directly to the left and right of your head. Explosions aplenty. Now, know that they made this for the Saturn, and it was good. Know that they made this for the Dreamcast, and it was amazing. Know that they made a newer one for the PS2 and it sucked horribly. Now, with the advent of twin analog sticks coming standard on all traditional game controllers, imagine what would happen if they were to bring this game online. Giant robot rape, worldwide. It would cause the fabric of space and time to be rent asunder, split in twain, if you will, by the sheer force of awesome exploding out of so many internets at once. So my question to Sega is: Why the fuck not!?