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11:50 AM on 10.31.2008

Agreed: Sterling Edition

If you haven't read Jim Sterling's feature The Battered Wives Of The Gaming World, do so now or face the wrath of a thousand pimp-hands. He's got more than a few points on display.

MMOs:
This, my friend is why I don't even get near them, as I have seen friends go into worse withdrawals from WOW than fucking cocaine. It'll get to the point where someone will suck someone else's virtual dick for a time card, I'm sure.

360:
Truer words never spoken. I am scared to turn on my 360, and relieved when it powers on with green lights blazing, knowing that it will only be a matter of time before it takes a simple yet drastic color change. Every game could be its theoretical last, and that is a horrible line of thought to not only have as a consumer, but freely perpetuate as a company.

Sonic Fans:
Just give up. I already have, and my life is a lot better for it.

"Core" Wii Owners:
It'll only be a matter of time before their new demographic gets bored with all of it. Nintendo isn't the real culprit at first, as their products aren't all that bad, but the 3rd-party developers who use the system as a compost landfill is the main offender, and Nintendo's allowance of that trend to continue only makes Nintendo the real culprit in the end as the mastermind of their own system's eventual, meticulously planned demise. Which, besides being an interesting plot twist, is a tragic tale of a company who once gave us veritable playgrounds such as the SNES.

PAL Gamers:
Preach on, Brother Sterling. I've shed more pixelated tears for my European bretheren in the past few years than anyone else. I wanted to move to the UK, but I'd royally fuck myself game-wise doing so. And yes, putting UK and "royally fuck myself" in the same sentence was on purpose.

You've given me a lot to think about, Jim. Keep up the good work.   read


10:33 PM on 10.09.2008

The FEAR: Game Over?


What I fear the most is simple, and while most people would argue that times have changed significantly and aren't like they were 25 years ago, I still fear a market crash.

I look at the amount of shovelware that hits the systems these days. Granted, most of it is directed at the Wii and DS, as Nintendo's "Official Seal Of Quality" lacks the words "Of Quality" these days, but that is the most dangerous thing to me as a gamer that is thoroughly invested in this industry, heart, body, mind and soul. The systems with the greatest amount of market penetration are the ones that have the greatest amount of titles that, well, for lack of a better term - are 100% shit. Anything released by BOLD games must invariably suck balls, and I have yet to find a title that proves that theory wrong. And I find many, many uninformed parents buying those games like Kids' Ice Hockey, Classic British Motor Racing, Doctor Branium's Games and other assorted turds, just waiting to unleash them upon their households and possibly turning what could be a happy gaming household into a family of jaded model-ship-in-a-bottle builders. That's not to say that other systems don't have their struggles, but I find the greatest concentration of pure poo aimed directly at the systems that have the most amount of hype, and the naive are buying them like they're hotcakes. And I don't want to burst their bubble by telling them why that cake is hot, mind you.

Sequel-itis isn't good either. There's a new $90+ Rock/Hero game out every fucking year now. So, what do you do when everyone has the guitars to where two people can play together? Drop a version that apes the competition for twice the price! With all of the extra peripherals (again, the Wii is the fucking KING of this) required for almost every goddamn game you buy these days, someone's got to be getting tired of it, I know I am. This one needs a board, this one needs a guitar, this one needs a flight stick, this one needs a microphone, the next one will need a 2-foot rubber dildo. It'll never end at this rate, and the market will get flooded eventually. And what happens when the market floods and everyone loses interest in the crap, sub-standard excuses for video games that get released every week?

A repeat of 1983, where overstock, unwanted games get dumped into landfills because nobody wants to deal with them anymore. That's what fucking happens. And that's what I fear the most. I want to hand my art to my children, to show them the way their father grew up, in the hopes that maybe they would find something for themselves down my old path, and if not they could at least have a bit of fun. But I fear a market collapse if the shit factories (and out own national economy) don't shape up. Now that's real.   read


10:04 PM on 10.09.2008

SF4 TGS08 Trailer Impressions

Hot. Shit.

I know that this is a shitty excuse for a blog entry, but I had to get this out of the damn way, man. This game is so ingrained into my GNA (Gamer's Genetic Code) that I will sell a kidney to play that motherfucker right now. I won't sell my kids, no sir, I'll sell your fucking spawn to play SF4 right now. And while I'm figuring all of the little gameplay nuances out all over again, I won't shed a single tear while the fruit of your loins is toiling the rest of their truncated lives in some mineshaft in Siberia. Yeah, I'm bad like that. For real.

Seriously, though. This game looks better and better every time I get a look at it. Everything looks like Capcom paid the utmost of attention to what their fanbase has been clamoring for, and it really shows to diehard fans like myself. The Ryu stage music during the trailer (which is available now on XBL) is a call to arms for a man like myself...until the trailer ends and the opening measures of Gouki's (Akuma for you damn gaijin) theme kick in...and then I find myself mock-performing the Shungokusatsu on my cat. My wife thinks I'm strange enough as it is, but now...between this incident and the Frosted Mini-Wheats commercial that Mega Man 9 did to me (which I loved the PA comic on that, it perfectly summed up my experience with it), she is certain that she married a fucking 10-year-old.

Anyhoo, Gamestop lists the release date as Feb. 5th. If that is to be held as truth, then rest assured that I will see you punk motherfuckers online. I hope you like the feeling of your face being used as a toothbrush to scrub this floor...because there's a lot of floor to clean.

That's just bravado talking... :P
no, seriously...i'm coming for your fucking souls, dtoid members...   read


5:11 PM on 10.09.2008

There's No Justice: GG2:Overture Review



So as a fighting game fanatic, I was pretty interested to see what the possibilities of a genuinely new Guilty Gear entry could bring to the franchise, especially after the Street Fighter 2-ification of the series (GGX, GGXX, GGXX#R:TMC, GG:AC is to Guilty Gear as SFII, SFII'/T, SSFII, SSFIIT is to Street Fighter). But then I learned that GG2 would be a strategy/fighting hybrid, and my reaction was a mixture of uncertainty and trepidation. I was unsure of the game right from the get-go. However, I waited patiently for the game to finally arrive on U.S. shores so that I could take proper controller time with the game in order to give it what I try to give every game that I play - a fair shake, unbiased and unapologetic.

Unfortunately, that fair shake means the Rick James treatment: 4 thumbs down.
Seriously, folks - the milk's gone bad.

It seems like it's a cool idea at first, take the primary special moves that the primary story characters use and translate them into a strategic, 3D-action beat-'em-up. But as Dynasty Warriors-awesome as that sounds, it's nowhere near as mindlessly fun as DW can make things on it's best days. This thing is like some sort of hybrid (which is a nice way of saying BASTARD) cross between Guilty Gear, Dynasty Warriors, Advance Wars and doing taxes. There simply is far too much going on to ask anyone's attention span to splinter to that degree.

Take your character. Let's say it's Sol Badguy, main character of the GG series. You get (almost) all of the awesome moves that you'd want from his repertoire: Gunflame, Bandit Revolver, and other assorted maneuvers are present and accounted for. Now, it's in 3D, so 2D input won't do...so let's simplify things and let's put all regular combat on the X button for standard attacks and special move-style attacks on the Y button. Now, we need to limit your awesome-nicity, so let's make all of your special moves drain the "Tension" gage underneath the life bar. Attacking enemies gains you more tension, and if you want to screw up a lot of heads in one shot, you'll need to use the Y button attacks to do so most of the time. There is a function on the left-stick-click to cancel any move (but only while locked-on, which increases damage but slows you down), but what good that does you is your guess - I already used all of my guesses up.

Clicking the left stick while not locked allows you to sprint through the battlefields, which is pretty Goddamn awesome until you realize that no matter how many times they tell you to "drift" into a turn, you're going to smack the fucking wall and fall over like a jackass. Every. Fucking. Time. If you can master this technique and use it well in-game, then congratulations in the highest. Not seeing a vagina since the day you were born has finally paid off for you, I see.

Now, add in the fact that you have to not only fight, but manage the "troops" that you have to buy/recruit, which entails commanding their movements and respawning them from the "Masterghost." This is a home base, nothing more, nothing less. You can capture territories and gain more "Mana," which is used to buy items and reinforcements mid-battle. Oh, and there's got to be the obligatory "Type A is weak against Type B, but strong against Types C and D" system of troop success likelihood, which is just a stupid version of Rock, Paper, Scissors when you boil it down to its base idea. Oh, and there's the fact that your CPU opponent can do all this multitasking bullshit WAY faster than you can. Almost forgot about that.

Add in frustrating camera angles, a story that reeks of "if you can understand this, then you wrote this motherfucker"-itis, and the fact that your "dumber-than-rocks" troops do WAAAAY more damage than you do (and you make fucking fire from a sword - what the hell?) to everything, add in a dash of control issues and you've got a recipe for a game that had an interesting conceptual idea, but as most games these days tend to do, utterly fails in the realm of proper, polished execution. Play it if you're feeling masochistic, but avoid like the plague otherwise.

Oh, and a simple Google search on Sol Badguy got me that gem of a picture. I had to keep the words "Pizza" and "Burgers" in frame just to preserve the unintentional joke that the photographer seems to have made. And I gotta say, that unintentional joke is pretty fucking hysterical because of it.   read


9:41 PM on 10.06.2008

Of Quality And Quantity, or How It Feels To Get Old

Here's the deal: I leave the quarter-century mark behind me this Saturday, October 11th. As I approach the 26th anniversary of being forcibly ejected out of my mother, I can't help but take stock of the things that I've learned in this span of time, and being a gamer of the highest order I tend to take said stock by comparing the past to the present in terms of entertainment software conquests. The recent releases of Mega Man 9, Bionic Commando Rearmed and Castle Crashers has made me realize something very disturbing: I wholeheartedly believe that games that operate on older play styles are still better than their newer, more "advanced" brethren.

Case in point: I love fighting games. LOVE THEM. I was the happiest person in the world when Soul Calibur 4 was announced, and happier still when I took that gleaming metal box home in my hands, ready to download the exclusive bonus gear that my limited-edition reservation afforded me and prepared to drink deeply from the well of what I considered to be the finest three-dimensional fighting game on the market. Flash forward two months, and I want to snap my SC4 disc in half and leave it on the steps of Namco Bandai's offices with a note that says "NEVER!", Rorschach-style. You see, Soul Blade was a revolution. Soul Calibur was a refined revolution. Soul Calibur 2 was a work of near-perfection on a level that hadn't been seen since the heyday of Super Street Fighter II Turbo (or Alpha 3, dependent on your particular tastes). Soul Calibur 3 was a botched rush-job, and Namco knew that, so they promised that SC4 would address these issues and restore the rock-solid gameplay of past incarnations. Unfortunately, to them that must mean making the game so filled with unnecessary additions such as armor-breaks, instant-kills, 85,000,000 guard-break moves for every character, high-hit attacks that lift you off of the floor repeatedly while lying prone, and other design decisions that, well, for lack of a better term, are just plain fucking stupid. What was wrong with just 8-Way-Run? What was wrong with balance? When did "Just Inputs" become something that every fighting game needed, and not just tired Tekken sequels? And it was at this point that I began to worry, not just about the industry, not just about the games, but about myself most of all. Am I right? Am I correct in thinking that too much is just that, or am I so mired in the past that I can't accept the simple fact that change is inevitable? Is the adage "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" really true, or is that something that old codgers said to justify keeping the old ways the only ways? And if that is the case...am I getting fucking OLD!?

It makes me think about Mega Man, and how the first game I beat was 1988's Mega Man 2. It makes me think about all the hard work and practice I put into that game, the dedication that I had for conquering something profoundly difficult at the tender age of six. It makes me see how that dedication has applied in multiple facets of my life, and it makes me see how kids these days have it so easy. Just for shits and giggles, I handed my nephews (one just turned 14 and the other just turned 6) my NES and my copy of Mega Man 2 and asked them to play it. Granted, this was going to be an alien concept to them - two buttons, one D-pad, Select and Start, and no excuses. And furthermore, these kids aren't slouches: the oldest is a gamer in his own right, and the 6-year-old is a fucking prodigy when it comes to games - he can beat all of his 14-year-old brother's friends at any FPS game they throw into their 360, no lie. I've seen it, and it's surreal. But hand them an 8-bit masterpiece and it's like everything they know and hold dear gets knocked on its ear. The 14-year-old scoffed at the graphics, and asked how I could ever play something so primitive. The 6-year-old was a lot more receptive to the experience, it was almost like he knew he was playing something historically relevant and he treated it with the amount of reverence that I was actually hoping for, which surprised the hell out of me. The 14-year-old couldn't get it, put the controller down after dying for his third time and seeing a game-over screen and started complaining about how the health bar didn't recharge and the enemies causing too much damage. The 6-year-old had trouble at first, but warmed up to it eventually, and made it all the way to Bubble Man with no problems on his 2nd continue/7th life. He actually wanted to beat it. He wanted to prove himself to something that set the odds stacked against you in an utterly ridiculous ratio, while his older brother went back to playing Mercenaries 2 and The Force Unleashed. That caused some strange mix of sadness and hope to stir within me, sadness for the child that was 12 years my junior, pandered to by games that coddle the player and do everything for you except wipe your own ass, and hope that the child that was TWENTY years my junior would see that as what games should be about and seek out those games accordingly. And then I realized that I was twenty years older than someone I knew, and my heart took its last little pixel of damage..."peew peew peew peew peew."

Things like this are what make me stop playing the mass-market bullshit and retreat to insane mode on Castle Crashers. I'm hoping that SF4 won't screw the pooch and overshoot perfection in the name of "making it awesome." I think most developers don't realize the level of awesome that they had in the first place half the time, and by trying to raise the ceiling of awesome, it only succeeds in turning it into asinine/inane. I'm really scared for what the future holds for me, scared of becoming that old war dog that sits in the corner talking about how the good old days were better, hoping that some young buck would just hear me out and learn a thing or two from the old school that'll take them one step beyond their peers. And I realize that with the release of Mega Man 9 and BC:R, there are a lot more of us old war dogs than I realized. Maybe I'm not so alone, and maybe us 8-bit war dogs are the majority after all, not these whippersnappers and their dreams of kicking ass on a guitar made from melted-down Fisher-Price popcorn-pop mowers.

And then I proofread this. Goddamn it, I'm getting too old for this shit. :D
- JAM   read


9:37 PM on 10.06.2008

Back for the first time!

So, after finally getting the settings on my computer to not block Dtoid cookies and sacrificing not one, not two, but three wild goats to some ancient arcane demigod, I have finally gotten my happy ass back to blogging at Destructoid. And I may have triggered the beginning of the Apocalypse, but that still remains to be seen. At least I can still blog...IN HELL.   read


9:56 PM on 05.21.2008

If You Love It, Change It: Virtual ON

I just made a post about this exact topic two days ago, and now I've really decided to expand on the idea. A contest for front-page glory is nice, but that's not my impetus, my real goal is in spreading the word that such a game existed once - and we'd be damn lucky to see its return. To those who have played it, you know of what I speak. To those who haven't, you aren't even aware of what you missed out on, and it's almost better that way. It sure beats wondering where that virtual friend I spent time sparring against after school back in the day has gone away to.

What's worse is if you were in the know, you know what happened to that series. You know how the arcade originals were radically different from all the other varieties of cabinet candy in the shop. You probably know that a set of Twin Sticks for the Saturn fetch a price that equates a kidney in gamer-cash. You probably played the Dreamcast version of the vastly more refined sequel and saw how it played so awkwardly without those sticks (and seat) that made the arcade version such an incredible experience. You probably may have heard how the PS2 version of the 3rd game in the series suffers from being plain uninspired and lackluster. I want to change this game, and I want to resurrect it. Imagine the future of mecha combat with me.



I want to see a version of VO on the newer consoles. I want online combat. I want team-based Virtuaroid action. I want it now, but I know that Sega won't be working on that anytime soon, if ever. If they are, then damn them for holding out on me, that's just cruel.

What I'd change are these four aspects, either fully or partially:
1.) Controls
2.) Graphics
3.) Sound
4.) Versus


Part One: Controls

It seems that a lot of games these days require either a plastic add-on controller shell or an entirely brand-new peripheral controller that's sold along with it (see Guitar Hero, Rock Band, Mario Kart Wii, Ace Combat 6, etc.). The best comparison I could think of with this game was that of Steel Battalion - a game that involved mechs and a cool control scheme for it, but SB was far more complex and slower-paced. VO is meant to be a fast-paced game with a ton of action, and I think that since the dual-stick controller is now standard with every console, it's a better setup for the game right from the start (especially with 4 shoulder buttons/triggers - it's how the original cabinets were designed, basically). You should be able to buy a "Limited Edition" with the new Twin Sticks for authentic VO play, but if there's anything I know about VO Twin Sticks, Limited Edition would mean all of 15 get made - which would have to be bumped to at least 50. Come on, Sega...show more people the true art of controlling those Virtuaroids, or at least give more people the option to experience it in its purest form.


Part Two: Graphics

It's the HD era. VO wasn't all that taxing on any hardware that it was running on. It was fairly basic in order to facilitate the maximum framerate, and I think that could be built upon to a great degree. Sega could build that game to be run in 1080p using the DC models and polygon counts, and then just bump-map the crap out of the details. It'd still look amazing overall, because there's not really time to admire the pretty colors when those same pretty colors are filling the sky and closing in on your face. But still, it could use some form of a facelift, maybe a nosejob and Botox along with it. However, there's no need to go crazy with the beautification process...framerate is far more crucial to the overall experience.


Part Three: Sound

Most everyone has a surround sound system these days (at least people I know do, regardless of their paycheck size), or some semblance of it. The arcade cabinets had cockpits that you would sit in, and your head would be flanked by speakers that would literally bring you directly into the battle from a sonic standpoint. Apply the same surround technology that most FPS games use these days and we've got a recipe for Baked Awesome. Imagine the sound of massive explosions all around you - some of them your own. Imagine that many, many times over. That mental image brings me to my most important point, actually:


Part Four: Versus

Ahh, multiplayer. Back in the days of the original VO arcade game (and the Saturn version, for that matter), you sat down face-to-face and fought your opponent right alongside him, mano a mano until one of you left that cockpit seat. With the advent of online multiplayer, that seat has done nothing but gotten a lot more comfortable than molded plastic and Plexiglas, and the competition has increased exponentially in number. There's more people online playing videogames than ever before, and I would love to see how a fully-realized, multiplayer (as in more than two players) Virtual ON experience would be to play. I'd probably defecate myself with glee. I don't know what inspires nerdgasms for you fine folks, but 8-PLAYER GIANT ROBOT DEATHMATCH gets me off, quite frankly. Or, I should say that it would, if it existed in the first place. Which brings me to my final point of the post:

It should exist. There's no reason why it shouldn't. And yet it doesn't, which saddens and confuses me to no end. Come on, Sega...can't you see that I need this?

  read


1:09 AM on 05.20.2008

Just a thought - SHMUPS?

This isn't really a full-on "post." This is just a thought that I kicked around and wanted to know how the general populace thought about it.

Radio Allergy (Radirgy) was supposed to come out last May for the GC and be Wii compatible. Then, O3 cancelled the GC version and made it for the Wii. Then, nothing.

So, my thought is this:
Should these brilliant DC shmups (and they are quite fun to play, like Radirgy, Karous, Zero Gunner 2, Psyvariar 2, etc.) be given a new lease on a life they wouldn't have had otherwise in the States and elsewhere by having them released on the DLC services provided by the major console manufacturers? Triggerheart Excelica, as weird as the art style makes me feel, is a good example of this - the fact that even saw the light of day here is incredible in itself.

So, if we got XBLA to drop Ikaruga and Triggerheart Excelica, should we be frothing at the mouths for more shmuppy gems? Should we be beating the doors down for the five, at best, decent shmups to drop in recent years (other than Everyday Shooter and such)?

Again, it's just a thought.   read


10:19 PM on 05.19.2008

Resuscitate Me, Vol. I - Virtual ON



With just about every game I see these days getting a crazy, plastic peripheral controller, it makes me pine for the good old days. Not because there were any less crazy plastic peripherals that were being produced for the home console market (and for one game only, at that), but because of when you saw something that blew your f'n mind, it stuck with you forever, and the game that peripheral was made for along with it.

It's too bad that the kids these days don't know what an arcade is or was really like back when I was a young buck, and while I know that makes me sound (and feel - ::shudder::) old, it's the honest truth. Cyber Troopers: Virtual ON made me want to go back to the arcades again for something besides Street Fighter. This was something so indescribably familiar, yet so new I couldn't possibly grasp the magnitude of the game at first. It was an experience like no other, and I wish that Sega would get off of their dead asses and make a PROPER entry in the series.

Virtual ON is best described as this:


If you own a set of these, congratulations.
I officially hate you.

The twin sticks represent the left and right side of the giant robot (yes, I said GIANT ROBOT) that you choose, much like a standard fighting game. Move sticks forward in tandem, the robot moves forward. Back, it goes in reverse. Pull both to one side, left or right, and the robot will strafe in that direction. Pull them apart from each other, the robot jumps, again for double-jump. Pull them together and make a quick descent.

There's a button on the top of each stick, called a Turbo. Push the turbo on the stick in the direction you're moving in and "go kicky fast okay!" Pull the triggers for weapon shots: left for bombs, grenades and the like, right trigger for gun fire, both triggers for special weapons. Press Left Turbo and any weapon trigger (or combination) and get a weapon that will damage armor, allowing the opponent to take damage more easily. Press Right Turbo and any trigger (or combination) and the weapons take a bit longer to fire, but fuck people up most egregiously.

Now that you've had the gameplay primer, play this game (in the arcade, mind you) in a cockpit seat adjacent to the cockpit seat of the punk bitch you're about to twerk. The speakers are situated directly to the left and right of your head. Explosions aplenty.

Now, know that they made this for the Saturn, and it was good. Know that they made this for the Dreamcast, and it was amazing. Know that they made a newer one for the PS2 and it sucked horribly. Now, with the advent of twin analog sticks coming standard on all traditional game controllers, imagine what would happen if they were to bring this game online. Giant robot rape, worldwide. It would cause the fabric of space and time to be rent asunder, split in twain, if you will, by the sheer force of awesome exploding out of so many internets at once.

So my question to Sega is: Why the fuck not!?   read


6:38 PM on 05.18.2008

Of Souls And Cleavage - Thoughts Upon SoulCalibur IV


In all honesty, this is a copy of a comment that I left on Sterling's news post about the costume change on the website. It's kind of lazy to do this for a blog post, and I'm sure I'll catch hell from a few folks, but I don't care. This means a lot to me, and I feel this way about the issue, so I'm saying my piece.

--Mission Start--


Yeah, okay.

I'm a dude. I'm a big fan of beautiful boobs by nature, in fact, I try to spend as much time between as succulent a pair of them as possible. But I feel that have to say this, because this is really how I feel about this "issue."

This is not DOA. I didn't want SC to turn into DOA. DOA is nothing more than tits, more tits and a crap, tacked-on, barely competitive fighting engine - made solely for the kind of person who wants to see tits and violence all in one place. You want a lack of violence, go grab a copy of DOA Extreme, it's the same philosophy of virtual tits overriding everything else in the entire game. It's all about how they can display as much of them as possible without just getting fucking naked, gravity and physics laws be damned.

I know that's the lifeblood of the FG industry. I know this to be true, and honestly, it pisses me off.

What I love about SC is the fighting. The system. Guard Impact. 8-Way Run. Weapon Break. These things are what bring me to the table every time, not THOSE things. I liked Ivy, Taki and every other girl best when they were in SC1, modest, pretty and deadly. SC2, a little more, but not too extreme. SC3, we're treading on DOA's borders. SC4 is trying to look like DOA, and it's really fucking needless.

I'm not hating on tits in any way, shape, or form (except fake ones, those don't feel quite right - they don't "give" the way real ones do). I just don't want to see tits take center stage on the one fighting game franchise that really, truly matters to me anymore. I hope that Project Soul is keeping an eye on the quality of gameplay, particularly online, and not just upping cup sizes across the board. It just seems such a "me too" thing to do, and I hope that doesn't become the same focus that Team Ninja seems to hold so near and dear. It does wonders for their fighting games, because all I've played since DOA2 has been a steaming turd with one hell of a fuckin' rack. Spoken.

---Mission Complete--

So, with that said, I'm hoping that the gameplay focus doesn't shift towards complete T&A. Don't get me wrong, I worship at the altar of the female body as often as I can, but I think that this story doesn't even count as "news." I think that Americans do have a far too puritanical viewpoint on sexual matters when compared to violence, but to take this game and shift its focus to tits and ass seems like a fucking crime, honestly. It's the gameplay that makes SoulCalibur better than every other goddamn fighting game on the market today, 2D, 3D or otherwise. That's what I hope to have a taste of, Ivy's tits defying all laws of existence notwithstanding.

Hopefully folks take it to heart as the rantings of a guy who loves his SoulCalibur. I know most folks (read: dudes) are going to take it the in opposite direction entirely, and think that I'm either a hardcore feminist girl or possibly gay. But I said my piece, and I'm a big enough man to stand by it to the death: Gameplay > Sex for sales' sake. Jam.   read


9:57 PM on 05.12.2008

THE CHOICE IS MADE! THE TRAVELER HAS COME!

So, I kept puttering around and around trying to find a suitable place to drop my own caustic brand of science, and after a long time of internal deliberation, I have decided to roost here at Destructoid. I've got a good feeling about this.

So, I'm basically blogging to myself right now, but I plan to make that shit change with the quickness. The world may not know me yet, but soon you will know the exploits of the JAM. I'm the kind of dude who steals your DeLorean and goes drunk driving through time with Marty McFly. I'm the kind of dude that hotboxes the TARDIS with the Doctor. I travel through time and space to call you a cracker. More to come, believe that shit.   read


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