The One-Box - Destructoid

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I write short stories, draw pretty pictures, and lag behind in console generations.
The persona Oddpotata arrived as a result of random messing around in Adobe Illustrator, combined with the announcement of potatoes in Minecraft, which I love.
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2:27 PM on 05.21.2013

Whelp. It has arrived. 
What has arrived, you may ask? Why the next generation XBox, naturally. But before I regale you with stories of Microsoft’s entry into the future console race, I must share a small test I took it upon myself to administer to my friends and family members. 
“Hey,” I would say “The new XBox has been announced today, what do you think it’s been called?”
The responses vaired from “The 720” to the “361” and some of my friends, more in the loop than others, chortled and said “XBox Infinity,” which I’ll remind you was a codename for a while. 
The response to these well thought out answers: “No, it’s called the XBox One.”
[u] One.[/u]
Even the Infinity has a feeling of progress to it, no matter how juvenile it may seem. But the One
And from there things only got worse. We saw a huge focus on streaming and other sort of non-game related bullshit, the denial of any sort of backwards compatibility for games, and the games that were trotted out were the same old Frat-Boy staples of Call of Duty and Sports Titles, with only Remedy’s Quantum Break to mix things up. 
And what in the name of Christ is news of a Halo television show doing at a bloody game console announcement?! 
At least the PS4 show us what it could do, even if a lot of it was bullshit that no-one cared about. This is just a disappointment. 
You know, recently I went to a sony “Playstation University” event, where I overheard someone saying that the next Xbox would have all the games, so buying a PS3 now was pointless. I just recently bought my (first) PS3, and I have hundreds of games to choose from. How many (exclusive) games will the Xbox One have in it’s first year, according to Microsoft itself? Fifteen. 
Oh, and guess who’s making a return? The Kinect. Now it apparently has the ability to recognize your movements, but also those of the controller as well. Motion sensing controllers? That sounds suspiciously like the six-axis, you know the thing that people didn’t like? So their big sell for the Next-Gen-Kinect that no-one wanted is that it is also a next-gen-Sixaxis that no-one wanted. Outstanding.
So in conclusion, I can only hope that Microsoft's expectations weren't set too high, like say above sea level, because the XBox One didn't even meet my drastically lowered standards. 
So to lighten the mood, here's a .gif of Nicolas Cage's floating head.


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