You Wanna Adopt Me? I'd Adopt Me. - Destructoid

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★ destructoid | Cblog Manager / Specimen ★
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I am the Community Blog Manager for Destructoid. I am also the resident Resplendent Black Grandmother. My mind is broken glass and my heart is swollen and corpulent, like a cheeto left in a puddle of Diet Coke.

Well that certainly sounded dramatic.

I, with the full support of the Shadow Council, have taken it up myself to hand out decoder rings to all new members here on the C-blogs. I also like handing out little bonus gifts as well depending on what's in the trunk of my car on any given day. I do this because I have things growing inside me. Dark, twisted things that need love. So let me love you.


This is a past banner of mine that was made by fellow Dtoider and sexting partner Char Aznable. I have tattooed this on my heart. My apologies for it being cut off but I don't know how to make it smaller and screaming at the screen hasn't worked yet.

This is a picture Science Jesus and kind-voiced personal savior Beyamor drew while thinking about me. It's my old avatar but it still rings true in the hearts of men and beasts alike. I bet he wasn't wearing pants when he made it. A man can dream, right?

I was recently gifted with a Dtoid card. Its hard to put into words how much this means to me that I am finally a playing card.

I am the God King of my Heart.

Here are some pictures of things I like. I hope you like them too.

LOL Andy was here LOL[img][img]
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Another year has come and gone.  The hot dog breath of Summer is slowly relenting and giving way to the cool quiet of Fall.  PAX Prime aka the Battle in Seattle aka the Group Hug is happening starting tomorrow.  For some of you reading this, you will be attending this fine event.  All I can say is:

If its your first time to PAX and you plan to attend the Dtoid parties and panel, oh lordy you are in for a treat.  It is hard to put into words the warm fuzzies I felt the first time I met fellas like Andy Dixon and Knutaf and Corduroy Turtle in real life.  It made everything, every fun moment experienced on Destructoid and playing games online real and tangible.  There was a person standing in front of me.  We broke bread.  We drank moderately priced beer.  We laughed and engaged and made memories.  My experience with PAX was a kind of Nirvana.  A place of perfect harmony with myself and my surroundings.  Well, it was until I got a sinus infection.  That happened both times I've been.  Seriously.  Wash your hands, drink water and watch out for coughing people and sniffles.  

So this is where I ask you to adopt me.  I can't go to PAX this year but you can bring me there.  I can exist in spirit and accompany you as you travel and have adventures with fellow Dtoiders and random people.  Pretend I'm there by acknowledging me out of place reference to fingerblasting a girl named Krystal behind a Dollar Tree dumpster.  Smile politely when you pretend to hear me mentioning how my biological father is 1) Mike Haggar 2) Suda 51 3) an absent factor in my life.  I am a great companion.  I won't take up much space, I have a beard made of cats and have an encylopedic knowledge of the Mighty Ducks franchise.

If you choose to adopt me, know that you have my thanks.  And by thanks I mean I could probably write something both thoughtful and inappropriate about you.  I would, if you wanted.  As someone who fully supports sexual expression and deviancy, I'm more than happy to write that.  But this isn't about sex.  I mean, it could be.  I bet there are some PAX babies out there.  Someone has sat on a dick during PAX and didn't get off it in time.  Surely someone has been knocked up while wearing a furry costume.  God I hope so.  Haha, sex is awesome.


I'm getting distracted.

So, please adopt me.  Let me in your life for this magical time.  Share your PAX experience with me.  I want to watch you thrive there.  Let me love you.

*Should you adopt me, I can send you a large image of my avatar so you can print me out and bring me with you.  Just send me a PM!

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Living the dream since March 16, 2006

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