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Occams's blog
destructoid  Resplendent Black Grandmother

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Occams avatar 1:13 PM on 08.27.2014  (server time)
You Wanna Adopt Me? I'd Adopt Me.

Another year has come and gone.  The hot dog breath of Summer is slowly relenting and giving way to the cool quiet of Fall.  PAX Prime aka the Battle in Seattle aka the Group Hug is happening starting tomorrow.  For some of you reading this, you will be attending this fine event.  All I can say is:

If its your first time to PAX and you plan to attend the Dtoid parties and panel, oh lordy you are in for a treat.  It is hard to put into words the warm fuzzies I felt the first time I met fellas like Andy Dixon and Knutaf and Corduroy Turtle in real life.  It made everything, every fun moment experienced on Destructoid and playing games online real and tangible.  There was a person standing in front of me.  We broke bread.  We drank moderately priced beer.  We laughed and engaged and made memories.  My experience with PAX was a kind of Nirvana.  A place of perfect harmony with myself and my surroundings.  Well, it was until I got a sinus infection.  That happened both times I've been.  Seriously.  Wash your hands, drink water and watch out for coughing people and sniffles.  

So this is where I ask you to adopt me.  I can't go to PAX this year but you can bring me there.  I can exist in spirit and accompany you as you travel and have adventures with fellow Dtoiders and random people.  Pretend I'm there by acknowledging me out of place reference to fingerblasting a girl named Krystal behind a Dollar Tree dumpster.  Smile politely when you pretend to hear me mentioning how my biological father is 1) Mike Haggar 2) Suda 51 3) an absent factor in my life.  I am a great companion.  I won't take up much space, I have a beard made of cats and have an encylopedic knowledge of the Mighty Ducks franchise.

If you choose to adopt me, know that you have my thanks.  And by thanks I mean I could probably write something both thoughtful and inappropriate about you.  I would, if you wanted.  As someone who fully supports sexual expression and deviancy, I'm more than happy to write that.  But this isn't about sex.  I mean, it could be.  I bet there are some PAX babies out there.  Someone has sat on a dick during PAX and didn't get off it in time.  Surely someone has been knocked up while wearing a furry costume.  God I hope so.  Haha, sex is awesome.


I'm getting distracted.

So, please adopt me.  Let me in your life for this magical time.  Share your PAX experience with me.  I want to watch you thrive there.  Let me love you.

*Should you adopt me, I can send you a large image of my avatar so you can print me out and bring me with you.  Just send me a PM!

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