So this is my blog. I collect religious art, taxidermy things and play video games old and new. I've been playing video games for over twenty years and for better or worse have begun to develop perspective on them. Heaven help me. I, with the full support of the Shadow Council, have taken it up myself to hand out decoder rings to all new members here on the C-blogs. I also like handing out little bonus gifts as well depending on what's in the trunk of my car on any given day. I do this because I have things growing inside me. Dark, twisted things that need love. So let me love you.
This is a past banner of mine that was made by fellow Dtoider and sexting partner Char Aznable. I have tattooed this on my heart. My apologies for it being cut off but I don't know how to make it smaller and screaming at the screen hasn't worked yet.
This is a picture Science Jesus and kind-voiced personal savior Beyamor drew while thinking about me. It's my old avatar but it still rings true in the hearts of men and beasts alike. I bet he wasn't wearing pants when he made it. A man can dream, right?
I was recently gifted with a Dtoid card. Its hard to put into words how much this means to me that I am finally a playing card.
Here are some pictures of things I like. I hope you like them too.
-May already? Jesus, time flies. Thatís good. Looking forward to August and PAX and the first vacation I have had in many moons. Plus the Summer here in Louisiana is not unlike the crotch of morbidly obese man resting comfortably in a Turkish bath house. As a guy that doesnít like to sweat and prefers cool, dark places (Iím 6/58ths Black Widow) June Ė October is kind of a bad time for me. But like the Summers before it, I will endure. Anywho, stuff has happened so lets get to it, shall we?
-I got my Destructoid bobble head! This makes me a very happy person. I remember regretting not getting one the first time I saw them on sale and vowed not to make that mistake again. Gotta say, these are really well made. Heavy and sturdy and well painted. I was really impressed with the quality. Now I will always have a piece of Destructoid to keep on my shelf and bobble and smile at. Plus, weeping agony Christ has a new BFF. Last night I heard them planning a road trip to Tuscaloosa to visit the worldís largest Pez dispenser. They are just precious together.
-I recently picked this guy up at a thrift store. I think heís from the original Battlestar Galactica show but havenít bothered to research online. Doesnít really matter anyway as his life before I found him is over. Now all that matters is that he is old and lovely and sits melancholy on my shelf thinking.
-I found the splicer bunny mask. It was at Toys R Us. Side note: what happened to the discount aisle at Toys R Us? I used to buy all the Crash Test Dummies and Zen Intergalactic Ninja toys for 75% off there. Good times in my waking world. I had been pricing this online and the gift pack it came in was going for $70, way too much for me. Then my friend and I stop by Toys R Us for shits and giggles and there it is at much more reasonable price. So yeah, now I own that. Itís way too heavy to wear normally but with some proper strap placement and good intentions you can rock this thing pretty hard.
-I beat Dark Sector. I picked it up along with Prey and The Darkness during Gamestopís most recent buy 2 get 1 free sale. I had heard not great things about it but I figured I could finally live out my dream of killing white people with the Krull glaive. It certainly had some moments, much like grade school or a salad bar but overall, I finished the game feeling I had just spent some time resting on the puce throne of mediocrity, as the kids would say.
Brain: No kid ever has nor ever will say that.
Occam: I swear to Christ if you keep talking back I will buy all the canned air in Wal-Mart and huff until you are just white noise.
Brain: Oh yeah? Well how about AND I SAID WHAT ABOUT BREAKFAST AT TIFFANYíS SHE SAID I THINK I REMEMBER THAT FILM AND AS I RECALL WE BOTH KIND OF LIKED IT-
Ahem, where was I? Oh yeah, Dark Sector. It was fairly generic in terms of dark and gritty and stuff but again, decapitating generic soldier dudes with the Krull glaive is sorta awesome. So if you ever get the chance to play it, do so. Itís worth at least an hour and a half of your time.
I also started to play Prey.
YeahÖ..I have no problem with the concept of a vagina door from Hell but really, if you are going to do it, at least do it well. Otherwise it just looks unfortunate. Great intro but the game so far has made me chuckle in a not great way. It kind of reminds me of mash up between Secret World of Alex Mack meets Are You Afraid of the Dark? Only add in stereotypical Indian grandfather and angsty guy with spirit arrows. Oh spirit arrows, will you ever become passeí for Native American characters? I hope not. Now if they gave Tommy some fucking nunchucks then maybe I could buy into it a bit more.
-Speaking of games, Meteorscrap posted a pretty ace blog about this Xbox Live indie game called Sequence. I was fortunate enough to be gifted a copy and having played it, I can say that itís pretty damn neat. It takes the mechanics of Dance Dance Revolution, takes away the part where you dance like there are ants stinging your genitals and adds in a healthy dose of RPG and there you go. Itís very well done and certainly stands out from the usual Billiard Fartz: Lady Gravy games that show up on the indie games section every week. So thank you Meteorscrap for being awesome and giving me the chance to play such a fun game and I implore all of you (except Andy, whom I fucking demand) to check it out.
Speaking of awesome people, one of our resident writer gooders, AwesomeExMachina sent me a package. I adore getting packages. Much like letter writing, dental dams and curly fries, the art of the package is largely forgotten in todayís Amazon.com world. So whenever I can send out a package and/or receive one, itís a real treat in my waking world.
First off we have some neat buttons, two plastic zombie figures, a cyborg rabbit vinyl toy and a blue robot tin toy. Hereís a fun fact about me: I am a whore for knick knacks. Anything small and worth displaying and I am all over it. The buttons will go in the button collection. The zombies are now fighting my cowboys, army men and Indians. The cyborg bunny is now part of the pantheon of vinyl figures. The blue tiny toy robot made me freak out. I fucking love tin toys and the color blue and robots. So to combine all three into a triumvirate of lovely and you have one happy Occam.
Up next, we continue to run a train on this moment with Chairman Mao magnets. I live in a world where magnets are rarely purchased but often found or given. These easily rank in the top 3 for me. I have always had a soft spot for Chairman Mao (he looks so huggable) and to now have magnets gracing my fridge. I mean, now I can tell people, Hey dickwad, the cold metal box where you keep your hummus, what kind of magnets do you have? Whatís that? A picture of you kid? Your kid is a bucket of shit! I have chairman fucking Mao! DROP KICK!
The stickers. Oh my. You know those machines at the front of Wal-Mart where you put two quarters in the slot and push in the tab and out pops a sticker in a cardboard sleeve? Yeah, I keep that business going here in Louisiana. I always have 50 cents on me to make sure if I pass by one I can get a new sticker. Needless to say, I adore stickers. So this sheet of very lovely stickers made smile. A lot. Of course the debate is now what do I stick them to? So many surfaces but precious few stickers. Oh well, first world problems, eh?
Then we have the one-two combo of the Ivan Brunetti art book mark and the Riders in the Sky cassette tape. Ivan Brunetti just happens to be one of my favorite comic misanthropes out there so this book mark is treasured to say the least. As for the Riders in the Sky cassette tape, well, someone put a piece of duct tape over the case and wrote the words ďthree fingersĒ.
I donít want to talk about it.
Lastly we have some comic books. I adore comics. They give me the eye happies of art and make there be less words. Itís a very thoughtful medium like that. Here we have three shining examples of comic books that were meant to be with me. Weird War Tales has some kinda dinosaur zombie soldier fight thing going on. Love it. Plus the Weird War series was done back in the time where weird stuff and kitsch was a viable marketing tool. I miss those days.
Then we have the Secret Society of Super Villains in which a bunch of Cirque du Soleil people beat up a gorilla. However, none of that matters because in the back ground there is the
Black Racer, one of my favorite comic characters ever. Quick, you are the avatar of death in a comic book universe. What do you wear? Hot orange and yellow suit with a yellow cape? Oh and you have skis? FUCK YES.
Lastly we have Gumbyís Winter Fun Special. This is the kind of image I want to see while I black out from auto erotic asphyxiation. You have Gumby. Hell Demons. Fun. Plus an Arthur Adams cover to boot. I literally squealed when I saw this. Ponder that. You know what I look like. Imagine me squealing. Yeah, thatís how happy I was when I saw this.
So a giant thank you to AwesomeExMachina. You were very kind to send me a package.
-Finally, I implore all of you to watch this video. Youtube requires you to sign in to view it due to mature content but its really a treat. Itís sorta NSFW due to some animated gore but it is the last thought I have before I go to sleep and my first thought when I wake up and I wanted to share it with all of you. I
So thatís another Occam Thoughts folks. Hope you enjoyed it. Have a lovely day.