Occam Thoughts: My Year in Haiku - Destructoid

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I am the Community Blog Manager for Destructoid. I am also the resident Resplendent Black Grandmother. My mind is broken glass and my heart is swollen and corpulent, like a cheeto left in a puddle of Diet Coke.

Well that certainly sounded dramatic.

I, with the full support of the Shadow Council, have taken it up myself to hand out decoder rings to all new members here on the C-blogs. I also like handing out little bonus gifts as well depending on what's in the trunk of my car on any given day. I do this because I have things growing inside me. Dark, twisted things that need love. So let me love you.


This is a past banner of mine that was made by fellow Dtoider and sexting partner Char Aznable. I have tattooed this on my heart. My apologies for it being cut off but I don't know how to make it smaller and screaming at the screen hasn't worked yet.

This is a picture Science Jesus and kind-voiced personal savior Beyamor drew while thinking about me. It's my old avatar but it still rings true in the hearts of men and beasts alike. I bet he wasn't wearing pants when he made it. A man can dream, right?

I was recently gifted with a Dtoid card. Its hard to put into words how much this means to me that I am finally a playing card.

I am the God King of my Heart.

Here are some pictures of things I like. I hope you like them too.

LOL Andy was here LOL[img][img]
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My mind is a piece of bologna with a cigarette put out on it. In the spirit of that statement and all that it implies, I give you my year in video games in haiku form, Oh, quick aside, thank you to everyone who took my creepy beardless dead face and made images out of it. It's one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me and I'm including that time my uncle saved me from that barn fire.

El Shaddai
Gorgeous and surreal.
Like eating out a muppet.
Its frustrating.

Batman: Arkham City
Property values
Surrounding Arkham City
Must have plummeted.

My big warhammer
Is made of evil metal
Occupy Skyrim

I met John Goodman
We talked about the future
The future was lame.

Deux Ex: Human Revolution
Cyber Punk is neat.
Punching through a wall is awesome.
Donít ask me to sneak.

Hahahaha No.

Dead Island
Iím a rapper, dawg.
So Iím good with blunt weapons.
That makes sense to me.

Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine
I need a chainsword.
I need it so damn badly.
I would fix the world.

Shadows of the Damned
What about the man?
Garcia and his demons.
A Boner dreaming.

Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions
Why did I play this?
Spider-Man killed Jean Benet.
Itís so obvious.

L.A. Noire
This game featured a
Whole lot of dead black junkies
Makes you think a bit.

Portal 2
This game was way smart.
Velociraptor attack!
Whispers clever girl.

F.E.A.R. 3
Masturbating with
Pantene Pro V and
Crying forever

Dead Space 2
Maybe Iím crazy?
Skittering things creep by me.
Open your eye wide.

Dragon Age II
Talking to your dad
While he sits in the bathroom
Where was I born Dad?

Final Fantasy XIII
You donít have to try
So hard to be beautiful
You are pretty mom.

I hope your year went well and that you played some fun games and had a few laughs. It was another fine year of being a member on Destructoid and I'm damn proud of the site. Thank you all for helping to make this e-house my e-home. Have a safe and happy holidays. Now go hug someone you love and think about opening a present early.

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