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About Me

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So this is my blog. I collect religious art, taxidermy things and play video games old and new. I've been playing video games for over twenty years and for better or worse have begun to develop perspective on them. Heaven help me. I, with the full support of the Shadow Council, have taken it up myself to hand out decoder rings to all new members here on the C-blogs. I also like handing out little bonus gifts as well depending on what's in the trunk of my car on any given day. I do this because I have things growing inside me. Dark, twisted things that need love. So let me love you.

Forever.

Oh snap. I Tumbl(r). Oh snap. I Tweet.

This is a past banner of mine that was made by fellow Dtoider and sexting partner Char Aznable. I have tattooed this on my heart. My apologies for it being cut off but I don't know how to make it smaller and screaming at the screen hasn't worked yet.

This is a picture Science Jesus and kind-voiced personal savior Beyamor drew while thinking about me. It's my old avatar but it still rings true in the hearts of men and beasts alike. I bet he wasn't wearing pants when he made it. A man can dream, right?

Here are some pictures of things I like. I hope you like them too.

LOL Andy was here LOL

Gamer Profile

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3DS friend code:
Steam: Occams_Electric_Toothbrush
Battle:
PSN: Mother_Meat
Mii:
Gamertag: TheHumboldtKid

Following (49)

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Occam Thoughts: My Year in Haiku
Occams electric toothbrush \| 2:49 PM on 12.21.2011	25 comments

My mind is a piece of bologna with a cigarette put out on it. In the spirit of that statement and all that it implies, I give you my year in video games in haiku form, Oh, quick aside, thank you to everyone who took my creepy beardless dead face and made images out of it. It's one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me and I'm including that time my uncle saved me from that barn fire.

El Shaddai
Gorgeous and surreal.
Like eating out a muppet.
Its frustrating.

Batman: Arkham City
Property values
Surrounding Arkham City
Must have plummeted.

Skyrim
My big warhammer
Is made of evil metal
Occupy Skyrim

Rage
I met John Goodman
We talked about the future
The future was lame.

Deux Ex: Human Revolution
Cyber Punk is neat.
Punching through a wall is awesome.
Don�t ask me to sneak.

Brink
Hahahahaha.
Hahahahahahaha.
Hahahaha No.

Dead Island
I�m a rapper, dawg.
So I�m good with blunt weapons.
That makes sense to me.

Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine
I need a chainsword.
I need it so damn badly.
I would fix the world.

Shadows of the Damned
What about the man?
Garcia and his demons.
A Boner dreaming.

Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions
Why did I play this?
Spider-Man killed Jean Benet.
It�s so obvious.

L.A. Noire
This game featured a
Whole lot of dead black junkies
Makes you think a bit.

Portal 2
This game was way smart.
Velociraptor attack!
Whispers clever girl.

F.E.A.R. 3
Masturbating with
Pantene Pro V and
Crying forever

Dead Space 2
Maybe I�m crazy?
Skittering things creep by me.
Open your eye wide.

Dragon Age II
Talking to your dad
While he sits in the bathroom
Where was I born Dad?

Final Fantasy XIII
You don�t have to try
So hard to be beautiful
You are pretty mom.

I hope your year went well and that you played some fun games and had a few laughs. It was another fine year of being a member on Destructoid and I'm damn proud of the site. Thank you all for helping to make this e-house my e-home. Have a safe and happy holidays. Now go hug someone you love and think about opening a present early.

Is this post awesome? Vote it up!

Those who have fapped: kona

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25 comments | showing # 1 to 25

Mr Andy Dixon

Holy fucking shit. Blog of the goddamn year.

VenusInFurs

Awesome!

T3HM0RR0W

OUT-FUCKING-STANDING!!!! I'm with Boner: BOTGY!!!!

Henriquegds

OMFG@! This is too awesome for the internet, and these pics are fucking awesome

flintmech

fapped this blog like the fist of the north star

manasteel88

I can't haiku worth a damn and you have an entire blog brilliantly done. STOP RUBBING MY FACE IN IT TOOTHBRUSH MAN!!!

SirNinjaFace

I needed that. So good it hurts... in a good way!

Welshedderz

Awesome blog is Awesome. And as a tribute to your love for Destructoid I offer this lasting memorial, which I hope you enjoy.

Kraid

I love Dead Island's simpleton logic. Rappers are good with blunt weapons. And women are feminist whores who stab you in the face with sharp objects.

If only life could be that simple.

Corduroy Turtle

Hey Occam, come here
I have a present for you
(Haikus get you laid)

Alasdair Duncan

Genius

Wrenchfarm

Occam's holiday haikus!? And they say Christmas wishes don't come true!

Handy

Well it looks like I got an early present.

Elsa

Awesomeness!!!

Epic-Kx

I want to write an autobiography about you and Andy's love life.

knutaf

Haikus in general are like that time an old dude on the streets of Bombay jumped onto our taxi and smeared nasty brown footprints all over the windshield while screaming like a banshee.

But since it's Occams and video games, you get a fap anyway. Merry christmas, buddy. By the way, no Dark Souls? Sorry guys, had to say something.

HandsomeBeast

Thanks for the amazing haikus and for the year of amazing Occams! You are a national treasure.

Stevil

L.A. Noire also had white pedophiles. So, it all balances out.

Kaggen

Hahaha fantastic , cant get enough of your face Occams! I never realized that haiku could be so funny happy new year , hannuka�christmas and stuff!

Gobun

Well, looks like I have to quit destructoid.
Fuck you Occam.
I love you.

smurfee mcgee

I don't have a haiku.
But I'd still like to express my joy that you be blogging here.

SteezyXL

<3<3<3<3<3
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
<3<3<3<3<3

lpico

i already did open several presents early thanks also good job on your blog

LawofThermalDynamics

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE

Caitlin Cooke

Best Christmas present ever.

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