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Occams avatar 2:49 PM on 12.21.2011
Occam Thoughts: My Year in Haiku

My mind is a piece of bologna with a cigarette put out on it. In the spirit of that statement and all that it implies, I give you my year in video games in haiku form, Oh, quick aside, thank you to everyone who took my creepy beardless dead face and made images out of it. It's one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me and I'm including that time my uncle saved me from that barn fire.





El Shaddai
Gorgeous and surreal.
Like eating out a muppet.
Its frustrating.

Batman: Arkham City
Property values
Surrounding Arkham City
Must have plummeted.

Skyrim
My big warhammer
Is made of evil metal
Occupy Skyrim

Rage
I met John Goodman
We talked about the future
The future was lame.





Deux Ex: Human Revolution
Cyber Punk is neat.
Punching through a wall is awesome.
Donít ask me to sneak.

Brink
Hahahahaha.
Hahahahahahaha.
Hahahaha No.

Dead Island
Iím a rapper, dawg.
So Iím good with blunt weapons.
That makes sense to me.

Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine
I need a chainsword.
I need it so damn badly.
I would fix the world.





Shadows of the Damned
What about the man?
Garcia and his demons.
A Boner dreaming.

Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions
Why did I play this?
Spider-Man killed Jean Benet.
Itís so obvious.

L.A. Noire
This game featured a
Whole lot of dead black junkies
Makes you think a bit.

Portal 2
This game was way smart.
Velociraptor attack!
Whispers clever girl.





F.E.A.R. 3
Masturbating with
Pantene Pro V and
Crying forever

Dead Space 2
Maybe Iím crazy?
Skittering things creep by me.
Open your eye wide.

Dragon Age II
Talking to your dad
While he sits in the bathroom
Where was I born Dad?

Final Fantasy XIII
You donít have to try
So hard to be beautiful
You are pretty mom.





I hope your year went well and that you played some fun games and had a few laughs. It was another fine year of being a member on Destructoid and I'm damn proud of the site. Thank you all for helping to make this e-house my e-home. Have a safe and happy holidays. Now go hug someone you love and think about opening a present early.


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