So this is my blog. I collect religious art, taxidermy things and play video games old and new. I've been playing video games for over twenty years and for better or worse have begun to develop perspective on them. Heaven help me. I, with the full support of the Shadow Council, have taken it up myself to hand out decoder rings to all new members here on the C-blogs. I also like handing out little bonus gifts as well depending on what's in the trunk of my car on any given day. I do this because I have things growing inside me. Dark, twisted things that need love. So let me love you.
This is a past banner of mine that was made by fellow Dtoider and sexting partner Char Aznable. I have tattooed this on my heart. My apologies for it being cut off but I don't know how to make it smaller and screaming at the screen hasn't worked yet.
This is a picture Science Jesus and kind-voiced personal savior Beyamor drew while thinking about me. It's my old avatar but it still rings true in the hearts of men and beasts alike. I bet he wasn't wearing pants when he made it. A man can dream, right?
Here are some pictures of things I like. I hope you like them too.
Let's take a journey together and read about my gaming moments of 2012. I hope you enjoy them.
My gaming moments of 2012:
Sending NeverDead back to Gamefly.
I was so excited for NeverDead. Neat premise. Ridiculous combat mechanic. Japanese tomfoolery. It had all the elements in a silly game that makes my Rudie Canít Fail heart swell with joy. Turns out the game was a horrible piece of shit. Seriously, Iím sitting here trying to come up with a metaphor for it. Iíve come up with ďchildís coffin filled with 9/11 debrisĒ but that doesnít feel strong enough. Sending it back to Gamefly made me feel like Tina after she kicked Ike to the curb.
This was the best fucking episode of Power Rangers ever. Any time you give me a chance to punch something so hard it turns into a blood cloud, Iím a happy camper. It was criticized for being more QTE fest then game at times but it never once let me down.
The boss fights in Naruto Shippuden: Ultimate Ninja Storm Generations.
Iíve always wanted an anime-based fighting game that looked like you were essentially ďplayingĒ the anime. The boss fights in Naruto Shippuden: Ultimate Ninja Storm Generations achieved that. To top it off, the game itself was a lot of fun and gorgeous to boot. This is worth a rental even if just for the story mode.
Being pleasantly surprised by Binary Domain.
I rented Binary Domain because it looked like a fun time waster. It ended up having an engaging story, solid gun mechanics, and a black guy who said ďdamnĒ a lot which helped to assuage my constant white guilt.
My character in Dragonís Dogma.
I wrote a blog about her a while back but to recap my wizard lady in Dragonís Dogma looked like a cross between the psychic lady from Poltergeist and the Elephant Man. She looked like a Skeksi jogging whenever she ran. She was tiny, misshapen and had a spell that gave her a whip made of lightning. In another world, she was the lead singer of Bikini Kill and I was the drummer and her husband.
Shooting a Naziís balls off from 800 yards away in Sniper Elite v2.
The x-ray slo-mo shot of a sack full of future Naziís being obliterated by my bullet is the closest I've ever come to feeling patriotic.
Darksiders 2 was released.
Playing Amnesia: The Dark Descent with the lights off.
I finally got around to playing Amnesia. I even turned off all the lights and put on headphones like they said you were supposed to. It was terrifying. Goddamn, I had missed the fear. It made me feel the way those first few Silent Hill games made me feel and the way Fatal Frame made me feel, back when scary games on consoles were still new and companies did some weird shit to freak you out. Amnesia was horrifying and wonderful and as a slow burn to your own red nightmare, I canít recommend this game enough. Oh, and the new Amnesia game is called A Machine for Pigs. Thatís an amazing title and I bet Trent Reznor is just kicking himself for not thinking of it first.
Braining British soldiers with a club in Assassin's Creed III
Assassinís Creed III was pretty fun. I liked the colonial setting and Connor was someone I could relate to as a character (Iím 9/85ths Cherokee). But by far, the kill animations with the blunt weapons in that game were the best part. That thud and crunch of bone as another red coat lay there twitching and bleeding out. It just felt right, ya know? If you think about it, the red coats were the first Nazis.
The look, sound and feel of Hotline: Miami
This game is how I feel on the inside when its night and Iím smoking a cigarette outside in the dark.
I past 100 hours in Team Fortress 2.
I just know Iím going to get someone telling me how they are over 1000 hours and yeah, thatís great but itís not the point. The point is that I have spent over 100 hours playing a shooter. Thatís a testament to how well done and creative the Team Fortress 2 universe is. Itís fun and clever cartoon murder world with characters that are easy to play (except the Spy) and hard to master (like the Spy) and I fucking love it. Looking forward to another 100 hours in 2013.
Other gaming thoughts for the year:
Using a musket rifle in Darkest of Days.
It was like equipping blue balls as a weapon.
Rocket sliding up stairs in Vanquish.
Thatís just silly.
Hearing that Kanye West song about power in Saints Row the Third a few dozen times.
He pronounces power in a funny way. ďPowahĒ.
Using chakras in Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning
I finally got to live out some of my Xena: Warrior Princess fantasies.
Well, that's it, Hope you enjoyed my gaming moments. I'd love to hear yours. Have a lovely day.