So this is my blog. I collect religious art, taxidermy things and play video games old and new. I've been playing video games for over twenty years and for better or worse have begun to develop perspective on them. Heaven help me. I, with the full support of the Shadow Council, have taken it up myself to hand out decoder rings to all new members here on the C-blogs. I also like handing out little bonus gifts as well depending on what's in the trunk of my car on any given day. I do this because I have things growing inside me. Dark, twisted things that need love. So let me love you.
This is a past banner of mine that was made by fellow Dtoider and sexting partner Char Aznable. I have tattooed this on my heart. My apologies for it being cut off but I don't know how to make it smaller and screaming at the screen hasn't worked yet.
This is a picture Science Jesus and kind-voiced personal savior Beyamor drew while thinking about me. It's my old avatar but it still rings true in the hearts of men and beasts alike. I bet he wasn't wearing pants when he made it. A man can dream, right?
I was recently gifted with a Dtoid card. Its hard to put into words how much this means to me that I am finally a playing card.
I am the God King of my Heart.
Here are some pictures of things I like. I hope you like them too.
When did kiddy pools not become a thing anymore? I used to love those when I was young. Then as I entered college they became associated with drinking and tomfoolery. Though I think the idea of sitting in a kiddy pool now in a yard watching traffic go by would essentially be you laying in a socially accepted public bathtub. Plus they doubled as neat hiding places for criminals running through backyards even though the cops always found them. I mean, who leaves a kiddy pool turned upside down? Thatís just unnatural.
I am mentally bankrupt today. My mindís just an old cereal bowl with vaguely pink milk resting at the bottom. I blame Friday. And Obamacare. That's a fun word. I think I'll make it my new safe word. Despite my quiet mind, I would like to share with all of you some of my thoughts. So here you go. I hope you enjoy it.
Asuraís Wrath was a game I played and beat. If you like anime and over the top ridiculousness and screaming anger men then this is the game for you. It reminds me of all those fun moments in anime when the protagonist is fighting some bad guy and getting the shit kicked out of him. Then all of a sudden he has this moment where heís all like ďI MISS MY WIIIIIIFE!Ē and the sky catches fire and protagonist punches the bad guyís face off. That pretty much sums up the game. I like how it was divided into chapters and had credits and all that. The game felt like an experiment that for me worked really well. Not sure if itís $60 good but definitely worth a rental and a purchase down the road when its cheaper.
Iíve been playing a lot of Team Fortress 2 lately. PC gaming is a strange thing for me. I am mainly a console guy. Itís how I did the majority of my gaming growing up and where I am most comfortable. However, the PC has some truly amazing games on it so Iím always looking out for new things to play. And like an old porno mag you know so well and trust with your orgasm, I go back to Team Fortress 2 time and time again. You might be wondering why in the age of internet porn, why would I look at a magazine? Well for the same reason you keep your dadís ashes in a coffee can with googley eyes glued to it and accuse it of holding you back from your true potential.
Now Team Fortress 2 is, to me, the best Adult Swim comedy ever. And not those silly shows where its all non sequitur shit like Taco Fart Island! or whatever Tim and Eric do but quality stuff, like Venture Bros or Moral Orel (fun fact: The last season of Moral Orel is the best thing ever to come out on Adult Swim). Valve has taken these basic classes that have been around for years and breathed life into them. From the Heavyís borderline sexual relationship he has with his mini-gun to the Pyroís androgynous nature, its all just so lovely that I am enthralled by the characters as much as I dig the game play. Plus, I just love getting these random weapons and items. Its an incentive to play and using the robust crafting system I can make new weapons and hats. Fun times. If you are looking for an FPS to play on PC and have never tried Team Fortress 2, you should. Itís free to play now and easy to jump into. Oh, one complaint: the crates. I don't want to buy keys to unlock the crates. Qalamari had a great idea of being able to destroy 5 crates to make a key. That'd be nice.
Lastly Iíve been playing Mass Effect 3. Now I havenít beaten it so going through the c-blogs and Twitter is about as fun as moonwalking through a minefield currently. Iím already rather irked that I know the smidge of info that I do know regarding the ending. But so far at least I am fucking loving the game. A strong narrative, great combat and reuniting with old crew members has been a treat. My only complaint, besides that fact that I donít think Iíll get an Elcor as a crew member is that the majority of the armor I have been able to purchase is kinda meh stats-wise compared to the parts I can pick up for Shepardís regular N7 armor. I wish you could customize your existing armor with purchased stuff. A mix and match armor Shepard, in all hot pink of course, would be amazing.
So Iíll keep on enjoying my playthrough and let the ending be what it is. All this hullabaloo about it has left me a bit jaded about gamers. Demanding Bioware changes the endingÖseems petty and silly to me. I mean, Iíd like to have seen the last episode of Golden Girls end in a scissor fest followed by a quiet farewell dinner at Red Lobster but you donít see me filing complaints with the FTC. Speaking of Red Lobster, people LOVE to celebrate birthdays and anniversaries at Red Lobster. Personally Iím more of a Greek fan but Jesus, I see a lot of truckers and their bouffant hair-doíed wives their munching on Cheddar Bay Biscuits like they are angel pussy.
That was a lot of word dumping so now I think Iíll do some quick hits:
-Secret World needs to come out. That shit looks awesome.
-Iím on a podcast called the Secret Moon Base podcast. We are theSMBpodcast on Twitter and we have a blog here but my computer is being a dick and I can't link to it. Itís a lot of fun and often times Iím naked when we record.
-Darksiders 2 keeps looking better and better, like when your mom went to Glamour Shots and made a sexy calendar for your dad for their wedding anniversary.
-Iíve started hanging out in the forums a bit. There are some good folk there. A lot of funny people and a pretty tight knit community. Donít let the rumors scare you away, they use the non-sticky bondage tape so you donít have to wear long sleeve shirts to visit your parents.
-Big ups to Mr. Andy Dixon, aka the Gootch, aka Pink Drizzle, aka Bone Daddy on becoming Community Blog Manager. I canít think of another person Iíd want to watch over and keep safe the c-blogs and all of us here. Plus he lets me be the big spoon so Iím a little biased.
-Gourmet corn dogs. Where you at? I see gourmet hamburgers and hot dogs and mac ní cheese but where the fuck are my gourmet corn dogs?
So that's it for me. Hope everyone has a lovely weekend. Personally, I'm going to celebrate my dad's 76th birthday with him and my family. We will throw knives at the tree of regret and drink clear fluids till we love each other. It should be a hoot.