Occam Thoughts: Friday Leavings

When did kiddy pools not become a thing anymore? I used to love those when I was young. Then as I entered college they became associated with drinking and tomfoolery. Though I think the idea of sitting in a kiddy pool now in a yard watching traffic go by would essentially be you laying in a socially accepted public bathtub. Plus they doubled as neat hiding places for criminals running through backyards even though the cops always found them. I mean, who leaves a kiddy pool turned upside down? That’s just unnatural.


I am mentally bankrupt today. My mind’s just an old cereal bowl with vaguely pink milk resting at the bottom. I blame Friday. And Obamacare. That's a fun word. I think I'll make it my new safe word. Despite my quiet mind, I would like to share with all of you some of my thoughts. So here you go. I hope you enjoy it.




Asura’s Wrath was a game I played and beat. If you like anime and over the top ridiculousness and screaming anger men then this is the game for you. It reminds me of all those fun moments in anime when the protagonist is fighting some bad guy and getting the shit kicked out of him. Then all of a sudden he has this moment where he’s all like “I MISS MY WIIIIIIFE!” and the sky catches fire and protagonist punches the bad guy’s face off. That pretty much sums up the game. I like how it was divided into chapters and had credits and all that. The game felt like an experiment that for me worked really well. Not sure if it’s $60 good but definitely worth a rental and a purchase down the road when its cheaper.




I’ve been playing a lot of Team Fortress 2 lately. PC gaming is a strange thing for me. I am mainly a console guy. It’s how I did the majority of my gaming growing up and where I am most comfortable. However, the PC has some truly amazing games on it so I’m always looking out for new things to play. And like an old porno mag you know so well and trust with your orgasm, I go back to Team Fortress 2 time and time again. You might be wondering why in the age of internet porn, why would I look at a magazine? Well for the same reason you keep your dad’s ashes in a coffee can with googley eyes glued to it and accuse it of holding you back from your true potential.

Now Team Fortress 2 is, to me, the best Adult Swim comedy ever. And not those silly shows where its all non sequitur shit like Taco Fart Island! or whatever Tim and Eric do but quality stuff, like Venture Bros or Moral Orel (fun fact: The last season of Moral Orel is the best thing ever to come out on Adult Swim). Valve has taken these basic classes that have been around for years and breathed life into them. From the Heavy’s borderline sexual relationship he has with his mini-gun to the Pyro’s androgynous nature, its all just so lovely that I am enthralled by the characters as much as I dig the game play. Plus, I just love getting these random weapons and items. Its an incentive to play and using the robust crafting system I can make new weapons and hats. Fun times. If you are looking for an FPS to play on PC and have never tried Team Fortress 2, you should. It’s free to play now and easy to jump into. Oh, one complaint: the crates. I don't want to buy keys to unlock the crates. Qalamari had a great idea of being able to destroy 5 crates to make a key. That'd be nice.




Lastly I’ve been playing Mass Effect 3. Now I haven’t beaten it so going through the c-blogs and Twitter is about as fun as moonwalking through a minefield currently. I’m already rather irked that I know the smidge of info that I do know regarding the ending. But so far at least I am fucking loving the game. A strong narrative, great combat and reuniting with old crew members has been a treat. My only complaint, besides that fact that I don’t think I’ll get an Elcor as a crew member is that the majority of the armor I have been able to purchase is kinda meh stats-wise compared to the parts I can pick up for Shepard’s regular N7 armor. I wish you could customize your existing armor with purchased stuff. A mix and match armor Shepard, in all hot pink of course, would be amazing.

So I’ll keep on enjoying my playthrough and let the ending be what it is. All this hullabaloo about it has left me a bit jaded about gamers. Demanding Bioware changes the ending…seems petty and silly to me. I mean, I’d like to have seen the last episode of Golden Girls end in a scissor fest followed by a quiet farewell dinner at Red Lobster but you don’t see me filing complaints with the FTC. Speaking of Red Lobster, people LOVE to celebrate birthdays and anniversaries at Red Lobster. Personally I’m more of a Greek fan but Jesus, I see a lot of truckers and their bouffant hair-do’ed wives their munching on Cheddar Bay Biscuits like they are angel pussy.





That was a lot of word dumping so now I think I’ll do some quick hits:

-Secret World needs to come out. That shit looks awesome.

-I’m on a podcast called the Secret Moon Base podcast. We are theSMBpodcast on Twitter and we have a blog here but my computer is being a dick and I can't link to it. It’s a lot of fun and often times I’m naked when we record.

-Darksiders 2 keeps looking better and better, like when your mom went to Glamour Shots and made a sexy calendar for your dad for their wedding anniversary.

-I’ve started hanging out in the forums a bit. There are some good folk there. A lot of funny people and a pretty tight knit community. Don’t let the rumors scare you away, they use the non-sticky bondage tape so you don’t have to wear long sleeve shirts to visit your parents.

-Big ups to Mr. Andy Dixon, aka the Gootch, aka Pink Drizzle, aka Bone Daddy on becoming Community Blog Manager. I can’t think of another person I’d want to watch over and keep safe the c-blogs and all of us here. Plus he lets me be the big spoon so I’m a little biased.

-Gourmet corn dogs. Where you at? I see gourmet hamburgers and hot dogs and mac n’ cheese but where the fuck are my gourmet corn dogs?

So that's it for me. Hope everyone has a lovely weekend. Personally, I'm going to celebrate my dad's 76th birthday with him and my family. We will throw knives at the tree of regret and drink clear fluids till we love each other. It should be a hoot.