I feel like I need to warn you. NeverDead was recently released for consoles and it’s bad. Very bad. I’m talking changing uncle Pete’s diaper bad. I Gamefly’d it hoping for a fun if somewhat silly action game where I shot and chopped demons to bits. The previews I had seen looked interesting and between the dismemberment mechanic and Sangria, the poncey frogbirdladyman demon antagonist, I was fairly stoked to try this out. So imagine my horror when I started to play it and it was terrible. I played for an hour and a half then put it back in the gamefly envelope and mailed it back this morning. So I’ve come here to warn you the best way I know how: random pictures and words. Godspeed.










The life warmth between your grandmother’s legs suddenly going cold.





Being trapped in a Bath and Body Works. Forever.





Your mother wearing a jean jacket with the word “fingerblast” bedazzled on the back.





Fred Durst’s cover of Behind Blue Eyes.





Klhoe Kardashian's new body spray called "Upper Lip".





NeverDead is a sad and broken thing, like a baby coffin filled with wedding rings from a pawn shop. Avoid it. There are better games to play and better ways to spend your time. Nier is flawed but has a brilliant story and an amazing soundtrack. Alpha Protocol has a certain, three legged dog-esque charm. These are games that fell below the radar for the most part but have something going for them that surpasses their weaknesses. I can embrace the beauty of a flawed game. They always remind me of enjoying the Puppet Master movies as a kid. However, a bad bad game, where its pretty much just a visual representation of your parents' sex noises...I can't fully support that.