I am the Community Blog Manager for Destructoid. I am also the resident Resplendent Black Grandmother. My mind is broken glass and my heart is swollen and corpulent, like a cheeto left in a puddle of Diet Coke.
Well that certainly sounded dramatic.
I, with the full support of the Shadow Council, have taken it up myself to hand out decoder rings to all new members here on the C-blogs. I also like handing out little bonus gifts as well depending on what's in the trunk of my car on any given day. I do this because I have things growing inside me. Dark, twisted things that need love. So let me love you.
This is a past banner of mine that was made by fellow Dtoider and sexting partner Char Aznable. I have tattooed this on my heart. My apologies for it being cut off but I don't know how to make it smaller and screaming at the screen hasn't worked yet.
This is a picture Science Jesus and kind-voiced personal savior Beyamor drew while thinking about me. It's my old avatar but it still rings true in the hearts of men and beasts alike. I bet he wasn't wearing pants when he made it. A man can dream, right?
I was recently gifted with a Dtoid card. Its hard to put into words how much this means to me that I am finally a playing card.
I am the God King of my Heart.
Here are some pictures of things I like. I hope you like them too.
I feel like I need to warn you. NeverDead was recently released for consoles and it’s bad. Very bad. I’m talking changing uncle Pete’s diaper bad. I Gamefly’d it hoping for a fun if somewhat silly action game where I shot and chopped demons to bits. The previews I had seen looked interesting and between the dismemberment mechanic and Sangria, the poncey frogbirdladyman demon antagonist, I was fairly stoked to try this out. So imagine my horror when I started to play it and it was terrible. I played for an hour and a half then put it back in the gamefly envelope and mailed it back this morning. So I’ve come here to warn you the best way I know how: random pictures and words. Godspeed.
The life warmth between your grandmother’s legs suddenly going cold.
Being trapped in a Bath and Body Works. Forever.
Your mother wearing a jean jacket with the word “fingerblast” bedazzled on the back.
Fred Durst’s cover of Behind Blue Eyes.
Klhoe Kardashian's new body spray called "Upper Lip".
NeverDead is a sad and broken thing, like a baby coffin filled with wedding rings from a pawn shop. Avoid it. There are better games to play and better ways to spend your time. Nier is flawed but has a brilliant story and an amazing soundtrack. Alpha Protocol has a certain, three legged dog-esque charm. These are games that fell below the radar for the most part but have something going for them that surpasses their weaknesses. I can embrace the beauty of a flawed game. They always remind me of enjoying the Puppet Master movies as a kid. However, a bad bad game, where its pretty much just a visual representation of your parents' sex noises...I can't fully support that.