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OLYJNS's blog

3:16 PM on 12.30.2011

Important YOU KNOW what Games I played over Christmas.

All I did at Christmas was eat, watch countless furniture sale adverts during breaks of sh*tty TV( "haha Miranda, you are too much!") and play videogames. It's what Jesus wants.

Because I travelled away, I loaded up on games for 3DS and eye phone (audience boos). In case you completely run out of things to do with your life, you can always use my flippant reviews of already old and forgotten games as some sort of a something. To help you better?

Here are my thoughts and recommendations, Receive them

Dance Dance Revoloution S [Konami, iPhone £1.49]

Substitute your feet for hands because it's touch screen time. My thumbs are too handsome and strong (fat) to play this game well. But 'AAW YEAYR!' a funky voice keeps saying stuff at you as you play 'HEEEERE WE GO' , I imagine this is how God's voice sounds as he encourages me to Dance Dance!

The Word 'Vibration' in arial narrow floats about in the background. This is clearly a fantasy dream dance world, The S in Dance Dance revolution must stand for ‘Sexy!’ or something. ‘Something!’

The best thing about this game is the 90's Jpop 'Eurobeat' jamz. I like to start a stage and let it play out at max vol as I initial D Drift my shopping trolley around Sainsbury's. Crashing into shelves of Yakult at a terrible velocity. A smile on my split lips. Teeth smashed to sand. Yes it’s easy to like DDR, I like DDR as much as the next guy. Unless the next guy is this guy.

I recommend you buy this game.
Louis-CONSENT III for Brawl.

Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective [Capcom, DS, £20.00 new most places]

You are now dead and now you are now a ghost. Did you know ghosts can do crazy ass tricks? Moving stuff about and that? Well Cecil Sesil Sisel whatever guy from Ghost Trick: Ghost Protocol can. Because he's a ghost!

This Poltergeist is nice(t) and he just wants to know 1 thing: Number 1] "Who am I?" (I ask myself the same thing everyday) and Number 2] "How did I die?"

Ghost Trick's unique take is that you shift objects around to manipulate the oblivious living characters in a search for clues to your demise. This is all done within a limited timeframe, Miss your chance and it's back to the start- Therein lies the jeopardy.

This is a Shu Takumi game and players (particularly fans of his Ace Attorney series) will appreciate the funny dialogue and endearingly odd ball characters which add a lot of cartoon entertainment value throughout.

Every stage or event is divided by an end stage save point as in Phoenix Wright, making it an easy game to drop in and out of on the go so it's perfectly attuned to a handheld.

If you like problem solving - give Ghost Trick a go.

Secret of Mana [Square-Enix, iPhone £2.99]

Ported from the 1993 Snes Version; Secret of Mana is your classic old school jrpg fare. Early 90's SquareSoft brand castles and swords and magic and that.

Secret of Mana is as RPG as it gets. If you don't like RPG's this won't convert you so don't waste your time as that's what RPGs do best. Really. Pissing long. Game.

 Battles are in real time, I prefer this- there's no waiting around but you can't plan your strategy like in turn based battle.
 The enemies you'll be hacking to a miserable death (which are mostly cute adorable sprogs for some off-putting reason) appear on screen and can be avoided if you want. There's no random battle bullsh*t here which is a relief as level grinding feels less of a chore and more of an option this way. If you're low on health you don't have to face being ambushed, killed and put back to the last save point which was 4 hours ago, I've always hated that.

SOM looks and plays alot like Chrono Trigger which came a couple of years later from Square. You'd be forgiven for thinking SOM is a predecessor of sorts. Chrono Trigger is also now on iTunes app store (£6.99) and with it's more advanced game play, incredibly complex narrative and as one of my favourite games of all time I would have to recommend it over Secret of Mana. Plus CT has the extra dungeons from the DS release so it's a bargain.

This is not to say SOM isn't great, I like it and if you like the original Final Fantasies, Dragon Quest or RPG's in general there's a good chance you'll like this.

Infinity Blade [Chair, iPhone £3.99]

Punch out. With swords. Slash up progressively tougher orc/knight dudes one after another then get insta-killed by the hyper powered boss dude then do it again. That is the whole game. Round and round you go. Addicting and distracting.

Someone wrote a novel about this somehow. If this sees film adaptation Andy Serkis will get another year of work as the miscellaneous orc dudes. He’s getting his ping pong ball latex onesie dry cleaned.


Hi Dtoid community! This is my first blog post so I hope you like it. I read all the faqs and that but I still probly broke a ton of rules here so please go easy- Im still getting used to evrything.


Welp that's all I played so that's it for this year,
Happy Birthday Everyone!

(the header image is supposed to be Joe Pesci in home alone although doesn't.. i don't know. )   read

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