Making my daily rounds about the internet I happened upon something wonderful, something magical, something....too Disney for it's own good: Pirates of the Carribean Online. I love Pirates just as much as the next guy, or anyone between the ages of 1-an infinitesimal amount, and MMOs --yes, it's an MMO-- but there was something about this abomination that I couldn't shake.

The entry fee of nothing only led me astray to how horrible it really is. Every single player character is hideously deformed when compared to any game character, with my character's head almost half the size of good 'ol Orly's. This is only a bit of the horror that is Pirates' graphics. Designed to be accessible to people with computers as old as Windows 98 these are the blandest textures (does it even have them?) you'll ever see. I could swear the ground was one solid color...mind you combat is fun and instantly accessible, bloodless to boot for its E rating, which could be the reason for the lack of decent visuals. Pirate NPCs from the movie look cool, just don't expect to be swatting away wenches anytime soon, your character's no Jack Sparrow.

I always believe that gameplay overrides graphics anyday, and good gameplay would've excused this game from premanent residence at the bottom of Davey Jones' locker (sorry, couldn't resist) but nothing about this game is smooth, spare the conversations with NPCs. As you run around nothing about your character flows, as if several frames are constantly missing. Not only does this happen to you, but apparently everyone else, like a teleportation gone horrible wrong, slowly catapulting you towards the watery grave.

I had a slight thought at the back of my head saying "Oh goodie, Pirates! Now I can quit WoW and play something even more awesome until a ninja MMO comes out!" but no, and you shouldn't either. In fact, remove that dirty encrusted thought straight out of there and bury it in a chest somewhere far underground, then take the map for that chest and eat it, so that once you die it'll be released and then everyone can desecrate your corpse for it. Oh, and here's a kicker, if you want more content -- who doesn't need more crap?-- then you can pay a monthly fee for more ships! more weapons! more clothes! Oh, and when you get to level 8, you HAVE to pay if you wish to keep on playing, making it no more than a demo and a tease. Save your money, head towards Pirates of the Burning Sea and get your Yaaargh! on. If you can stand getting your dreams crushed, then by all means (http://apps.pirates.go.com/pirates/v3/#/news/currentnews.html) take that url and let it destroy your soul as it has to mine. Remember, there's a reason why we didn't know it was released until now.