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About
Am I hardcore?
Probably not.
I would like to think so, but the reality is that I'm a gamer trapped in a writer's body. Deep inside me, there is a little fat kid screaming to be released so he can wreak havoc upon n00bs.

Alas, the real world ends up crushing that fat kid.
With large blunt object...

Don't ask how, it just does.

I owe my entrance into the gaming community to my brother. I have fond memories of watching him playing TMNT on the NES ( and totally owning the dam level!!!), and less fond memories of me forgetting to go to the bathroom to relieve myself because I was so engrossed(I was like, two!).

My first system? The SNES. Favorite game on said system? FFII( Yeah Yeah, the easy American version of the much harder FFIV).

The game that cemented me as a gamer forever? FFVII (BTW I am not an FF fanboy).

So I may not be l33t, and I may not pwn anyone. But I do have an endeering love for videogames that I will take to my grave.
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No shutdown
10:04 AM on 02.28.2008



I. Hate. Idiots.

Seriously. I'm usually happy go lucky and for the most part I could care less about what happens in an online match. But there will be times when I'm paired a team so idiotic, so asinine in their efforts, that I can't help but fume like a six year old who can't beat Megaman 2. And as such, this is my rant for every person who has ever failed at team fortress 2.

I should also preface this by saying I own the 360 version of the orange box, and I'd prefer it if we could avoid the whole "n00b, buy it for the p.c.!" affair. The fact of the matter is, I prefer the game on the 360. Deal with it.

On with the ranting!

Things that people do in tf2 that piss me off include....

-People who insist on staying a class despite the fact that a) they suck at it or b) theres five other people in the same class( Why do we have five snipers ??!!!!). What's even worse is a combination of the two....
Take into account what your team is doing, and pick a class that will accentuate the team, not cripple it.


-People who cause lag. You have a shitty connection, realize it! And I don't mean minor slowdown when you enter a game. I mean when you enter a game during the last few minutes of a round and everything slow to a churn. We didn't play the entire round at this pace, and your just being a dick by sticking around. No it won't get better if you stick around, and no it's not someone else. If you noticed that a game is severely lagging when you enter a game theres a good chance its your connection. As such, you're better off trying your luck elsewhere....

-People who friend you right after a game, despite the fact that you haven't said a single word to them. It just weirds me out, if you don't know someone ( and especially if you haven't said a word to them) please to try to add them to your friends.

-People with headsets who blast music that makes it impossible to hear the rest of your team. First of all your music reaaaaaally sucks. Second, you have a variety of options that allow you to listen to music and still be an effective team player. Keep your music soft. Use the -mute self- switch on your headset when you're not talking. Don't sit so friggin' close to your speakers. But if you absolutely must listen to deafening music, for the love of god unplug your mic.

-People who join a game and then proceed to do nothing. You have to go be active in the real world? fine. Just turn off your system so we can actually get a productive member on the team.

-People who wait in line for a teleporter. Its quicker if you walk! Also spies who take teleporters and then rush the opposing team. If you haven't realized it yet, you leave a trail of blue after you teleport. My advice is hoof it if your gonna be a spy, and if you absolutely must use a teleporter, wait a few seconds afterwards to let the blue sparks fade away.

-spies who try to backstab an engineer right in front of said engineer's sentry.



.....
yeah, you're gonna die.
If you've been playing for a while, and you're confident in your skills it is possible to backstab an engineer when he is by his sentry as long as you cloak immediately after you stab him. Please don't attempt this if your not a very good spy though....

-Engineers who ignore the first capture point entirely and put all their defenses on the second point, continuing to do so even if(by some miracle) the rest of the team manages to hold the first point. Team fortress 2 is a team effort . When one person isn't pulling his/her weight, the whole team suffers. So I implore you, defend every point no matter what!

-Engineers who can't place their sentries in a spot where it will actually help the team. If you're not sure about where you should be placing your sentries, watch where other engineers put their sentries and learn from them. And be creative! Think about where the enemy team might travel and where other sentries are and use your sentry to improve your defenses. Two sentries right by a point is an all-right strategy, but a sentry on the point and one placed by where the enemy may take up position to take out the original sentry is an even better idea.

-Team members on a defensive team who outright refuse to play engineers, especially on Gravel Pit and Dustbowl. I'm not sure how these people expect to accomplish anything. but I'm sure having 2 snipers and 3 spies won't do much. This is kind of specific, but when your playing defense you absolutely need engineers to win. The amount you use should be proportionate to the team size. If you're about to leave the spawn and you see that your team has no engineers, it's probably a good idea to switch classes. Even if you don't think you're very good at it, the only way you can get better is by playing that class more often.

-People who try to change classes after leaving the spawn. I've literally seen people who are five feet away from the spawn attempt a class change. It may seem like it will take a while to change your class, but it will most likely be a lot faster than the wait time you'll incur from killing yourself.

On another note, anyone have any idea how 12v12 matches occur on the 360 version? I've randomly dropped into 1 or 2 of these, but for the life of me I can't figure out how they occurred.
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Heres the skinny.

So I wasn't sure who had heard/posted about this, so I thought I'd throw it up on the ol' c-blog.

Now for those of you to lazy to click, basically Activision has come out and said they want Harmonix to pay them in order to release the compatibility patch for Rock Band.

Now at first you might say, "well that seems reasonable, they only want money for their hard earned work, right?" Well I'd have to disagree with you....

Because you're wrong.

First of all, I think its unfair of Activision to ask Harmonix for money to mod their own friggin game. Yes its true that the controller's themselves are made by Activision and they deserve to be paid for their work. But think about this logically. We'll still have to buy the controllers, and in the end Activision will get money no matter what. It seems to me like the only reason they want this deal is to make even more money. Which brings me to my next point...

By doing this Activision is basically dicking around a group of their own loyal consumers. Think about it, who do you know that owns Rock Band, but not guitar hero 3?

So I say to you Activision, stop being a bunch of douches.








I saw this on surfer girl's blog and exploded. With fail.





Ummmm, wow. I can't even count the amount of things wrong with this. Can you?

They also need to bring back Bonk and Adventure Island, I'm just sayin' is all.








So I know I'm not the only one with rock band, and I'm definitely not the only one with broken gear. Unlike most people I don't really bother complaining or worrying about it unless it really impedes my gaming experience. Unfortunately I completely busted not one, but two instruments.

On the day before thanksgiving, during a particularly metal rendition of enter sandman, I managed to snap the bass pedal on my drums in twain. TWAIN!!

...

Seriously though, it snapped at the base right where the pedal connects to the joint. Obviously I couldn't re-attach the pedal through normal means.

I've heard this is a pretty common worry for people, because, to be honest, the pedal is quite flimsy towards the base. Thankfully there is a pretty easy fix. Just reattach the spring and put the orange section in its original position. Than take a vast quantity of electrical, or duct tape, whichever you prefer or is handy, and tape that sucker back in place at the base where the snap occurred. Mine ended up looking something like this





It's not the prettiest looking thing in the world, but I can assure you that It works rather well. In fact, I haven't really noticed a difference between my pedal pre and post break. You also might wanna do this if your pedal still works but you're still worried about it breaking. I'm not sure it will actually prevent breakage, but you might sleep easier.

Now, the other problem that everyone's heard about is the faulty guitars (which I personally attribute to EA). The main complaints are unwanted double strums or the down strum giving out a few hours into the game. Now at first I attributed this to stupid people who hit their strum bars too hard. Unfortunately I found out how wrong I was when I discovered my bottom strum had decided to call it quits. Thinking I was screwed I turned to the internet, preparing to send the faulty unit in. But I was saved from unnecessary hassle by people who are far more daring, and who know much more about electronics than me.

This fix however, isn't as easy as the first, and you're going to have to get your hands dirty opening your controller up. You'll have to locate the area where the sensor bar is attached and readjust a screw and a small metal piece. For much more detailed/helpful instructions, check out this post.

It's really not all that hard to do, it won't void your warranty, and it should only take about 25 minutes (which is certainly better than a two week wait for a new controller). It will require a tiny screwdriver though.

So I hope you can fix up your gear, if its broken. personally I think the game itself is fantastic and a much better choice than gh3 (if you can afford it that is). So much of what is good about the game has already been said, so there isn't much to add. Except that you should go get it....

...

Now.
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So my resolve to start posting my reviews on Wednesdays (for alliteration's sake!) kinda fizzled and as such, this is being posted early Thursday morning. Really, really, really early, Thursday morning. But I'm sure you don't care about that, so I'll move on to my review
...
you heartless bastards

This week I'll be looking at Octopus Pie, which just happens to be one of my new favorite web-comics. What's so good about it you ask?

Shut up!
I didn't tell you you could ask questions!
...
anywho...

Octopus Pie is a web-comic by Meredith Gran which just started up pretty recently. So for those of you who don't like mucking through archives, go ahead and jump on the bandwagon now, before it takes off like some kindof... bandwagon... with.. rockets.... that... go.. fast.

....


So why do I think Octopus Pie is worth your time? Well it doesn't suck, that's for sure...

STORY

Octopus pie is the tale of two roommates, Eve and Hannah, who live in New York and face the trials and tribulations of everyday life and living with each other. That's right, it's yet another buddy comic. Unlike last week's entry however, there are no zombies.

So you must be asking yourself about why should I even check it out?

...

WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT QUESTIONS!!!

Anyway...

I'm not gonnna lie, there really isn't thing that crazy about Octopus pie. No robots, no insane setting, and no random twist. And that's why I like it. Octopus Pie is a slice of life web-comic afloat in a sea of dreadfully boring cliched zany strips. And really what makes it shine in that stupid, smelly, and probably reaeeally bad tasting sea is good writing. The characters are interesting and dynamic, and the story manages to avoid cliches without being dull. And hey, it can be funny too...



Also, random boobies and violence never hurt either.

ART

I'd have to say that the art in Octopus Pie is probably my favorite part. From a technical standpoint the lines are crisp and the character design is dynamic and eye-catching. NO character looks the same, and for once I can finally tell that people are different heights! ( an aspect 8 out of 10 comics lack, I'm looking at you ctrl alt del!)

It's not just the character design that is awesome either. There are actual backgrounds and different panel angles. You're not just looking in the same direction at the same bland looking walls.



I really couldn't heap enough praise on the art, because unlike other comics there is actually a direction for said art. And you can actually tell where the comic takes place(New York), something I rarely see in web-comics.

EXTRAS

First off I'd just like to say I'm thankful that Octopus Pie has a cleanly designed and interesting site. It's not often you see both! Usually you only get a crisp frontpage that, while functional, is boring to look at. Or you get a heaping pile of mess that is ... interesting... but confusing nonetheless.

Ironically enough there are no extras listed under the extra section of Octopus Pie, but there are one or two points of interest. You'll find the standards (archive, store, rss feed, links). However, there is a neat-o little mp3 player on the sidebar that makes you feel cooler by listening to indy(indie?) bands, and a little "what I'm doing" box that let's stalker's get easy access to the author....
....
I kid, really it's a nice little addition that gives the site a more personable feel.

VERDICT
While Dr. Mcninja may have been my favorite comic of last year, Octopus Pie is definitely this years. With a wonderfully original art direction, and a story that's actually interesting, I have no choice but to give it...



4 crapilly made ms paint stars!(out of four, duh!)

Man, I guess I better review something crappy next weekend huh?








So I signed up for a Destructoid account a few months back when they were having their contest for PAX. Unfortunately, I never actually got around to posting anything and my addition to the Destructoid community went unnoticed. Of course I still frequented the site, but every day I would be taunted with threats about how god thought I sucked.

No longer I say!

I racked my brain and decided that I could actually contribute something! My contribution? Well even though it's not exactly gaming related, I want to try to introduce you guys to some new web-comics you may never have heard of, assuming of course that you read such things. I think I'll call it the weekly web-comic review. And I'll do it on Wednesdays. 'Cuz I like alliteration like dat.

I would like to point out a few things first....

1. I will not touch popular web-comics. Everybody already knows them anyway. These include but are not limited to, Penny-Arcade, ctrl alt del, VG cats, Diesel Sweeties, 8-bit theater, and PvP to name a few.

2. If you guys know of any good web-comics let me know about 'em! I have a ton a free time anyway, and i welcome the addition of more time... wasting.. things... I also may or may not mock your suggestion, that is if the comic itself sucks.

3. Let me know what you guys think! Think I'm a dick? Let me know! Wanna call me out on something? Have at it! Going to a party this Friday and you need someone to make sure you don't wake up in a ditch smelling of feces? Anytime! Talking to pumpkins and mumbling to yourself? Well, you might wanna see a doctor about that last one....

... and anything else I eventually think of.
So without much more unnecessary delay


For my first review, I'll be looking at Hockey Zombie, a web-comic by Chris van Gompel, started sometime in-between 2004 and 2005( I think). I bring up Hockey Zombie mainly because I came up with my whole review shtick because Mxyzptlk linked 'em. So how we gonna break this thing down?


STORY

Well, simply put Hockey Zombie is about, a hockey player turned zombie. And because of that I immediately give it bonus points. I love hockey, and zombies, and the combination of the two is nothing short of pure awesome.

The story itself is a direct continuation of a previous web-comic done by Chris, which ended with the titular character of hockey zombie (chris) being shot and going to hell. Well, not the bad hell, but the good hell.....

....

It makes sense if you read the damn thing!

Point is, Chris goes to hell, comes back as a a zombie to live with his roommate Kurt, and all sorts of crazy hi-jinks ensue. Seriously. Heads explode because of these zany hi-jinks.
Overall, the whole zombie thing is definitely a fresh take on the buddy comic, and a prevalent sense of random humor produces comedy gold like this



And this.



See? ZANY!!!

ART

Like many web-comics, the art in the early comics is kind of "meh". But I have to say, by the time I got to the later dates in the archive the art started to grow on me. It's got a subtle kind of charm and is definitely fun to look at. It's not an entirely unique or new style, but it definitely doesn't suck and that is always a plus in my book.

EXTRAS

And by extras I mean sweet stuff lyin' round the site. Most immediately apparent are the six extra(?) web-comics on the sidebar. I'm not entirely sure how they're related to the site, but they definitely are entertaining (except for assbath, WTF is up with it, I don't know)if not short. Car vs. Motorcycle is an humorous prelude to the main comic and An 80's Cad is definitely good for some laughs. Or chortles if that's your thing.....
Weirdo.

There's also a forum I didn't join because.... I didn't....
God! What do you want from me? Answers?!! Back off man!
....

Anyway. The forums are probably....forum like. There's some kind of arcade set up with classic pc/arcade games witch I assume are awesome. Assume because I needed a forum i.d. Which I didn't have....

What did I tell you man!?
Back off!

VERDICT

So I'd have to say that overall I was really surprised at how hilarious hockey zombie turned out to be. I'd have to say that if you have some downtime you should definitely check it out.
And if you don't have free time go anyway. C'mon, you know you wanna....


3 crappily made ms paint stars out of 4*


*i use a four star system because it's one I'm used to. Perhaps I'll explain some other time.
Also (sharks and) cocks

*edit- I got rid of some random stuff that somehow cropped up in the post. It only appeared when I used internet explorer though, which was weird. Anyone know why some random symbols and letters might appear where my apostrophes and periods should be? I did copy and paste from word so that might have something to do with it, but if anybody has any answers could you forward let me know?