Let’s face it: some games… they’re just no good. No matter how you play them, they suck. Others get a bum rap they don’t really deserve. My goal is to figure out which games fall into which categories. I don’t play favorites, either: no one is safe from Does It Suck.

This time around, it’s not one game. Not two. Not even three. I’m hitting six Pac-Man games (get the title of this post now? I can hear the groans already…), each previously played by yours truly, to see if they suck. And of course, if they do suck, to tell you just how bad they are.

Fire up the Buckner and Garcia. It's go time.



Basic Info

Pac-Man
Developer - Tod Frye
Publisher - Atari
Console - Atari 2600
Year - 1981



The premise

Same as the arcade game: there’s a maze full of pellets you have to gobble up. Avoid the ghosts, eat the fruits, and go as far as you can go in the game without losing all your lives. Remember when things used to be this simple?

The game

Well, the game itself was created by one programmer at Atari, Tod Frye. Mr. Frye has been put up to the task by his company in hopes he could get something done by the 1981 holiday season. The actual game play itself is pretty much the same, except the scoring is different by a factor of 10 and all the fruits are replaced by a single pellet the game calls a vitamin. Lame, but not yet a game killer.

The controls

The controls seem a lot more sluggish than their arcade counterparts, but with the Atari 2600’s joystick, they’re once again pretty similar. Some of this may have been due to the fact that the 2600 wasn’t quite as powerful as the arcade machines, so maybe we can chalk it up to a porting issue.

The graphics and sound

It is at this point I want to simply pause and tell you this: everything you’ve ever seen about Pac-Man for the Atari 2600 is correct. It sucks so much that not even the poorest child in Africa would accept this game as a donation. The black background and blue walls are replaced with a blue background and hideous burnt orange walls. Pac-Man looks less like a puck and more like a C… for crappy. The pellets have been turned into dashes, and the ghosts flicker in and out of the picture, making it nearly impossible to run from them successfully. Also, the “waka-waka” sound Pac-Man makes is replaced by a sound that sounds like the Atari 2600 screaming angrily at you for playing this game.



I wasn’t even alive in 1981, but playing this game makes me feel the pain of every child who opened this up on Christmas morning and popped it into their Atari 2600. Those kids got screwed majorly.

The conclusion

Sadly, this is not really Tod Frye’s fault: Atari saw his prototype, simply said, “Fuck it,” and published the game before Frye could get the chance to improve it. In rushing this game out to market, Atari damn near destroyed the entire world of video games and brought about their own demise. While most people still blame E.T. for killing the 2600, it only finished off what this Pac-Man port did first.

FINAL VERDICT: Full blown suck. Remember how I said Daikatana was bad last time? This is slightly worse. Horrid graphics and sound are only the tip of the iceberg of what’s wrong with this game.



Basic Info

Baby Pac-Man
Developer - Bally Midway
Publisher - Bally Midway
Console – Arcade/Pinball
Year - 1982



The premise

Somewhere in the great world of video games, Bally Midway decided that making Pac-Man into a pinball game was a great idea. Somehow, they figured, if they could bring Pac-Man to the legions of pinball gamers out there, they could make money hand-over-fist. But rather than simply making a Pac-Man themed pinball machine, Bally Midway tried to merge pinball with arcade gaming: Baby Pac-Man was the first result of that unholy marriage.

Oh, and it’s about Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man’s baby, if you haven’t figured that out yet.

The game



The game itself was odd. Players started out on the video screen on top, running a maze as Baby Pac-Man, trying to escape some ghosts that were virtually impossible to run from. However, there was also an “escape tunnel”, and when Baby Pac-Man entered it, play transitioned to the pinball table on the bottom, where you could accrue points and bonuses. Once you lost the ball, the action returned to the top for more maze-running. Later, rinse, and repeat until Baby Pac-Man ran out of lives. This transition proved to be very unique and perhaps very confusing and frustrating.

The controls

The controls varied, depending on if you were in the arcade portion or the pinball portion. In the arcade portion, game play controls were identical to those of the original Pac-Man titles. Then, after entering the “escape tunnel”, you jump into pinball mode, where the game operates with the flipper buttons instead. The transition can be quite challenging, since it is pretty sudden. Add in the fact that you have to earn your energizers, and the pinball portion suddenly becomes a lot more frustrating.

The graphics and sound

As for the video part of the game, Baby Pac-Man pretty much looks and feels like any other Pac-Man game of the day. At least this time around, nobody screwed up how the game was supposed to appear. The actual pinball part wasn’t too bad looking either… at least on the tables kept in good condition.

The conclusion

After this and another Bally Midway Pac-Man title, Namco stepped in and told Bally Midway they could never touch Pac-Man again. Perhaps it was a good thing, as while they tried to combine their two biggest assets, the game really never clicked. It’s insanely hard to play and probably impossible to beat.

FINAL VERDICT: Hard suckage. Not God awful, but still pretty hard to play because of the pinball/arcade transitioning.




Basic Info

Pac-Man 2: The New Adventures
Developer - Namco
Publisher - Namco
Console - Super Nintendo/Sega Genesis
Year - 1994



The premise

Tired of the same old Pac-Man games, Namco decided to take a totally different route with Pac-Man: point-and-click adventure? Yes, Pac-Man 2 was truly a new adventure, just like the title said, and it was certainly a game few fans of the series would ever forget.

Also, they probably did this because of the Pac-Man animated series’ existence.

The game



The game started off with a simple quest to get some milk for Pac-Man’s baby, but his adventure soon took a huge turn towards something different. What, exactly, is not easy to explain, but the four ghosts have a hand in it. As the game operates more like a point-and-click adventure, you have to help Pac-Man along as an impartial observer, pointing out things he should investigate or where to head off to next. You also have a slingshot that can be used to interact with the environment and give Pac-Man a clue on what to do next. It sounds a bit boring at first, but it actually turns out to be a pretty fun time.

The controls



The game operates partially like a side-scroller and partially like a point-and-click adventure. You can’t control Pac-Man directly, but you can make him move through various means, mostly by directing his attention or using the slingshot to create in-game situations. It is odd to be controlling Pac-Man like this at first, but soon, the controls really become natural and pretty fun. My only note of sadness is that this game was never officially released on the PC - it would have been great if that were the case.

The graphics and sound



For a Super Nintendo or Sega Genesis title, Pac-Man 2 looked pretty good. Nothing totally spectacular from the onset, but what made this game priceless was Pac-Man’s comical expressions when something would go wrong. Namco seemed to bring the character to life, whether he had that look of concern on his face as you told him to investigate something dangerous, the look of terror when the ghosts appeared, or that calm smile he had just before you were about to cause him to have a heart attack with a stupid stunt.

The conclusion

Pac-Man 2 is seriously overlooked by a lot of people. I love this game and I don't mind that the game never got a sequel or that Pac-Man never went in this direction. That just makes Pac-Man 2 that much more special in my book. If you don't own this game and love classic point-and-click games, do yourself a favor and pick this game up for the early 90s retro console of your choice. You won't be let down.

FINAL VERDICT: Does not suck. Not loved by every franchise fan, Pac-Man 2 was a daring and bold risk from Namco that paid off. The game is absolutely hilarious at times, mostly from the fact that you can put Pac-Man in some ridiculous situations. Plays very well. Retro gamers should have this in their library.




Basic Info

Pac-Man VR
Developer - Virtuality
Publisher - Namco
Console - Arcade
Year - 1996



The premise

Virtual reality games were all the rage in the mid-1990s, complete with those dorky helmets you had to put on. Hell, Nintendo even tried their hand at a VR machine that failed miserably… but that’s another story for another Does It Suck? special.

Anyways, a company called Virtuality ended up licensing the Pac-Man franchise from Namco so that they could make a virtual reality game where you played as Pac-Man, running around a maze. I kid you not. I didn’t know this existed until a few years ago, when I played it at a university-sponsored event and walked out the first place winner on my first try. True story. (Note to Pendleton: You should remember the flyers for this they had plastered all over campus.)

The game

The game was pretty much your standard Pac-Man fare, except the whole thing was rendered in basic 3D, but more on that when we get down to the graphics and sound. The only thing this game lacked from the original were the many different fruits that showed up. The game was timed, but a progress bar appeared at the top of the heads-up display: the more pellets you ate, the more time you got and the further through the maze you could go. That also meant a higher overall score.

The controls

The controls took some getting used to, especially since you had a helmet on and couldn’t see your hands while playing. The helmet itself had two screen to watch the action through, while in one hand, you held a trigger with a button. That button, when pressed, allowed you to go forward. Turning was simply controlled by turning your body in the direction you wanted Pac-Man to go. This would have been a great idea… if not for the cord on the trigger, which was easy to get wrapped around in as you navigated the maze.

The graphics and sound



The graphics are pretty basic, featuring a lot of simple 3-D shapes, but then again, Pac-Man wasn’t exactly a graphical powerhouse. Virtuality did at least make the ghosts look like they were supposed to and not just amorphous blobs. It also helped that, as you were playing as Pac-Man, they didn’t have to bother animating him at all.



The conclusion

When you put it into perspective, Pac-Man VR would have been kick-ass in 1996. In 2008, it’s more a novelty than anything, but it’s still kind of fun, actually. The controls take some getting used to, but if you’re a Pac-Man fan, it’s certainly worth the time to play this game.

FINAL VERDICT: Tolerable suckage. Hard to actually find now a days, Pac-Man VR does have some kinks, but nothing too terrible worth noting.




Basic Info

Pac-Man Vs.
Developer - Nintendo
Publisher - Namco
Console - Gamecube
Year - 2003



The premise

As part of an exchange that brought about Mario Kart: Arcade GP, Namco gave Nintendo and Shigeru Miyamoto the keys to their most famous franchise. What Shiggy and Co. came out with was a multiplayer take on the original game. However, the game wasn’t sold on its own, but bundled with Gamecube copies of Pac-Man World 2, I-Ninja and R: Racing Evolution. The latter is how I got my copy of the game.

The game



At its core, Pac-Man Vs. was just regular old Pac-Man - the Pac-Man player scored points by munching fruits, ghosts and pellets. The ghosts, too, could score by eating fruit or catching Pac-Man, and the game went on until a pre-determined high score was reached by one of the players.

However, the game went off the beaten path when it let one player control Pac-Man and three other players play as the ghosts, hunting Pac-Man down. The ghosts are only able to see a small area of the board that surrounds them, which is a bit annoying, but perhaps prevents the ghosts from just annihilating Pac-Man every time. In addition, if a ghost catches Pac-Man, they switch controllers and take the GBA to become Pac-Man until they get caught. This feature, while it can be confusing at times, is really cool when you have people playing who know what they’re doing.

The controls

Pac-Man Vs. has two differing controllers - the ghosts get to use the Gamecube controller, while Pac-Man has to use the GBA’s directional pad. Outside of that, the two actually control pretty much the same in that both the ghosts and Pac-Man are only capable of moving and not much else. I prefer the Gamecube controller to the GBA, and wish Nintendo would have let ghosts use a GBA, too, if only to make the controller more uniform.

The graphics and sound

The game basically takes old Pac-Man and puts it in 3-D, with a limited view for the ghosts and for Pac-Man. The ghosts themselves probably could have looked a bit better in my personal opinion, especially since this was a Miyamoto-helmed game. Other than that, there are no real complaints with a simple little title like Pac-Man Vs.

The conclusion

If you could wrangle up a GBA, Gamecube link cable and one to three other buddies to play with, Pac-Man Vs. turned out to be a pretty damn fun time. I had the luck to do so, though I know many people did not. Pac-Man Vs. was a lot like other Gamecube titles, such as Luigi’s Mansion - a game that was a generation ahead of its time and that would have been killer with the Wii/DS combo. Thankfully, Namco realized that and added it to Namco Museum DS so that the gaming community could finally experience how fun this game was.

FINAL VERDICT: Tolerable suckage. Some elements of this came could have used some polish, but overall, it’s a pretty solid and underappreciated title.




Basic Info

Ms. Pac-Man
Developer - Namco
Publisher - Namco
Console - Mobile Phone (in my case, a Samsung A640)
Year - 2004

The premise

Lastly, there is the cell phone version of Ms. Pac-Man, which only makes its way onto the list because I play it when I am waiting in line for something and am totally bored out of my mind. See the first entry for what the game is all about, because except for Ms. Pac-Man’s bow, these games are identical.

The game

Honestly, it’s the same as Pac-Man. They didn’t change a thing in this regard. There are normal and easy modes to choose from, and that’s about the only real difference.

The controls

The game uses the numerical pad to control Ms. Pac-Man, which makes sense. However, the game responds a bit slow, meaning that you can press the button to make an early turn and end up facing the wall at a dead stop. I’ve run into this problem before, and it is very irritating, perhaps the biggest irritating thing with the game.

The graphics and sound

The graphics and sound are all toned down. The game moves slower and there is no “waka-waka” sound following Ms. Pac-Man around, but other than that, sounds are there as needed. This probably has a lot to do with the phone’s specifications, as I’m sure an iPhone would be able to run Pac-Man complete with sounds. Compared to some other cell phone games, though, this seems pretty run of the mill.

The conclusion

I’ve seen some bad cell phone ports in my life, but Ms. Pac-Man escapes that category. That being said, if you can play it in another form, I would definitely recommend you do that. It doesn’t suck… but it’s not the full experience.

FINAL VERDICT: Light suckage. A well-done port of a classic game that only suffers from some lag and control issues.