As you've probably noticed we've changed the home page design quite a bit today! I hope you like the changes and find the site faster and easier to use. We also completely redid the "compact" view and console pages so that they're easier to read and skim through -- please give those a look-see. We still have many speed optimizations to do but we're making good progress despite being drunk and hung over from holiday cheer :)
Anyway, let's talk about the quotes thing! One of the most requested features was to bring back the random quotes, which once appeared in the user profiles page. We found a way to make it work and brought it back -- and are looking for new submissions! Here's the format to follow:
Please follow this strict format when submitting your quotes or you'll ruin everything forever and die alone:
"is a playable character in Bomberman Live",
"wants to have you over for sexy times",
* Starts with a quote
* Begins with a verb that refers to Destructoid
* Starts with a lower case letter, you hookers!
* ends with a quote and comma
* is not longer than any of these bullet phrases
Send in as many as you'd like and I'll install them next week. Do each one on its own line please, as many as you'd like in a comment. Please keep them moderately SFW although they're only visible to registered users so we can get away with a little murder :)
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"thinks Neiro's hot"
"wants Collete's taco soup"
"wants Topher's taco soup"
"misses Dyson"
"has a thing for polo guy"
"has combed Hamza's arm hair"
"likes to swim with bow-legged women and swim beneath their legs"(Damn, too long)
"likes loose women and men"
"would hide a body for Dtoid"
"punches old ladies"
"would dropkick a baby for beer"
"knows kahrahtae"
"needs horse and location"
That's all I got for now.
"likes to cuddle" ,
"thinks Neiro's hot" ,
"wants Collete's taco soup" ,
"wants Topher's taco soup" ,
"misses Dyson" ,
"has a thing for polo guy" ,
"has combed Hamza's arm hair" ,
"likes loose women and men" ,
"would hide a body for Dtoid" ,
"punches old ladies" ,
"would dropkick a baby for beer" ,
"knows kahrahtae" ,
"needs horse and location" ,
"is AMAZING!",
"is tl:dr!",
"<3's you",
"is not the baby daddy",
"is looking for some sailors",
"doesn't afraid of anything",
"is looking for Sarah Connor",
"knows how many wolves must die",
"wants to put babies inside you",
"would like a game of Lucky Hit",
"is part man, part machine. All Cock",
"stole your bike."
"is pretty spiffy",
"regrets shaving the beard",
"built a time machine from Hamza's arm hair",
"enjoys the occasional fish sandwich",
"welcomes and loves you",
"is #1_in_the_hood_G!!",
"loves it when you call them big poppa",
"will give you robot AIDS",
"smells like balls!",
"uses Shamwow",
"as voiced by Ron Perlman",
"wants your n00dz",
"hates what Sonic has become"
"was hit by, was struck by a smooth criminal"
"didn't think Pepsi Blue was that bad"
"is a powerful phrase" (Bioshock reference)
"is half empty"
"finishes all of its vegetables"
"was 'Employee of The Year' at Rupture Farms"
"needs moar tophat",
"doesn't know the difference between a duck",
"reminds me of the babe",
"is wondering what's going on in the forums",
"Is racist."
"Really wants Petal Rear Sqauilid Door."
"Is world famous."
"Used to read penis. Also, Cocks!"
"Really believes old games are better."
"Misses difficulty."
"Thinks that nepotism is okay, but only on Destructoid."
"Wants to work as a journalist, but isn't willing to write."
"Is upset about the posting time on the forums."
"Will never read Wardrox's blog. Fuck you Negative Gamer Dot Com."
"Is going to play Bonerquest."
"Has accepted the Bonerquest."
"Thinks Niero should never take off the helmet."
"Wants to fuck all the female editors. All the female community members. Even cartoon video game versions of them."
"Is going to die, but its okay because they have an extra man."
"Has super powers, but they only work on tuesdays."
"Hates ScrewAttack, but loves Springball."
"Fuck gametrailers video reviews, I want Jim Sterling. His opinion matters."
"Won't work on bonerquest because they're typing out stupid quotes for the random generator."
"Knows that Destructoid wants to buy Fight Club, but isn't really willing to put up with the headache and nightmare of running it. You know what Fight Club is."
I can do more if you want.
"fights for his friends",
"plays on expert, yo",
"loves dolphin mustache rides",
"loves snausages",
"gave Eternity's Child a 2/10",
"refers to himself in the third person",
"thinks Princess Peach is a cock-teasing bitch",
"likes big butts and cannot lie",
"eats fanboys for breakfast",
"is KNNNIIIIIIVVVESSS!",
"is not madness, but SPAAARTAAAAA!",
"has hoes in different area codes",
"lights people on fire",
"is in your internetz, clogging ur tubes",
"dreams in Double Dribble speak",
Darkwing Duck related
"is the terror that flaps in the night",
"is the surprise in your cereal box",
"is the batteries that are not included",
"was a gamer before you were"
"would like to try again with Roberta Williams"
"still gets Link and Zelda mixed up"
"is looking at your part of the screen"
"needs no other color besides brown and grey"
"still likes Sonic for some reason"
"impresses ladies with Mega Man skills"
"lost his voice before his mind",
"is never gonna give you up",
"goes commando",
"is your father",
"hates you",
"is still paying for Xbox Live"
"Can't beat Mega Man 9"
"lost his voice before his mind",
"is never gonna give you up",
"goes commando",
"is your father",
"hates you",
"can quit anytime he wants to",
"thinks the PC version is better",
"thinks the console version is better",
"is still waiting for the PS3 version",
"still believes HD-DVD can win the format war",
"still hasn't beat Final Fantasy 7"
"doesn't know why other gaming sites exist..."
"secretly records every show on G4"
"still hasn't found out that Aeris died"
"will always hate the games you like"
"can't stop. won't stop",
"wants a sandvich",
"has a gamerscore OVER 9000",
"says you have 10 sec to comply",
"says pills here!",
"why so srs?",
"is a 2 dollar whore",
"dares to disturb your coronation",
"talks tv",
"has the Touch",
"has the Power",
"not bozo, is King",
"lights your darkest hour",
"goes woot wooo",
"is available in red, urange, blue and turkwise"
"reciprocates",
"supplies beast and location",
"farts in your general direction",
"is folding at home",
"would hit that",
"tell 'em",
"can be found in da club",
"is biased"
"is unplayable with controller"
"doesn't jump 1/3rd of the time"
"regrets telling Heath Ledger they were Tic Tacs",
"shot first",
"cried at the end of Little Women",
"killed Dumbledore",
"is not secretly forming an army to liberate Tibet",
"is making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS",
"secretly loves Dennis Dyack",
LOL YES!
Is very dangerous. Be dead down here.
your life is mine very soon.
Again changes to hell.
Anyone get all these?
"thinks with portals"
"won't allow you to close the window"
"plays Tekken with a dance pad"
"thinks the music is in the fracking ship",
"thinks Felicia Day is hot!",
"once knew a wise old beard",
"doesn't know that Atlas is Fontaine",
"is prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse",
"is not prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse",
"voted for Kratos for president",
"thinks Zelda was hotter in 2D",
"is still waiting for a good 3D Sonic game",
"is still waiting for a good Superman game",
"is pondering what I'm pondering",
"knows who would win in a fight between Santa and Jesus",
"thought Crystal Pepsi wasn't all that bad",
"liked Too Human",
"loves Valve",
"rocked PAX 08",
"wants the LHC to unlock a gateway for headcrabs",
"secretly hates games",
More soon....probably
"has the highest score in Space Giraffe",
"has every achievement in Yaris",
"rented Avatar for the achievements",
"is still alive",
"is thinking with portals",
"thinks they're going to jail for impersonating a cop online"
"is LEVERAGE!"
"beat Through the Fire and the Flames on expert, BEFORE YOU!"
"is blap-blap-blap-blap!"
"has created the seigelpun to end all seigelpuns!"
"is stealing your warez",
"has red on him",
"has seen Goatse",
"is the name of this site",
"likes you in a friend way",
"is NOT a zombie",
"is... ZOMG HAXXORZZ!!!",
"is thinking with portals",
"LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL",
"QWERTY",
"is in your base, just chillin'",
"in starring in the Halo movie as Grandma!",
"knows who the fuck is Jim Sterling",
"knows when you are sleeping",
"knows when you're awake",
"loves you all, despite you're failing's",
"is the Giraffe Stalker",
that's it for now.
"is watching you masturbate."
"marks the spot."
"supports violence against the elderly."
"sleeps with the fishes."
"does not just walk into Mordor."
"knows who the $#%& Jim Sterling is."
"is longer than any of these bullet phrases."
"makes grown men cry."
"dances with the devil in the pale moonlight."
"pities the fool."
"love you long time."
"is WiiSucks. The jig is up."
"smells what the Rock is cooking. Jambalaya."
"doesn't afraid of anything."
"knows who the fuck is Jim Sterling",
"knows when you are sleeping",
"knows when you're awake",
"loves you all, despite you're failing's",
"is the Giraffe Stalker",
that's it for now.