popular  /  reviews  /  videos  /  community

I helped a girl take a piss in Ni No Kuni

7:30 PM on 01.23.2013 // Niero Gonzalez
  @destructoid

Sympathy for the NPC

It wouldn't be fair to say that Ni No Kuni has a specific urination quest. It's more of a side story or side effect of a larger task, if you will.  Nevertheless, when I came upon this girl who needed to whiz, I immediately wrote it off as filler NPC chatter. A few missions later I had learned that my tasks had indirectly let her use the bathroom. Someone went through the trouble of updating our hero on this story. Planning went into this. Okay, then.

She made an impression on me because, of all the things this young girl could have vocalized to me, she was intent on telling her mother and I that she needed to execute a mad leak. She needs to piss really bad, you see. Either that, or she required some for alchemy. The dialogue isn't really clear on what she intends to do with said pee-pee, but le't just assume she had made a surplus and wanted to remove it from her body.

Why not just run behind a tree?  We're in a forest, after all.  Despite the marvel of modern videogames, here's a cute example of why NPCs are still the dumbest forms of life in gaming.

As cleverly editorialized in The Secret Lives of Non-Player Characters, the idiocy of NPCs is one of the funniest things about our primitive videogames. This chick will stand there until the end of time holding that bladder until I go a vast journey talk to a tree, beat down guardian, and return to steal a guy's heart ten feet away from The Pissy One so the gate can open. Unlike the ants in your kitchen (which some heavenly power has expertly scripted for thousands of years to solve every task possible) it does not occur to this bitch that she can take a whiz behind a tree. Ants are my favorite script, by far. Whomever invented ants is probably rich.

The mom will stand there and ignore that her child desperately needs to defecate, and will also starve her for as long as I please. It's unfortunate that if I leave my PS3 on for the weekend I wouldn't return to an angry mob beating the tits out of the guards, or a camp of hippies cooking turkeys in front of the castle that I can spy sometimes pooping in the woods.

It's my hope that in the not-so-distant future game engines will allow developers to instill more common sense of survival to their non-player characters. Until then, I'm happy to help them twinkle.

 

Also, slow news day.  Sorry THQ, you'll be missed.

Photo Gallery: (2 images)
Click to zoom - browse by swipe, or use arrow keys




 Reblog (or) Blog Reply

Niero Gonzalez, Internet Slumlord
 Follow Blog + disclosure destructoid Tips
Top 10 things you didn't know about me: (1) I'm a volunteer English teacher on weekends, (2) my first real job was drawing comics for a major newspaper, (3) my favorite console is the Super Ninte... more   |   staff directory

Get more destructoid:   We're indie-run, blogging for the love of it, and our site will always be free. Optionally, you can support us and get: (1) Faster pages from our cloud server (3) Wide(r)screen (3) No big ads on Dtoid, Japanator, Tomopop, or Flixist (4) Auto contest entries, and (5) Dibs on betas & downloads. Try it out

 Setup email comments

Unsavory comments? Please report harassment, spam, and hate speech to our moderators, and flag the user (we will ban users dishing bad karma). Can't see comments? Apps like Avast or browser extensions can cause it. You can fix it by adding *.disqus.com to your whitelists.


destructoid's previous coverage:
Ni no Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch


  Jun 03

Practically steal Ni No Kuni for $5 in Sony Flash Sale

Maybe you should feel bad paying that little


  Jan 25

Ni no Kuni Wizard's Edition orders issues abound [update]

Sound off if you've had issues with your order


View all:powered by:  MM.Elephant

Ads on destructoid may be purchased from:



Please contact Crave Online, thanks!



  Around the web (login to improve these)




Back to Top


We follow moms on   Facebook  and   Twitter
  Light Theme      Dark Theme
Pssst. Konami Code + Enter!
You may remix stuff our site under creative commons w/@
- Destructoid means family. Living the dream, since 2006 -