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Niero Gonzalez's blog
destructoid  Internet Slumlord


12:02 PM on 04.21.2015

Egypt was troubled by the horrible asp

yeah yeah yeah yeah

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12:12 PM on 01.15.2014

How I got my mom to game: Adventure Inlay

My dad's a gamer. He's just naturally into them. We bought Mike Tyson's Punch out back in 1988 and I soon learned that I could not stand next to him while he was playing or I'd get a right hook to the face, years before Wiitards made this normal.

My mom on the other hand- not so much. 

I tried the usual suspects: the cute animals, the puzzle games, the brain games, the digital board game adaptations. Everything. Ipads. Facebook farms abandoned. No ropes were being cut. Birds would not fight pigs with anger. Nothing worked. Even when I'd instigate Sunday afternoons with Wii Sports nobody would ever pick it up on their own. Meanwhile, my dad freaking beat Mario Galaxy. He's 63 years old, people. The disparity was killing me.

One day I came across a tacky stupid-looking jigsaw puzzle game in the bargain bin casual games isle  and BOOM -- gotcha!  This game is Adventure Inlay by Gamehouse Games, a title we would never cover on Dtoid. Ever. The game is crap. It has two stars on Amazon and goes for five bucks. There's also Magic Inlay and a billion other variants I'm sure.  Some kid probably wrote this game in middle school.

Somehow, this was the one she liked and played for months straight. I can't explain it.



Adventure Inlay works like this: a stream of puzzle shapes scrolls in at the bottom that must be picked up and rotated into the board above. There are various editions of this game, including a "safari" edition where you drop pieces into animal shapes or weird shapes around them.  The "inlay" games have been cloned by other devs for Android as well, and they look even worse but appear to have higher review scores. Maybe they're more fun with a touch interface. 

What the hell is happening in the picture above?  It looks like some spiked dungeon you must build around the monkey.  Don't think too hard about it. 

You can blow through 50 levels of this game in an hour, and that's probably what makes it addictive: The game is so easy and almost challenging that novice players will get sucked into it.  Eventually this craptacular casual game was the gateway to things like Bejeweled and "Find the Hidden Object" type games.  

As our parents get older they end up on the sofa more often, and I'm obviously one who believes that videogames have a positive effect on the brain.  Just wanted to share this embarrassing game recommendation for anyone who is trying to get their senior parents into something a little more interactive.   read


6:43 PM on 08.13.2013

Meanwhile at Dtoid HQ: New videos coming your way

You want more video? We're doing more video! Here is just a sneak peek of some of the experiments going on in the lab at Dtoid HQ. We're experimenting with different ways we can cover the news and have a little more fun with the site, and hope to show you more at our panel at PAX. Pictured below are Steven and Spencer with Kenny and Phil running the mixers and camera behind the scenes. Also off camera are Conrad, Jordan, Sterling, Foom, Dale, Carter, and Hamza. 

Are you in San Francisco? Do you want to appear on camera? We may have an upcoming opportunity for a live audience participation show. Get in touch!

Until then, what do you watch on Youtube? I don't know that we can top Hot Pepper Gaming, but we're going to try.







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6:09 PM on 05.03.2013

Rip off your dicks: There's a new Community Blogs editing tool



Earlier this week a community member asked why we didn't have a visual editor option. Its 2013, we really should have one. So I dropped what I was doing and installed one.

If you prefer slinging your own BBcode you can still work like you used to: simply click the last icon (looks like a white sheet of paper) and the buttons will display the code.

The new editor lets you view images and youtube videos right in the article as you post them, so you have more accurate idea of what your story is going to look like when you're done posting.  It also has a Full Screen mode option that hides everything on the page, which is lovely. The thing to get used to is having to hit the Image and Youtube buttons when inserting assets.

So, I show this update to Hamza and his reaction was: "People are going to rip off their dicks!!".  I love working with this guy.  Photos and videos unrelated, just testing to make sure they work.  There's also a new hideous libraries of smileys that I'm trying to figure out how to disable.

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8:16 PM on 04.30.2013

When you see it you'll fap bricks



In pursuit of the upvote button suggestions thread and most popular comments, I've redesigned the faps button to be a heart. I've also added an easter egg that appears one in 169 times when the number 16 is selected at random.

There's a similar easter egg in the Dafoe theme but it has a 1:10069 chance of appearing, and its possibly the creepiest thing on the site ever. Dtoider that finds it first wins a mystery swag box from me ;) Sorry, staff is not eligible!   read


8:41 PM on 04.23.2013

Suggestions for the new Upvote button label?



Update 2: The people have spoken and I have made it so.

http://www.destructoid.com/blogs/Niero+Gonzalez/when-you-see-it-you-ll-fap-bricks-252805.phtml

Update 1: Until we come up with something cool I just removed the word like altogether. There's a little thumb icon in its place. We'll come back to this later, until then I owe you a dark theme.

PS. Sorry for the late update, I was editing Hamza's pizza video :)

--

If you've been following the community blogs, comments, forums, etc regarding the new site design you'll find two primary complaints: (1) its too damn bright (a dark theme is coming asap) and (2) nobody likes the "like" button. Due to recent events in the tech community I thought it would be best to re-work the button to be more inclusive of female readers that may otherwise find the joke misogynistic.

What should the upvote say instead of Like? How about Bump?   read


6:08 PM on 04.18.2013

Hamza is too busy to be kicked in the face while reading email



Like most guys in the gaming industry I sit at my desk all day, which apparently kills you faster than chicken nuggets, so I try to get up every few minutes and do some exercise. We hung a chin-up bar in the hallway which also lets me kick people in the face as they pass. Look at this bastard ignoring my kung-fu as he dutifully checks the morning news.

In all seriousness though, I think its done wonders for my health. I don't really have time to go to the gym and I don't like to eat healthy (fried stuff is great!) so it is pretty much the only exercise I get on a regular basis, and it only takes a few seconds at a time. Highly recommended for fellow slackers.   read


12:33 PM on 04.01.2013

How to make a grilled cheese sandwich



1. Grab a fist full of butter

2. Crank the stove to 11

3. Set the Blue Oyster Cult on repeat

4. Wipe your hands on bread

5. KNIFE THE CHEESE AND SET IT ON FIRE

6. Remove the helmet and enjoy   read


4:13 AM on 03.29.2013

Dtoid after dark: Dale reviews Sriracha Cheez-Its(R)



Finally, I get Dale to do a Snacktaku while senior engineer James reviews 3DS Bass Fishing game. They were baked by GameTrailers' artisan chef and producer Jeremy Hoffman.

I don't know.



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4:36 PM on 03.25.2013

Atlus @ Dtoid HQ: Choco Tacos and new games



Atlus stopped by today to show Dale some new games, but more importantly John Hardin brought us Choco Tacos and Tecate.

Best. Job. Ever.   read


2:32 AM on 02.27.2013

Buzzed Hamza explains GDC Night. Also, Ken Levine reads your comments



While your Dtoid engineering team was patching a few nasty problems, Hamza was out networking at GDC night. This rare video documentary captures a wild Hamza actually eating unhealthy food, as he needs to consume something that actually has calories in it if he's going to write up whatever the hell he saw before faceplanting from all the free drinks.

Also, you don't wan tot miss this tweet from Ken Levine:



Fantastic.   read


1:10 AM on 02.21.2013

PS4: Stoned Garfield in new Killzone looks incredible



GET SOME VISENE, BRO!




AMIRITE?

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