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Ok, so my wife enjoys going onto different forums across the internet and read about people’s lives and opinions on things. A weird hobby in my eyes, but I guess controlling an imaginary elf on the computer screen while pushing a few buttons is also a weird hobby.
Anyways, since she knows how big of a gamer I am, she showed me a thread where different women were discussing game addiction. The website is filled with women (and pretty much only women) who attend the same religion I do. In a recent magazine published by the church I go to they discuss video game addiction. My church wasn’t bashing video games…they were simply talking about how we can’t allow things like video games to become such an overwhelming addiction that it destroys our lives. They have done many articles that are similar on different potentially addicting habits such as gambling, porn, drugs, work, etc. I thought it was interesting, if not hilarious, to read some of the things that were said. Some women seem to know what they’re talking about. Others are the typical misinformed “games are for acne-filled dweebs” person. I posted some of their responses for your enjoyment. I would love to hear your responses to what they said, or if you have any stories about video game addiction. By the way, “DH” means “Dear Husband”…so they’re talking about their husband when they say that. Weird, I know…I had to get my wife to tell me that one. The comments of the ladies from the blog are in cursive while my responses are in bold. 
laughingmama I feel for the wives/spouses of gamers. I really, really do. I don't understand, I guess, why someone over the age of say 20, needs to play a video game unless they are playing with a child. It can become a huge addiction and problem. So--for those who are married to gamers--I don't understand, but you still have my sympathy. We all have something we struggle with--that much I can and do understand. This was one of the more idiotic ones I read. She, apparently, doesn’t have a clue. W.D.W. “I got so mad I broke his games and he just went and bought new ones.” Now, according to what she wrote, her husband was really bad. She talked about how he would leave all night, every night, to his friends’ houses that weren’t married and game with them. She never knew where he was at. Still, let it be known, W.D.W, that breaking my games would be on the same level as adultery. Death to all game breakers. Random Quotes: “I have a lot of sympathy for those that are dealing with this!” “I know of two divorces that happened and one of the big things that started things on the wrong course was the dh's going and playing games with their buddies til 3am on a weeknight, ignoring their spouses etc.” “My cousin is married to a gamer who spends all his time on the computer. If they have an event at their house, he usually doesn't even come down stairs to socialize. He just stays on the computer.” “he realized what a HUGE time waster they [video games] were...” Meluvsmonkey: “He has a theory. He says that men have an inherent need to go out and conquer something. And, they like playing games so they can get that thrill of conquering something. It is a whole lot easier to sit at home in your pj's instead of going out in the real world to conquer something.” Bingo! That's what Dh told me last night (before I had even opened the Ensign and found the article.) He said it's instant gratification because people online are telling him how wonderful he is and thanking him over and over again for helping him out. He can be a knight in shinning armour without having to do anything but push a few buttons. He said it's ideal for a lazy man! (his words, not mine!) LOL! Probably true…though I don’t know if it’s that simple. What do you think? Eellsworth (Eellsworth was one of the few sane ones) I am a gamer, so is my husband. However, we both know and understand what is acceptable in our relationship. Games are not inherently bad. My mom always says, "I just don't understand how you have time to play on the computer." I always feel like saying, "I just don't understand how you have time to sit on the phone and gossip, shop, etc." And, it's not necessarily about setting rules. The idea of setting rules for one's spouses always kind of gets me. It's about having respect for the person you're married to. If DH had a problem with me playing WoW, I would unsubscribe immediately. It's not that important to me. The bottom line is we all have our interests and we make time for them. The trick is not to let it adversely affect our families. And one more from her… I wonder what would happen if the church put out an article about crazy out of control scrapbookers. They all demand a whole room in a house for their hobby. They go to conventions, are always buying stuff, and their house is covered in half-finished projects. Their husbands feel neglected and are sick of the out of control expense of their cricut machine. Just a funny thought. I'm really not being serious here. Even though she’s partly joking, how true her statement is…how true. I would also like to ask the women who post on this website all-day, everyday, how that is different and potentially less addicting than video games? My late dh was a gamer. However, he never let it interfere with working, and also helping me around the house. That was his activity of choice. I did not mind at all because he did not let it get it in the way of his family or work. My son is a gamer too. However, when I ask him to do something, he will do it. I always think how cute it would have been to watch those two together, plotting their next moves, etc... they totally would have done it. I have a cute pic of my son in his underoos and my husband playing a video game. My son is on top of his shoulders... it is precious This one made me want to cry. Anyways, not all of the comments were bad. Some were good and others were reasonable…and there were some, of course, that were insane with incorrect information. Anyways, I always find it amusing to hear different perspectives on the hobby we love so much.
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Living the dream since March 16, 2006
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I have a sort of similar problem with my dad. Whenever he sees me playing a video game, he always has something to say. For example, "When are you going to grow up?" or "Do you need a pacifier?" Or some stupid shit like that. I remember when he first took a dislike to my video gaming, and that was when I was 13. I got an XBOX and a copy of Dead or Alive 3 and showed him what the game was like. His only response was "You live in a fantasy world". Whenever he says something like that, we always get into explosive yelling arguments over my video gaming. He thinks that video gaming is for little kids, and that I should have stopped around the time when I was 16. I often try to explain to him that that isn't the case, but it's usually in one ear and out the other with him. I can kind of understand where he's coming from though, since I think it's mostly a cultural thing for him. He grew up in Communist ruled Czechoslovakia, but when he turned 19(my age), he escaped with three of his friends and came to America. He never grew up with the things I did(video games for instance), and he always had different plans for me, but that's a different story.
Anyways... what was I talking about?
In terms of the situation, I'm glad my wife supports my habit (I have somewhat of an excuse running a gaming site with review copies to finish). Every once in a while she'll feel lonely, but that's just natural, and I do feel bad. We try to game together; for instance, we're finishing 'Splosion Man cooperatively now before we move onto Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter 2 split-screen.
She knows that I have my fun-games, work-games, and our games together. It's all about balance. If your wife dislikes gaming, heaven help you :-(
You know how women are. They marry someone with habbits that they don't like hoping/thinking they can change them once they're married. For example, I now shower and dress differently than I did when I was single. When women get confused is when they think they can change EVERY habit someone has. I was willing to change some of my habits for my wife...but some are off-limits, and she knew that when we got married. And I love her for it!
Which gaming website do you write for?
but oh no! There is never anything wrong with the relationship. It's gotta be him and his stupid video games!
::roll::
It's in my profile; in my about me.
I don't really like plugging it unless someone specifically asks for an article of mine.
I understand the concern that these wives have, but it does boil down to respect. It wouldn't matter what the hobby is (heh heh, fantasy baseball), a lack of respect is not caused by the hobby. That's an inherent flaw in the relationship. Talk that shit out. If nothing happens, make a decision to stay or go and quit bitching. That goes for husbands of gamer wives as well.
The exact same story with me. They just don't want to understand that's its our hobby, not theirs. Basically, they has the right to trash-talk what we love, and yet we're the one who are rude? You feel free when you move out of your parent's house, let me tell ya.
I hate misinformed people who don't understand and talk about it (laughingmama).
@Diverse
Don't worry about your dad. My parents were always grudgingly supportive of my gaming. The would buy me games, always second hand, I upgraded from NES to SNES the same year the N64 came out. But they were always critical of me when I played games during the day time when I could be doing something "more productive."
Now I go to school for video game design and they have realized that I wasn't really wasting my time playing games all those years, I was pursing my passion. Now they are incredibly supportive. My dad even asks if I've played any good games lately. My brother (who still lives with them) owns a 360 and my little sister owns a Wii so I try to game with my parents whenever I'm over there. My mom can beat me at Wii boxing pretty consistently and my dad likes to play Rockband with me and my brother. 10 years ago they never would have touched my playstation. So things changed for me, they might for you. Stay strong brother.
@Magnalon
Hey, could you post a link to that Infernal review you posted the other day. I thought it was pretty good and others should read it. =P
I don't go into a relationship just so someone can change me. I change myself thank you very much. Video games are something that will never change with me.
That quote kinda stuck with me. And I can see where that theory comes from. The technological era that we live in isn't that old, definitely not when you think how long humans have been on this planet. Not that long ago, especially compared to how old this planet is, we were fighting just to survive. The men of those times had to go out and conquer stuff, be it animals, other tribes or nations, whatever. We did that for a long time, so that need or urge to conquer something is still there I think. And now, since most guys don't go down the street and start wars with their neighbors or hunt their own food that need or urge needs to be satisfied, and gaming is a way to satisfy that need. No matter how you want to dress it up or ignore it humans are violent, always have been, always will be. That need to conquer will be around for a very long time, maybe forever.
Also if you go back there I'd like you or your wife to pose and think about this question. How many wives say "thank you" to their husbands, or something appreciative every now and then? Especially the ones who are at home and take care of the kids/house. A kind word or action every now and then can go a long way, and its not only you that needs to do it the husband needs to as well. If all your husband is accustomed to is nagging and you trying to completely change him into something he isn't you're going to drive him away.
It just astounds me that there's so little communication for some of these couples. I'm not talking about yelling at him while he's in a gaming session, but asking for a moment to discuss something important. If he accepts, don't rip him a new one. That crap never works. Talking about it in a conversational manner is the best way to go. If he's not receptive, that might mean there are deeper issues at play. Is work/school/life sucking for him? Is there something causing him undue stress?
Another thing is that a lot of these exasperated wives won't try to play games themselves. Did it never pass through their narrow thought processes that might by one way of understand DH better? Gaming together can be a great bonding experience. While I'm not married, gaming together with my siblings brought us closer together. There are tons of different games; there has to be something that can be a meeting point for anyone.
Sometimes, these women are part of the problem and will never see themselves as such. While the husbands themselves are just as guilty, it seems these women just tend to stand on the outside, arms crossed as they frown at the back of their heads. Stop glaring, stop moping and just sit down with him and watch what he's doing. Don't hit that 'DIVORCE' button simply because they don't take one moment to understand the kind of man they married.
Of course, a lot of people tend to get married for the convenience of financial stability and insurance these days so what the hell do I know? :P
@Diverse - I had an uncle that was sort of like that. I was playing Castlevania on the NES and he told me that I'll lose my grip on reality if I continue to play these kind of games. This is coming from a guy who believed Atlantis is real and had an on-off relationship with marijuana. >_>
Haha, it's in the review database. I'm still not comfortable linking obviously goaded requests, but thank you! :D
j/k
I agree with your conquering assessment. I think another way for men to go out and conquer now, instead of violence, is through their careers, which is why some become so obssessed with them. All extremely rich people (i.e. worth hundreds of millions of dollars or more) all say that they no longer do what they do for money (because they have plenty of that) but they do it for the competition of who can be the wealthiest. Being the "best" at Halo or having the most stacked gear in World of Warcraft is the same ambition just a different (and much less profitable) medium.
@Chocobo Knight
You're right on with what you said. I have a lot of experience dealing with non-gamers (almost everyone I know is a non-gamer). The problem is that most believe games to be a solo, anti-social experience. Most don't realize how social and community-binding games are. They don't think of growing close to someone playing a game...they think of some anti-social dweeb locking himself in a room to play games and not take showers. So the thought of gaming with their husbands to build a bond with them probably has never crossed their mind.
*rimshot*
It's interesting how far we've come that we can discuss gaming addictions like this. It used to be everyone was like the idiots you mentioned up there. Now, people like Eellsworth can sanely have discussions about this, without ranting like a moron. Interesting piece.
Anyone (man or woman) who lets a hobby get in the way of everyday life becomes a problem in a relationship. The key is moderation. I'm sure if these men had "gaming nights" or if they gamed each day from 7pm till 9pm when the wife had TV shows she liked to watch... or if they gamed for a few hours after she went to bed... then it might be a different story, but all relationships take some work and each person has to contribute to that work. One with moderation, the other with understanding and acceptance.
(true "addiction" though is a different story when it begins to interfere with not only the relationship, but also work and other facets of life... at that point, professional help is needed.)
I could launch into a rant about how I feel too many people get in and stay in relationships with people they aren't really compatible with just because its comfortable and they don't want to be alone, but I'll spare you all that for now. Suffice to say a lot of these wives need to learn the difference between having a hobby and having an addiction. Just because the person you are with enjoys doing something you're not into doesn't mean they have a serious problem. It only becomes a problem if you overreact to it.
My husband and I have plenty of shared hobbies, including gaming, but we also have things we like to do alone. We both make an honest effort to understand what the other one is into, but he knows I don't expect him to get anime and he never forces me to appreciate formula 1 racing. All in the compromise.