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In a move to be seen as more forward-thinking than other video game publishers, Nintendo has announced that they will be working on a remaster of The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker HD for the Wii U.
“We were sick and tired of criticism from the gaming public claiming that we are behind the times,” Nintendo CEO Satoru Iwata explained, “so we decided to look at how other video games publishers are acting. Since HD remasters of HD remasters for more modern consoles seems to be what’s popular, we decided to try our hand at making a HD remaster of a HD remaster for the console that had the previous HD remaster. Only then can we really be the forward-thinking and innovative trendsetters we once were.”
A Nintendo spokesperson was also quick to point out that The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker HD-II will feature Amiibo integration, although it is currently unclear as to what kind of functionality this will include. The Nintendo spokesperson in question was quick to change the subject when asked if such functionality could be patched into the first Wind Waker HD title.
While many in the gaming community will likely find this move to be positively baffling, publishers like Square Enix are already following in Nintendo’s footsteps.
“We all know how disappointed PlayStation 4 gamers are with the news that Rise of the Tomb Raider will be an Xbox One exclusive,” a spokesperson from Square Enix explained to us, “but PlayStation 4 users can look forward to Tomb Raider: Slightly-More-Definitive Edition. Preorders start tomorrow.”
343 Industries have also announced that they will soon begin development on Halo: The Master Chief Collection II for the Xbox One. We have been informed by a 343 Industries spokesperson that the multiplayer will be functional this time around.
The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker HD-II will be available to preorder on eBay for $250 US tomorrow. A special Collector’s Edition containing a Toon Link Amiibo in a red tunic is expected to go for around $1,652.95.
As you can probably tell, this blog was very much created in response to Fenriff’s ‘Scientifically Proven 5 Sexiest Dtoiders’ blog. Unlike Mr. Fenriff, however, I feel so comfortable with my scientific skills and methodology that I am actually willing to disclose it.
Firstly, I’m currently listening to ‘Science’ by Septicflesh. This means that my thoughts are 666% more scientific. I can say this with absolute certainty, because my superior scientific mind allows me to. For I have Science on my side!
Without further delay, here’s Nekro’s top 5 sexiest Dtoid-ers!
This one was a given. After all, it’s really not a list of sexiest Dtoid-ers without that amazingly sexy son of a bitch Nekrosys. He is, after all, just so ludicrously sexy.
In fact, he’s almost as sexy as…
Taking the place as the fourth sexiest person on Dtoid, it’s Nekrosys. This Nekrosys fellow is just so brilliantly sexy and unimaginably narcissistic that it was inevitable that he’d make it to a list of sexiest Dtoid-ers.
That Fenriff fellow was objectively wrong when he maliciously omitted this unbelievably sexy creature from his Top 5 list. That also just goes to show how much better this list is. For this list contains Nekrosys.
Despite his constant change of appearance (read: avatars), Nekrosys continues to outdo himself in terms of sheer sexiness. No ‘Sexiest Dtoid-ers’ blog is complete without Nekrosys. His love of anime gifs and derailing comment sections will never grow old.
Unfortunately, he’s nowhere near as sexy as…
This person’s sexiness is… indescribable. There are no words in any mortal language that can describe how unbelievably sexy Nekrosys is. His sexiness is only rivalled by his ego. He is, undoubtedly, the sexiest being alive, dead, or yet to be alive. Nekrosys is the pinnacle of human civilisation. I’m sorry folks, it’s all downhill from here.
Of course, as sexy as Nekrosys is, there are definitely some other sexy folks on Dtoid. Here are my top 5 honourable mentions:
Zyk is an Australian with an incredibly kickass beard. And he’s Metal as fuck. Basically, he’s sexy. Incredibly sexy.
Alongside that, his movie blogs are always worth checking out.
#4. Hyper Lemon Buster Cannon
HLBC is some sort of Mega Man. I’m not sure exactly, because I haven’t really given those games much of a shot. But I think he’s a Mega Man. He might not be.
Either way, his skills in derailing comment sections are… incredible. As are his skills in finding amusing .gifs.
Skills like that are enough to make anyone sexy.
I couldn’t leave Dtoid’s resident Naoto and Kingdom Hearts fanboy off this list. After all, British accents are profoundly cute.
Alongside that, he introduced Nekrosys to Neon Genesis Evangelion. That’s pretty damn sexy, if I do say so myself.
Despite the fact that I should probably be competing with him over the love and affection of Nana from Akiba’s Trip, I just have to be honest and admit that Dreamweaver is actually a pretty sexy person. There, I said it.
Alongside that, his Gardevoir fanfiction writing skills are pretty great. And his hentai blogs are always entertaining/arousing. I really just couldn’t leave this guy out of my honourable mentions list.
He’s just far too sexy to ignore.
Need I say more? Okay, Gardevoir may not physically browse this site, but she's with us in spirit. And that's what counts. Because I say so.
PepsiCo, in a bid to remove the necessity of consuming non-liquid forms of “Gamer Fuel,” has begun human testing of their new Doritos flavoured Mountain Dew.
A company spokesperson has claimed that such a concoction has been spawned into existence in order to ensure more efficient delivery of vital Mountain Dew and Doritos-related nutrients. It is said that the average video games enthusiast requires such substances in order to best thrive in their natural environment.
It is also said that more devoted consumers of these substances will only require the aid of a bottle instead of both that and a bucket for more prolonged gaming sessions with this miraculous new innovation in Gamer Fuel delivery.
We reached out to Geoff “Dorito Pope” Keighley, an avid Mountain Dew and Doritos enthusiast, for a comment but were unable to make out any decipherable quotes. We were instead greeted with the sounds of an incredibly powerful male orgasm.
‘Dewritos’ is said to officially launch alongside a heavy marketing campaign for the next installment of the Halo franchise.
In related news, PepsiCo still has an aversion to printing the word “Mountain” on the bottles for their beverages.
Like all perfectly sane and reasonable human beings, I’ve been spending a good bit of time playing Bayonetta 2. As my more recent comments would suggest, I’ve been utterly enjoying the game. It’s one of the most impressive-looking games currently available on the Wii U, it plays beautifully and it’s downright fun.
It’s also the best Yu-Gi-Oh game I have ever played.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved the card game when I was much younger, but I’m very glad that the folks behind Yu-Gi-Oh have branched out and made a much more mature addition to their franchise.
Taking the focus away from Yugi himself was a rather smart idea, really. As was replacing him with a Bayonetta.
Although some more hardcore fans of the Yu-Gi-Oh franchise may be a little annoyed with his change of appearance. Personally, I prefer the original manga/anime version of the character, but I can see why they would want to change him. Giving him a new smart-arse personality was also an interesting change.
So if he has a new look, new name and new personality, how is he still Yu-Gi-Oh? He has the goddamn Millennium Puzzle, that’s how. Therefore, he is is Yu-Gi-Oh.
Now, I could take this as a simple coincidence, maybe it’s just a trinket that happens to look similar to the one Yu-Gi-Oh wears? That is a possibility. But there is another piece of evidence that helps me support my brilliant hypothesis: his use of Spell Cards.
Like Yu-Gi-Oh, Loki (his new name) uses Spell Cards in order to make magic happen. This redesign of Yu-Gi-Oh removes the familiar Duel Disk and instead makes the Yu-Gi-Oh Cards (isn’t it funny how the character has a similar name to the cards? Maybe his father was a fan…) outright magical. Using the power of the Heart of the Cards™, Yu-Gi-Oh Loki is able to make magical spells just happen as if they were magic.
Well, I’m sure the less learned and intelligent members of the community will be sharpening their pitchforks and claiming it’s all still a simple co-incidence. Well, let me present you with a final piece of highly damning evidence.
What’s this, you ask? Well it’s sort of like a magical barrier. It’s made of magic and stuff and it blocks off your path until you murder enough murder-ables through the power of murder and the Heart of the Cards™.
It also looks rather familiar, does it not?
You’re damn right it looks like the Millennium Eye. This has me (and it should have you) thoroughly convinced that Bayonetta 2 takes place in the Yu-Gi-Oh universe. Perhaps it takes place in the Shadow Realm™?
The fact of the matter is, this is all highly convincing and undeniable evidence that Bayonetta 2 is the best (and most mature) Yu-Gi-Oh game on the market. Some people might not be convinced that this was an appropriate direction for the much beloved 4Kids anime, but I personally feel that it was a much-needed spin on the franchise.
Yes, I’m joining this bandwagon too, dammit!
I should be ashamed…
Well, here's my top 10 fetishes. Feel free to fap away. Actually, do fap away. It means you have good taste. Damn good taste.
#10: Whatever the Hell This Is
Yep… moving on…
What? You thought I was going to talk about bearded manly men who are manly as fuck and…
Well, you’d be right. But Teddie is also kind of maybe a little bit adorable, so let’s just leave him there anyway. Cuteness goes a long way, folks.
#8: Speaking of Cuteness…
Is this really all that surprising? Cuteness is maybe the one true universal truth. May we all aspire to be cute as fuck. The world would be a much, much better place. Also cuter. The world would be significantly cuter.
This is a good thing. There is literally nothing wrong with everything being more adorable. Get your priorities right, people.
Of course ninjas would make my list! Who doesn’t love ninjas? You are objectively broken if you cannot appreciate the excellence of the ninja. How dare you, random hypothetical person I am arguing with! Begone!
Ninjas are awesome. Let it never be said otherwise.
That said, there is something far better than a simple ninja…
Take your ordinary, everyday ninja and make it significantly more cute. Damn straight.
Get your own waifu, folks. Sorry.
Also, Akatsuki is now a fetish. Deal with it.
#5: Not Very Original But…
Yep. Cat people. Cat people are like people. But also cat-ish. It’s the best of both worlds. How could you go wrong!?
#4: Angel-y People (Or People With Wings)
Not sure why I’m fond of these people, I guess maybe it’s just the general elegance of them. Still, they're damn enjoyable.
I’m making no apologies for adding this to my list.
This one’s kind of a given. Tsunderes are great. Nothing else to be said about the matter.
That is all.
Who doesn’t love a yandere? Yanderes are adorable. Yanderes are an excellent balance between sheer cuteness and crazy.
Sure, they may be a little bit incredibly homicidally insane, but it’s impossible to hate them. They’re just too damn cute to hate.
Besides, pain’s a good thing. A damn good thing. It’s okay if they’re a little crazy.
#1: Yandere Cat People
They’re like cat people, but yandere! What more could you ask for?
Men With Long Hair
Yep. Do I need to say anything else? I really don’t think so.
Well, it's better if it's a bear with long hair.