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5:50 AM on 03.03.2015

Nintendo Announces The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker HD-II

In a move to be seen as more forward-thinking than other video game publishers, Nintendo has announced that they will be working on a remaster of The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker HD for the Wii U.

“We were sick and tired of criticism from the gaming public claiming that we are behind the times,” Nintendo CEO Satoru Iwata explained, “so we decided to look at how other video games publishers are acting. Since HD remasters of HD remasters for more modern consoles seems to be what’s popular, we decided to try our hand at making a HD remaster of a HD remaster for the console that had the previous HD remaster. Only then can we really be the forward-thinking and innovative trendsetters we once were.”

A Nintendo spokesperson was also quick to point out that The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker HD-II will feature Amiibo integration, although it is currently unclear as to what kind of functionality this will include. The Nintendo spokesperson in question was quick to change the subject when asked if such functionality could be patched into the first Wind Waker HD title.

While many in the gaming community will likely find this move to be positively baffling, publishers like Square Enix are already following in Nintendo’s footsteps.

“We all know how disappointed PlayStation 4 gamers are with the news that Rise of the Tomb Raider will be an Xbox One exclusive,” a spokesperson from Square Enix explained to us, “but PlayStation 4 users can look forward to Tomb Raider: Slightly-More-Definitive Edition. Preorders start tomorrow.”

343 Industries have also announced that they will soon begin development on Halo: The Master Chief Collection II for the Xbox One. We have been informed by a 343 Industries spokesperson that the multiplayer will be functional this time around.

The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker HD-II will be available to preorder on eBay for $250 US tomorrow. A special Collector’s Edition containing a Toon Link Amiibo in a red tunic is expected to go for around $1,652.95.


4:39 AM on 01.18.2015

Nekro’s Top 5 Sexiest Dtoid-ers

As you can probably tell, this blog was very much created in response to Fenriff’s ‘Scientifically Proven 5 Sexiest Dtoiders’ blog. Unlike Mr. Fenriff, however, I feel so comfortable with my scientific skills and methodology that I am actually willing to disclose it.

Firstly, I’m currently listening to ‘Science’ by Septicflesh. This means that my thoughts are 666% more scientific. I can say this with absolute certainty, because my superior scientific mind allows me to. For I have Science on my side!

Without further delay, here’s Nekro’s top 5 sexiest Dtoid-ers!

#5. Nekrosys

This one was a given. After all, it’s really not a list of sexiest Dtoid-ers without that amazingly sexy son of a bitch Nekrosys. He is, after all, just so ludicrously sexy.

In fact, he’s almost as sexy as…

#4. Nekrosys

Taking the place as the fourth sexiest person on Dtoid, it’s Nekrosys. This Nekrosys fellow is just so brilliantly sexy and unimaginably narcissistic that it was inevitable that he’d make it to a list of sexiest Dtoid-ers.

#3. Nekrosys

That Fenriff fellow was objectively wrong when he maliciously omitted this unbelievably sexy creature from his Top 5 list. That also just goes to show how much better this list is. For this list contains Nekrosys.

#2. Nekrosys

Despite his constant change of appearance (read: avatars), Nekrosys continues to outdo himself in terms of sheer sexiness. No ‘Sexiest Dtoid-ers’ blog is complete without Nekrosys. His love of anime gifs and derailing comment sections will never grow old.


Unfortunately, he’s nowhere near as sexy as…


#1. Nekrosys

This person’s sexiness is… indescribable. There are no words in any mortal language that can describe how unbelievably sexy Nekrosys is. His sexiness is only rivalled by his ego. He is, undoubtedly, the sexiest being alive, dead, or yet to be alive. Nekrosys is the pinnacle of human civilisation. I’m sorry folks, it’s all downhill from here.

Of course, as sexy as Nekrosys is, there are definitely some other sexy folks on Dtoid. Here are my top 5 honourable mentions:

#5. Zyk

Zyk is an Australian with an incredibly kickass beard. And he’s Metal as fuck. Basically, he’s sexy. Incredibly sexy.

Alongside that, his movie blogs are always worth checking out.

#4. Hyper Lemon Buster Cannon

HLBC is some sort of Mega Man. I’m not sure exactly, because I haven’t really given those games much of a shot. But I think he’s a Mega Man. He might not be.

Either way, his skills in derailing comment sections are… incredible. As are his skills in finding amusing .gifs.

Skills like that are enough to make anyone sexy.

#3. GajKnight

I couldn’t leave Dtoid’s resident Naoto and Kingdom Hearts fanboy off this list. After all, British accents are profoundly cute.

Alongside that, he introduced Nekrosys to Neon Genesis Evangelion. That’s pretty damn sexy, if I do say so myself.

#2. Dreamweaver

Despite the fact that I should probably be competing with him over the love and affection of Nana from Akiba’s Trip, I just have to be honest and admit that Dreamweaver is actually a pretty sexy person. There, I said it.

Alongside that, his Gardevoir fanfiction writing skills are pretty great. And his hentai blogs are always entertaining/arousing. I really just couldn’t leave this guy out of my honourable mentions list.

He’s just far too sexy to ignore.

#1. Gardevoir

Need I say more? Okay, Gardevoir may not physically browse this site, but she's with us in spirit. And that's what counts. Because I say so.


4:06 AM on 11.08.2014

Doritos-Flavoured Mountain Dew Now a Reality

PepsiCo, in a bid to remove the necessity of consuming non-liquid forms of “Gamer Fuel,” has begun human testing of their new Doritos flavoured Mountain Dew.

A company spokesperson has claimed that such a concoction has been spawned into existence in order to ensure more efficient delivery of vital Mountain Dew and Doritos-related nutrients. It is said that the average video games enthusiast requires such substances in order to best thrive in their natural environment.

It is also said that more devoted consumers of these substances will only require the aid of a bottle instead of both that and a bucket for more prolonged gaming sessions with this miraculous new innovation in Gamer Fuel delivery.

We reached out to Geoff “Dorito Pope” Keighley, an avid Mountain Dew and Doritos enthusiast, for a comment but were unable to make out any decipherable quotes. We were instead greeted with the sounds of an incredibly powerful male orgasm.

‘Dewritos’ is said to officially launch alongside a heavy marketing campaign for the next installment of the Halo franchise.

In related news, PepsiCo still has an aversion to printing the word “Mountain” on the bottles for their beverages.


4:28 AM on 10.27.2014

Bayonetta 2 is the Yu-Gi-Oh Game We’ve All Been Waiting For

Like all perfectly sane and reasonable human beings, I’ve been spending a good bit of time playing Bayonetta 2. As my more recent comments would suggest, I’ve been utterly enjoying the game. It’s one of the most impressive-looking games currently available on the Wii U, it plays beautifully and it’s downright fun.

It’s also the best Yu-Gi-Oh game I have ever played.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved the card game when I was much younger, but I’m very glad that the folks behind Yu-Gi-Oh have branched out and made a much more mature addition to their franchise.

Taking the focus away from Yugi himself was a rather smart idea, really. As was replacing him with a Bayonetta.

Although some more hardcore fans of the Yu-Gi-Oh franchise may be a little annoyed with his change of appearance. Personally, I prefer the original manga/anime version of the character, but I can see why they would want to change him. Giving him a new smart-arse personality was also an interesting change.

So if he has a new look, new name and new personality, how is he still Yu-Gi-Oh? He has the goddamn Millennium Puzzle, that’s how. Therefore, he is is Yu-Gi-Oh.

Now, I could take this as a simple coincidence, maybe it’s just a trinket that happens to look similar to the one Yu-Gi-Oh wears? That is a possibility. But there is another piece of evidence that helps me support my brilliant hypothesis: his use of Spell Cards.

Like Yu-Gi-Oh, Loki (his new name) uses Spell Cards in order to make magic happen. This redesign of Yu-Gi-Oh removes the familiar Duel Disk and instead makes the Yu-Gi-Oh Cards (isn’t it funny how the character has a similar name to the cards? Maybe his father was a fan…) outright magical. Using the power of the Heart of the Cards™, Yu-Gi-Oh Loki is able to make magical spells just happen as if they were magic.

Well, I’m sure the less learned and intelligent members of the community will be sharpening their pitchforks and claiming it’s all still a simple co-incidence. Well, let me present you with a final piece of highly damning evidence.

What’s this, you ask? Well it’s sort of like a magical barrier. It’s made of magic and stuff and it blocks off your path until you murder enough murder-ables through the power of murder and the Heart of the Cards™.

It also looks rather familiar, does it not?

You’re damn right it looks like the Millennium Eye. This has me (and it should have you) thoroughly convinced that Bayonetta 2 takes place in the Yu-Gi-Oh universe. Perhaps it takes place in the Shadow Realm™?

The fact of the matter is, this is all highly convincing and undeniable evidence that Bayonetta 2 is the best (and most mature) Yu-Gi-Oh game on the market. Some people might not be convinced that this was an appropriate direction for the much beloved 4Kids anime, but I personally feel that it was a much-needed spin on the franchise.


12:52 AM on 10.14.2014

Nekrosys’ Top 10 Fetishes: I Hate You All Sometimes…

Yes, I’m joining this bandwagon too, dammit!

I should be ashamed…

Well, here's my top 10 fetishes. Feel free to fap away. Actually, do fap away. It means you have good taste. Damn good taste.

#10: Whatever the Hell This Is

Yep… moving on…

#9: Bears!

What? You thought I was going to talk about bearded manly men who are manly as fuck and…

Well, you’d be right. But Teddie is also kind of maybe a little bit adorable, so let’s just leave him there anyway. Cuteness goes a long way, folks.

#8: Speaking of Cuteness…

Is this really all that surprising? Cuteness is maybe the one true universal truth. May we all aspire to be cute as fuck. The world would be a much, much better place. Also cuter. The world would be significantly cuter.

This is a good thing. There is literally nothing wrong with everything being more adorable. Get your priorities right, people.

#7: Ninjas

Of course ninjas would make my list! Who doesn’t love ninjas? You are objectively broken if you cannot appreciate the excellence of the ninja. How dare you, random hypothetical person I am arguing with! Begone!

Ninjas are awesome. Let it never be said otherwise.

That said, there is something far better than a simple ninja…

#6: Akatsuki

Take your ordinary, everyday ninja and make it significantly more cute. Damn straight.

Get your own waifu, folks. Sorry.

Also, Akatsuki is now a fetish. Deal with it.

#5: Not Very Original But…

Yep. Cat people. Cat people are like people. But also cat-ish. It’s the best of both worlds. How could you go wrong!?

#4: Angel-y People (Or People With Wings)

Not sure why I’m fond of these people, I guess maybe it’s just the general elegance of them. Still, they're damn enjoyable.

I’m making no apologies for adding this to my list.

#3: Tsunderes

This one’s kind of a given. Tsunderes are great. Nothing else to be said about the matter.

That is all. 

#2: Yanderes

Who doesn’t love a yandere? Yanderes are adorable. Yanderes are an excellent balance between sheer cuteness and crazy.

Sure, they may be a little bit incredibly homicidally insane, but it’s impossible to hate them. They’re just too damn cute to hate.

Besides, pain’s a good thing. A damn good thing. It’s okay if they’re a little crazy.

#1: Yandere Cat People

They’re like cat people, but yandere! What more could you ask for?

Honourable Mention:

Men With Long Hair

Yep. Do I need to say anything else? I really don’t think so.

Well, it's better if it's a bear with long hair.

Mmm... bears...


10:16 PM on 09.04.2014

A Filthy, Disgusting "SJW's" Perspective...

First and foremost, I’d like to get this out of the way: I’m really tired of this entire argument that’s been going on recently about “Gamers” VS “SJWs.” I’m just sick of it all. But I do still have an opinion on the subject and feel the need to put it forth. Anything else I say on the subject after this would simply be repeating arguments or statements from this CBlog post. I'll try to keep this brief and in as few words as possible, however. I'm sure you're all as sick of this bullshit as I am.

I would also like to state that these are simply my own opinions, they are not some sort of grand universal truth.

As I’ve stated in this title, I do very much believe in social justice. The possibility that all humans could be treated as equal and judged based on their actions rather than gender, sexuality, race or religious affiliation, in my mind, is a damn good thing.

Alongside that, I also strongly believe that diversity is a worthwhile concept, and something that I feel should be very much welcomed in the gaming scene (even for those who don’t necessarily agree with it) simply because a little more variety in the games on store shelves is never a bad thing. Also, the chance to bring more people into gaming through new possibilities in terms of character, gameplay and storytelling should be welcomed. At least in my own opinion.

At this stage, I have some sort of expectation that at least half of the people who clicked this link are either closing the tab in disgust or writing up a strongly worded retort using a collection of mindless and meaningless buzzwords.

When I say I am a fan of diversity and equality though, that also means that I have to - and very much do - accept and acknowledge that not everyone will or has to agree with me. Rather, there are (and should be) people with differing opinions. That’s totally okay. Even if I don’t exactly agree with you, that doesn’t mean that you should be harassed or beaten up over having an opinion.

While I do not believe it is appropriate to incessantly shout buzzwords like “bigot” at the people I disagree with, I would also like to politely ask for at least the same sort of respect from “the other side” so to speak. Rather, if we can put aside the stupid name-calling and shit-flinging and actually have a discussion on the so-called issues, I feel that there could actually be a somewhat productive debate going on.

I honestly do not think this should be a situation of “us” VS “them” though. This divisive “left” VS “right” mentality rarely helps matters. Neither does bundling everyone with a certain opinion into a specific group in order to categorise them, ignore or invalidate their arguments.

Why yes, there are some more extreme people who claim to be acting under “social justice.” But that’s just those particular people. I find it genuinely sickening when someone is threatened or verbally abused for having a different opinion. No matter who it is or what their opinion is.

I’d also like to point out that “diversity” as a concept doesn’t even mean - and shouldn’t mean - that certain video games should be taken away because of so-called “offensive content.” In fact, I’d go so far as to say that the removal of certain types of games (think: jiggle physics) would be detrimental. How about as well as video games with jiggly anime boobs, we have video games with giant floppy cock physics? There we go! A little more diversity. Both men and women are being sexualised like crazy, it’s a slightly more even playing field.

How many of you would legitimately complain bitterly about more games being released with giant floppy cocks as well as jiggly boobs? Is that really so much of a problem? I’d say that it would help add to the insane and over-the-top nature of such games.

Now what about a game where the protagonist happens to be gay? Not just a token “gay character,” but as a character with a well-defined personality who just happens to be gay? Is that an issue?

For those who have finished reading this in a calm and collected manner without attempting to verbally murder me, you folks are awesome. Have my babies.

But what do I know? I’m clearly a filthy, disgusting SJW.   read

9:50 PM on 08.27.2014

Nekrosys’ Strangely Pleasant Trip to EB Games

Let me start this by saying one thing: I generally detest going to EB Games. When I hunt for a worthwhile video game, I tend to go there last simply because I’m not fond of their generally high prices and annoying marketing tactics. I hate being told repeatedly to please pre-order Destiny or Watch Dogs or whatever the over-hyped game of the week is.

To put it bluntly, I really don’t like the store. It’s a deeply unpleasant experience for me. Generally.

I just wanted to write this up because, for once, I’m not mad at them. Rather, I’ve had a strangely humanising experience with an EB Games store.

I kind of only went into the store on this day on a whim. Really, I was bored. I’d just grabbed a bite to eat after a long walk and I figured “hey, why not go check out some video games? Seems like a decent idea. Something to play when I get home. Could be fun.”

Turns out this store in particular had a game I’ve been wanting to play for quite some time: No More Heroes, or at least, the PS3 version of the game. So I begrudgingly walk over to the counter with a videogame box in my hand, expecting to be lectured on why Destiny will legit be the bestest game in the universe and how I absolutely must pre-order it to get some stupid gun skin or something like that because obviously a pre-order DLC pack is the only way I can fully enjoy the best game that will ever exist. Obviously.

“Holy shit! This is my favourite game! You ever played it? Oh man, you’re going to absolutely love it if you’re into quirky Japanese humour.”

Those were the first words to come out of the guy at the counter’s mouth. I was shocked. Instead of getting your typical lecture from the marketing arm of the videogame industry, I instead encounter just another fan of over-the-top games.

Since the store was empty, I figured I’d just go with it. Mention I’d never played the game, but heard good things.

”Really? You’re into quirky games, too? Heard of Drakengard 3? Absolutely love it. Can’t order it in for you considering there’s no retail copy in this country, but I’d wholeheartedly recommend you import it or buy it on the PSN.”

Dammit EB Games, I’m trying to hate your store with all of my hatred. Why do you do everything you can to make me like your staff? Talking about a game I adore? Recommending I import it? Where’s the corporate PR speak I’m so used to? What is this? Have I gone to Bizarro World?

The conversation with this EB Games employee continues. Since the store was still empty, we talk about our love of the PS Vita, YS: Memories of Celceta and its amazing soundtrack, Ratchet and Clank and how dick jokes significantly improve videogames.

As I’ve mentioned, it was a strangely humanising experience. It’s the sort of thing that makes me remember that some the employees of a game store tend to just be fans of gaming in general, and not the PR representatives of an evil money-hungry corporation. At least some of the time.

When I left the store with my newly obtained game in hand, I came to a sudden realisation; I was never once asked to pre-order Destiny. In fact, there was never once any mention of pre-ordering a game in that conversation. I’d simply spoken to a gamer.   read

9:15 PM on 05.26.2014

Jak 3 - Super Hardcore Game Info

Greetings, friends!

Recently, I have noticed that it seems as if there are some spambots on the wonderful Community Blogs on the Destructoid website. Generally, they seem to be writing up some wonderful advertorials about video games as well as posting links that claim to be for cheats to the video games they talk about, using different accounts to do so (even though the writing styles are all eerily similar). Realising that this could be a highly lucrative thing for me, I want to put forth my own advertorial for a video game I’m sure everyone is talking about; Jak 3.

I hope the fine folks at Destructoid appreciate the hard work I put forth in order to advertise a game and the possibility of video game cheats. I also hope I can do a much better job than the current spambots Destructoid hires. Consider this my résumé.

Jak 3 is a video game about an elf named Daxter and an orange thing named Jak who go on wonderful adventures. At the start of the game, they are in a desert because Daxter can turn into Dark Jak and he smashes stuff all awesome-like with explosions and things.

As this is a video game, Daxter is controlled through buttons that can be found on your video game console controller. This controller is generally for a PlayStation console, as this is not a game for Xbox or PC. As such, you have to remember that buttons have shapes on them instead of letters.

As the game progresses, Daxter gets guns that let him shoot stuff. Shooting stuff is a thing that happens in this video game. Explosions can also happen when you shoot things because that is how video games work. When things die, they explode. Specifically, vehicles explode better than people because people aren’t made of explode-y things.

But you can also shoot people in this open-world game. Although in the first city, you might not want to do that because people in that city have guns that can murder you to death if you get shot by them too often.

Daxter also explores a desert, once he unlocks the cars required to explore the desert. In the desert, he gets shot at by other cars. Sometimes he leaves the car to explore an area, like a volcano or a temple of something-or-other that lets Daxter turn blue and gives him time-freezing powers. These time-freezing powers are best complimented with the wondrous power of cheats, which I am very pleased to say this game has. Cheats can be found in the game, requiring no additional websites, malware or other stuff.

People play games exclusively for cheats, you see. Cheats are the only good thing about video games and you know it.

These cheats are really cool and sometimes awesome things happen with them activated. Although you have to earn the ability to cheat by unlocking eggs. Perhaps they are eggs of the Easter variety? People also play games for Easter Eggs, you see. Gameplay has nothing to do with it. Not at all.

Eventually, Daxter gets to Haven City where he gets to roam wild and free and complete other missions to progress the story. Daxter and Jak also get to go to other parts of Haven City where they can shoot robots and drive cars that can fly.

But anyway, this game also has some really cool platforming and car-driving stuff. You can perform all these awesome things by pressing buttons and watching a 3D character move around on a screen.

Enemies that Daxter fights include Heavy Metal fans (or Metalheads) - something that makes me feel highly discriminated against and it makes me feel like Naughty Dog really just don’t listen to enough Gorgoroth - people, people in blue, people with guns, robots, and monsters.

This game also contains a possible allusion to tentacle porn.

I hope my guide was really helpful!   read

8:14 PM on 05.05.2014

10 Things About Nekrosys

As per the suggestion of a certain (incredibly sexy) Community Director for Destructoid, it’s time to write an immensely self-serving and masturbatory Community Blog about myself. So sit back, relax and prepare for a large serving of verbal ejaculate to defile your eyeballs.

That probably sounded immensely creepy. I apologise.

10. I really need a goddamn haircut. But probably won’t get one. Because I’m a lazy bastard.

No, really, I’ve been growing my hair out for about 3 and a half years now. Sooo… yeah. There’s your defining characteristic, folks!

9. PS2 is the Best Console Ever.

Don’t even try to pick a fight with me over this. I will not change my stance on it. The PS2 was the best console ever. It was able to play every single PlayStation game in its time, thanks to its backwards compatibility, but even if it didn’t have backwards compatibility, it’d still have a damn good library by itself.

Some of my fondest childhood memories revolve around laughing at games like Ratchet and Clank or dicking around in Haven City with the Infinite Ammo cheat in Jak 2 and 3. It was just an awesome console, and I still happily play my PS2 to this day.

8. Scrap the Previous Point, the Game Boy Advance SP is the Best Console Ever.

No really, this console was amazing. The rechargeable battery (something we all take for granted now) was an absolute godsend. Along with a lit screen (though I had the old front-lit model) and backwards compatibility for older Game Boy games, this console was freaking amazing. Best Christmas present I ever received.

7. Devin Townsend Has Been My Favourite Artist For 14 Years

Seriously. That’s really all that needs to be said about the matter.

6. Alien is Superior to Aliens

Maybe this is me, but I personally preferred the very ‘survival horror’ atmosphere of the first Alien movie. The idea that the characters are stranded in a spaceship with little to no hope of escape while being slowly picked off one by one by a creature that, for the most part, was very much hidden in the shadows, allowing our minds to sort of fill in the blanks with whatever sort of grotesque horrors we can think up?


5. I’m Having a Hard Time Trying to Think Up Something Moderately Entertaining Here…

So instead I’ll simply write ‘cocks’.


4. I Fucking Love Godzilla

Hoping like crazy that the 2014 American remake isn’t shit. Because Godzilla is awesome. Giant freaking monsters stomping on cities and smashing shit? How isn’t that just amazing?

3. I Feel More Comfortable Watching Movies and TV With Subtitles

Not sure why, but I pretty much always have to have subtitles on a movie or TV show that I’m watching, if the option is available. Even if it’s in English.

2. I’m Incredibly Grateful to the Destructoid Community for Introducing me to Some Kickass Animes

Really. If it weren’t for Dtoid, I’d probably never have found out about series’ like Bakemonogatari or gained as much of an interest in Kill la Kill (thanks to Hamza for the header pictures).

1. I am Under the Assumption That the Entire Dtoid Community is Sexy

You bastards better not let me down here!   read

5:37 AM on 02.04.2014

PSA: Pokémon Bank Released in Europe and Australia

That’s right! Pokémon Bank is finally available in Europe and Australia. Users who pick up the free app from the 3DS eShop will be eligible for a 30 day free trial of the online service, redeemable until the 14th of March.

This also means that players in Europe and Australia can pick up a free Celebi.

Just a quick warning: I’m pretty sure the Poké Transfer checks for hacked Pokémon and disallows the transfer of them to the new generation of games. Just for those who do use hacked Pokémon.

The plus side to that is that I can finally stop defending the legitimacy of my shiny Latios. Also, you know, having a hack-free online multiplayer. That’s also cool.

Source: Serebii (Twitter)   read

9:42 AM on 07.05.2013

The Day I'll Accept DRM

With the recent debacle involving the game DarkSpore and horrible game launches like SimCity and Diablo III where the game was inaccessible for many players thanks to problems arising from DRM, it is clear that DRM has become a major inconvenience for many gamers.

Recently, Microsoft faced a huge public outcry thanks to the horrors of DRM, having to go as far as reversing many of the policies they intended to force. Because of such, the upcoming Xbox One will require a day one patch in order to remove the components that enforce such policies.

That being said, I do believe that in the right situations, I may just come to accept some forms of DRM. I may not go as far as to embrace it, but I may well accept it as long as some conditions are met.

1. DRM Must Be Kept Minimal

Essentially, I want methods of DRM to require minimal effort with regards to the user. DRM should not be intrusive to the user; it shouldn't get in the way of myself and the game. It should operate quietly in the background and should not make me jump through hoops in order to get the game to even run.

I do not want to be typing various CD keys into a game in order to get it to run. I want to able to just buy the game, install it, run it. That's it. I do not want to have to type in a key for the game, type in a key for an online pass or piece of DLC that comes with the title (or was packaged with it).

One of the worst offenders in this regard is my frustrating time obtaining all the content for the Digital Deluxe copy of Mass Effect 2. I purchased the game off Steam and obtained 3 CD keys for it. I installed the game, logged into my EA account and the game was running. Seems reasonable, right? Well no. I then realised that not all my content had downloaded and installed through Steam. I had to log into my EA account on the Bioware website, enter my keys there and download and install each content pack individually. Only then was I able to get the completed package that I'd paid for.

Another atrocious example was Fable III on PC. I got it on impulse for a very cheap price with all DLC included on Steam during a sale last year, only to realise that in order to get the DLC to even download, I had to redeem each key I purchased off Steam over Games for Windows Live. So of course I had to take every one of my CD keys and paste them into the Games for Windows Live client and download and install every piece of DLC amazingly slowly despite my decent enough broadband speeds and only then could I get all the content for my game.

2. It's One or the Other

Continuing on from the previous point, there should not be too many methods of DRM bundled with games. If I buy a game from Steam, I would like the DRM to just be Steamworks. I do not want to have to run any additional software to get my game to run; just the store/DRM method I buy my game from.

I hate having to run uPlay in order to get a game I purchased off Origin (strictly hypothetically speaking as I really try to avoid Origin at all costs) to run. I hate having to run Games for Windows Live in order to get my copy of Fallout 3 that I purchased on Steam to function.

Simply put: it's one or the other. Adding software like SecuROM or uPlay just leaves me with another hoop to jump through in order to get my legally purchased game to run.

By all means, companies can set up their own digital store fronts. In fact, I support it. Competition is always a good thing. But don't force your store front on me when I clearly want to buy my game from your competitor.

If I wanted to use uPlay, I'd just use uPlay. If I wanted to use Games for Windows Live (and I really don't), I'd buy my games from Microsoft.

Back to bashing Fable III; I found it to be a pretty horrible offender with regards to using way too much DRM software. Games for Windows Live and SecuROM being added on to a game I purchased over Steam, a program that is already utilising a method of DRM. Thank god the game was cheap (I got it on sale at 75% off)...

3. Lowered Rights Should Give Greater Benefits

Give me a reason to even want to use the DRM. This can be done in a few ways. For example: Steam offers regular sales and discounted games. It also offers an online infrastructure that really should be able to cover all bases, including online play, achievements and social functionality.

Many digital store fronts hosting their own methods of DRM should be able to offer an incentive to make people want to move over to it, not just force them over to 
it because you can. If I don't want to use Origin or uPlay, I should be able to avoid them. Sadly, this means avoiding the games exclusive to these platforms. I don't like feeling like I have to use something in order to play my game. Instead, I should want to use the software.

In the case of PlayStation Plus; I know my games obtained on PS+ do not belong to me. They require activation and authentication at times (although not very often) and are tied directly to my PSN account. My games will no longer be playable should I choose to end my subscription. Yet at this time, the benefits in terms of the sheer amount of content I get each month for the price of my 3 month/yearly subscription are so great that it ultimately becomes worthwhile.

What I'd like to see is more systems where the method of DRM is highly beneficial to the user so it ultimately becomes enticing.

4. [Single Player Games] The Game Should be Playable Whenever I See Fit

This is a pretty important issue for me; the game must be playable whenever I feel like it. When I want to play the game, it should just run. No effort required.

If I have no Internet connection, I should be able to play a game. Even if it means having slightly reduced functionality like in the case of Dark Souls. I'm willing to accept that the game may be better with an Internet connection, but even some form of offline mode would be greatly appreciated.

If anyone remembers the PC version of Assassin's Creed 2 where it required an always-on connection in order to play the single-player component. Well, that's exactly the kind of thing I don't want in my games. If I can play the game offline on a console, I should be able to play it offline on a PC. Luckily this was later patched out. The fact still remains that it happened, the game required an always online connection to play and it became unplayable when I wasn't connected to the Internet.

I understand that a game may require a one-time activation, but can't it be done through the platform the game runs off of? A one-time activation through uPlay or Origin or Steam is not overly problematic, as long as it's simple to activate my game. Having to authenticate my copy constantly to prove I didn't pirate it since the last time I authenticated it simply comes across as an incredibly annoying thing.

5. [Online Games] Always-Online Functionality Must Be Justified

Does the game need to be connected to the Internet constantly to play it? Does it add any functionality? Was it built from the ground up with the intention of it being an online game?

See, I don't have a problem with online gaming as long as there is a reason for the online component. MMOs are perfectly acceptable, as long as it is clear that the game is intended to be an MMO. It must come across to the user as if the game is intended to be played online.

For instance, World of Warcraft is clearly an online game. Dungeons and bosses are designed specifically with groups of players in mind. Some bosses are downright impossible to defeat solo.

Again, I'll be beating up Assassin's Creed 2 here. The single-player part of the game has no need for online access, yet it once was an always-online game. It didn't need to be always online, but it was.

Always online games can work, but only if the game itself benefits from the online functionality. Developers creating a single-player experience, making sure the single-player game can only be played online and then calling it an MMO is simply unacceptable.

6. [Online Games/Digital Distribution] The Service Must Be Reliable

With the recent DRM-related problems surrounding the game DarkSpore and EA's closure of their fairly modern Facebook games, I am left wondering how long it will be until EA declares their latest SimCity game dead.

How long will it be until EA shuts it down?

If I am to buy into an online game, I expect decent software support. I expect it to be playable for years to come. Why? Because I paid full price for it. I am the customer, they are the supplier. They sell me a service and I expect that service to work.

If they do shut down the servers prematurely, it would be greatly appreciated if they patch the title to remove the online connectivity. Hell, even Ubisoft is letting me play Assassin's Creed 2 offline now (this is the last time I mention it, honest).

The company must prove that they are committed to their always-online game. They must be able to demonstrate somehow that they intend to give the game a reasonable lifespan. If anything is getting in the way of players actually being able to play their game, it is up to the company to fix this problem. We, as paying customers, have done our part. We've paid for the game. That's all we should have to do.

With regards to digital store fronts, the company must be able to show that they intend to ensure any games I purchase through the store and play on the platform are going to continue to be playable into the foreseeable future. After all, if I'm to pay for a game, I want to be able to play it.

Ultimately, the game with the DRM will eventually become unplayable. That's just how things go. But I want to get a damn good amount of time to be able to play the game. And if – for example – Steam is eventually shut down, I'd like to see Valve patch their games to remove its reliance on the service.

At this point, I feel I've probably written too much on the subject of DRM. This blog post is probably going to come across as a giant wall of text and occasional images.

Also, as soon as I finished writing this entire post, I found an article on Destructoid about EA possibly considering removing the always-online component from SimCity or at least adding an offline mode. This may be a step forward.   read

8:54 PM on 06.26.2013

Think of the Children!

There are very few things that piss me off more so than the ever-so-widely used "think of the children" argument whenever there is a debate about the possible censorship or banning of video games.

For starters, I don't believe that all games are created with children in mind. I highly doubt that a child would be able to truly comprehend or even be able to enjoy some games. I know I was a fairly impatient child, and at a younger age I'd never have been able to enjoy Dark Souls; a game I now regard as one of my top 5 favourite video games. Both the difficulty and high amount of patience required in order to achieve anything in the game, as well as the requirement of slightly out of the box thinking in some moments, would have ensured that I'd have never touched the game again after playing for an hour or two.

I also believe that since the average gamer is supposedly in their 30's, companies would very much try attract people of that particular age group. To put it simply, many games are designed for older people because that's what a large portion of the market consists of.

All that being said, there does seem to be a sort of social stigma attached to older gamers, as the media is still widely seen as something that is aimed at children. Because no adult would ever be able to find time to kick back and play a video game to unwind, right?

So of course there will be games made for adults. Some of the content in these games may be unacceptable for children.

Wait, what!? A game made for adults with rating that states it is for adults is unacceptable for children! How absurd!

So why does this argument still have some sort of merit? Because there are groups who are simply opposed to video games and the use of "children" in their arguments help appeal to the general populace as children are seen as vulnerable and impressionable. Children are seen as weak, defenceless and in need of help.

And to some extent, I see where they're coming from. I don't believe that children should be playing some of the games that exist on the market. I know for sure that some children should definitely stay away from online games, if only because it means I don't have to hear abuse from said children to be flung left, right and center.

But it's clearly a matter of top priority to protect these children from such horrendous evils as Mortal Kombat or Left 4 Dead 2; two games that were banned and censored, respectively, where I come from. Right? That's why the government absolutely must step in and protect these poor innocent children!

Of course not! The government shouldn't be allowed to dictate what games an entire country can play because of the cries of religious organisations and parental groups. These people need to take responsibility, themselves.

After all, I don't think it's fair for an entire country to have to make sacrifices and be restricted because of the children of a few people. If I do have to help look after a child, I should at least be paid for helping babysit the damn kid.

In this day and age, it's ridiculously easy to find out whether or not a game is appropriate. It really wouldn't take long for a parent to be able to determine whether or not a game is appropriate for their child. It's actually not that hard. You could Google a parental guide for the game or watch some footage on YouTube. This can be done from almost any device in a household. A phone, tablet, computer, even a TV.

Considering how simple it is to find out what kind of content is in a game, I don't think that banning games is even a remotely acceptable way to protect children from violent medias. These parental and religious lobbys need to realise that while they are definitely entitled to their own beliefs, we are also entitled to our ideas, too. We should have the right to be able to play our games, while they have the right to ensure their children don't play said games.

After all, I don't feel it is appropriate to dictate what everyone should and shouldn't play. I don't have the right to do so, just as they shouldn't have the right to do so. These people can do what they want, as long as it doesn't infringe on my ability to play the games I enjoy playing.

To put it very bluntly, I find it very hard to justify any extreme measures being taken in order to supposedly protect children. I just don't think this argument really holds up. The people so heavily opposed to video games really just need to understand that not everyone shares their ideology. They allowed to simply not play video games, they are allowed to restrict their child's access to video games if they so choose (I'm not a fan of it, but again, I don't have any rights to do something about it), just as I am allowed to play the games I enjoy.

Or at least should be allowed to. Australia still has a few banned and censored titles. Even with the R18+ rating now in effect, Australia is still continuing on its campaign to ban and censor various video games for various reasons. Just this week, we've had Saints Row IV and State of Decay refused classification.

We have a new rating for games for adults. We have adult gamers. We have games made for adults. Why can't adults play said games? Are games for adults being censored when a perfectly acceptable rating intended for games for adults is in place because of children?

After all, my playing a video game isn't going to cause any harm whatsoever to anyone.   read

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