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Yo. I just graduated from Syracuse University, with a major in Television/Film at the Newhouse School.

I love video games, gaming/nerd culture, examining games critically as an art form, and all the useless trivia and data surrounding games. I am a consumer whore. Gaming is obviously one of my primary hobbies, though not the only one. I'm a regular on Failcast.

I also watch anime and read manga when I get the chance. It's mostly just mainstream and shonen stuff as a result of the ease of accessibility, though I try to see some more obscure series when I get the chance.

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I play bass guitar and have been in a band. It's broken up. I lived the dream.

I love rock. I tend to gravitate towards various types of punk, alternative, or indie, though I'll listen to anything. Bob Dylan rocks. Also, random weird underground stuff. The NES sound chip was amazing.

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In which I nitpick Portal and you get mad at me
Bob Muir | 6:46 PM on 02.28.2008 33 comments




Months after the internet got a hold of The Orange Box, the acclaimed compilation of recent Half-Life 2: Source games, I finally bought a copy for myself. Considering how long it took me to play the original Half-Life - that is, last September - I'm impressed by my relative timeliness. However, my first stop was not to discover the continuing adventures of The One Free Man, but everyone's surprise favorite of 2007, Portal. Needless to say, I loved it, and found it to be a breath of fresh air, an example of brilliant writing, and an intriguing proposition for the development of shorter games.

However.

I couldn't help noticing some flaws in what might have been overlooked by those entranced with such a dazzling display of distinctiveness. Allow me to present a few things that stood out through my playtime.



Weighted Acquaintance Cube

Valve couldn't predict it, but the Weighted Companion Cube quickly became one of the most popular aspects of the Portal. At the very least, all I heard for a while was people misquoting GlaDOS's famous lines about how the Cube cannot talk and how you should ignore any advice it gives. When I finally started up the game, I was really excited to finally meet my mute sidekick. I waited for the cube to fall out of the first container, and received...the Weighted Storage Cube. "Hm, this isn't it," I todl myself. "It must come later."

Try sixteen levels later. You are finally introduced to the fabled Weighted Companion Cube, in all its taciturn glory. I thought to myself, "Finally. I can't wait to fall in love with this thing." I laughed along with GlaDOS's lines. I solved the puzzles. I wasn't on a personal level with it yet, but I figured I had more time to get to know the fellow.

I was wrong. After a mere level, I was instructed to throw the Cube into an incinerator. After thinking about it for a moment, I tossed it in and I was told by GlaDOS that I did it faster than anyone else had before. I know the line plays no matter how long you take, but I honestly believed it. One level is not long enough to grow emotionally attached to a character, much less an object. I can see why many people fell in love with the Cube, but for me, it was far too underused for me to do anything more than chuckle at it. The Cube should have been around for at least two levels, if not more.



The Copypasta is a Lie

Another unanticipated success of Portal were the hidden sections of the game, where cryptic messages scrawled on the walls were left by the "Rat Man," a character ultimately cut from the final game. Any gamer who considers himself slightly hardcore has memorized that "The cake is a lie." Alongside this are numerous other scribbles, telling that "she's watching me" and other such paranoid thoughts. When I finally came upon one of these rooms, I thought it was very humorous and a great way to expand on the story.

That is, until I saw it again. And again. I'm not referring to the fact that there was more than one secret compartment; that added to the desired effect. My problem lies with the reused wall textures. I was willing to buy into the idea of someone leaving behind warnings, but to see those exact same warnings, pasted identically on another wall, makes me imagine not a man driven insane by a rogue AI but an underground graffiti artist, running around with a stencil and a can of spray paint. If Valve was totally committed to this concept, which I still think was a good idea, then they should have taken the extra effort to at least make the text look different if they wanted to use the same line a second time.



Just One?

Now, far be it from me to look a gift cake in it's...portal...mouth...um, you see where I was going with that. But the point I was trying to segue into is this: I think the portal concept is amazing. They've done wonderful things with it, and there's room for expansion with it, as shown with the devious advanced levels. I also appreciated the simplicity of the mechanics: go in one portal, come out the other. Easy as pie.

At the same time, having only one set of portals feels somewhat limiting. For starters, how does the previous blue portal know how to dissipate when I make a new one? Why can't I make two sets of portals? Think of the complexity and depth this could offer to further Portal puzzles. Now, I understand that you shouldn't be able to completely cover the walls with portals, but how about adding a simple timer to countdown how long until a portal fades away? Creating a second set of portals would make the first set disappear faster. It would make more sense, considering the portal gun is experimental technology, and also add a sense of urgency of motion that the game is lacking until the nineteenth level. I can only hope that they explore more of the idea's untapped potential in Portal 2.

Anyways, despite these three shortcomings, I still thought Portal was a fantastic game and, if you're one of the few people who hasn't played it or gotten sick of the popular "cake is a lie" meme, you really owe it to yourself to try one of the best gaming experiences of 2007.



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31 comments | showing # 1 to 31
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HarassmentPanda's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 18:49
HarassmentPanda
You are cool!
Surf314's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 18:59
Surf314
I clicked expecting a flame war (that I might join in) but that was actually well thought out and accurate. Side note for some reason I thought your avatar was stitch evolving into pure energy, but now I see it is FLCL and it is awesome. I am glad I changed my FLCL avatar so as not to compete.
Wedge's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 19:02
Wedge
I thought the companion cube thing was cute, but did ANYONE really take it seriously? I think you misunderstood that it was a joke to really pretend you had cared about it. Or at least I hope it was.

Also, I think the "ratman" thing is weird, did they rewrite the story at all after he was removed? The impression I always got from the story was that Chell was being cloned within the facility, and the notes were all from past versions of herself that had died. If it wasn't intended, I certainly think it is a much better plot mechanic, so I'm going to pretend that's how it happened.
Wedge's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 19:08
Wedge
Also I'd give it... 2.5 points.
nopk's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 19:11
nopk
Hi There Guys. John Madden here-

This review was like BLAUW! He went in with the one two three and hit the nail right on the KABLOOEY!

I-I-I-I mean WOWSA, with the CTRL-V and the companion cube and the HOOOOOOO!
Aerox's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 19:21
Aerox
I AM SO MAD AT YOU NECROS
Bob Muir's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 19:22
Bob Muir
@ Wedge

The only thing edited out about the "rat man" was his actual in-game appearance. All the traces left behind are from him. However, you have an interesting idea of Chell being cloned, though there's no evidence in-game to support that.

Oh, and of course I understand the Cube is a joke, but I think in order for that joke to be more effective, it should have been around for more than five minutes.

@ Reaprar

Read the review. I still thought it was amazing. I went into it just looking for a good time, and found it to be as good as I thought it would be. I just think there were some places they could have improved. There's no such thing as a perfect game.
superbeefy2050's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 19:29
superbeefy2050
You just intrigued me about the multiple portals thing. That would put a huge twist on things and how the puzzles would work.
Lets just hope the multiple portals idea gets put into Portal 2. That would be beyond awesome.

The other two points.
I completely agree with the weighted companion cube. If you had the cube the entire game, then yea, I would feel kind of attached to it. But when you put it into 1 level and it takes 30 mins TOPS to finish it, you are not emotionally attached to the companion cube when you have to destroy it.
With the whole copy pasta thing, that seems to be a little nitpicky about things. I really didn't take the time to notice small things like that.
MaxVest's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 19:36
MaxVest
Necros, it's clear you don't understand the science behind the portal gun and why logically there can be only one of each color at any given time. It has to do with time, space, and possibly a continuum of some sort. And quantums. Definitely quantums.
king3vbo's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 19:38
king3vbo
WHY DO YOU SUCK SO BAD
B-Radicate's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 19:43
B-Radicate
I, for one, think multiple portals would prove WAY too chaotic.

I dunno about anyone else but I played through the whole game AND the advanced levels and STILL had trouble wrapping my mind around the concept once all the momentum and stuff got involved. Maybe I'm just dumb, but I think throwing in more portals would sort of destroy the level of "pick up and play" the game has.

Also, okay arguments. I disagree for the most part, but they were well developed.
notdryad's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 19:55
notdryad
I don't think they let you use multiple sets of portals because they were worried about the game being too overwhelming for most people hence why over half the game is a tutorial.
GrayFox's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 19:58
GrayFox
I never felt any sort of attachment to the WCC either, but that certainly didn't take anything away from my experience.

You can find faults in every game ever made if you look hard enough, and this proves that you have to reach pretty far to find a fault in Portal.
ScottyG's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 20:17
ScottyG
I agree on the WCC. I'll admit I jumped on the bandwagon for the lulz, but at point did I ever become attached to the cube.

I'll admit it took awhile before I threw it in the incinerator, but that was because I thought I might be able to keep the cube and tried to see if I could. :)
youkilledmyguy's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 20:20
youkilledmyguy
I haven't played Portal.

Now that I have that out of the way I can say that I hate the fucking companion cube.
Aaron Mxy Yost's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 20:33
Aaron Mxy Yost
Just beat it tonight actually, loved the game, but I pretty much can't argue with your nitpicks.
RHWeeeee6's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 21:35
RHWeeeee6
I was blown away by this when i first played it a couple of months ago. I loved it. But yeah, even though I agree that the Companion Cube is awesome, I agree with you that it is kinda weird that people love it so much, even though it is only with you for a short time.
PrinceofCannedPeaches's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 21:44
PrinceofCannedPeaches
I was never really that attached to the Cube. I nuked the bastard in two seconds. Only as long as it took to find the one way trip to reincarnation at the jewelry shop.
Samit Sarkar's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 21:48
Samit Sarkar
I didn’t read any of this because I haven’t yet played the game, but I felt obligated to comment because WE’RE BFFs!
Brian Szabelski's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 22:01
Brian Szabelski
Wait, Samit, you have a BFF now, too?

Also, nice write-up, Necros. I see someone else needs the points for the contest, too :p
Sharpless's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 22:13
Sharpless
I WILL KILL YOUR FAMILIES.
Dynamic Sheep's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 22:15
Dynamic Sheep
I thought that the companion cube should've been around since level 1 so that it could've been the key to your success, and then they could've had you burn it right before you get into the harder levels... so I agree with the first point. The second one makes sense too, but I just kind of expect that kind of stuff from video games.
bottled dark's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 22:27
bottled dark
i agree with the companion cube thing entirely.

dies too soon.
Maurice Tan's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 22:37
Maurice Tan
Fuck this game, it got old after the previews 2 years ago. Nice ideas, not enough worked out and ultimately more of a temporary geekgasm fulfillment than an actual great things like errr.... Lawrence of Arabia? I rate it amongst Meet the Spartans for stuff that most ppl find fantastic somehow ;)

Still, it was a fun 30 mins of actual new gameplay after the tedious and unchallenging puzzles.
Pangloss's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/29/2008 01:31
Pangloss
I don't think I was ever really attached to the WCC, but I did find the concept funny when factored with the Rat Man's notes about it.

Also, I am super-duper mad at you for nitpicking Portal, Necros.
Toneman's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/29/2008 04:29
Toneman
I agree with Necros. I loved Portal, don't get me wrong, it just didn't blow me away like I was expecting. Also, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too easy.
brad drac's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/29/2008 04:32
brad drac
I'm kind of with you on the weighted companion cube, but apathy towards it is more due to overexposure on the wubs than any fault of the game. Also, how come the turrets don't get no love? Those guys fucking rule. Reused textures don't bother me that much, seeing as they're in every single game ever released, ever. As for multiportalling, getting just the one pair to work was quite a technical coup. Asking for more would probably instaRRoD your 360 or require a PC made entirely out of beef. It'd also be far more difficult for the designers to make elegant puzzles that weren't overwhelming. I think just the one set of portals works just fine.

All in all, nitpicking post is nitpicking, which is quite understandable. I love the game but even I got really sick of all the "cake is a lie" bullshit in every second post on the entire internets.
EternalDeathSlayer's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/29/2008 07:07
EternalDeathSlayer
I agree about the companion cube completely. I though it would be with me for a while and was surprised when they made me get rid of it so soon. Oh well, I just dropped the fucker in the incinerator and kept moving.
Hitogoroshi's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/29/2008 08:00
Hitogoroshi
RAWR DIE!
blehman's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/29/2008 08:41
blehman
FLAME BURN HATE!!!!
Raidensolid's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/12/2008 02:22
Raidensolid
WELL PLAYED!
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