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11:59 PM on 03.28.2008

13 Reasons Why GamesRadar is Retarded.

Ok, I am getting sick of GamesRadar. I mean, they have some good stuff from time to time, but they always get these stupid "Top (instert radnom number here)" lists and they all completely suck dick. And I have finally had it with their new "13 Worst Gaming Innovations of all Time" article by Shane Patterson. It really is one of the dumbest pieces of "gaming journalism" I have read in my entire life.

Alright, I am going to put this little blurb here. When I first started writing this blog I was thinking on posting my counter argument to each one of the "innovations" that Games Radar believes is bad. But, then I decided that half of them weren't even innovations as much as they are a feature. Also, this would have been a quite lengthy post so I decided that I should shorten it a bit. So now I have chosen just a couple of these so called terrible innovations that I most disagree with and write about them.



PERIPHERALS

Oh yes, peripherals are one of the worst innovations ever. You have to be kidding me. Do the people at GamesRadar have no fucking clue what they are talking about? They say that having gaming peripherals makes you look not cool. I have a message for you GamesRadar:

FUCK YOU.

If your biggest concern is to look cool while playing games, they you need to go to hell. I am dead serious here, go straight to fucking hell. Some of the best video game experiences are only possible with the use of peripherals; Guitar Hero and Rock Band come to mind. Seriously think about it, where would gaming be without the Power Glove or the Power Pad? How would you be able to play Duck Hunt without the Zapper. And just to add, I have not met a single person that think Guitar Hero is gay after being made to play it except for Ron Workman.



LENSE FLARE

Lense flare? Are you kidding me? You are seriously going to complain about lens flares being a terrible innovation? Shut the fuck up.



QUICK TIME EVENTS

Quick Time Events are fucking awesome. Patterson cites games such as Heavenly Sword and Spiderman 3 as to why QTEs suck. That is just unfair. Citing two bad games as two why a certain feature sucks is like saying 3rd person shooters suck because Kane & Lynch and Army of Two both suck. Why doesn't he mention a god like God of War? He uses GoW for his image, that game is a great example of QTEs done right. I don't know about you, but it is quite satisfying to jump up on a cyclops and stab it in the eyeball to death when I do the button chain correctly.

I just think it is unfair to say a certain game play mechanic or feature is bad just because a game that sucks has it, it is just stupid and completely flawed logic.



3D GAMES

Ok, this is the big one. This might be the dumbest fucking thing I have ever heard. It really takes the cake. How the fuck can somebody seriously say that 3D games were a bad innovation? I'm really not sure where to start or what to say exactly. Do I really need to say anything? Honestly, I could write a 12 page paper on how the jump to 3D has propelled video games into a completely new form of entertainment beyond anything that we could have imagined when the only thing we had was the Atari 2600.

What do you guys think. Am I crazy? Is this whole article a joke that I just didn't get? Please tell me that I'm not crazy.

*note*
I know I didn't list 13 reasons in this article. I don't care.   read


1:26 AM on 03.28.2008

Fuck suff0catingsight

That's right. He kicked me from fucking stickam like the fucking dick face he is. Who does he think he is? He kicked me from the YAY! M&M'S! room. That room was created because of me in the first place. Had I not had my giant bag of peanut m&ms, we would never had it. blah blah blah.

all I wanted to do was talk in stickam, and now I am fucking stuck in vent with the puppet faggot (everybody fucking hates him, he is such an asshole).   read


5:16 AM on 03.27.2008

Fuck Ron Workmeng, I call DIBS



You know what I am talking about.   read


4:08 PM on 03.15.2008

Turning Point Gaming Rig - New Rules Edition

Seriously, these fucking turning point gaming rig posts is making me go fucking nuts. I avoided the cblogs for a week thinking that they would have stopped and there are still 15 coming in every day. I am going to go fucking crazy. There has to be some other way to give away computers that cost more that twice as much as they are worth. Seriously, Falcon Northwest is worse than Dell when it comes to overpricing their high end PCs.

I mean, I just don't even understand who would buy those fucking computers. I know they sell those Velocity Micro computers in Best Buy stores so I imagine the only people that would ever buy one are really rich people that just tell the dude at the store that they want the best PC that they have so they sell them the Velocity Micro that comes with the Core 2 Quad and dual nVidia 8800GTs or some stupid shit like that.

Because honestly, no real gamer would ever spend $5k on a pre-built PC and then wait 3-4 weeks to get the fucking thing. Anybody who plays games enough that they want to be able to play Crysis at 2560x1600 resolution with all the settings set to max should know that buying a manufactured computer is a waste of money. They should at least have some knowledge of newegg and either know how to build a computer or have a friend that knows how to build a computer.

And I can understand that people would want to win one of these computers for free but honestly, if I got one of those things, I would just sell the fucker because I could build a better rig for $3000, and that includes buying a monitor. I mean, that thing doesn't even have DDR3 RAM, if you are spending $5000 you better have DDR3 RAM in the fucker.

So, can anybody please explain to me why these computers even exist and who the fucktards are that are buying them and allowing a piece of shit company like Falcon Northwest to stay in business?   read


3:50 PM on 03.15.2008

NVGR - hulu Has Gone Public.

[embed]75747:9228[/embed]

Ok, hulu went public sometime last week, I think, but I just haven't had time to tell you all yet. I have been a part of the hulu beta for about 2 months or so and I have to say, its great. The big networks have finally realized that people are going to pirate all the TV shows anyways so they might as well offer it for free.

The only catch is that they throw in a couple of commercials, which I personally don't mind at all. Hell, if I can watch Lost the next day at 5am with 5 commercials in HD streaming rather than on Thursday nights at 8pm with 20 commercials, I am there.

When hulu first launched in beta it didn't have much to offer but it was promising, and now it is sweet and succulent. You can watch ever single episode of Lost, ever. You can also watch some hard to find TV shows such as Firefly (the first episode of which is posted above to watch in full at your leisure.)

Oh, and did I mention they have movies on hulu as well? They even have some really good ones like The Big Lebowski, The Usual Suspects, and Requiem for a Dream.

Basically, it comes down to this, go make a hulu account now and start watching some TV and movies for free. If they have it up on hulu, it is actually easier that torrenting it or trying to watch it in 8 parts of youtube.

also, cocks

[embed]75747:9229[/embed]   read


12:33 PM on 03.15.2008

New Iron Man Video Game Trailer. TITS!

[embed]75717:9221[/embed]

Ok, that was really weird. I had this whole post typed out about my orgasming over Iron Man and when i hit the "save + preview" button it all dissappeared. So now you only get a half orgasm from me.

Basically, the new trailers makes me wet. I want it. It is beautiful. I hope the flying doesn't suck donkey dick like all the Superman games.
[embed]75717:9222[/embed]   read


7:02 PM on 03.05.2008

Secret Service - Nobody Knows Yet, but this Game Will be Amazing



This game sounds freaking sweet to me. If you didn't figure it out from the blog header, the name of the game is called Secret Service, tentatively. It is in development by Tigon Studios. For those of you who don't know who Tigon Studios is, they are the guys that made Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay.

The studio was started up by non other that Vin Diesel. Butcher Bay was a solid game and their current main project, The Wheelman looks like it could be decent. But, it is this other project that they are working on but haven't said much about that has me extremely interested. This is what the Tigon Studios' website had to say about the game:

[embed]73876:8845[/embed]



Ok, the fact that Bryan Singer is not only working on this game but that he is the one that sought a studio to work with on the game, that he initiated the process has me extremely excited. If you don't know who Bryan Singer is, I suggest you find out quickly. He directed "The Usual Suspects", one of my favorite movies. He was the writer, director, and producer on "X-Men", "X2", and "Superman Returns". He also produces one of my favorite TV shows ever, "House M.D." So yeah, this guy has props.

So yeah, I know the info on the game is sparse and there is no screenshots or video of the game but I don't need those to be excited about this game. I have no idea when this game will come out but I will be sure to keep an eye on it.   read


4:53 PM on 03.04.2008

Steve Wiebe to Attempt Donkey Kong World Record Tomorrow.



This has me excited. I don't know if all of you have seen King of Kong, but if you haven't you need to do so. It is a documentary chronicling the journey of Steve Weibe as he attempts to break the world record on Donkey Kong. It is simply fascinating.

Steve has had the most difficult time in attempting to gain recognition for the highest score in Donkey Kong. Steve video tapes himself achieving a high score of over 1,000,000 in his garage which topped the previous high score of 874,300. Soon after that the score was taken away from him because Twin Galaxies deemed that the board he played on wasn't a legitimate board.

At that point Steve went to FunSpot, the arcade that has become the center of competitive retro gaming. Steve beat the world record with 985,600 points and reached the kill screen, being the third person to ever do so. But literally hours after he achieved this score a tape from Bill Mitchell, the dude that holds the record, came in that showed him getting a score of 1,047,200 just barely beating Weibe.

Right now Mitchell has the record with 1,050,200 points and Weibe trailing by only 1,100 points at 1,049,100 points. One thing to note, Weibe's high score was witnessed in person by a crowd of people when Mitchell's was submitted via video tape. Steve hopes to break the high score once and for all in Las Vegas tomorrow and I am rooting for him.

  read


3:23 PM on 03.04.2008

DESTRUCTOID CANCUN: I Have an Afro Edition



Seriously, just look at that thang. Everybody knows that drinking and having fun is always made better when there is a dude with an afro to join in the fun. Additionally, I don't drink stupid shit like banana martinis like a certain someone who has a head shaped like a mailbox. Seriously, give me a bottle of Jager and some energy drink and an hour later everybody will have been sexually assaulted by me and it will most likely end up on camera.

When asked why my afro is awesome, I got a mixed response from several dtoiders.

"because your white" --dyslixec

"too much seman" -- lark ohiya

"It just.....is. Thats like asking why Chad is awesome" -- Colette

"because i banged my chick last night. ok um because you banged my chick last night. i banged your chick last night. there we go. I banged you last night so your hair went poof." -- TehuberOne

"because we are incapable of growing one" -- CannibalCalvin

"because I touched it" --Phist

also cocks   read


3:47 PM on 03.02.2008

Portal Turret Papercraft Amazing



Just look at that. It is simply amazing. I just came across this and I really want it. There is a pdf file to download right over here. I have no idea how to do papercraft but I am totally going to print out that pdf and start cutting stuff up. Hopefully I will have something close to resembling a turret when I finish.

[via thexboxdomain]   read


1:57 PM on 02.29.2008

DESTRUCTOID CANCUN: Clown Shoes Edition



No additional text necessary. It is simply Clown Shoes formerly of that other video game blog owned by AOL. If you don't know who Clown Shoes is then you don't need to.

This really has nothing to do with me and it in no way explains as to why I should go to Cancun but it is just random and funny and a shitty excuse to post a picture of him and remember the good old days when Greybush was getting people fired. (run on sentence)

  read


3:06 PM on 02.28.2008

DESTRUCTOID CANCUN: Cocktrez Edition - NSFW



I applied my super shitty shooping skills for 30 minutes in order to harass Cocktrez just for dtoid. It is one of my finest moments in life.   read





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