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13 Reasons Why GamesRadar is Retarded.
Namelessted | 11:59 PM on 03.28.2008 30 comments


Ok, I am getting sick of GamesRadar. I mean, they have some good stuff from time to time, but they always get these stupid "Top (instert radnom number here)" lists and they all completely suck dick. And I have finally had it with their new "13 Worst Gaming Innovations of all Time" article by Shane Patterson. It really is one of the dumbest pieces of "gaming journalism" I have read in my entire life.

Alright, I am going to put this little blurb here. When I first started writing this blog I was thinking on posting my counter argument to each one of the "innovations" that Games Radar believes is bad. But, then I decided that half of them weren't even innovations as much as they are a feature. Also, this would have been a quite lengthy post so I decided that I should shorten it a bit. So now I have chosen just a couple of these so called terrible innovations that I most disagree with and write about them.



PERIPHERALS

Oh yes, peripherals are one of the worst innovations ever. You have to be kidding me. Do the people at GamesRadar have no fucking clue what they are talking about? They say that having gaming peripherals makes you look not cool. I have a message for you GamesRadar:

FUCK YOU.

If your biggest concern is to look cool while playing games, they you need to go to hell. I am dead serious here, go straight to fucking hell. Some of the best video game experiences are only possible with the use of peripherals; Guitar Hero and Rock Band come to mind. Seriously think about it, where would gaming be without the Power Glove or the Power Pad? How would you be able to play Duck Hunt without the Zapper. And just to add, I have not met a single person that think Guitar Hero is gay after being made to play it except for Ron Workman.



LENSE FLARE

Lense flare? Are you kidding me? You are seriously going to complain about lens flares being a terrible innovation? Shut the fuck up.



QUICK TIME EVENTS

Quick Time Events are fucking awesome. Patterson cites games such as Heavenly Sword and Spiderman 3 as to why QTEs suck. That is just unfair. Citing two bad games as two why a certain feature sucks is like saying 3rd person shooters suck because Kane & Lynch and Army of Two both suck. Why doesn't he mention a god like God of War? He uses GoW for his image, that game is a great example of QTEs done right. I don't know about you, but it is quite satisfying to jump up on a cyclops and stab it in the eyeball to death when I do the button chain correctly.

I just think it is unfair to say a certain game play mechanic or feature is bad just because a game that sucks has it, it is just stupid and completely flawed logic.



3D GAMES

Ok, this is the big one. This might be the dumbest fucking thing I have ever heard. It really takes the cake. How the fuck can somebody seriously say that 3D games were a bad innovation? I'm really not sure where to start or what to say exactly. Do I really need to say anything? Honestly, I could write a 12 page paper on how the jump to 3D has propelled video games into a completely new form of entertainment beyond anything that we could have imagined when the only thing we had was the Atari 2600.

What do you guys think. Am I crazy? Is this whole article a joke that I just didn't get? Please tell me that I'm not crazy.

*note*
I know I didn't list 13 reasons in this article. I don't care.



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27 comments | showing # 1 to 27

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VWGTI's Destructoid Blog
Revolt in Colour's Destructoid Blog
haahaha... seirously? They're complaining about 3-D games?
Namelessted's Destructoid Blog
VWGTI, you don't get to call dibs.
VWGTI's Destructoid Blog
My bad, dude.
MrSadistic's Destructoid Blog
I read that article a few days ago. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought some of the items on there were complete bullshit.
VWGTI's Destructoid Blog
zaqu's Destructoid Blog
AMAZING write up ted give this give this 4 firetrucks with three ladders raised
zaqu's Destructoid Blog
out of 5
Cheeburga's Destructoid Blog
I agree, they get listed on N4g.com all the time, and it's just fucking short retarded top 10's or whatever.
ajaxender's Destructoid Blog
Holy crap. I followed that link, and youre 100% correct. They are fucking morons.

Swimming is a bad innovation? Really? Maybe its not always implemented too well. Maybe its not always fun to do in game.

It sure beats the shit out of drowning.
ajaxender's Destructoid Blog
Ok, i read the rest of it... they cant be serious, can they? Someone tell me they're joking!
TrailerParkJesus's Destructoid Blog
I think it's more like "13 Game Mechanics That Suck Sometimes" but that doesn't sound emphatic enough, so they try sensationalism and use "worst" and "of all time" because it sound more final and gets a better reaction
hammburglar's Destructoid Blog
you should watch their video of 100 reasons why fanboys hate gamesradar.
liquidninja's Destructoid Blog
Opinions people they're just opinions. Also, I don't think they that serious.
VWGTI's Destructoid Blog
@ liquid

Oh, yes they are!
Namelessted's Destructoid Blog
@liquid, I understand they are opinions. I understand that the dude doesn't like certain things in his video games, but it is just stupid and moronic to say that things like 3D were a bad idea.

I mean, from all the things the guy listed my guess would be that his favorite game is some bullshit like Pacman on the 2600, before all the innovation happened.
liquidninja's Destructoid Blog
"Who? Shane Patterson
What? Associate Features Editor
How did I get here? I wrote for City on a Hill Press, UC Santa Cruz’s newspaper, before graduating with a degree in Film and Digital Media. Once I leapt into the real world, I found that I could turn a phrase well enough to shack up with the misfits at GamesRadar. ProTip: you don’t need pants for a successful job interview.
Stuff I done: MGS4 - Close Quarters Combat and You, 8 officially licensed WTF?! products, The Art of Teabagging
Loves: Films that end in "ommando," The Venture Bros., my dust-covered PS2, naysaying, brand new DVDs and games, Perry Bible Fellowship.
Hates: Garfield, arguing with fanboys, your favorite band, movies based on games, games trying to be movies, truckin'.
Now playing: Super Smash Bros. Brawl, The World Ends with You, Halo 2."


I'm pretty sure he's doesn't hate 3D games.
He was just being entertaining kinda like Yahtzee on Zero Punctuation.
Justice's Destructoid Blog
@liquidninja

minus the entertainment.
JDUB X's Destructoid Blog
Heres a reason

THEY GAVE ASSASSINS CREED A 10/10!!!!!!

Im not hating on AC but it is no 10
Mxyzptlk's Destructoid Blog
I agree, this is a pretty lousy list.
NegFactor's Destructoid Blog
That article he wrote hurt my soul.

Concerning 3-D, I agree with a need to go back to 2-D. How else am I ever going to get my MEGA MAN 37 with twelve new robots (I hear Hand Man is a badass) and a cyborg version of Dr. Wily?
Velt's Destructoid Blog
real people get paid to write that shit?
njsykora's Destructoid Blog
If escort missions aren't on that list then its not worth my time.
king3vbo's Destructoid Blog
Ted is a bitch
Ted is a bitch
Ted is a bitch
Hey hey hey hey hey
Spartacus's Destructoid Blog
Swimming? Swimming?
Namelessted's Destructoid Blog
@liquid, if he was trying to be funny like Yahtzee then he completely failed. He will never be that funny and he should just give up.

honestly, they way he wrote it makes it seem serious. If he was going for sarcasm then written word is the worst possible way to convey it. Maybe next time he should do a video if he wants to do a sarcasm piece.
Necros's Destructoid Blog
I question whether lens flare is even an innovation.


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