There are those games that defined a generation. Mention Mario, Zelda, Final Fantasy or Metal Gear Solid and any gamer worth his salt will know what you're talking about. There are also the titles that are so horrendous, so three week old carton of milk bad, that any gamer will cringe at the mere mention of a title like Shaq-Fu, Bebe's Kids, or Deadly Towers.

But what about the games that are neither? What about the titles that may have been good games, even great ones, but due to unseen circumstances never caught on like they should have, resulting in full bargain bins around the country? This is the column for them: The Island of Forgotten Games.



Kabuki Quantum (Hair) Fighter

The NES had its string of weird-ass and whacked-out ideas for video games, including such possible future columns as Monster Party, Samurai Zombie Nation, and A Boy and His Blob. But none will ever beat the over-arching weirdness of Kabuki Quantum Hair Fighter.

The game starts with a sequence complete with ridiculously slow text about a computer virus taking over the Earth's missile defense system in the year 2056, and our hero, Scott O'Connor, selflessly volunteers as a test subject for a program that will allow him to take on a new, digital form in a digitized world of the computer infra-structure to defeat the virus. His new form is, yes, Kabuki Quantum Fighter. Don't ask me how an Irish-American guy is transformed into a Japanese theater character, nor what Japanese Kabuki theater has to do with computers, it doesn't make any sense, and that's partly why it's awesome.



The digital world of Kabuki Quantum Fighter is ridiculous. So ridiculous, I wouldn't be surprised if this game gave younger kids nightmares back in the day. The enemies in this digital world look like they'd be more at home in a Castlevania game than in a world inside a computer. Toad Men with swords, robot dogs, giant heads that shoot lasers and fire, robot dogs with swords, it's absolutely whacked!

The backgrounds give a very distinct Batman NES vibe, really dark and black with color details here and there, like giant beating hearts! I know my computer has hearts in it, does yours?



And the best part of all? Your character! His basic attack? His hair! He swings his giant Kabuki wig at enemies that get in your way. For a real good laugh, try out a turbo controller and hold the B-button so he's constantly banging his head, it looks just like James Hetfield in his long hair days!

The game plays really closely to the Ninja Gaiden / Batman style of side-scroller: Lots of running and jumping around and hitting enemies as they get close to you, with a boss at the end of every level.

Why Didn't it Catch on?:

Now the game IS fun, don't get me wrong, but let's be honest here: Was there really a demand for games about Kabuki actors inside Hellish computers in 1990? Add to that the fact that the box-art:



Is less than enticing to the average consumer seeing this on the shelves, and you have a title that could've declared itself DOA, which is too bad, as the final screen of the game features the main character bowing and asking to check him out in his next game, which never appeared.

Despite (or because) of it's bizarre exterior, Kabuki Quantum Fighter is all-in-all, a fun little platform / action game. If you're a fan of the Ninja Gaiden series or its equivalents, definitely try this out, it'll be worth your time, if only just so you can tell your friends you played Kabuki Quantum Fighter.

Note: This game was originally published by the now-defunct HAL America. HAL America is long gone, but I bet you can guess what happened to the development side of the company in Japan, can't you?