aka: The Spider That's Hiding Somewhere In My Basement.

In my approx. 9 years of gaming, I've fought many bosses, encountered numerous enemies, and alienated most of my family. I thought that I could take on anything in my virtual world. I still can, actually. Still there are things that exist in my own world where I cannot call upon the power of fireballs or ancient spells to save my ass.

A few things: I have a Wii and a PS2, and I try to play both of them equally, though I'm currently working my way through Super Paper Mario beacuse a) it is fun, and b) my Wii is upstairs (more on this later). Now before you start telling me which console is better, let me say that neither is perfect, but they each have their own perks. On my basement: my basement isn't some ratty concrete-floored storage room. It's about the size of a living room, has light yellow walls, and a patterned greensih carpet. There's also a nice TV and tons of DVDs and video games.

My story begins about a year ago. I remember thinking that it was about time that I play/finish Rogue Galaxy, an underrated action RPG. As I made my way downstairs, something caught my eye. It was something on the floor. Now my reaction to any foreign object that I can't clearly make out is to think that it's a spider. Due to the carpet, I couldn't identify it, but it was the width of 3 quarters (adjusted for inflation) and was dark in color.

Being wary of spiders, I retreated upstairs.

Being a total pussy, I didn't come down until I assumed the spider was dead (several months later).

Wanting the pussies of the future to build a statue to my pusssiness, I grabbed my PS2 and all of it's games, and bought it upstairs.

Ensuring that the pussies of the future will build a statue to my pusssiness, I was too sheepish to look for pictures of spiders for this article.

Time went on, I got to the very end of Rogue Galaxy, where I was able to witness the cheapest final boss battle in my life. (The final battle is a 30-50 minute struggle, not including the cutscenes. There are two forms of the first boss you have to fight, which are a piece of cake. The second boss is the Demon Battleship, where everyone in your party has their own boss to fight, and battles can range between 2-10 minutes. I've always died at the final boss, halfway before killing him. He releases these balls that are one-hit kills, and after that, you need to do the whole thing over. I've wasted several hours of my life because of that bullshit.)

After a while, the Super Bowl came, and I was forced to move my games downstairs. No worries. I assured my self that the spider was gone and that once everything was said and done, I might be able to beat the game.

For whatever reason, I bought up my Wii first, probably because some little kids were coming over and it would shut them up. I forget. My PS2 was still in the basement, and it wasn't alone.

Imagine my surprise to find the spider waiting for me when I went downstairs. Now to be fair, I was getting the laundry because my parents were out, and they asked me to do so. But still, the spider was waiting directly in front of the steps.

It was expecting me.

This was two weeks ago. I have yet to return to the basement.


Will I ever beat Rogue Galaxy?

Long answer: Only if I can conquer my fear of spiders and/or stop being a pussy.

Short answer: No.