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12:06 AM on 01.27.2011

The Decade of Makers

My little brother, Jonah, is obsessed with creating video games. But he's also incredibly lazy (and we're not talking fat-ass lazy, just...I-hate-our-generation-lazy). So what does he do? Not learn a programing language like a normal fucking person. He decides to go online and look for Game Makers.

RPG Maker has released four iterations of itself in the last decade. There has been a huge increase of mod tools in the last decade. There are a number websites for game creation that have arisen in the last decade. There has been a huge increase game creators and tools in the last decade, period.

What has happened to us? Have we grown so lazy that we'd rather have someone else create the tools we need for game making for us? Do we need to rely on free websites or expensive corporations to create what we need? There is a name for these "whores" and it is middleware.

Havok, SpeedTree, Gnome, Unreal 3, Source Engine. Yes, the fucking Source Engine. It seems as though these companies have it in their minds that we cannot do anything right and need their immediate and expensive help right now! These tools are useful but they defeat a purpose every game creator should have in their heart: to learn.

I know, it sounds silly that I want game developers to learn, but tell me of a time when originality ran rampant, tell me of a time when developement software companies were making games by the skin of their teeth, tell me of a time when a game meant life or death. That time was the '90s, dear reader.

Back then, all you had was the Dark Engine (Thief1/2, System Shock 2) and the Quake engine (Half-Life, SiN) to make your shitty games on, unless you had the balls to make your own video game engine. Those engines were most likely in-house.

The point of this article is very simple. What is something video games aren't lacking? Here's a hint, it rhymes with giraffics. That's right, graphics. What ugly ass games have you seen recently? Probably Mount & Blade and that's it. Face it, 2D games are never ugly and all 3D games are made with multi-million dollar engines. Graphics is not a problem for this new decade. Originality is.

And I may be beating a dead horse but at least I'm using a new stick. If companies made their own engines, their own tools, and skipped out on middle-ware, there would be far better games. Look at indie games. All of them are homegrown! ALL OF THEM. Look at mother fuckin' Overgrowth with their weekly builds and entries. These people know what makes a game fun and are sharing it for free.

We are sacrificing functionality for speed.

Learn, dear readers and dearest reader-developers, that knowing the ins and outs of your game and knowing how each little piece of it functions means less generic gameplay. The truth, I speak it. What do you think?

YoYo Games
Cartoon Network Game Creator
The Game Creators
Game Creation Resources
MUD Maker
MUD Creator Toolkit
Inform 7
RPG Maker XP / VX

And this was from using the keywords, "RPG, Game, MUD, Text, Creator, Maker" in google.   read

10:43 AM on 01.21.2011

Google Uses Deus Ex Sound

Resizing stolen images is for pussies.

I'm talking to my hero, dude-who-I-really-don't-care-about. He runs the armory at UNATCO HQ and is telling me to stop murdering terrorists. "You need to learn the non-lethal approach. No ammo for you." Well shit, between the cattle prod that barely works at point blank range and the tranq darts that alert everyone to where I am, I don't really have a lot of non-lethal options.

Then I hear it, that little Ring-ring that Google does when I'm getting a phone call. You see, I'm poor (amazing!) and have a net10 phone, so to save minutes I use google voice. So I do some sort of ALT-TAB voodoo, crash Deus Ex and snap into Chrome where my email phone isn't vibrating and gmail doesn't have anyone calling me. "What...the...fuck?" I wonder to myself.

I go back to my crashed game and have to restart the stupid conversation where my hero calls me a murdering loser. "You need to learn the non-lethal approach. No ammo for-" And it rings again. Usually gmail is good and turns down all other noises (somehow) so I can only hear the's here in the game...

So my sleep addled mind comes to the massive conclusion that Google is using the Deus Ex phone ring noise! And it's true! From what my google-foo has churned up, I am the only relevant person to come up with this! But what does this mean?

Is google doing an easter egg throw back to Deus Ex? I have been using GMail since day one and ever since they implemented IM calling, that same ringing has appeared, so its not their original noise. Is it blatant stealing? I doubt that, google is too cool to worry about small time legalities like copyright. Perhaps the noise is just some copyright free sound that everyone steals?

Whatever, the point is...
1) If you like Deus Ex's phone noise, you'll like google voice.
2) If you like google voice, you'll like Deus Ex's phone noise.
3) If you like broken logic, you'll like this article.
4) If you like this article, you'll like broken logic.

Until next time, space cowboy.

PS I'm in the process of beating Deus Ex (fffff-, he hasn't beaten it?! D:) and I'll give you guys my impression when I'm finished. SPOILERS, it's alright.   read

11:49 AM on 01.19.2011

Goodwill Sells Bad Games

My girlfriend is from Portland, where the homeless pour in from the sewers and the Goodwill store is larger than Walmart. That's an exaggeration of course, Portland doesn't have a homeless problem. In these Goodwill stores, people can find anything for dirt cheap. Sadly, Boise isn't as huge as Portland and while we don't have as many homeless, we certainly have enough sign-waving beggars to warrant a few thrift stores. So we went to one...right next to Walmart. This is the preamble to that adventure.

While she looked at photo books depicting the Portland of old against the Portland of now, and her friends were looking at shot glasses and mugs, I was looking at old electronics. Alarm clocks with cracked screens, missing cords, and possibly built in the late 1800's lined one wall while a thousand hooks holding mismatched adapters from a thousand lost electronics lined another. I scrolled along, goggling over the $100 TVs and cardboard boxes filled with modem cards until I came upon the jewel case. This is the preamble to the discovery.

Inside this glass jewel case were watches, iPods, and ... video games? Wait, not just console games, PC games too! Unopened...or at least relaminated, all priced at $10. Sitting in this pile of games were Left 4 Dead 2, Doom 3, FIFA Soccer, Bejeweled DELUXE, Nancy Drew's Lesbian Adventures, JumpStart 6th Grade, oh, and Alpha Protocol...all for $10.

Okay, all those games are good except for Alpha Protocol, but that doesn't mean you'll find a goldmine of great games at each thrift store. Hell, I wouldn't trust any PC game not found unopened in a regular store. But XBox and PS3 games for $10? I'd go hit up your own city's thrift stores to see what crazy good shit you'll find. We're in a recession (or something), life sucks and then you die, so live it up!

PS Even though I didn't buy any games, I still had fun reading the old books I found there. Such as "Dirty Talk" which covers sexy time in all cultures. In Japanese, who knew the literal translation for masturbation was "100 strokes" Sen-Zuri. Too bad for women its "10,000 strokes" Man-Zuri. Fun fun...   read

1:59 PM on 01.17.2011

I'm Troubled By Shapeless Fears...

Who can live in the modern world without catching their share of them?

When I was a wee lad, my dad bought me a CD called Land of the Loops. These were the glory days when a child had no self-restraint nor sense of embarrassment. There was simply an urge for singing and a lust for techno. With quotes from The Brave Little Toaster, how could the youth prevail against such a beast of a band? It seemed as though this music was made for me.

Years later, I would dig up an autographed CD from Land of the Loops and remember those bliss filled days. I would then pop it into my computer and listen to the bizarre, mind sheering lyrics that had tickled my curiosity as a child. How abhor, I now realize, these lyrics were. The artist must have pulled these quotes from every little piece of minute inspiration he could and then funneled them into the techno that defined my mid-90s.

Yes, young son, I am too am tainted by the lyrics of my childhood. Tainted by one cryptic phrase which plays over and over in my mind, "I'm troubled by shapeless fears, who can live in the modern world without catching his share of them? I hope I've landed on my feet this time." And I, being what I am - a man who seeks monsters in a modern time, a man who dreams of apocalyptic human degeneration, a man who begs the unmerciful gods to rid this earth of the taint that is our corporate culture - I, being what I am, obsess over these lyrics.

Why, then, make a rant upon these sacred internets? Simply because these lyrics now define me. Type the title into google and my blog posts of old will arise. I am serious. I wouldn't link you to the drab that is my past directly. It is strange how easily you can be found with the right cryptic phrases and the right mindset. How easy it is to type in a username and find out a person's identity. You won't find me under "Myoga" though. "Myogaman" is how you will track me down.

How easily did the freckles of your past effect your future and how easy would it be for me to find you?   read

1:43 PM on 01.16.2011

The Game Changer Invades My Future


My life had just stabilized in the few months.

With some miracle use of Craig's List, I found a wonderful girlfriend who gets my humor and isn't afraid to speak her mind. I can tell stupid dirty jokes and we can poke fun at each other, we can lay in bed and pass the time with almost no effort, we can look at each other's eyes and see the spark. And even though I don't know if she's the one, at least she's fun.

I managed to hire a Japanese teacher at my community college so I could actually graduate with a language I'd use. I then managed to rally enough students to get us a Japanese 102 class in the next semester. I also collapsed the under financial burdens that is created by our modern educational system and took out an unsubsidized government loan. I'll also get my associates a year late based on a mistake I took right out of high school making me a year behind schedule. But with the government's money, I'll go to summer school and take as many classes as possible, my sanity be damned.

I somehow moved out of my parent's house in September of 2010 with some of the cheapest rent in the state of Idaho. Not only that but I managed to get my best friend as a roommate. Much to my dismay, his girlfriend will be moving in sometime in March but at least rent will under $150 a month.

Yes, my life has stabilized within the last few months. Except that now there is a time limit to it. No, no terminal diseases, no suicide cult, nothing like that. My life long dream, the goal that I have striven for these last two years, is coming true. January 2012, I'm going to Japan. But there isn't a smile on my face, only a burn in my eyes as I look at all I've manged these last few months, knowing it'll crumble away to build the foundation for a better future.

A time limit has been put on my current way of life and here is why I must turn it all away.

My mom's sister is married to a Naval Officer. They will relocate to Japan where my uncle will be at sea for two years, leaving my aunt alone with four kids. My mom broke the news to me and my girlfriend at a family dinner. "She chose Japan because of you. She can get you a work visa and all you have to do is help her with the kids. They'll be leaving January next year." And after the conversation died and the eating resumed, my girl looked at me and said, "I hate time limits." and my heart crunched.

There isn't a choice here. I can't give up my future for her, I can't give up this chance, the one I've been building towards. But that doesn't make this any easier... ...

A year is a long time, there is plenty of things that can happen, things I cannot predict, things I won't try to predict. Remember that game One Chance? I hated it. I hated it because it was the truth pushed into every gamer's face, a truth that we all would have to face one day. This isn't a video game though, this isn't some loot roll or RPG decision you can go back on. This is my fucking life and it sucks that the greater good doesn't make me feel all that good.

Real life doesn't have a save function. Real life doesn't give you the ability to replay it. Real life doesn't bend and sway to your will. All the features we want exist here in reality and it takes a hard knock to a fragile gamer's ego for them to realize that they should have invested more time in real life and less in a digital medium.

I don't want pats on the back, I don't want pity, I don't want faps. I want you, dear reader, to see that there will be a choice coming for you one day. I want you, noble enabler, to take a step back and realize good and evil don't exist within your life. I want you, hallowed veteran, to realize every action has a consequence, even the tiniest can break a heart. I want you to take something away from this and better yourself.

This is a life changing revelation, it's not everyday someone wants to share it for nothing.

These are my friends
This is who they have been for always
These are my days
This is how they stay
Hey, hey
These are my friends, this is who they'll remain forever
This is how we stay   read

3:56 AM on 01.16.2011

My First Contest, EDIT:Its Over Already!

EDIT: By some humongous stroke of WIN, DimmuJed gets the game with "Brett Neal Nelson"...which is spot on! The contest was won a mere 11 hours after posting it at 4am (my time). Give DimmuJed your congrats and high fives! And woo for the success of my first contest. How the hell he found so much from so little is beyond me.

Let it be known that I am an asshole! A contest by chance is fair in some ways but a contest of skill is far more rewarding. So I present my contest rules.

Requirements for Entry
#1 Have a Steam Account
If you don't have one, get one.

#2 Have a Destructoid Account
Honestly, aren't these just the easiest requirements?

The Prize
Dawn of War II: Retribution.
Now's a great time to get into DoW2, especially since it just dropped Games For Windows Live in favor for SteamWorks.

The Challenge
Figure out who my father is. (I know who he is, fyi)
If you win, I'll gift DoW2 to you in steam.
There is no time limit, only until someone wins.
If you win before DoW2 releases, you'll get a pre-order bonus of your choice.
I will be giving hints throughout the coming weeks.
PM me the answer and I'll PM you back to whether you won or not.

I know this may seem impossible but its entirely possible.

Here are your first few hints.
My name is Nicholas Nelson. My family lives in Boise, Idaho.   read

11:21 PM on 01.14.2011

...and this is the ending.

I think I'll publish an entry every two days, this way I can get a backlog so I still have stuff to publish when I run out of ideas.

Who am I? I am Nicholas Nelson and my alias, "Myoga" came from Middle School. My first crush gave it to me because she was a huge Inuyasha fan. Little did I know, Myoga was a flea. I should have taken the hint.

But Myoga is more than that. Myoga is also the ginger that goes with sushi, so all isn't lost. When I was in 9th grade, I looked Myoga up in a dictionary and all I saw was, "myo: strange." and "ga: self". So I connected the dots in a retarded way and figured Myoga meant "strange-self". Well I'm wrong. It doesn't mean that at all in Japanese. It means ginger.

And that's my Alias back story.

The image was made in programming class when we were talking about creating 2D images with Java. So I just drew some pixel art in paint instead of paying attention. I thought, "Huh...perfect for an avatar." And it was.

Because of my poor gaming rig back in high school, I have a huge appreciation for old games. I played everything from NetHack to Thief to System Shock 2 (truly a gem) to Baldur's Gate. "But Nick, isn't this all just RPGs?" Well yes...I had to rebuilt a shitty mouse out of broken parts so quick FPS games weren't quite my style. Though I did play a ton of Soldat. I also legally emulated games on my PC. While I was in Japan, I bought a few Shin Megami Tensei games and since I don't have a Japanese FamiCom, I have emulate the games. Don't ban me D:

So yeah, a ton of RPGs. All the good games (like Morrowind and Oblivion) had to be played on Casey's computer. And Casey is a fickle man with very limited hard drive space. So he deleted most games that I still hadn't beaten. Can you imagine the heartache of having to restart over and over on Vampires The Masquerade Bloodlines or Oblivion or Gothic 3? Over and over, never ending, my will bent by Casey's own.

This is my excuse for not having beat most games.

That's right, I haven't beaten System Shock 2 or Baldur's Gate or Thief. But I haven't forgotten them, its just that my attention span is as long as a goldfish's. I'll beat them though, just give me time, I've beaten games before! Also Dead Space...I should grow a pair and beat that.

I love horror. I love realism. I love a challenge.
I love cyberpunk. I love apocalyptic. I love supernatural.
I love platforming. I love shooting. I love strategy.
These are the games I try to play.

STALKER, Mega Man, Super Meat Boy, FEAR, Deus Ex, X-Com, Torchlight, Burnout, Mount 'n Blade, Metro 2033, Section 8 (despite the fact its dead), Borderlands, Killing Floor, The Witcher, Red Orchestra, Dawn of War 1 + 2 (thank god for losing GFWL), Dark Messiah, Fallout, Cortex Command, Gish, Minecraft (DURRR DERRRR), Amnesia (oh god ;-;), and those are just the PC games. Let's just ignore all the obscure console games I played on Genesis, Playstation 1 + 2, Gameboy, and PSP.

So now I'm primarily a PC gamer. I pity those who have to pay $40/year for online multiplayer and pay $10 more for the same game (or worse game depending). I don't hate consoles but I do hate how they are being exploited so easily. Console exclusives, DLC exclusives, exclusive this, exclusive that, forced updates, peer-to-peer multiplayer. It just seems like a huge back step when compared to PC gaming although it is a big step forward on consoles. Too bad consoles are dragging PC down with it.

I enjoy Indie and Mainstream alike though I agree that PC has been suffering as Consoles slowly gain features (which PC always had). And the only company I actively oppose is Activision. We live in a capitalistic society where our money votes. Too bad the good products are sold by Satan. I think THQ is probably the best mainstream publisher out there. They sell a majority of their games for $40 and have always been about quality. Also their name stands for Toy Head Quarters. Weird, eh?

So hopefully you've gleaned something from this post and the prior. I'm an easy enough guy to get along with. So for all you D'Toid users out there, here I am...rock you like a hurricane.

PS I say D'Toid instead of Dtoid because Dee-Toid sounds weird and awkward while Dah-toid sounds like some sort of slang or French import word.   read

11:19 PM on 01.14.2011

This is the beginning...

... as Occam's Electric Toothbrush has claimed, and it is an intro post of sorts. I don't expect people to actually read this, I barely expected people to read that last two journals but the C-Blog and D'Toid have proven to me that people really do read the newbies' writings and that gives me some sort of hope. So this is it, an intro to me...the full thing...almost nothing excluded...this is your final warning.

My Background
I was born April 20th, 1990 and nothing cool happened until my dad bought me a gameboy at age 6. I had Tetris and Mario. My parents had a rough life when I was young, there were divorces, remarriages, and more divorce but I'm not mad or angry or angst-filled or anything. My parents were young and always had their child forthright in their minds. They loved me and there is no denying that.

Two years later, I got a SEGA Genesis for Christmas with Vectorman and Sonic the Hedgehog. I was pretty ignorant during these times. I didn't know there was a SNES or even NES. I just knew being a robot boost jumping other robots to death was fun. I also fucking love Gunstar Heroes.

Then, shortly before school ended in the early months of '97, my mom moved to Boise (Idaho) while my dad stayed in Downtown Boise. We were still close together (but I didn't learn that until later, I was a kid with almost no concept of distance) but I had to change schools. It was there I met Casey Montgomery, my best friend still to this day (and roommate too).

It is here that I met three major characters to my life. Kyle, the redheaded bully. Joey, the blonde cool kid. And William, the Asian/Mexican/Something who always brought laughs and has 12 bros+sisters. I didn't like Kyle, I didn't care about Joey, and I thought William was a cool kid to hang with. Casey and I would always hang out together with this rag-tag group of future rapists and laugh as though the truth wasn't right in front of us the whole time.

Looking back, its funny to see how your childhood friends grew up and to realize how little you understood. I didn't know Kyle's brother was an alcoholic at 16 or his mother was addicted to meth. I didn't even know I lived in a shitty neighborhood with a meth problem and an orphanage right across the street. The facts remain the same, the viewpoint just changes.

Kyle ended up getting a girl pregnant at 17 which stopped his own drug abuse. He now spends over $150 on magic cards every now and then. I re-met up with Joey in High School where I found out he was a major stoner with no goals or direction in his life. And William joined the army when he turned 18 and was sent to Iraq. He came back recently and we had some good times but then he left for college in Arizona.

This section of my past also marked the era of Pokemon, which played a huge part in my life. We had the cards, the toys, all the games, we traded at school, and followed the stupid rumors. For example, cutting the link-cable would produce a real pokemon or Yellow Version would allow any pokemon to follow behind you. Tons of stupid shit, it was awesome. I still have it all in a trunk under my bed.

From 4th grade to 6th grade is a bit of a blur, possibly a mental block. I remember my parents getting back together, everyone moving away from Casey's neighborhood (including me but excepting William), and me going through that puberty angst phase where you hate your friends and your life and everyone and you start doodling suicidal pictures on your homework. But that suicidal hatred phase was mostly 6th grade. And no, I didn't go goth or emo (was emo even existent back in 2002?), I was just a kid who dressed in video game shirts and didn't care what I looked like.

From 7th to 9th grade, I met up with Chris O. and Nick K. I'm omitting their last names on purpose but since there are several Nicks' and Chris' in my life, I'll give their last initial. Nick K. and I were best buds. Everything was freakin' sweet. We rode bikes, we broke shit, we made shit, we pissed off old men. We did a ton of good things, including playing video games. This was the Homestar Runner and PS2 era. We played Time Splitters 2 and watched Homestar Runner religiously. I also began to realize I can exploit my image for laughs and attention. So I had no self image and everyone thought I was dumb as a rock or gay. Hell, maybe both depending who you asked.

Also my parents were back together...for good this time.

During this stage of my life, I began to understand that bullies couldn't be ignored and sometimes you'd have to confront them...but me being the ignorant little 'tard I was, I always said the wrong thing at the right time. Every time I could have stopped it, I would say the worse possible thing and make it worse. So thus began my internal struggle for social acceptance without my expense and the questioning of how to deal with bullies without encouraging it.

Chris O. was the opposite of me. He was cool, had an abusive childhood, and was born 6 days before me. We'd hunt down my little brother as he walked down the sidewalk from the bus (with nerf guns), we'd threaten neighborhood kids because they were little douche bags, and we'd watch each other's backs in school. Life throws several fun curve balls though.

Nick N. was first introduced to WoW in the Christmas of 2004. He got a new computer and the game and a pair of parents who threw money to the wind like they weren't funding childhood obesity. Sadly, this really sucked down Nick's time and I didn't really get to do anything besides eat dinner at his house and watch him grind. To this day, I believe he still plays. I haven't seen him in four years and wonder if he actually goes to college, got kicked out of his parent's house, turned obese, or even tries other video games. It certainly seemed that WoW was the center of his life.

Chris O's step father was abusive and my parent's house would be a safe haven for him. One day, near 8pm, he comes ringing our doorbell and my mom answers it. "My d-dad threw me d-down the s-stairs." He sobbed, a bruise running up his face. So we hushed him in and let him spend the night. Chris was a tough mother fucker and this was the only time I saw him defeated.

It is also strange to watch people your same age grow up faster than you. Chris O. got married at 18 and had a kid in the same year. I remember running into him at a Walmart and us talking. I met his son (1 year old at the time) and his wife. We talked about what had happened and what was happening with our lives. Chris dropped out of high school and began working construction. Now he's struggling to get him and his wife a decent life.

And now, the biggest section of my life. The part that defined my entire future and current state of self.

Grade 10th to 12th. After my freshman year, I got a phone call saying that I was accepted to the Meridian Technical Charter High School. Which basically meant I got into a geek school where you have computers in every class. It was here that a background character became a foreground one and I learned to hate my generation for what was, selfish and retarded. The character in question is Matt. Matt went to middle school with me and I remember him distinctly as the weird kid in the background. Matt bloomed into his true self at this geek school. He was charismatic and funny. It was strange how being immersed in your own culture makes you what you truly are.

First let me say that geek culture is the exact same as every other culture. Bullies arise, the sluts crawl forth, and the cool kids emerge from the losers. I was a loser but more in the sense that I had friends in every clique but didn't stick to any one of them. Matt, Davina, Scott, and Chris P. was my posse of friends. Matt was a networker, Davina was a graphic designer, Scott was an engineer, Chris P. was a programmer, and I was a programmer as well. These were the paths our school offered us at the Junior level for graduation and specialization.

Second, I didn't get a computer until I was 16. It was a Pentium II 666mHz, 6GB HDD, 128MB RAM, nVidia TNT. I could barely play System Shock 2 so forget Half-Life 2. Despite my video game history, I was a console gamer, a PC gaming virgin. Just as well that I had Matt to teach me.

Matt was my best friend during high school (and he's still a great friend now). He'd always have some infinite gamer guru knowledge. He'd tell me what I needed to configure Linux, to stay the hell away from Macs, and what I needed to force drivers to work on Windows. He was my encyclopedia and he still is. I'd say he's my sensei on computers.

Davina was one of the three girls at my high school (and none of them were especially cute). She was a heavy anime fan, always spiking her hair and never losing the weight that would have made her desirable. I often thought about how desperate I'd get before actually wanting to go out with her but what else could you expect from a school with only three girls? It also fucking sucks that the geek school suddenly became cool right when we graduated. We had hot freshman girls coming in by the truckload and all these hip, young kids with swingin' hairstyles. Think PC vs Mac commercials. We were PC (aka dull nerd) and Mac (aka Justin Long / cool nerd) was replacing us.

Scott looks like he has down syndrome. That's how you'll recognize him. He's also far more Matt's friend than mine. I figured he was there to add social commentary to our crazy high school lives...and that's all I have to really say...He's a funny guy to hang out with but not a huge impact on me.

Chris P. Oh my god, fuck this guy. Imagine, you see a kid who is alone and you decide to be friends with him. You then realize he's a hate filled, self-bloated, uber-genius that wants mankind's extinction. So when I try to not be his friend, when the words are about to fall out of my mouth, he pulls the S-word. And it's not sword. "I'm suicidal." And BAM! Well now I'm obligated to be his friend because I don't want this kid killing himself over me. Between the suicidal and extreme hatred leaking off this guy, tainting me and my views on life, and the stupidity of some lazy eye'd prick trying to bully me, you'd understand why I think our generation is fucked up.

Speaking of lazy eye'd pricks, Zack was one of those bullies who rose up to oppose me. He'd always be there with Conner to throw my ego down and laugh. It's really weird because I wasn't an asshole or anything. Just some regular kid going through high school. And I was friends with his friends does that work?

I think the best moment of high school was when we were close to graduating and I volunteered to tally votes on what our graduation song and student speaker should be. I told everyone to send me an email so I had a physical copy. Zack wanted to be student speaker but the votes were tallied in Christian's favor (including my vote, pricks don't win elections unless its fear inspired). So when Zack realized he would lose, he rallied squad and got his whole posse up against me. They pushed and jeered and told me that I was a fucking retard who couldn't count while I feebly tried to defend myself with the actual email votes.

It was then that quiet Matt from middle school stood forth and told Zack to go fuck himself. And he had half the school behind him. It was...the most beautiful and wonderful moment, knowing that I actually mattered to these people. It was, what most would believe, a rare moment for the majority to crash down on the bully and defend the innocent. Even if I can't strike up casual conversation with my classmates, I still know, deep inside, that they either cared enough about me to help or hated Zack enough to gang up on him.

Now for a rough transition. I wanted to be a programmer since I realized that was how video games were made, so I built my whole high school career on that. It wasn't until senior year where we were forced to take an internship based on our teachings to learn the tricks of the trade. I got a cubicle job at HealthCast programming in C# (a language I taught myself. My programming teacher taught only PHP and Java). I hated it. It doesn't matter how much you like your boss, being in a cubicle, back against the only exit, always knowing you will be judged. It was soul crushing, not to mention bad Feng Shui. There's a reason the boss' desk is always facing the door and the employees backs are always to it.

They didn't like me too much either, so I lost that job.

Normally, you fail school if you fail the internship but the principal thought of me as a troubled soul and assembled some sort of massive intervention. All of the teachers, faculty, and my parents were brought together to talk about my work ethic and how I am going to fail at life. At first, I thought it was a joke. I mean, yeah I didn't have the best work ethic, I'd play games during class and procrastinate, but it was strange to set up an intervention on something like that.

"You're setting up your whole life to fail." The principal said. "You need to learn how to be professional." And I realized that they had been trying to drill this concept of professionalism into me since day one. We'd have professional days where we dress our best and talk in the best ways to impress. We even had a little school crest...upon our chest...They wanted us to be the best and not drop out like the rest. I realized that this entire school experience was a test and the grading scale (75+ = passing) was used to get rid of the pests.

So I broke down. This concept of professionalism was a horrible thought to me. "You want me to become a robot?" No no, nothing like that. "You want to destroy my identity! To stop being myself!" And the tears did flow and the shocked faces of parents and favored teachers loomed back at me. They wanted me to stop talking, stop wasting time, stop using up resources. They wanted me to become the most efficient worker of this modern era. Every corporation wants that and this school was a factory for it.

I don't want to be viewed as a victim. Everything they said about me was true. I was lazy and I didn't have any work ethic, and they did give me a second chance. But how could I miss the whole point of this school? Where they pit 4.0 GPAs against each other for class rank. We read philosophy and dystopian novels, so why didn't I see how limited and streamlined this school was?

So, after the meeting, I vowed to be a harder worker (and to be myself). They put me in a charity place that takes old computers and gives them to poor children called Computers for Kids. I just hated how fast my view on school flip-flopped. I felt like this was some sort insane concentration camp meant to erase personalities and imprint the values that my school had plastered over its crest.

I graduated student number 41 out of 41 to "Never Gonna Give You Up" and then life resumed.

While I do not resent my high school experience as much as this post makes it seem, I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. Go to a school that gives you a wide birth to experiment with your future, don't funnel yourself into a single career.

Because now I'm an English Major and only program for my own joy.

Present day, I've gone to school for 5 semesters and paid for it all out of pocket with no debt. After this sixth semester, I'll have gone to school for three years and have an Associates (2 year degree for the EU in the audience) in English. Now I'm borrowing money from the government and going to try and get my Bachelors (4 year) before 2013.

With a Bachelor's in English, I plan on becoming an English teacher in Japan but not because I'm a weaboo/otaku/anime nerd. I need to defend that I'm not any of those things at all.

In the Summer of '09, I went to Japan for 33 days. I stayed at my American Uncle's house with his Japanese wife and two children. It was freaking amazing and hilarious. I saw English classes being taught and enjoyed their school system and culture. I loved their manners and studying their language makes me question my own. This is why I want to be a teacher in Japan. That and the pay is apparently wicked awesome.

You can read my exploits here. It's the month of May. All the stuff before that is me bitching about parents and all the stuff after is me bitching about funerals.

So there's my past and my future but not really anything about me as a gamer. Well this post is fucking huge enough. I'll cover my personality and gamer habits in the next article. Until then, thanks for reading this long intro post. As you can see, I like writing...   read

10:00 PM on 01.14.2011

Pissed At D'Toid Limitations

Ah, Destructoid. How I enjoy writing to thee.
Thine eyes are like soulless orbs,
impious thoughts you provoke in me.
And yet, so sadly, you are a broken medium,
making a mistake recost me much tedium.
almost featureless and most filled with bugs,
no doubt you cause many bloggers to say, "ugg..."
It annoys me greatly how uncouth you are
though I see your true potential can go far.

* Autosave feature
* Ability to delete posts
* Set a date for a post to publish (become public)
* Have the publish (public) date, and not creation (private) date, be the visual date.

I was writing an article on how I found System Shock 2 when some retarded hand spasm CTRL+W'd and closed the window. Whatever, no biggy. Well that's a lie, Destructoid doesn't autosave or anything so I say fuck it, the article wasn't worth a rewrite.

Now the husk that was this post is cloggin' up my post list which I've now reconfigured into this one. But what if I didn't have another post? Or what if the date was really important. Well then, I guess that's just an extra waste of space, eh?

I have writing spurts so I have to pace my articles. I'm doing an article every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday with a large backlog of articles so when I'm dry, I still have stuff to post. Setting an automatic date and time for a post to become public would be awesome.

And finally, I don't want everyone to see that I wrote five articles in a single day. It makes it seem like I have no life. At least make it easy to change the publish date.

Dearest readers, if these features do exist and my newb-ocity is just getting in the way, please comment. Also note, I'm totally thinking about hosting a contest near March. What do you think it should be?   read

8:21 PM on 01.10.2011

D'Toid = Best Medium Ever

Wow. I read an article, hate the article and have to create an account to write my hate filled comment. The comment box says, "You sure you don't mean to write a journal post?" and I'm like, "Sure, whatever." So I just copy/paste that shit in.

In under 48 hours, I had 29 comments. I mean, seriously, new account, no connections with anyone, no long-term writing career to build myself up, no links to what I've written on blogspot or even links to my shitty wanna-be novel. Just me writing a single paragraph on how I hate Jim Sterling...and I got the fuck does that work?

I've kept a serious blog for 3 months and no one viewed it. I won't say its for everyone but it certainly was more entertaining than this rant and the previous entry.

So now, instead of parading around building an empire off of how much I hate Jim Sterling (which isn't as much as everyone plays it up to be), I'm going to address some of those comments. That's right, the exact opposite of what a good journalist should do: respond to other's opinions on his own opinion.

This goes in order as I saw them.

@CrazEboy7 I'm not mad at this one, it just continues to inspire me. How witty are the people on the internet? Very. No sarcasm, I lol'd.

@rexwolf2 Twas a good rehash of my 3 minute comment and I like how much research was done into it.

@Sebproductions Dude, I could say the exact same thing to you...and you could say the exact same thing to me. It's one of those universal philosophies that people preach but never follow.

@SlyKill This guy actually knows what he's talking about. Apparently I've assaulted a God and now all the peons are pissed that I disagree. And while I agree with the statement, you can only ignore the ignorant for so long.

@Occams electric toothbrush. He takes a 4chan approach and makes a message board comment to my comment. What did I accomplish here? I stated my opinion...on the internet...with no intent of anyone reading it. What is the point of this? See previous statement. I don't think there is one. Correct, good sir!

@pedrovay2003 I'm not getting paid to state my blatantly retarded opinion. Infact, I haven't publish anything relating to video game journalism. A critic doesn't have to be in the profession he is critiquing. It certainly helps to have the decades of experience Jim Sterling has to critique the gaming journalism world but not necessary. Besides, I have to start somewhere, why not ride Sterling's coattails?

@chrisbradshaw Yes, it's true. If I want to belittle Jim, I should at least be better than him. But I'd rather be your dad who says, "Don't smoke cigarettes." And then downs a pack. Y'know, a hypocrite. Maybe someday, when I actually write something not stupid, people will look back at my previous opinion and say, "Dear god, he was right...I just didn't believe him until he wasted most of his adult life writing about the plot of the Assassin's Creed Trilogy." Which I don't really care about.

@Caffeine Knight While I am flattered that you think me a journalist, I think you're taking one man's opinion to elevated heights. Yes, I hate Jim Sterling for his retarded comments and when I post one thing, one little retarded thing, everyone leaps on the "I hate" bandwagon. Take a page from your own book. You didn't have to read some nobody's journal and you didn't have to comment either. And I wouldn't put Jim on a pedestal and call him either Christ nor Anti-Christ...he's just there.

@vApathyv EXACTLY! So why give two shits? And I had no idea what a c-blog was supposed to be about. Some wiki website filled with people reporting news for page views? And I'd never be a troll. A troll is far too strange an entity to imitate at my low internet level.

@nekobun Yeah, I had no idea wtf a c-blog/journal was until these comments. I'll try to keep the subject matter relevant to video games and destructoid, I mean, what more can you ask for? I did actually watch that episode of Jimquisition. Oh, and thanks for throwing me in with the xbox community. If you assembled a census of the d'toid's community ideals, I'd read that. It's good to know your community and who your audience is. So take another hit and calm down.

@Bakewell&SephirothX I'm trying not to be as opinionated as Jim Sterling when replying to these. I don't want to just shove my opinion down everyone's throats and then call them stupid names (not unless they start it, then I'll dig myself a flame-war tomb by replying). Thank you for your kind words and understanding but I won't let some community insta-hate on me because I don't like their star player. To each their own, eh? I don't want to smash the guy or destroy him or anything. I just want people to see how ridiculous his whole image is. Have you read his interviews? He acts all innocent, like he doesn't know he's throwing firecrackers at a hornet's nest. Kinda makes me wonder what I'm doing right now...

@DaedHead8 This guy looks like a serial killer in training... But you fail to understand that Glenn Beck and Jim Sterling are doing the exact same thing: feeding the public their opinions and stating it is the RIGHT opinion.

@Occams electric toothbrush. Now this I can respect. He tells me why he likes Jim. Its not an attack on me or Jim or anything. He's not countering me or my aforementioned points against Jim (not that I don't want that). He's simply adding a new piece of information, a new side, to the argument.

So to everyone who read this, good job. You've proven yourselves to not be a hypocrite by reading my entire side of the story. You've proven to be a kind and benevolent reader and not a "read one paragraph and vent" reader. There is no point to it, I never claimed there to be. If you want a point, make one up. I'll write a real article and then maybe gain some ground but for now, all I have is my opinion and a swarm of wasps.

Gentlemen, thank you.

-Nicholas "Myoga" Nelson   read

11:29 PM on 01.08.2011

Jim Sterling Is Killing Video Game Journalism

A comment I typed to my first and only viewing of Jimquisition.

"Oh my god, I hate Jim Sterling. Not because he doesn't bring up a good point but just his personality is the injured-superior-gamer-nerd-with-no-regard-to-anything-but-his-own-bloated-ego. These ISGNWNRTABHOBE (pronounced Is-gah-ni-wirn-tab-hobe, or Iguana Titty Hobbit for short) are what's destroying good gamer journalism with their over the top voices, I-wear-sunglasses-indoors-and-a-trenchcoat style, and abusive lack of sense. Jesus, am I the only one who sees him spoofing his own jokes, standing up like a comedian with a mic, and trying to make himself look like some sort of epic journalistic god?


I may have started it a little hateful but I've hated Jim since day one.   read

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