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MrSadistic's blog

2:50 PM on 12.13.2010

Black in action: A Dtoid love post (sorta kinda maybe sorta NVGR)

Oh hello there, Destructoid! How have you been? It's your ol' buddy, ol' pal, Uncle romstoppable. Some of you might also know me as MrSadistic on here.

As some of you may or may not know (or probably don't care), I have had an extended leave of abscence from Destructoid. There was a very big reason for that. In order to save you A LOT of drama, it was a classic case of boy meets girl, who then proceeded to hand his ass to boy after some crazy, serious stuff.

For the past month or so, I was dealing with the butt hurt. Through this period, I was totally put off by playing any sort of video juegos. I was going through a big ol' stupor, dear friends. I thought I was gonna lose it at times, but I have you to thank, fine Destructoid community. Through various social sites, some fine members of the Destuctoid community have cheered me up, and helped me through this time.

I do appreciate what has happened through all this though. Looking back at all my old posts on here (and on the forums), I've realized how much of a dick I was. Sure, I mean I was a troll for the laughs. Now, after all this I realize how much of ass I really was to some people. I guess that also explains the name change. I'm starting to be less of a dick, and trying to go back to my old school awesome roots. I mean sure, I might still do stupid shit for laughs, but know that I'm 93 percent sure that I will totally not become an asshole (that much) again.

As of right now, I'm slowly starting to go back and play through the ASS-TON of games in my backlog. I'll probably start off slow and go back and finish some PS2 games that I still haven't beaten. I also desperately need to become hip again, and buy some new games, so I can start joining in again on some Friday Night Fights with you guys.

So basically, in short:

You guys are pretty awesome, and I'm sorry that I stopped sucking on the teet that is Destructoid. I'll be around a lot more again, and I will never, ever abandon you again <3

I love you all.   read

2:24 AM on 04.09.2010

Forum Adventure: After Hours Edition

Oh, hello there fine Destructoid community. With the recent shenanigans of Forum Adventures going on and whatnot, I thought it was my privilege.. no.. my DUTY to write the obligatory erotic fan-fic. Now, some of you are saying.. "UNCLE S, HOW CAN SOMETHING SO BLATANTLY HOMOEROTIC BE EVEN MORE EROTIC?" Well it's simple my good man, just add a lot more dongs and sexual innuendo. How do exactly do Gyrael and Gobun meet? How does Gobun exactly find the Destructoid forums? Some of these questions will be somewhat, kind of not really answered in this brief look at..


Enjoy Dtoid community.

Gobun came in from the rain. Cold, wet, and hungry he desperately needed a place to stay. Out of the darkness he saw a lone fourm that accepted anyone: Destructoid. His engery spent, Gobun walked to the front door of the forums with a slight limp. Afraid of not being accepted he cautiously opened the door. "Please.. please let this place be for me this time.." he quietly said to himself. With his head down, Gobun walked into the forums. Within minutes of entering the Destructoid fourms, he was greated warmly by fellow members. His head slowly raised and a slight smile started to show through. The first to greet him was a man with long, flowing blonde hair. The slender, muscular man casually put out his hand. "Hey man, my name's Jonathan Ross!" he said with an attractive smile. "..but you can call me J-Ro!" Gobun was automatically taken in by "J-Ro's" charm. "Ni.. nice to meet you Mr. Ro.. I mean J-Bro" as Gobun said quietly while he shook J-Ro's hand. "Hey, bro let me show you around this place!" J-Ro said in a calm and cool matter. As the two walked down the hall, J-Ro hurried a little. This gave Gobun the perfect opportunity to check out J-Ro from behind. "OH MY GOD, THAT ASS!" Gobun muttered to himself. "What was that bro?" J-Ro said curiously. "Oh uh.. nothing.. so uh what's this place all about
anyway?" Gobun quickly said to change the subject. "Well, see bro this place is for hardcore games such as myself... you're a hardcore gamer aren't you bro?" J-Ro calmly stated. "Why.. yeah of course I am!" Gobun knew that was a lie. Oh sure he played his brother's SNES and Genesis, but he wasn't interested in those kinds of games. "Haha, well that's good, bro." J-Ro was starting to like the cut of this kid's jib.

After a short while, J-Ro and Gobun ran into a forum regulars redpepperofdoom and ZombiePlatypus. "OH! Glad I could meet you two. This here is our newest member of our fine community!" J-Ro said with excitement. Gobun curiously eyed both gentlemen, and thought to himself "Oh my.. this place is going to be fun!" redpepperofdoom and ZombiePlatypus cautiously looked at each other before turning a warm gaze to Gobun, who was now slightly embarassed at the two beautiful men devouring him with their eyes. "Very nice to meet you!" redpepperofdoom shyly said. "Oh, I think we will very much have fun with you bro." ZombiePlatypus has more sinister intentions, but he did not want to let Gobun on. "Oh hey, let me show you the other regulars around here!" J-Ro interrupted before the three men could get any further. Depressed, the three men said their goodbyes in hopes of seeing each other around. A short time later, two handsome gentlemen approached Gobun. Shocked at seeing two handsome men randomly approach him, Gobun smiled timidly. "BROS!" J-Ro shouted as he playfully wrestled with the handsome men "These two fine male specimens are HeroesPlayDumb and SenorDoucheoisie!" Gobun yet again thanked whatever Gods that placed him in this incredible predicament. When he thought things couldn't get even better a very attractive man with a goatee and short black hair appraoched the group. "Hi there!" the man grabbed Gobun by the hand and softly kissed it "My name is gatorsax2010!" Gobun knew that he was going to have some fun with gatorsax2010, as a matter of fact he knew that he was going to be spending plenty of time with the fine community of Destructoid.

Everything seemed perfect.. until he met.. him.

One day while talking to the fine moderators Mxyzptlk and ZodiacEclipse, a beautiful brown-haired young man slowly walked past the group. Anxious to meet a new "play" friend, Gobun mustered up enough courage to talk to the man. "HELLO! MY NAME IS GOBUN IT IS A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU!" Gobun said with such enthuasium. "My name's Gyrael and you can fuck off!" Gobun immediately froze in terror. "What.. what do you mean..?" Gobun said with some terror to his voice. "I SAID LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONG OR I WILL FUCK YOU UP UNDERSTAND BRO?!" Gobun was heartbroken... he just wanted to make a new friend and all of a sudden this prick hurt his feelings. With tears in his eyes, he ran to his room. "WHY OH WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME!!" Gobun started to cry softly, but the weirdest thing started to happen. Instead of feeling depressed and sorry for himself... he actually.. well he actually felt excited! "What is happening to my body?!" Gobun said confused. Instead of the bitterness and respent that once consumed him, sexual desire now formed in his loins. He wanted.. no he NEEDED to be inside Gyrael. He wanted to tell Gyrael how he felt, but the words.. they weren't there. Instead of using words, he thought of a brilliant way to show the world his lust and desire for Gyrael... he decided to draw comics. "He must understand how I feel after I draw these beautiful pictures of him!" With hope and determination in his eyes, Gobun slowly picked up a pen and pencil and began to draw on a blank sheet of white paper...


Well, if you read it this far I congratulate you. As you can see, I have far too much damn time on my hands, especially at 2 am in the morning. At any rate, I hope you got as many boners reading it as I did typing it up and realizing how depressing my life is as I resort to writing fan-fic.   read

11:51 AM on 11.26.2009

Hey Destructoid, Happy Thxgiving.

Hey Destructoid, it's been a while hasn't it? how's it going? How've you been? How's the kids? How's the raging case of butt herpes? Still mad at me for boning your smoking hot wife last Kwanzaa? It's all cool, I reckon'

Anyway, after reading Matthew Razor Scooter's blog about being thankful for the fine community here at Dtoid, I thought I'd do my part in ripping off a blog and making it my own.

During my two, or whatever, years here at this site, I've come to realize the many things I am greatful for here in this fine upstanding community. So without further ado, here is what I am thankful for:

I'm thankful for Matthew Razor Scooter for giving me the idea for this bog
I'm thankful for the various amounts of fail blogs that bring copius amounts of butt hurt.
I'm thankful for the one or two of you who don't take me seriously.
I'm thankful for those who love me in a hateful, sexual kind of way.
I'm thankful for the new ladies who show up and post in this otherwise massive sausage fest.
I'm thankful for the random times I show up at FNF, and rock people's fucking faces off.
I'm thankful for Hamza when he sexually undresses me with his avatar's eyes
I'm thankful for people like takeshi, Yojimbo, Naim, and others who disturb even myself when in a one on one conversation.
I'm thankful for Genki and his awesome shitty movie nights.
I'm thankful that I've never met none of you sick bastards in person.
I'm thankful for the spammers who have shown me ways to increase my penis size that I've never known before.
I'm thankful for NihonTiger90's blogs that everyone should read.
I'm thankful for trolls like Nabu.
I'm thankful for naive little bastards like Mk.
I'm thankful for one line blogs that make me question my life.
I'm thankful for the forums.
I'm thankful for the hipster douche bags in said forums.
I'm thankful for the said hipster douche bags in said forums that tolerate me.
I'm thankful for cblog recaps, even though I only look through the fail section.
I'm thankful for awesome, random header images.
I'm thankful for Jim Sterling and his nonsensical satire.
I'm thankful for Geraldo Beedog finding my lost copy of Sports, by Huey Lewis and The News.
I'm thankful for JOURNALISM!
I'm thankful for Dale North, since he's the only editor I would have drunken, college experimentation with. Nick Chester is a close second.
I'm thankful for muthafucking movies like Die Hard and Commando being shown back to back on Thanksgiving. I mean it has nothing to do with this site, I just think it's fucking awesome.
I'm thankful for Destructoid ruining a game's perfect meta critic score.
I'm thankful for random Dtoid users adding me on various game consoles/cilents and not knowing who the hell they are.
I'm thankful for Jon Ross and Naim constantly inviting me to L4D 2 games even though I don't have the god damn game.. yet.
I'm thankful for Hamza's sexy arm hairs.
I'm thankful for drunk blog posts.
I'm thankful for Lola Bunny/Bill Murray Rule 34 porn/fan fic.
I'm thankful for the people who think I'm actually sorta funny.
I'm thankful for L4d fan fiction.
I'm thankful for comments with the caps lock on.
I'm thankful that this site isn't Kotaku.

Most and certainly not least, I'm thankful for this (mostly) fine Destructoid community. There are too many people to name, but most of you people make me laugh, make me cry, and most of you make me butt hurt. I still love you fine people though. Sorta like how a step dad loves his red headed step child with his fist.

I love you Destructoid, Seacrest out. Enjoy some green peaness.

[embed]156183:25232[/embed]   read

10:03 PM on 02.01.2009

There's only one thing you need to know about me:

I love softcore HBO porn.   read

10:31 AM on 10.12.2008

Guy Proposes To His Girlfriend Using Little Big Planet; I throw up a little in my mouth.

With the open beta slowly coming to a close, gamers have seen plenty of creative user levels from everyone's favorite calculator simulator, Little Big Planet. Now, it seems one creative gamer decided to step it up a notch.


Instead of the ol' boring tradition of getting down on one knee and proposing in real life, Jed05 decided to craft a level in Little Big Planet entirely dedicated to proposing to his girlfriend. Describing why he chose Little Big Planet as his platform, Jed05 stated:

"I've been wanting to do something creative to ask her to marry me, and what a better way than Little Big Planet! I know the last part of the level may not be that exciting, but I have a fiancee now!"

How sweet. Oh sure, the concept of using a video game to propose to someone isn't entirely new, but I applaud the man for putting in the time to create the level.

If you're curious to try the level out yourself (for some God-forsaken reason), it's listed as "Love and Marriage" from user "DimmuJed".

Now excuse me, I have to throw up.   read

11:58 PM on 08.28.2008

Brett Ratner Wants to Direct "Guitar Hero" Movie; WHAT

Oh Brett Ratner.

Oh you poor, poor man.

When I was a naive little boy, I thought the first two Rush Hour movies were pretty hilarious. After doing a little growing up (read: none), and watching that god-awful movie, X-Men: The Last Stand, I realized how horribly bad your movies really were. Now comes news of Mr. Ratner wanting people to suffer even more by the hands of his man-made abortions:

During an interview over at MTV Multiplayer, discussing his "Best Director" Video Music Awards nomiation for his work on a Miley Cyrus video (what), Ratner states that he wants to direct a Guitar Hero movie.

No I shit you not.

"I love Guitar Hero and I think it’s a part of pop culture. I would love to do a Guitar Hero movie, if Activision would ever let me. I’m trying to convince them, but why would you have a movie screw up such a huge franchise? Not that I would make a bad movie. So that would be cool, to do a Guitar Hero movie."

Yes, because every movie Brett Ratner has touched is pure gold.

Ratner continues, describing the plot:

"It could be about a kid from a small town who dreams of being a rock star and he wins the Guitar Hero competition. One of these dreams-[come-true] kind of concepts."

I kept reading over the article hoping that it was some sort of joke gone horribly, horribly wrong. I don't know what's worst: the fact he actually wants to make a Guitar Hero movie, or the fact the plot sounds awfully familiar.

Of course nothing is set in stone at this point and it's not like Activision to whore out the Guitar Hero franchise, right? RIGHT?!   read

4:16 PM on 04.21.2008

Clinton vs. Obama 'Smackdown' Video makes me throw up a little in my mouth.

With the Pennsylvania primary set for tomorrow, WWE and THQ have paired up in order to show what Clinton's and Obama's "wrasslin'" ring entrances would look like using Smackdown vs. Raw '08.


While it does not show any actual in-ring action, it does drive one to the point of tears after watching the abominable Hilary Clinton entrance. What's even more depressing is that WWE has actually sent out invitations to both Obama and Clinton for them to appear on their Monday Night Raw show in order to "settle the Democratic nomination process in the ring".

Sen. Hilary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John McCain will each deliver a taped message to the WWE audience on tonight's episode of Raw.

Yeah, um.. brb crying.

Source: FileFront &   read

12:54 PM on 03.27.2008

New DLC Available For Unreal Tournament III.

After last week's surprise release for the Unreal Tournament III patch, it seems Epic has outdone themselves once again this week.

As of today, new DLC for Unreal Tournament III is out for both the PC and Playstation 3. Did I mention that it is free?

For further details on this awesome news, check out the press release:

Epic and Midway Announce Unreal Tournament 3 PC Has Gone Gold

PlayStation 3 and PC Gamers Can Get Their Frag On With Three New Maps for Unreal Tournament 3

Today, Midway and Epic Games announce that downloadable content for the award-winning first-person shooter, Unreal Tournament 3, is now available for PlayStation 3 and PC. The downloadable content consists of three deadly arenas: Morbias, Facing Worlds and Searchlight. PC users can find the new content at, while PS3 users can download it directly from the PlayStation Network.

These downloads, which are free to all owners of Unreal Tournament 3, mark the latest achievement in providing the gaming community with unrivaled mods and superior experiences through the most recent installment in the Unreal Tournament franchise. While Unreal Tournament 3 shipped with 40 maps, and hundreds of user-created mods have been published since the games release, Midway and Epic are committed to providing fans with even more official content to further extend enjoyment of the game.

Morbias is the deathmatch arena that started it all, perfectly suited for anything from small intense duels to chaotic free-for-all matches. The Unreal Tournament classic, Facing Worlds was one of the most played maps in gaming history. This beloved sniper map makes its return alongside an intricate new capture the flag map, Searchlight, designed for both z-axis rooftop runs and strategic indoor gameplay. Returning classics and fresh new designs let you experience Unreal gaming like never before.

Unreal Tournament 3 is rated M for mature by the ESRB.

A remake of Facing Worlds? Oh fuck yes!

I'm interested in the new Capture The Flag map, Searchlight. From the way they explain it, it sounds pretty spiffy. It's been a long time since I've played Morbias. I just hope it's a faithful translation, along with the epic map that is Facing Worlds.

If you cannot find the new maps on PSN right now just remember that the maps will most likely be live when the Playstation Store is updated later tonight.   read

3:48 PM on 03.24.2008

New Trailer for the Warhawk 1.3 Update; the word "pimp" comes to mind.

With the FREE update of Warhawk set to hit next week, Sony has released a trailer showing off the new additions to the game.


As you can see, the Bio-Reactor Field Generator & Mechanic's Field Wrench are shown off in the trailer. The Bio-Reactive Field Generator acts like a sort of "Halo 3 field generator", but it actually heals your allies and is able to kill your enemies. The field wrench is reminiscent of the Engineer's wrench in Team Fortress 2, in that it is able to not only repair your vehicle but is also able to harm an enemy's vehicle as well. Also mentioned in the trailer are the various fan-made custom paint jobs and insignias that will be incorporated into the patch.

While the idea of finally being able to repair vehicles during mid-fight has finally come true, I guess we'll have to see if it's a Godsend or just another stab in the face (from shipero... bastard)... and just in time for "Wednesday Night Warcawks" to boot.

Look for the patch to hit next week, April 2nd.   read

6:09 PM on 03.17.2008

Europeans Are Chumps; GT 5 Prologue nets nearly 1 mil. pre-orders.

With the release of Gran Turismo 5: Prologue set to drop next week in PAL territories, Eurogamer is reporting that pre-orders of the latest game in the series are pushing nearly 1 million in Europe.

According to the article, it is the first time that a PS3 title has racked up more than 1 million sales, all but certifying that the game will reach "platinum" status before it is even released. Eurogamer also has a review posted for Prologue giving the game a respectable "8 out of 10".

As much as I am a fan of the series, I am not looking forward to Prologue as it's basically just an extended demo which you have to pay for. Knowing that the game has already reached 1 million pre-orders is both staggering and disappointing.

Lets see if SCEA can pull of those numbers before the game hits the states April 17th.

Via:   read

1:27 AM on 01.11.2008

Kane & Lynch sells 1 million copies; hilarity ensues.

According to an article over at Next Gen, K&L has sold more than a million copies worldwide since its release back in November, all but assuring a sequel will be made.

Even though the controversy surrounding K&L was immense, SCi Entertainment (along with subsidiary Edios) went on to tout that the sales of the game have exceeded those of Hitman: Blood Money, released in 2006. They anticipate sales of K&L to continue to grow, and expect the game to become another "key franchise" of the group.

A key franchise to Edios must mean a game with an ass load of controversy, great story, and mediocre gameplay.

Via:NextGen   read

9:53 AM on 01.06.2008

Dad shoots son over Xbox 360: douche baggery at its finest.

<p>Over the weekend, in Monroe County, Pennsylvania, an argument over an Xbox 360 is believed to have led to a son to ask his father to shoot him in which the father, being the total dick that he is, complied to do so.</p>
<p>[Photo removed by request of Copyright owner]</p>
<p>James Stanley Niedosik, 60, got into a heated argument with his 17 year old son when the young man wanted to show his father the 360 and the father declined to take a gander. During the dispute, the son pulled a Darwinian move and handed his father a rifle and asked to shoot him. Being the father of the year that he is, Niedosik pulled the trigger and fired a .22 caliber bullet into his son's head. The bullet was lodged in the boy's skull (behind the ear), but is expected to survive. He is now being treated at a near-by hospital. Niedosik was later arrested on numerous charges including: aggravated assault, simple assault, reckless endangerment, and endangering the welfare of a child. He is now in Monroe County Prison on $250,000 bail. While games may not be the general cause of this crime, I do believe that the father was pretty pissed off at his son for constantly cooking his grenades during their Call of Duty 4 matches. Source:</p>   read

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