This months issue features an article about burning the sacred cows of gaming.
[i]2nd Annual Sacred Cow Barbecue (rip on games that gamers put on amazingly high pedestals)
- Chrono Trigger - "CT proves that RPG dorks will buy anything Japanese and doesn't make a lick of sense. For the rest of us, the game is nothing but a bunch of tired genre cliches..."
- Golden Eye - "For making FPS a console staple, we'll admit Goldeneye is important. But so was the cotton gin, and we're sure not going to waste our weekend playing with one of those."
- Gran Turismo - Oh, Gran Turismo. Where to begin? Or, more importantly, where to end this endlessly dull, poorly designed rust bucket?"
- NFL 2k5 - "Once you strip away the fanboy EA hatred, the game isn't better than another mediocre edition of Madden."
- Half Life - "The greatest FPS of all time? A lot of people would say so, and if that's true, the genre is in worse trouble than we thought."
- Super Smash Bros - SSB is the Celebrity Fit Club of video games;: a bunch of flubby has-beens assembled together to engage in meaningless jumping around for hours on end."
- Rez - "Gamers love a failure, and for this reason, Sega still gets more than its share of love amongst the hardcore crowd...while it's hard to sum up Rez's gameplay in human language, we'll try. You point the reticule at the enemies and they blow up! Crazy! When they blow up, the sounds are almost sorta in time with the music! Wow! Yet another legendary title that completely fails to live up to the hype."[/i]
Can you really even call yourself a game journalist after a piece like this?
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(If you didn't, well glad they're still doing those Sacred Cow pieces)
Actually, I'm pretty sure I did. Maybe I'm reading it out of Context (a scan might have been better), but this reads like a twelve year old graphics whore writing about games he never played at the time.
Still, I agree about Samsh Bros. ;D
They get some passable exclusives, but it's still a waste of paper. If the Sacred cow article is in jest, it's pretty much poor taste.
Nah, I've seen this article. It's just a parody and a good exercise in self criticism. Most of the descriptions are just funny but some actually bring up semi-valid points. Plus Sunshine up there chose to quote the parts of the article that make GI look like it's run by total douchebags.
You guysssssssssssssssss........................................
It's a fucking JOKE! A SATIRE!
Hide this before you make an even bigger fool of yourself.
Actually, I kind of like Joystiq's negareviews.
them's fight'n words