I recently read Reverend Anthony's dibs on Nick, and decided that I to should place my arbitrary sense of ownership on a character I feel I can connect with.

I call dibs on Coach

Here's why:

He loves Chocolate

I love chocolate too! As a child I was never allowed to eat chocolate because my father was a dentist and believed chocolate was the devil. The next day I ran away, and traveled the world looking for the best chocolate. I eventually grew up and made a wonderful factory. I made the best candy in the world, until that bastard Slugworth started sending spies to steal my recipes. I had to fire all my employees, and enslave indigenous people of the amazon to do all the work. Fucking Slugworth.

Anyways, Like Coach I have a fondness for that silky smooth bar of fermented cocoa seed.

We both use to live in nice neighborhoods


God damn gang bangers. I used to be able to where a mini skirt and halter top without fear of getting raped, but as soon as some thugs appear I have to wrap my self in them ugly ass sweats again. I'll never get me a good brotha wearing that slop, and I know I did not spend $500 on my hair so it can be counteracted with some nasty ass clothing. What's a sister to do.

Also I get more pumped up when Coach shouts his neighborhood line, than any other part in the trailer. Probably has something to do with that booming voice of his.

I can relate


Have you ever tried to run up thirty flight of stairs? It's hard, but good ol' coach pushes on. Of course if there was a helicopter of chocolate waiting for me, I think I could make it too. Not just that though. I used to be fat. Sure I was a kid, and fat kids are nature's way of making joke. I remember one time these kids pinned me down and stared slapping my belly. Then they threw pastries at me, and me eat them. God my childhood was depressing....

And lastly:



He puts Ellis in his place. Oh yeah

No likes Ellis. I forsee him being the butt of many jokes to come.

Literally Fuck Ellis