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Mr Kite avatar 7:22 PM on 04.13.2009
For those about to die doods

Sometime ago when the land was still gripped in the icy hand of Winter herself I picked up my dusty PSP and inserted a new game into it's innards. Turning it on and beginning a new quest I was greeted with a silly story, vexatious voice acting, and crazy characters.

Beginning the first level and finding myself with an army of one thousand lives. Throwing the protagonists into the perils of the level. They died in many hilariously gruesome ways; death by impalement, by fulmination, by the sword, bombs, knives and every manner of cruel weaponry. Never was a thought given for their sacrifice, they were naught but a pawn for the fulfillment an arbitrary end. As the level neared it's close the poor slaves thought respite was near, only to be crushed again and again by the final unyielding enemy. As they grew weary their foe was finally vanquished. Their objective completed, they ventured back to their sanctuary licking their wounds, preparing for another day.

Braving every new hazard with unyielding stoicism each new peril was overcome, nine hundred lives, every objective was conquered, eight hundred lives, with every boss destroyed, seven, six, five, four, three two hundred lives remain. With every objective completed the little soldiers headed back to their refuge ready for one final mission. All that remained was to collect the final item.

Leaving their lair they ventured to what was thought to be only a fetch quest. Entering the final level to retrieve their prize they were greeted by a vicious assailant. Not to be defeated after so long a journey they threw themselves at their adversary dieing one after another. Only after many were defeated was their foe vanquished with great joy did they step forward to claim their prize, just to discover that one last obstacle lay in front of them. Every enemy they thought permanently disposed reappeared for a final battle. Though low on numbers the minions attacked, one destroyed, two, three, could it be done?! Four, Five, as each boss was defeated the thralls were felled, as each subsequent enemy was bested our little heroes were whittled away.

THE FINAL ENEMY APPROACHES!!

But there is only one to challenge him. Being unprepared for his power, the small champion dies shortly afterward leaving the quest uncompleted. What a sad day it is. Of the thousand lives none remains the quest remains unfinished. One thousand lives and many hours wasted the game will be left unconquered.

Prinny: Can I really be the hero? remains undefeated.


Tagged:    cblog    Opinion Editorial  

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