To all female gamers, I apologize in advance for the inhumane level of sexism in this post.

Ok, I have been playing Lost Odyssey quite a lot lately and I have taken a keen interest on
Queen Ming (for all who don't know who I am talking about, she will come up again before
this post ends). Now watching Queen Ming do her thing (I rhymed) has been quite an
enjoyable experience and has forced my hand in writing up a post focusing on the hotness
or lack of hotness in the female characters throughout gaming history. Let's face it, we are
a bunch of geeks and nerds and many of us have healthy sex lives...well, not many but at
least half of us (i hope), but the other half of us which are lacking in the field of having
intercourse in exchange of having a hole buried in your cash pocket through to your
arsehole, have their fantasies made for them through creations in the gaming world.

Lets start with the good gals:

CORTANA (Halo Trilogy)



Although not being human or for that matter even having a physical body, she still has a
great ass and an amazing rack. That being said, she is a computer generated AI in a
computer generated video game...And I still want to have sex with her. Good times.

CAMMY (Street Fighter 2)



She may have a scar on her face, but with one scar to outweigh the rest of her perfection,
who the fuck cares? She is flexible, blonde (a personal favorite of mine) and has 2 plats in
her hair...Add to the fact that she barely wears anything while jumping around with a
constant camel toe, and you have every 14 year old male's wet dream doing high kicks into
Bison's face...Thankyou lord.

The Dead of Alive Girls (Dead or Alive Series)

Best Game Opening EVER!




Many will debate who is the best girl from Dead or Alive, in fact it is a debate that I am not
willing to have with myself because it will end with me beating the shit out of myself (which
most female gamers reading this would be hoping for). The female...features, in this game
have minds of their own and bounce at the slightest change in the wind and never seem to
loose any perkiness despite the fact that these women are jumping around off bridges,
running through traffic, playing beach volleyball and kicking the living shit out each other.
Why the programmers decided to make women this perfect is beyond me, but all I know is
that after I play Dead or Alive, I cant look at any real life female and be grateful with what
I am looking at because my eyes have been cursed with digitalized perfection. My personal
favorite has always been Kasumi though...she is so god damn choice.

Nina Williams (Tekken)



I never really got into the Tekken games, but maybe thats because I didn't know this
goddess made an appearance in it. Maybe somebody can fill me in on a little more about
her. Until then...just look.

Nariko (Heavenly Sword)



Watching this lovely lady in action was one of the greatest things to ever be exclusively
available on the Playstation 3. I have always been a sucker for redheads...and
blondes...and well, fuck it, all the exotic flavors of the vertical smile lollipop range. And as
sexist as that comment may be, take a look at what the gaming world's concept of women
is for fuck sake, tall, slim, big breasted, long legged, tight assed, smooth skined, baby
faced beauties. And I'll continue as we go on...

Chun Li (Street Fighter)



I wasn't a big fan of Chun Li until I watched this fight between her and Vega from the Street
Fighter II Animated Movie. My good friend even admits to fapping over this fight scene,
which kind of creeped me out but fuck it, after watching it myself, I can see why. Watch it
and fap for yourself :)

Queen Ming (Lost Odyssey)



What makes a great game? A Thrilling plot, characters you can relate to and great visuals,
and when I say great visuals, I mean her. Although Lost Odyssey is one of my favorite
games, it most likely wouldn't be if this well mannered, kind hearted, big breasted muse
was not included in the feature. The fact that she sparks as a love interest for another one
of my favorite characters (Jansen) is great too, because he smooth talks the shit out of her
and as if we wouldn't be the same.

Lara Croft (Tomb Raider Series)



God bless this woman...without her, the female video game character standard would have
stayed with that bitch Princess Peach. If you were to stand next to this fair lady and she
turned around you would have been knocked out by the sheer force and win of her
adaptions. At to the fact that she always wears close to nothing, has a nice little plat and
KILLED A FUCKEN T-REX with hand guns and you have yourself one of the greatest video
game characters ever created. Showing that not only the guys can own when it comes to
killing things, especially crows. I decided to add one of my favorite Zero Punctuation
reviews about Tomb Raider Anniversary because he sums it up so well...



Samus (Metroid)



My goodness, just look at those things, they could populate living beings...if only those
living beings WERE US! But they are not, so from here, all we can do is observe and
appreciate the greatness that lies within the solid metal armor that we all see more often
and really shouldn't. Again, one of the first female characters to come out of the woodwork,
nobody really got to see what she looked like underneath the metal works until recently.
And boy...were we surprised. I love this clip made of Samus fighting a female Spartan
warrior (Yes, their were female Spartans...I read the books...I know, I'm sorry ok, I'm a
fan-boy).

This vid (Haloid) has to be one of the coolest things I have ever seen, gets a little weird at
the end but still good. Spartan VS Samus.



THE WORST FEMALE VIDEO GAME CHARACTER EVER:



This bitch is useless. We always have to save her, and all we get is a kiss on the nose. Kiss
something else...and with effort YOU WHORE!

That's from me people,
Much love & respect (obviously)

Moses

P.S- If any female gamers have any complaints about my lack of moral fiber, feel free to
make a blog about men in video games...trust me, I wouldn't read it, just as I didn't expect
you to read this. Love you.