Ok, I think I have given GTA4 enough time to try and impress me to the level in which it seems to have impressed the rest of the world...And let's just say that people speak of this game as if it were the direct opposite of 9/11.

I respect the fact that a lot went into the making of this game, you can tell by how much is in it such as all the radio stations, the activities, the characters, the objectives and choices to make...

So with all this at my fingertips, I consistantly question myself when I come to the conclusion that I just don't like it. But why? It seems to be one of the answers that nobody can help me with (so far), which is why I have decided to ask you fine gentleman (and ladies) to give me a few pointers as to why you may not of liked it or why you think I don't like it (and no, personal abuse will not be one of the reasons I will accept...you fuck).

I know it seems like I'm the master of old news, but GTA4 isn't old to me because I haven't played much of it since I got it. I have actually played more Metal Gear Solid 2 and Worms Armageddon in the time I have purchased it till now. Which pisses me off because I am sitting in front of GTA4 with my controller in my hands and I am arguing with myself.

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The following conversation happens within my brain every time I play GTA4:

"Come on man, this game is tha shit! Look at it!"
"I'm looking at it man and I don't see 10 out of 10"
"But why man, you can run over old people!"
"Yeah but I could do that in 3...and Vice City Stories...and San Andreas!"
"This looks better! And the character is better! And the story is better!"
"How is it better?! They are trying to go for realism yet it looks like a cartoon, the character may be cool but they kind of fuck him up when they try to pawn him off as a person with manner and morals when he shoots, stabs and runs over everything that moves, add to the fact that he is ugly and can hardly be customised and I just don't want to play as an ugly psychopath where the only thing he is good at is pulling the trigger, and the story is a mixture of past GTA narratives and movies...how is it better?"
"Um...because its new and everybody says it is"
"Fuck what everybody says, if I don't like this, why am I arguing with you to convince myself otherwise?!"
"Fucked if I know, I'm out of here"
"Yes, go and die"

The guy in the red is me wanting this game to be something I love, and the guy in the black is the real me...a prick, but an honest prick.

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I believe a lot of my pessimism comes from the ranting reviews giving it all 10 out of 10 just because it is new, everybody loves it and they just want to team up with everybody by locking arms and skipping across a field of daisies singing "Where off to play GTA, the wonderful GTA4" *sung to the tune of Wizard of Oz...duh*. Well, I'm sorry but while all you sheep run off in that direction, I'm going to have sex with Dorothy and Toto because that seems to be the better way to go for me. Especially since she has pig tails to hold on to and all these people are giving this game 10 / 10 when it really doesn't bring anything new to the table, prove me wrong if you will but I believe this game style has been done to death and if that's the case, even if rockstar were the pioneers of this style of gaming, is it worth 10 / 10?

When all you magazines and online reviews coming walking out from Emerald City screaming "The great and powerful Oz (GTA4) is perfect! PERFECT! 10 out of 10 for perfection", I start to think to myself 'hmmm, perhaps I should make a visit to Oz if he is that good'. And after spending 80 bucks, I find out that Oz is a phoney...a shiny replica...a spit shined flashback. Naturally, I'm going to be very pissed off.



You people are suppose to be the people that help me make my mind up by giving me the information I need to know, and when you say 10 / 10, I seem to think (and let me know if I'm the only one here) that this game has no flaws, so hence, it must be perfect. But having to take my cousin out to play darts just to make sure he likes me or taking some undercover cop bitch out to go bowling just so I can try and get lucky (which I won't get to see anyway because for some reason it's ok to shoot a preacher in the head at point blank range but it's not ok for a dating couple to have sex) is not my idea of perfect. In fact, its a fucking pain in the arse. It just brought me back to Shenmue 2 where you had to go to work to make money...No! No! NO! I play games so I can get away from working, not so I can make this dick on the screen work! And I play a game so I don't have to put up with the annoying extras that go with having to try and get laid (which in real life I not only get to see, but I get to DO!) or build up respect with friends by taking them to shitty places (which I don't because I like the places I take my friends to in real life).

Wow...Strippers who don't take off their clothes...I mean...what?!


If this is the developers and reviewers idea of perfect then kill me now because I can imagine anything below perfect will involve having to take your lead character to your mother in laws house and have a conversation about the youth of today while trying to stop your baby from screaming from the amount of shit that has built up in her pants from you neglecting to change her while taking consistant phone calls from your wife telling you that she wants a devorce because she is fucking your best friend...

Judging by how GTA4 got reviewed this game idea might be taken well in the eyes of reviewers. All i need to do is just throw in some mindless killing, a done to death story line, some cars and weapons, some TV and sex with pixels that is just too much for people over the age of 15 to witness so we will have to just put some fucked up sex lines in there..."Oh yes! Oh...Mmmm...Tell me interesting things!"... What the fuck is that?!? If a girl said that to me while we were getting our fuck on, I would piss myself laughing and loose my stiffy.

Look, I can imagine I am going to cop a lot of shit from fan boys, and I am not being a troll as much as you all may seem to think, I'm just stating the obvious which many people have seemed to switch themselves off from because it's just the latest offering from Rockstar which just seems to be like every other one with a few little insignificant extras and a tidy up.



Fair enough, it's a decent game...but no way in hell is it worth 10 out of 10 and I just can't force myself to love it.

Let me know what you think,
Much love & respect (obviously)

Moses