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A personal message to Michael Bay (NVGR)
Mr Dillinger | 1:06 AM on 06.24.2009 16 comments




Congratulations Michael Bay,

You have exceeded my expectations in your direction with your latest masterpiece, Transformers, The Rise of the Fallen. The Godfather, The Shawshank Redemption, Robot Jox...your film is now in my personal favorites collection to stay.

Megan Fox running in slow motion through out half the film, Optimus Prime taking on 5 different Decepticons at once...The rest of the film however is a total retarded, fucked up, waste of money that could have gone to putting more hospital beds in our rural hospitals so that people can stop dying from Swine Flu here in Victoria, Australia.

Between Shia LaBouf's annoying as fuck and pointless parents somehow swapping from the U.S to France to Egypt every 30 fucking minutes, a black soldier that could do a toothpaste commercial with his sparkly teeth that look like an army of albino soldiers standing in line, the terrible script consisting of rotten dialect and shit house jokes (including a weed cookie taking effect 2 minutes after consumption when it would take over an hour to digest), Explosions EVERYWHERE consisting of robots and people I couldn't give a fuck about, representing America (yet again) in the idealistic fashion of being the all mighty masters of the universe that now control the Autobots, and last but not least; Decepticons that decide they want to be Autobots for the fuck of it at the convenient time and turning point of the film.

But as I said, great job on Megan Fox, Optimus Prime and Slow Motion.

Keep up the good work.

P.S- Try to keep in mind that without a decent story with characters we couldn't give a fuck about, we don't care about the things that go BOOM! around them.

P.P.S- The movie title sounds like a advertising campaign for Viagra


Note: If you feel I spoiled the movie for you in this write up, I am doing you a favor! Trust me.



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16 comments | showing # 1 to 16

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pedrovay2003's Destructoid Blog
Does Megan Fox actually serve a purpose in this one? She was a hell a lot of fun to look at in the first one, but she wasn't all that important.
Mr Dillinger's Destructoid Blog
She is taking on the same role of piece of high priced art...Great to look at and makes the surroundings seem a whole lot easier to take in...

...but ultimately fucking useless.
Puppy Licks's Destructoid Blog
what is the ratio of robots kicking the shit out of eachother to annoying people?

Better than the first?
nukka jdav's Destructoid Blog
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY MICHAEL BAY WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
DanMazkin's Destructoid Blog
THIS FILM MEETS ALL OF MY EXPECTATIONS.
mxs102's Destructoid Blog
Yeah... I just got home from the midnight IMAX...

I 87% agree with everything you said.

The story COULD have been epic... if there was a story. Some of the fight scenes were cool as hell, but overall there were more explosions than dialogue. Not worth the 15 or so dollars I spent on the ticket, but at least it was entertaining.
Professor Pew's Destructoid Blog
MICHAEL BAY EXPLOSIONS!

EXPLOSION!

Shame about the movie, still can't wait to see it. And then to cringe when the theater laughs at anything a funny black man says.
Cough's Destructoid Blog
SPOILERS
Megan Fox turns out to be the other half of the lesbian shiva motorcycle.
END SPOILERS

Nah, i can't wait to see her and the robots in slow motion.
MisterGrieves's Destructoid Blog
Yes, it sucked, move along.

We're talking about Michael Bay.
Nicojay2's Destructoid Blog
Robot Jox? Why does that sound familiar? I Googled it, read the IMDb page and smiled. I daren't watch the youtube videos for fear of ruining my memories of how awesome it was; A friend rented it in 1993.
Two Questions:
Was the awesome stop/start animation, as my nostalgia remembers it, more awesome than Micheal Bay's CGI?
Was this the movie that featured giant robot crotch chainsaw attachment?
Jack Maverick's Destructoid Blog
The movie sounds less of a Viagra advertisement when you find out the subtitle for it is actually Revenge of the Fallen.

But hey, in this day and age, Michael Bay knows what the hell he is doing. He knows that a majority of his audience want entertainment, explosions, and giant robots. All he has to do is come up with what he believes is a coherent story, and boom, instant blockbuster. He's almost like the film industry version of Activision, making a lot of money with so little effort.

But he was nice enough to at least have Peter Cullen voicing Optimus Prime again. Other than that, I'll hate on the movie for a bunch of other things, while I'll still like because explosions are fun to watch.
Cowboy TTop's Destructoid Blog
Saw it in the U.K on June 20th, and I have to say, just like the first one, I really enjoyed it. It was nice and long at 2 and a half hours, delivering enough action with doses of good comedy thrown in.

These films are never going to be, what we enjoyed as kids, but as a film adaption, I can't say it was crap. To expect anything like Hamlet is pretty dumb, as Transformers is a switch off and enjoy action movie.

Well done Bay, and I'm already looking forward to the third one (whether you have a hand in it or not. One of this years best flicks, hands down.
Aurain's Destructoid Blog
ITB:

People whine about a film they liked but are getting internet cools by dissing it.
Chocobo Knight's Destructoid Blog
If Michael Bay read this message, I'm quite sure he would rig it for EXPLOSION!

Also, Robot Jox Rox. Also, cocks. Hmm.. Also, Robot Cox?
Shin Oni's Destructoid Blog
I enjoyed it but I agree there was a lot of unneeded parts that made the movie longer than it should've been. Not enough Transformers action and when it happened, it was awesome and the part at the end in egypt? such drawn out.

still..when transformers fought, it was worth watching. But this is why the new transformers suck so much. Including humans in transformers and fucking "minicons". Just give me big robots fighting on earth for their reasons and we'll have a true transformers.
Mr Dillinger's Destructoid Blog
My bad, i didnt take notice of the title properlly...

It must have been all the explosions and wank that distracted me...

Im sure you all know the film I speak of


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