Look, this is going to sound quite perplexing but you have to understand that one does not will to dream things. Dreams are retarded...I'm sorry but they are. They mostly have no direct meaning so you have to analyze the piss out of them and try find a meaning. Well, help me Destructoid, if you will. This was my dream...and I need it analyzed.

I got a phone call, Hamza was on the other end. Now don't ask me why, but it was one of those dreams that shows things from other people's perspectives too. So I was able to know it as Hamza because it showed him talking to me on the phone, he was wearing a yellow t-shirt too. If it didn't, I would have had no fucken idea it was the big H because I've never spoken to the guy in my life (Which begs the question: Was his voice in my dream accurate?).

Anyway, the phone call went on and the conversation went a little bit like this:

Me: Hello

Hamza: Hey man, it's Hamza from Dtoid

Me (amazed): Dude! How are ya?!

Hamza: Not bad, but lately I've had this feeling you want to kill something (This is no shit what he said)

Me (shocked): What makes you think that?

Hamza: I dunno man, you just seem like a crazy cunt! (He had this crazy arse smile on his face)

Me: Yeah well, can't say I haven't thought the same about you. I've heard things!

Hamza: Most of it is true my friend, most of it is true (laughing)

Me: So what the hell are you calling me for anyway?

Hamza: There's a spot in Destructoid open, you want in?

Me (Stunned): Really?

Hamza: Nar man, I'm just fucken with ya! I gotta go, but take care!

Me (Semi-laughing): You're a funny man...I'm going to kill you when I come over to the States.

Hamza: Bring it you crazy Australian rapist! BRING IT! (Laughs Hysterically)

End Call

Then the dream jumped to my old grandparents house and there was a new freeway being build right out the front and my grandfather and I were laughing coz he just sold the house to some dickhead.



Then somehow my dream jumps from that to me sitting in a hot tub naked, with two hot chicks and Hamza (I was kinda glad my grandfather had vacated the dream at this point)... Yes, I know that is fucken weird which is why I am asking you all to help me figure it the fuck out.



Cheers

Album: White Pony
Artist: Deftones
Label: Maverick
Released: 06/20/2000
Genre: Nu-Metal
Sounds like: A digitally modernized version of The Cure at their peak

Being a pessimistic 26 year old, it's hard to take a look at the up and coming youth of today with disgust without realizing that the young adults back in my prepubescent days would have viewed me with the same disregard.

From my understanding it seems that the minority quickly become the majority in the hopes to find their place in the world. Smirking packs of individuals in tight black jeans, blinding fringes and sleeve tattoos that mostly hold no meaning other than to just look good...it's like watching a Michael Bay film consisting of all the wrong stereotypes, but then again, what is the right stereotype? But back when I was discovering the full advantages of masturbation when I really should have been endeavoring on the opposite sex in its ripest form, I was also opening my ears to the Nu-Metal scene, but then again, who the fuck wasn't? Korn, Limp Bizkit, (hed) PE, System of a Down and so on, but most importantly (in my opinion)...Deftones.


Digital Promo for White Pony (Warning: Contains burn victims having sex...which is awesome!)

Hard to believe that it has been a decade since its release but White Pony presented the world with a different sound during the hype of Nu-Metal, which ended as quickly as it came. So much so, that many refused to label Pony under the late 90's sub genre for the listening of juvenile delinquents wearing baggy jeans and backwards hats, but being the band that they are, Deftones didn't want to be anything but. Somewhere within these short sited skaters and rockers was an element of depth and the band produced an art form that spoke to it.



Addictive guitar threats open what builds through smashing snare cracks into an opening track that is second to none in terms of demanding attention; Feiticeira. Catchy yet some-what progressive it is a testament to what is to come throughout further listening in other highlight tracks, such as the mass of decibels and distortion that is Elite and the euphorically erotic Digital Bath. The album then takes a different form in the heart rising RX Queen, the somehow nostalgic Change (in the house of flies) and especially the eerie electrics of Knife Prty which are...quite simply put; songs that make a couple of strangers want to fuck. To top it off the production work is perfectly balanced somewhere between polished and raw and is cut together / mastered by none other than Terry Date, who has worked with so many A List bands he has become a house hold name. Throw in a masterpiece; Passenger (Featuring Tool / A Perfect Circle vocalist Maynard James Keenan), and in my opinion you have one very worthy serving on music that is indeed worth respecting if not enthralling.


Studio Rehearsal of 'Elite'

Look, I know I sound bias and some of you may think this album is a piece of shit. But having sold millions of copies world wide, assisting in many orgasms (mine included) and hitting mainstream charts while still remaining respected within the independent music community...I think you'd be wrong.

Track Listing:

1. "Feiticeira" – 3:09
2. "Digital Bath" – 4:15
3. "Elite" – 4:01
4. "RX Queen" – 4:27
5. "Street Carp" – 2:41
6. "Teenager" – 3:20
7. "Knife Party" – 4:49
8. "Korea" – 3:23
9. "Passenger" – 6:07
10. "Change (In the House of Flies)" – 5:00
11. "Pink Maggit" – 7:32

P.S - You will get laid if you listen to this album with ANYBODY! Hell, you might even fall in love! You have been warned.



Lean more about Deftones here.

Hey dtoid,

I usually save this space for writing about gaming and all its wonder. However, lately I have been focusing on music a little more because my side job of contributing to a street press mag presents me with some wonderful opportunities to offer my some-what professional opinions to the masses of the retarded Australian state, Victoria. Hopefully you don't mind and if you do, then click back on your internet browser and save my words for people who give a shit.



Album Review: Rob Zombie - Hellbilly Deluxe #2


The latest single: Sick Bubblegum

Some will tell you that there is no limit to the artistry an individual can possess. If that is the case than the busy Mr. Zombie must be one of those rare individuals who’s drawing closer to his artistic end. Not only because his latest effort is an attempt to regain past glory through a deemed ‘sequel’ of a classic release, but because it just doesn’t live up to the glory of its predecessor.



While fans will be pleased with Zombie taking time out of his current film making routine to deliver a much anticipated album, many will be knocked back with the obvious lack of artistic merit within the package. Repetition was something that achieved massive results with the original Hellbilly Deluxe due to the amount of effort put in to giving it an adrenaline fed sound causing listeners to put their foot to the floor while driving along in their car or take their significant other to the bedroom and have it play in the background. Gone are these urges due to lack of build within the musical arc throughout most of the album.



Repetitive background drumming efforts are apparent throughout two thirds of the album, only picking up speed to differentiate it from one track to the other. The same can be said about the electrics, samples as well as vocals, making each track sound identical to the last. The albums only real saving grace is in its attempt to salvage something different for a listener in its closing track The Man Who Laughs, with authentic string symphony samples keeping pace throughout some hefty guitar licks and an experimental drum solo which starts to wear thin soon after it starts due to it laying down a bloated foundation that nothing else builds upon.

This effort was something I feel Zombie felt forced to do in between more important artistic opportunities - A shame really, because this is the business that built him up to begin with.



I badly wish he would bring out another album to throw on throughout coitus. My copulation playlist is starting to get old...your suggestions, if you will.

Being a citizen of Australia its rare we get the opportunity to see many great things. It costs too much for bands to come out this far and we only have a few capital cities to cater for. However when a band does make the effort to come down, we embrace it far more than any of you foreigners would! A few days ago I was treated to witness Mastodon...and all I can say is, fuck!

I write for a music mag on the side and what reviews I put up there, I've decided to share with you lovely bunch of awesome guys n gals. So if you have a keen ear for good music then read on.

Mastodon - Live @ The Palace - Melbourne, Australia


Opening track - Oblivion - Music Video

Being musically bias effects the way a person will listen to a certain selection of music. You put an avid Celine Dion fan in front of a band like Mastodon and odds are you are going to have a disappointed listener. It’s a shame really because without having an experimental ear, one misses out on worlds of talent. Having said this, I will shamefully admit that before tonight I knew much about the band but listened very little to their music. Something I now substantially regret.



The night began subtle enough with the usual cigarette and beer amongst the naturally pleasant congregation of bearded and/or inked souls wearing black with lady friends to suit, bringing the male to female ratio in at around 2:1…which in my experience was a lot more varied compared to assorted metal gigs of the past. Indeed, the collective here had full intentions to give Mastodon the reception they deserved to make up for the apparent lukewarm response given when backing Slayer years back.

After sound and lighting were complete doing a very thorough and untimely but necessary check, the room dimmed and the eager crowd sprang to life with fists in the air. The slightly psychedelic lighting brightened to reveal Kelliher with guitar in hand electrically introducing the opening track Oblivion. All band members followed in tight succession while building consistently throughout largely progressive verses and acutely fitting melodic choruses. After blasting through the walls with equally impressive renditions of Divinations and Quintessence a double electric guitar was brought out to execute and maintain a definite highlight of the evening; a very epic delivery of The Czar, and as promised at The Big Day Out, without even stopping to speak, the band played through their forth full length and most recent album Crack the Skye in its entirety.



After a very eerie intermission with gothic like lighting and an intensive organ performance, the four returned to the stage to please long time fans with the escalated execution of anthems taken from their debut album Remission as well as critically acclaimed Leviathan and Blood Mountain. With the noticeable change in sound throughout their catalog, came a noticeable rise in energy from both onlookers and performers; with arched backs, guitars and drum sticks raised high and all four voices bellowing to the ears of those assembled. It was easy to spot that the band genuinely love being on stage as an extremely ecstatic female devotee was invited to join them and express her love for the band by what seemed to be imitations of an epileptic love doll executing cartwheels and hugs throughout perfectly staged presentations of Iron Tusk and March of the Fire Ants bringing the eventual close of the evening.

Having not listened to much of the harder progressive metal of the past, an experimental ear for the stubborn can only be attained through talented gateway band - what I learnt this evening was that Mastodon is one of these. Flawless.

P.S - Check out their website on acid, if possible

Alright Destructoid,

I don't know about you, but I have had it up to here *point to head* with these petty piece of shit advertising campaigns about how to get ripped in 4 weeks. The before and after shots are...look, don't judge my writing skills based on this small spiel of abuse, but they are fucking retarded. To top it off when I am around retards, I am pretty uncomfortable. I know...O.K, I know. I am suppose to feel bad for them for not having the opportunities non handy cap people have, and to an extent, I do kinda feel bad for the poor guys and gals, but fuck, you can't help but feel a tiny bit uncomfortable when they are attempting to talk to you and all you can notice is how they all look the same.

I think I am going to hell.

But enough of that! Back to the point of this little venomous piff of shit. I have a dick that fucks (although the amount of fucking it does, needs to be worked on), a girlfriend that loves me (I hope) and hands to play video games with (that mostly fuck myself of course). So why do I need to get ripped in 4 weeks!

YOU TELL ME DTOID! ... YOU TELL ME! Because I am this *holds index and thumb close together* close to killing something that breathes because this world is petty as fuck! GOD HELP ME!

P.S - I can already see the fail blog sign ahead, but there is a point to this and I did mention video games in there somewhere. So yeah, I'm sorry if you consider this a waste of time, but what the hell isn't a waste of time these days. The only thing I can think of, is masturbation, because it always has pay off and all you need to worry about is yourself!

Fuck, I hate this place. I'm going to play some Xbox.

Long time no see Dtoid.

I have a job again and I fucking hate it, but you gotta do what you gotta do. On one of my very few days off I had a situation with some eggs which forced me to get the video camera out and then it led to the following.

While most of you present your set up's in the form of blogs and pics, I have decided to take it one step further and do a little video presentation, and while it may go for a while, it recommend you check it out in its entirety because there are things in this that I'm sure you will all relate to. So enjoy my day off from work and what it caused me to do...

It is unfortunate that any of us have to work coz it takes away from the time you could be doing more productive things, like this:



Enjoy

P.S - I have decided to make a little bit of a series based on the events that I cause throughout my free time and post it up on Destructoid's Refused Classification community post. Up and coming vids will be based on my bronx like home town, the Pyramid Rock Festival where I am bound to take acid and go crazy and a trip around the whole world...I kid you not. So stay tuned, coz I plan on taking a shit somewhere in France, coz its one massive toilet.