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5:17 PM on 11.19.2014

Do you want to be a future guest on Radio Destructoid?

Radio Destructoid records its 50th episode this Saturday -- 50! -- and we've been blessed with some truly amazing guest hosts from the community over the course of the last two years. Well, we want to continue that trend as we head into season 3, which is where you come in!

If you're interested in being a guest host and hanging out for a few hours with Mxy, Conor, Kyle, Beccy, and me, just send us an email at community[at]destructoid[dot]com and we'll add you to the schedule! It's almost always a not-awful time; I promise.

Also, if you've got a community podcast you'd like to promote (or anything else community-related, really), we're always accepting short audio clips to play during the show (think "sponsored by" commercials during an NPR broadcast), so send 'em in!

As always, you can stay tuned to the latest Radio Destructoid happenings by joining our Facebook groupfollowing us on Twitter, and subscribing to us on iTunes. Thanks for listening!

[Image credit: Roberto Plankton]


10:33 AM on 11.07.2014

What DOOM could learn from modern shooters

DOOM is timeless. I don't think anyone would argue against that. And yet, while it's one of my absolute all-time favorite games and I'm beyond happy to replay it year after year (which I do), even I can admit that there have been a few modern game design improvements in the last 20 years that even the great grandfather of first-person shooters could benefit from.

So as Doom 4 (not gonna call it just DOOM, sorry) trudges its way through development, I'd like to offer a few suggestions for id to consider in order to properly bring DOOM into the 21st Century.

Let us look up and down

As much as I enjoy firing a rocket and having it shoot straight up off the screen at an unseen foe, or standing at a ledge and getting my boots scratched by an enemy 100 feet below in a pit of green goo, the ability to simply look up or down to survey the scene around you would be a welcome addition to Doomguy's utility belt.

I mean, maybe I'm alone here, but I, for one, would love to walk across narrow pathways like the one in the screenshot above and not have it be the videogame equivalent of the "leap of faith" scene from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Exotic vertical level design has always been one of DOOM's shining accomplishments, and I certainly don't want to see that change. But why not let us take it all in?

You've clearly got a mastery of the X-axis; Y U NO Y??

And while we're at it, a jump button would be nice, too

Look, I'm gonna cut it to you straight: the "puzzles" in DOOM and DOOM 2 where you have to run across pillars, corner-to-corner, in order to collect items are literally the most frustrating of any videogame I've ever played. How many of you Tabbed out into the map just so you could position yourself directly on the corner of a ledge (since, again, you couldn't look down to see where you were standing)? Yeah, me too.

Just let us jump, id. Jumping is fun, it accomplishes the same task, and it doesn't make us want to slit our wrists in the process.

Crouch can go fuck itself, though.

Give the monsters something to do

This one is bound to be controversial, but bear with me here. I'm not saying they need to be full-on NPCs like in an Elder Scrolls game or anything, but I'm cool with making it at least look like the demons, zombies, and imps were doing something before I got there. Have me walk into a room and find them feeding on a corpse or playing basketball or something; I'm not picky. But just standing there literally forever with their backs to me until I make a move? Come on, even zombies ain't that boring.

Don't bother explaining the dudes in the monster closets, though. As far as I'm concerned, their being stuck in there is pretty self-explanatory...

Make doors look like doors

Now before you ask, no, I'm not talking about hidden doors to secret rooms. I'm talking about the actual doors that are required just to progress through the level. Having what looked like a wall in a previous level be a door in the next is just plain mean, and caused many a premature bald spot due to scratching my young head when I first played through these games.

A bit of consistency is all I'm asking for. I'm even fine with making them all look like vaginas or assholes if that's what it takes.

That's literally it

No really. DOOM is perfect except for those couple things.

So don't you dare fucking change anything else.


11:44 AM on 10.31.2014

Pouring one out for Prey 2

I guess I should have seen it coming. I mean, all the signs were fucking there. Development hell doesn't even begin to describe what Prey 2 went through these past few years; how could I have not known it would end like this?

Maybe I was just naive; so blinded by my excitement, that I ignored what was going on right before my eyes. But god dammit, why wouldn't I be excited? Prey 2 looked really, really fucking good back in 2011. Hell, even its CGI trailer didn't do it justice; the gameplay spoke for itself. Inventive weapons, a colorful, Blade Runner-inspired world, creepy and unique enemies and NPCs, an incredible sense of space and freedom of movement -- for a game so early in its development, I was blown away literally every time I saw it in action.

I remember standing outside Bethesda's booth at PAX 2011 and watching the live gameplay demo. I must have watched it five times. And every time it ended, I cheered right along with the rest of the crowd. My shit-eating grin circumnavigated the globe. I'd never been more excited for a videogame.

But then time went by, and instead of the usual stream of updates on the game's development, we were hit with constant. Bad. News. Delays. Developer drama. Publisher drama. The continuous back-and-forth, will-they-or-won't-they bullshit that's signaled the end of too many promising titles. And yet, I still held out hope.

Until now.

It's fitting that today is Halloween, because I'm convinced that Prey 2's hell-on-earth development saga is the work of none other than the devil himself. There's simply no other reason for such a good looking game to get such an unfair shake in life.

And so, I pour one out for you, Prey 2. For all the worlds we'll never explore, all the aliens we'll never shoot, and all the next-gen butthole and vagina doors we'll never open.

Here's to you, buddy.


1:14 AM on 09.05.2014

Hey look, a new Cblog editor

I think? Let's play.

Can I make this bold?




How about a picture?



Featured: How long it took to get a new Cblog editor

EDIT: There are clearly some problems with spacing, but everything else seemed to work just fine for me. (I even copied that YouTube video straight from the embed code into here -- no further formatting required.) Anyway, please play with and break it, and report back with any issues you are having!


11:54 AM on 08.27.2014

Only one day left to get your avatar adopted for PAX!

PAX Prime 2014 starts tomorrow and I want to take you with me! So far only ChillyBilly has bothered to post an adoption blog; the rest of you need to get your act together if you want to soar on papery wings to Seattle tomorrow!

Also, for those of you who don't read the front page (and because I didn't want this blog to be TOO short), here are some other random PAX tidbits...

Thursday at 8pm - Meetup at GameWorks
Friday at 9pm - Dtoid/Square Enix party at Hard Rock Cafe
Sunday at 8pm - Meetup at Elephant & Castle
Monday at 8pm - Meetup at Rock Bottom

Other Things
Join our PAX Prime Google Group!
Sign up to wear the Mr Destructoid helmet!
Join our PAX Prime GroupMe!

My To Do List

Seriously, though. I'm getting fat.   read

10:43 AM on 08.18.2014

Going to PAX? Why not take your favorite Dtoider with you?!

So you were one of the lucky few who managed to snag a pass to PAX this year. How exciting! You've got your flights booked, your hotel reserved, and your bags packed (boy, you're really on the ball this year), but there's still one thing missing:


Suddenly, you come to the overwhelming realization that some of your best Dtoid buds and budettes won't be able to make the trek to Seattle this year, and that makes you do a super duper sad! But what can you do about it? Here's an idea:


That's right, folks. Thanks to the power of paper and ink technology, we Dtoiders are in the unique position to adopt the avatars of our less-fortunate brethren and brethrenettes to join us on our PAX journeys!

But how does that work, you ask? It's easy!

If you're going to PAX and want to bring a friend with you, just print out their avatar and put it in your suitcase! (Lamination is always a good idea as well, but certainly not required.) Hell, if you've got lots of friends, print out four or five! You can even get creative with your avatars like I did last year (see above) -- it's totally up to you!

If you're not going to PAX, just write a Cblog and beg someone to adopt you! (Here's a good example from a few years back by our own ChillyBilly.) Or, hit up someone personally. Whatever you do, DON'T BE SHY! This is a long-standing Dtoid tradition, so even if it's your first day here and you don't really know anyone yet, I assure you: someone WILL adopt you.

Then, once all you adopters are in Seattle, just take your adoptees' avatars with you wherever you go and snap a bunch of photos! How involved you are as an adoptive parent is totally up to you; the important thing is that you just have fun! Oh, and be sure to share your adventure with us when you get back. (Here's an example of what I did for T3HM0RR0W during my very first PAX adventure. And here's what Dtoid alum Sean Carey did for me when I couldn't go back in 2010.)

The only thing that matters here is that we grow stronger as a community -- after all, that's what PAX is all about :)

So what are you waiting for?! Go adopt some avatars!   read

6:27 PM on 02.19.2014

[NVGR] Prepare yourself, Idaho: I'm about to come inside you

Me in Idaho

Hello Dtoiders! As some of you may already know, my wife recently got a new job, so my family will be moving to Boise on March 8th. I will continue working at my same day job (from home) and also performing my Dtoid duties (hehe, doody), so not much will change... other than the fact that I will have no IRL friends to play couch co-op with and touch in romantic ways after too many beers.

And so, I write this blog with one simple plea: are there any Boise-area Dtoiders out there? And if so, will one of you be my friend?

Thanks <3   read

3:43 PM on 01.23.2014

Occams electric toothbrush is your new Cblog Manager

It's been a long time coming. (Like my wiener!)

As my daily duties direct my attention elsewhere and I find myself being pulled in more directions than my penis when my wife and kids are gone for the weekend and I have the house to myself, I've found myself more and more in need of someone who can offer the Community Blogs the love and attention they truly deserve. Someone to laugh with you. Someone to cry with you. And someone to fucking cut you when you post four goddamn blogs back to back promoting your goddamn YouTube videos.

Well after some serious soul searching (I am the king of alliteration) and more than a few faps, it hit me (not the fap): what better person to fill that role than the only man I've ever allowed to wear my robe*?!

*Not true. Many men have worn my robe. I am a slut.

Occam's role here will be much the same as Mxy's and Bloodspray's in the Forums: help new members find their voice (and not piss off the rest of us), encourage fun and fruitful discourse, and be your go-to guy for all things bloggin'. I mean, the dude's already here 24/7, so I might as well give him a job, right?

With Occam's help, I also hope to give a jump-start to the fledgling blog promotion process, which I have sadly not been able to stay on top of by myself. Between the two of us, we will certainly see a lot more promote-able blogs than any one man could on his own (because my two eyes + his three eyes = five eyes), so please, PLEASE keep writing them!

And that's about it! Let's all give Occam a hearty reacharound I MEAN CONGRATULATIONS and wish him well with his new gig. Together -- and that includes you! -- we will inject a bit of much-needed and long-overdue love juice back into this place, and I can't wait to see where we go from here.

See ya, ya fucks!


12:50 PM on 12.25.2013

Merry Christmas from the Dixons

Merry Christmas!

I just wanted to take a moment to let you all know how much you mean to me. If it weren't for Destructoid, I wouldn't be half the person -- half the husband, half the father, half the man -- I am today. This place means the world to me, and I couldn't -- wouldn't! -- do it without each and every one of you!

I hope you all have a wonderful whatever-it-is-you-celebrate-this-time-of-the-year. I love you all!   read

11:19 PM on 11.10.2013

I FP'd five cblogs this weekend (and I want to do more)

Here and here and here and here and here.

I want to start doing this every weekend. Let's take over the front page! "Dtoid Community Weekends." Help me make it happen.

Go create something beautiful. Or awful. Or hilarious. Or insightful. I don't care what. Just go create.

Have I missed something of yours recently? I couldn't be more sorry. Please never hesitate to email me a link; you'd be surprised how many blogs hit the front page just because someone bugged me about them.

That's all.

<3   read

5:15 PM on 10.24.2013

Dear Dtoiders

"Also, cocks" is gone. The "Fap" button is gone. Chad, Colette, Brad, Samit, Uncle Reg, and every other person and thing you've ever loved is gone. And it's safe to say none of them are coming back.

But Dtoid is not gone. We're right fucking here. There may be some new writers on the front page and new usernames in the comments and blogs, but the heart and soul of this place lives on as long as Yanier Gonzalez is still pushing buttons behind the scenes and sometimes also breaking things but it's OK because we love you boss please don't fire me.

At one point, you were new here and you didn't know anybody. And then eventually you knew everybody. And then either you or everybody you knew left and now there's all these new people and it sucks. I get it. I really do. Things change. Sometimes that's scary. When your favorite commenters, bloggers, or writers leave, something irreplaceable is lost that no amount of new people can ever replace. It sucks. And there's nothing we can do about it.

Or is there? People may come and go, but it's up to those of us who stay behind to adapt and keep this place as fun and active a community full of fun and active people as we can. It's up to us.

So you say you wanna start having fun again? Then fucking start having fun again. The Cblogs are yours. The comments are yours. What's the fucking problem?

There's no denying that this industry is changing. "Maturing," some might say. (I wouldn't.) Yes, serious topics like sex and race are going to be discussed. Yes, people you don't agree with are going to be interviewed. That's just an inevitability as more and more people becoming interested in our hobby, and it's not going to change. But these are still videogames, and they're still meant to be fun. But they're only going to be as fun as we want them to be.

I'm not advocating turning "serious" articles into dumping grounds for your random gifs. Let the people who like talking about such things have their forums; it literally DOES NOT AFFECT YOU THAT SUCH THINGS EXIST. But when a boring or questionable news article gets posted, it's OK to fill it with images of people eating salad. Failblogs are great places to sing Journey songs together. Slow day in the Cblogs? Write a silly blog. Start a silly meme. Potatoes. Mazmar. Whatever. Do fun things. This isn't a license to be a fucking asshole, just a reassurance that neither I nor anyone under my authority will stand in your way of just having a good, lighthearted time.

I don't mod comments or blogs for being off-topic; if I did, this guy would have been banned years ago. I mod comments when the person who wrote them is being a fucking asshole. So don't be a fucking asshole and we'll never treat you like one. It's OK to disagree with people, and it's OK to say as much. But it's not now and never has been OK to treat people like shit, and anyone who misses "the good old days" where they could was never a true Dtoider to begin with.

Anyway, that's all I have to say on the matter. I'm going to go masturbate on the toilet now.

Write some Cblogs, ya dicks.   read

12:21 AM on 10.24.2013

Dear Dtoid


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