Yesterday it was revealed that Hard Reset developer Flying Wild Hog is hard at work on a reboot of the 1997 3D Realms classic Shadow Warrior, and I could barely contain my enthusiasm. Seriously, just look at this comment I left on the news story; I did that annoying fucking thing where you spell out the word "love" with periods between the letters to drive home the point. I became that guy.
But it's not my fault. I spent way more time playing with Lo's Wang than I ever did Duke's Nukem, and the prospect of getting to step back into those blood-soaked sandals once again is one I am indescribably excited by. Unlike fellow Dtoid editor Allistair Pinsof, however, the idea of a "toned-down" Shadow Warrior is one I just can't get behind. In fact, it sounds fucking lame.
Without Lo Wang's offensive personality, juvenile and crude sense of humor, obsession with girls on the shitter, and awful, awful one-liners, Shadow Warrior would have simply been another shooter. Sure, the weapons were fun and the enemies exploded into lovely giblets, but we already have plenty of that in today's market. I can already slice a motherfucker in half while screaming at the top of my lungs in a videogame; I don't want *just* ninja swords and violence. I want anime girls s(h)itting on the toilet and shooting me with an uzi when I tease them about the smell. I want Lara Croft hanging in a prison cell after "raiding her last tomb". I want to watch rabbits fuck and make jokes about it. I want more wang jokes, god dammit.
These are the things that made Shadow Warrior Shadow Warrior. There are more dull, same-y shooters available to play right now than at any other time I can remember, and this industry needs a little Wang inside it to shake things up.
Please, please don't tone down Shadow Warrior. If you do, it won't be Shadow Warrior.
Nothing beats the feeling of a good, strong hug, and nobody hugs better than a Dtoider. (FACT.)
I've been the lucky recipient of some of the best hugs of my life from the likes of Occams electric toothbrush, Gobun, Corduroy Turtle, and Beccy Caine (though the latter smelled like a girl -- eww!), and I can hardly wait for PAX Prime 2013 to come around so I can rub up against you sexy beasts yet again. But just because we Dtoiders can't be together on the huggiest day of all doesn't mean we should have to go without! So I'm proposing that we all boot up our copies of Portal 2 tonight and hug the ever-lovin' shit out of each other...
FOR SCIENCE! OK not really but it still sounds fun!
I'll be available between 11 PM and midnight Pacific time on either the Xbox 360 or PS3 version of the game (wherever you people show up) to hand out some pink-robed hugs, and I encourage all of you to do the same!
Can't make it that late? Would you rather hug/dance/just hang out in a different game? Sign up in the comments and someone's bound to join you! Think of this like an impromptu Friday Night Fights... only on Thursday... and with no fighting.
Hope to see you all there! And for those who can't make it,