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11:33 PM on 04.10.2014

Elder Scrolls Online Fucking Sucks

Elder Scrolls Online fucking sucks. I truly wanted to love this game.  I did. But it's exactly what we all feared; WOW with an Elder scrolls skin.  What this amounts to is the absolute worst things you hate about an Elder Scrolls game tied to the worst things you hate about an MMO.  Why?  Here's why.

1.  Remember when you would play ANY elder scrolls game and run into a mountain and spend 20 minutes trying to walk around it because of an "arrow" on your map?  Still here but this time it makes it far worse because in an MMO environment you don't have time to deal with that shit.  Furthermore, there seems to be a hell of a lot more of that because they use terrain to demarcate "levels" so you if your a level 10 and your trying to get to an arrow on the "level 12" part of the map you end up having to try to find a away around all sorts of junk.  

2.  Hey here's a door with an arrow on it; you walk through the door.  Hey that arrow, now it's behind you on the same door.  This has been a problem for ES games but the fact that you throw that into an MMO makes it far more distracting because you already have 10 arrows on your map that your trying to follow.  Plus the game does a horrible job of moving you from one area of quests to another area of quests.  A hell of lot of the quests have you running all over the map and then biting off some quests while your there and you end up in the middle of no-where with arrows all over your map.  

3. At various times you can't scroll out far enough on your map so you don't know where the fuck you are.  This game will lead you on a wild goose chase all over the map and then land you somewhere you have no idea how to get out of.  Yes, you can warp to places but it ends up making the world feel very unglued; like your just bouncing around one "level" to the next "level." 

4.  The respec penalty is insane.  When you're level 10 and you've found that you have made some VERY poor choices when it comes to your spec you are basically fucked.  Around that level you'll probably have about 2K to 2.4 K gold and if you want to respec you're looking at damn near all that.  Plus if you want to respec your attributes that's completely separate from resetting your skills.  So at level 10 if you wanted to reset both your skills and attributes that would cost you nearly all the gold you had gathered from 12-15 hours of gameplay. Don't like your spec after that?  You're fucked.  That really limits a players creativity to find something that jives with their play style and something you enjoy playing.  

5.  The classes are limiting while somehow still being too pinned down.  Sounds crazy I now but pay the game and maybe you'll see what I'm talking about.  Sure you can be a Dragon Knight in light armor that wields a staff but the game gives you no reason to do that.  You just look like an asshole. And if you are ANY class you must invest in all three attributes else you won't be able to function.  Unless you're a pure sorcerer and you can do just mana. Where's the melee that can do just stamina?  Spoiler alert; it's absent in this game

6.  Leveling up feels really slow.  I've played 16 hours on a Dragon Knight and I'm only level 10.  I've done some (maybe an hour) gathering but I've mostly only done quests. The reward (level) I've got doesn't feel very rewarding for the amount of time I've put in.  Furthermore, my character doesn't seem all that more powerful than when I started.  

7. Your pre-order items only apply to one character.  This is a small gripe but one is such a fundamental, even juvenile, mistake by the game makers.  If you pre-ordered the game and got some "treasure maps" or a pet and, let's say you made a character then within a few hours of playing that character decided to delete that character to remake it, your pre-order items are gone. 

8.  Everything looks the same.  Morowind, Skyrim... they all look the same.  The towns are not interestingly designed and they suffer from the same terrain problems as the bigger parts of the map.  You'll have an arrow to a part of town you need to get to and run into a wall that looks just like another wall with a building in front of it that looks exactly like another building in town and you'll spend five minutes backtracking to get to the part of town you need to get to because the wall or building is blocking your way.  

Here's the deal; Final Fantasy 14 actaully came out with some interesting and new spin on the MMO.  With that game only a couple hours into playing you you can do dungeons and the quests are extremely intuitive.  I'm not trying to promote this game.  I don't play it any longer. But I wasn't devastated by it.  ESO is horrible.  You've played it about 100 times already in the form of Conan, WOW, or ANY other MMO.  Compound all this with the fact they expect us to play 190 bucks a year for this game? Fuck that noise.  I'll take a loss on my 60 bucks and just go back to playing Dark Souls 2. I wouldn't even play this game if it was free.   read

2:56 PM on 02.11.2014

The Present: Heart and Mind

This is a response to the "Musicians Wanted" blog in which it was assigned to create something inspired by the state of gaming today.

My song is called "Heart and Mind (She's the Apple of my EyeFone)."  It is inspired by the emergence of the app based game in a console/pc gaming world.  You'll notice pieces of organic sounds bumping up against synthetic ones in somewhat counterpoint orchestrations.  The two ideas fight for room in the arrangement until they become unified in a cacophony at the end.  

I hope you enjoy it and it can be heard here.   read

8:12 PM on 06.16.2013

Microsoft: "One games won't play at launch"

After announcing that the Xbox One will only be available in 21 states at launch, Microsoft spokesperson Matt Fox confirmed rumors today that although several games will be open for sale, customers will not able to "activate" games and games will not actually be playable at launch. 

Fox stated "We really wanted there to be a honeymoon phase where users will be able to really get to know the Xbox One and where the Xbox One could get to know their users.  Unfortunately the game playing process really got in the way and we stand behind this decision. Also, football."  

Fox went on to outline that a streamlined process has been put into place that would set, roughly, a 2015 date for most games to be open for activation, but emphatically stated that a lot of the games could be available much earlier if a genuine relationship was developed with a users Xbox One and the Xbox One felt comfortable allowing a user to play a particular game.  

Fox went on to say "The good news is you can watch most movies and even some TV.  The One tends to favor HGTV but like any relationship, it's a give and a take. Also, football."   read

11:29 PM on 05.10.2013

Diablo 3 gold glitch was on purpose

Recently there was a glitch in Diablo 3 that enabled players to cancel an auction and gain twice their gold back; basically it was a glitch to get endless gold.  I propose that Blizzard did this on purpose.  What better way to get people to use the RMAH than to render gold completely useless.  That is all.  Let the bitching commence.   read

1:22 PM on 10.27.2011

Diablo III Collectors Edition Goodies

Wow. Ebgames has posted a preview of what the Diablo III Collectors Edition will include (and possibly prematurely posting the release date of 3-1-12.) and I must say; IT ROCKS!

Check it out here

The Diablo skull looks bitch'n. I'm not sure what the hell an aesthetic artifact (although one could infer from the word "aesthetic" that it does jack shit) is but I know I want it. The Soulstone USB flash drive is killer. With all the horrible collectors addition BS that companies have been pushing on gamers lately (cough.. cough... Activision) it's refreshing to see that Blizzard has kicked it up a notch. I would say it's well worth the $100.   read

1:13 PM on 10.27.2011

Diablo III release date


That is all.   read

1:09 PM on 10.01.2011

IGN's Obligatory 9 (Follow up)

A couple weeks back I posted a blog observing that all the fall "heavy hitters" (Deus Ex, Resistance 3, and Gears of War 3) had all received a rating of 9 from IGN. I stated that I was of the opinion that the rating of 9 had become obligatory; a default score, if you will, for any company that gave IGN any advertising money.

I quickly got my ass chewed out by trolly posters and inbox messages accusing me of unfairly hating on IGN. Most of the comments were ad-hoc, off topic, and mildly retarded.

Dark Souls got a 9...

That is all...   read

8:57 AM on 09.16.2011

IGN's Obligatory 9...

Although I wrote off IGN after they gave GTA4 a perfect 10, it doesn't seem to stop me from checking their scores. After wading through half a days worth of Activia adds popping up on my screen I find that IGN has given GOW3 a 9. Big surprise. Especially considering IGN has given every fall "big hitter" a 9 so far. Resistance 3; 9. Deus Ex; 9!
Look, I haven't played GOW3 yet, and I'm certain it's a 9 or above. However, if you're going to use a point system, as IGN does, then take advantage of it! When was the last time you saw a game get a 9.1 or a 8.6? I know it happens, but the trend lately seems to be that if you make a game, and there is ANY amount of hype around it, your game gets the ole obligatory 9.
When I see a 9 I automatically think that the reviewer is lazy. Either that or they are trying to perform a balancing act between not pissing fans off and making sure that studios will still advertise with them. However, it seems more often than not IGN has leaned on the side of studio. Games are F#$%ing expensive! And if you're like me, YOU PLAY A LOT OF THEM! The folks at IGN are the "rich kids" of the gaming community. They have a very large following and they capitalize off this hardily. For them to skirt their responsibility to the audience is shameful. My advise to IGN; go back to your root and start giving games an honest grade. The gaming community will be all right without all the Activia ads.   read

10:48 AM on 09.14.2011

Relaxation: The Relaxation Station

No one cares about relaxing games; I'm going to review comic books for you guys. Why? There is much bleed between the game-fan-boys and the comic-fan-boys and the comic fans need some representation on Destructoid. I would like to start with short critical essay on the "new 52" D.C. universe and then each Wednesday release a short review and rundown of the top 5 comics of the week. ... or something like that. Here's a short preview of week #1's essay.

It occurred to me a while back that D.C. comics is obsessed with origin stories. The last decade D.C. has seemingly served up countless telling and retelling of the core heroes backgrounds. When they realize a heroes origin retelling has become obtuse, they kill that hero off then bring s/he back to give them a new origin. In an effort to prove me right, this month D.C. launches "The New 52." Following the events of Flashpoint (yes it was actually called Flashpoint...skip it. or if you're obsessive just read issued #5) Grant Morrison and pals have rebooted the D.C. universe while simultaneously having NOT rebooted the D.C. Universe. Sound confusing? It is.
D.C.'s modus operandi of minimizing fanboy alienation while streamlining their universe to reel in new readers is a risky proposition. The core fanbase doesn't want the last few years of reading to have been in vain. On the other hand many of the lofty story arcs have become muddled and fairly out of grasp for someone who wants to jump into a new comic. With this problem in mind, last week D.C. released their flagship title "Justice League #1." And the verdict?. well... it's kind of great.

(preview end)

I would love to review comics for you guys. Give me a shout.

-Zach   read

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