Now, I am a Halo fan. I really like Halo 3. I also really like playing through the Halo games on legendary. Hard indeed, but a fair challenge. Imagine my delight when forced into the ludicrous brick wall I've spent the last hour banging my head against.

(Spoiler, naturally)

Near the end of Halo 3, you're required to take down two identical scarabs in a large snowy area, using the same technique you employ two other times during the game. These encounters elsewhere are fun, and indeed when playing through this same encounter in co-op, it's an absolute blast. However, who on earth (or any Iain M Banks inspired ring world) thought this would be remotely enjoyable for the single gamer who enjoys the legendary difficulty?

This section is so clearly built for two, or more obviously four gamers that it defies logic to ask a single player to do it.

I speak not of the twin scarabs who for some reason completely ignore the carnage around them and choose only to attack master chief (regardless of which vehicle he is driving or which scarab he is attacking). These hulking beasts are mere annoyances compared with the absolutely abominable A"I" displayed by the ditch-fucking, threat-ignoring, suicidally-narcoleptic incredible fucktards you're supposed to be able to rely on to complete this task with.

Give an A"I" the wheel and he can't even make his way to either scarab, preferring instead to drive head first into or off of the nearest dangerous landmark. I loaded my save four times just to see what new and inventive way they would find to instantly kill themselves and their passengers. Give them the turret however, leaving you free to weave heroically between the legs of the scarab, and they resolutely refuse to attack the various grunts and brutes which mercilessly hammer ammunition into your warthog. Even after acknowledging their existence with a well chosen audio clip, and even if the scarab is wobbling on its knees ready to receive your red-hot payload, chances are you won't have a vehicle to get back into after scarab number one takes a tumble. Your trusty warthog will often blow up with the scarab, usually after its been commandeered by an over-enthusiastic Australian who promptly drives it back into the blast zone. If you do somehow get it clear and make it back to the scarab, and if it's not helpfully driven back into danger by a fucktard monkeywank, you'll probably find the gunner will continue to hammer the scarabs knees, completely disregarding the vehicle toting enemies which have appeared out of nowhere, until his inevitable and quite warranted death at the hands of the aforementioned enemy units.

Of course, this appalling and unsightly AI would be funny if it didn't matter so much. On any other difficulty and in co-op it scarcely matters, and while I want my legendary experience to be a tough one, these is not the reason why. I can't count the number of times I've parked my vehicle out of reach of wraithspam, only to have it helpfully driven back into the line of sight and promptly blown up, usually taking me and the complete donkey cock behind the wheel with it.

Enemy AI is on the whole great, whether they're mooching around in corridors, standing about outside or manning a vehicle. So why is the friendly AI so incredibly, utterly poor? Not once did I attack an enemy vehicle to have it react by flinging itself into the nearest ditch and then remaining motionless while I riddled it with bullets. These issues don't amount to much when there is little to medium challenge, but if you're relying on these abortions for a little solo legendary action, as is a little tradition of mine, you might as well throw water on the console for all the help it'll give you.

The one good thing that came out of this is that I typed 'Ai' into google image search, which returned masses of pictures of lovely Japanese ladies. Which is nice.