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2012: The Year I Lost My Gaming Mojo - Destructoid

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I enjoy games. Lots of them actually. I enjoy festivals/raves. Been to a fair few. Currently studying Animal Management, to go onto Wildlife preservation if any of you give a damn.

My first major experience with games was completing Sonic 2 at the age of 5, much to my dads amazement. Its strange, I don't remember his reaction, but I do recall him not letting me play any more games until he completed them first. My all time favourite game is Banjo & Kazooie. God damn I love that bear & bird.

Games I love:
Dino Crisis 1/2
B & K
DQ8
Command & Conquer
Borderlands
Golden Axe
Crash Bandicoot: Warped
Resident Evil 2/4
Sonic 2
Altered Beast (despite never getting past the third level)
Radical Rex
Pokemon Blue/Gold/Ruby
Super Mario Sunshine/64
Diddy Kong Racing

N64 is my favourite console of all time.

Oh look, It's me!


Here is Lynx. Lazy bastard.
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I hate the opening paragraph when writing. You have to not veer off from the point so much that what you are writing has no relevance, but neither do you want to dive straight into the subject matter and say everything you have to say in the first line. It needs to draw the attention of anyone reading, without being utter drivel (like this).



This has been on my mind now for some time, but it's something I didn't want to accept. Gaming has been a major part of my life from a very early age, used mainly as an escapism tool from my parents dwindling marriage, but also just because I loved it. My friends were the complete opposite to me, and in a way I liked that. It gave me something that made me unique I guess, when compared to them anyway. I have never had somebody who shares the same enthusiasm as me when it comes to gaming, and when I was younger, it was of course seen as uncool to like playing games. Nobody, excluding my family, really knew I had such a passion for gaming until around the age of 15. I recall many times when I was invited to go get drunk with my friends on a Friday night at my local park, and, as appealing as that sounds, I rarely did, preferring to stay inside and play Viva Piņata, Dead Rising and other early Xbox titles. Which of course made me 'weird'.

People move on though, go different directions, and as soon as I got to college I didn't see my 'friends' so much, until the point when I never saw them again. With that though, came new friends, people who didn't care about what I enjoyed and didn't enjoy. And I liked that. Hell, who wouldn't? No longer did I have to be someone I wasn't just to impress people I didn't even like.

Through the two years of college, I fucked up. Having breezed through school without revising and still getting good exam result's, I thought I could do the exact same at college. So I smoked weed. I played games. I fucked about. I didn't give a shit about college. Which was, of course, a huge mistake, and I failed. Miserably. But at the time, I didn't care. Don't get me wrong, I was disappointed I didn't get into University, but at the age of 18 I didn't see it as the end of the world. I just continued smoking weed, and playing games. And I fucking loved it. I had no responsibilities, and my only true goal would be to finish whatever I was playing that week.

People have to grow up. In no way am I suggesting that gaming is a childish thing, but It shouldn't take the forefront of your life like it did mine. Over the two years of leaving college, up to this point (I'm now 20), I have achieved absolute diddly squat. Now, I am not blaming that on gaming, as I know it's my own laziness and stupidity for fucking up what could be considered the most important time of my life, but it didn't help. Wherein the past, gaming was used in a positive way, to block out my parents arguing, to stimulate my imagination, now it is nothing but a distraction. I've become so disillusioned when playing games, losing interest after an hour of barley playing, and I hate it. This blog is partially a way to vent how incredibly dull and sedimentary my life has become, and that reflects on gaming.

When you do nothing, day in day out, but play games, I have found they lose their magic. Thing's in the past, that would have made me laugh, cry, or rage out, barley provoke an emotion. For example, the most interesting game I played this year, Rayman Origin's, I gave up on on the last level. Not because I found it too difficult, but because I didn't want to. I didn't care how it ended, despite enjoying a good majority of the game. And that, in turn, reflects back onto my life. I just don't care any more, about anything. And I know I may sound like some nihilistic hipster douchebag, but I assure you I'm not.

2012 was a year of self realisation, understanding that I really am stuck in a rut, and the only person who can get me out of it is myself. I plan to stop gaming for a while. Focus on getting my life back on track. When that happens, (god knows how long it will take) then I will attempt to enjoy gaming like I used to. I want to get lost in a story, fall in love with a character, and hate a villain. I want to spend 120 hours on a game, and have it only feel like 10.

This is the other part I hate about writing. A strong closing sentence, to tie it all together, and leave the reader wondering, either about what I've written, or (hopefully) about themselves, if they can relate.

Well, there you go.
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