Welcome, fellow interneters, to the adventure of a lifetime! For I am about to embark on an epic saga of love, hate, betrayal, but above all, defecation!

Yes, that's right, I am going to blog about poop, but not just poop. What goes into poop? What makes poop hard or soft? And I don't want to bore you with "science", no! My entire investigation will be based on empirical evidence, observable results alone. I plan to record every morsel of food I consume and examine [with eyes alone, of course ¬_¬] the resulting poop. This will allow me to build up a mapping of (food |-> poop)! I shall start with basic, single food stuffs, then go on to combinations of food. For instance, would eating spaghetti and a banana at the same time result in the same poop as eating some spaghetti, waiting an hour THEN eating the banana. Well, this study aims to discover these ancient and forbidden secrets.

Fear not, oh faint of heart, for I hear you cry "Not the pictures, please, NOT THE PICTURES". A mere array of pixel information cannot truly represent the true beauty that is poop. No, I say! There will be no pictures! For the only way to capture the essence, the soul of the poop is with magniloquent, magnificent, marvelous prose!

For the introductory posts to what will come to be a masterpiece, I shall merely define the types of poop that I enjoyed most over the past week. This shall serve to smooth the path for those to whom poop is taboo.



So, without further ado...

The Poop Of The Week: The Chocolate Mousse


Bowel Consistency:
Smooth, with large pockets of air that sometimes produce small explosions if excessive force is used. No identifiable bits to speak of.

Bowl Consistency:
Usually ends up with one or two main turds with a number of smaller sub-turds [I shall formally define the sizes in the next blog, fear not]. If excessive force is used, splatter may occur.

Aroma:
This is definitely one of the top poops in terms of nasal stimulation. A full bodied smell without the kick of most other poops that allows this to be enjoyed in deep sniffs.

Length:
Another good point of this poop is the amount of time it takes to pass, it can come in several stages or waves, so be patient, a repeat trip to the porcelain throne is never good. A normal sized CM will take between 3 and 8 minutes to complete, wipeup is usually trivial.

Problems:
As stated previously, use of excessive force can result in splatter or small explosions. These are generally not large enough to cause complete splash back, and should not spread wide enough to cause the flush any problems in clearing. However, they an unseemly point to an otherwise nice poop that any real (wo)man should seek to avoid.

Conclusion:
A nice relaxed poop, not too long, a friendly aroma and no wipeup problems to speak of!