I received a lovely little surprise in the mail the other day. Courtesy of our very own Reverend Anthony, I am now the proud owner of the classic film, The Guyver 2, in Digital Video Disc format. As you may recall, this was the prize for Rev Ant's short yet hilarious Photoshop contest in which he requested a shoop of Solid Snake as Jesus (or any Metal Gear Solid character as a Biblical figure). Above is the winning entry. He also stated that if anyone could provide him with a Metal Gear Solid Last Supper, he would marry them. I am still waiting for a big rock to show off to my girlfriends, Anthony. Don't disappoint me. I'll make a lovely bride.

This film and its predecessor, simply titled The Guyver are loosely based on a similarly titled manga/anime. Without spoiling too much, Sean Barker is a young man who chanced upon an alien device that fused with him, giving him the ability to turn into the Guyver, a blue armored warrior with superhuman abilities. He does battle against the evil Chronos Corporation, which is really just a front for the Zoanoids. Zoanoids are humans with the ability to transform into monstrous creatures. They are the bad guys, because that's what monstrous creatures do.


Zoanoids are easily confused with the Sleestak.

PLOT:In Guyver 2, Sean Barker thought he had defeated the Chronos Corporation, but after having been troubled by nightmares that lead him to an archaeological dig in Utah, he finds he may have been wrong... (He also find a hot archaeologist chick. Nice.)

Fairly straightforward and somewhat cliche, but by no means bad.


SWEET RAPTOR JESUS THEY ARE THE SAME GUY MY SEMEN IS EVERYWHERE

Acting: THIS SHIT STARS DAVID HAYTER, THE VOICE OF SOLID SNAKE! YOU NEED TO SEE THIS! Seriously though, it's an early-90s sci-fi action movie. You're not going to get award-winning performances, but they suffice. Mark Hamil was in the first one though, so I might need to see that now.

David Hayter is a pretty cool guy. He beats teh Zoanoids and Metal Geers and doesn't afraid of anything.


Still not Zoanoids, but close.

Visual Effects: Imagine a dozen villains from Power Rangers, and you've got your creature effects for the bad guys. The big rhino/gorilla guy is pretty cool though. I would not want to meet him in a dark alley.

Audio Effects: Which of the following noises suits the action or character it is listed with?

A) Kittens mewling overtop a generic roar - Rhino/gorilla Zoanoid
B) Literal "Pew! Pew!" sound - Present-day firearms
C) Elephant - Bug-faced Zoanoid
D) Jet engine - Any leap or kick performed by the Guyver

The correct answer: All of the above. Also, the musical score may have been totally comprised of songs that were preprogrammed on the composer's keyboard.

Overall Score: 11/10. It featured David Hayter and Power Rangers villains being decapitated. It's fun for the whole family!

If you haven't seen this film, you hate freedom, and that makes you a terrorist. Get your friends together, make a batch of extra-butter popcorn, and enjoy one of the greatest cinematic masterpieces of our generation.

In conclusion, I now have Rev Ant's address. Anyone who wants to go to his home with me to try to land a cameo in the next "Hey Ash, Whatcha Playing?" can request payment instructions via PM.


The winning entry. May the Snake be with you.