What follows is the sequence of events that occurred during and shortly after my reading of Colette Bennett's story New Details on The Princess Bride Game from the dev team. Be forewarned: This is a story of love, but also one of great despair and treachery.

Chapter 1: True Love

"This is true love. You think this happens every day?" - Westley

I am one of the greatest fans of The Princess Bride to ever walk the face of the Earth. Therefore, I found it inconceivable (Yes, I went there) to think that I had somehow missed out on news of a game based on the fantastic novel/film. Colette's story gave me a chance to catch up. My initial reaction was something along the lines of, "OH DEAR GOD YES I WANT TO PUT THIS IN MY PANTS AND THEN MY COMPUTER AND PLAY IT FOREVER!!!111!!!eleven!!". I even drooled over the representations of the characters in the picture. Though cartoony, I feel they are quite representative of each of the characters, in a caricature-esque sort of way. So far, so good. It was time to delve into the dev team interview.

Chapter 2: Cliffs of Insanity

"I always think everything could be a trap — which is why I'm still alive." - Prince Humperdink

Making a game adaptation of such a beloved film is a gargantuan undertaking. Clicking the link to the interview, I was very wary of what I might find in there. I prepared myself for severe disappointment. I was happy to see that the dev team understood the immensity of their chosen task, though a few things still gave me pause. Allow me to copy pasta the interview, with my responses to each question in italics.

Q. By far the most popular question from our readers about the Princess Bride game is a simple one: Could you describe the gameplay? Is it a collection of mini-games? A point-and-click adventure?

A. A casual, narrative adventure game (controlled via mouse and spacebar) with elements and influences such as cartoons, platformers, management systems, quests, puzzles, carnival and rhythm games, unique inventory system and lots of great characters and story.

I immediately thought of this snippet of dialog from the film:

[i]Grandson: Has it got any sports in it?
Grandfather: Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles!
Grandson: Doesn't sound too bad. I'll try and stay awake.
Grandfather: Oh, well, thank you. That's very kind of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming.[/i]

Sounds like a point and click adventure to me, with a few sections leaking into other genres. My interest is piqued.

Q. In making a videogame version of a movie as beloved as The Princess Bride, you’re opening yourself up to a lot of criticism from fans of the film. People have a real emotional attachment to it... Will this game destroy people’s cherished childhood memories like other shlocky videogame versions of classics have in the past? If not, why not?

A. No childhood memories will be harmed in the playing of this game! We certainly understand the expectations and as fans of the book and film, we share these same expectations. We strive to deliver a new kind of game that breaks the mold and delivers on the expectations of fans.

That's what they all say, right before they break your heart. I trust you though. How can I not? It's The Princess Bride!

The game will feature dynamic animated versions of all your favorite characters, professional sound-alike voices, excellent writing, dialogue and storytelling – and most importantly emotionally engaging and addictive gameplay.

Professional sound-alikes: A twinge of dread darkens my mood.

Q. Will any of the cast of the movie have anything to do with the game?

A. Hopefullly…we are working on it.

The fear cuts deeper. Why wouldn't the cast want to be part of this, unless... If this sucks so hard that the original cast won't put their names to it, "There will be blood tonight!"

Q. What was one of the biggest hurdles you had to overcome in the development of this game?

A. Translating the story into fun gameplay while keeping the narrative.

Worse and worse. Coming from a dev team, that means either the story was compromised, or they kept all the story but couldn't make it into a playable game. Either way, disappointment will ensue

Q. To which audience do you intend to cater to? The thirty something crowd that will remember this as a cult classic from their childhood or their children who are seeing the movie for first time?

A. Both! In the spirit of the best of cartoons that cater to both children and adults, our game combines the best elements of casual and narrative gaming with the wonderful characters and adventures from the film. We believe this will deliver fun gameplay experiences for kids 8-13 years old as well as young adults 25-50 years old.

Incorrect. This game is for me. Don't lie to the folks at G4

Q. Is it possible to develop a game that's truly enticing to both those segments?

A. We certainly hope so and we are working very hard to find the magical mix between casual and narrative gaming using various game engines with movie-quality animation to create a brand new kind of product. It may take a miracle, but thankfully we have Max on our side : )

Q. How many "incothevable" jokes are in the game?

A. Quite a few…and they are pretty funny. At least if you mean what I think you mean?!

"That word. I do not think it means what you think it means." - Inigo Montoya

Q. Is there a rhyming mini-game?

A. Check out the 20th Anniversary DVD from Fox (www.theprincessbride.com) for a fun Rhyming Game with Fezzik. Let us know what you think and maybe we will update the game with new questions on our website at princessbridegame.com

In other words, no.

Q. Can we play as Andre the Giant in a giant royal rumble against 30 men?

A. While we are still finalizing some level designs, if someone has to clear The Thieves Forest it will be Fezzik…he is the Brute Squad after all.

Again, a simple "no" will suffice, thank you.

Chapter 3: Ultimate Suffering

"Fezzik! Listen. Do you hear? That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when Rugen slaughtered my father. The Man in Black makes it now." - Inigo Montoya

Watch the following video. Wait until the end, for the "sound-alike". That, my friends, is the sound of ultimate suffering.

(I tried embedding, but it wouldn't work with this video. Just go to the Official Site for the game and click the link to the trailer.)

Overall verdict: As if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened.