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Age: 24
Profession: Law Student
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Sex: At least buy me dinner first

I'm a law student. I don't have the time or money for gaming. But I've been coming here for three years now, and I just can't bring myself to leave. I would make sweet love to every one of your mothers if they were here right now, just to thank them for bringing you into my life.
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Eulogytoid: WiiSucks Edition
MechaMonkey | 2:15 PM on 03.19.2008 45 comments




My dear friends, we are gathered here today to bear witness to the passing of our fallen comrade, WiiSucks.

WiiSucks began his journey here on Destructoid as so many others do: spouting forth a mass of intense failure from from an internet mouth that never seemed to close. Despite countless attempts by the users of Destructoid to "kill it with fire", the beast returned time and time again, always hungry to provide us with more of his childish antics. Many methods were tried, begging, pleading, hilarious Photoshops, and comments about his dubious parentage, but still WiiSucks persisted, standing his ground where so many other fail-slinging noobies had fallen beneath the onslaught of flame. He seemed not so much as a person as a dangerous force of nature, unstoppable and inescapable. "Cannot this scourge be removed from our fair website?" the masses asked of Ron Workman, Wielder of the Banhammer. But WiiSucks remained, creating community blogs at a rate which both shocked and alarmed those unfortunate to witness his display of immature might.



As time passed though, a curious thing began to happen. While the astounding rate of his comments and community blogs did not slow, the retaliation began to dwindle. Slowly, yet surely, the persistence of WiiSucks began to win over the hearts and minds of the Destructoid community. Some even began to support his campaign, taking the position that perhaps a little childishness is good for us every so often. As this change occurred, even WiiSucks' postings began slightly more coherent. From time to time, they were even funny enough to be worth reading. WiiSucks soon became one of Destructoid most recognizable personalities. The community's opinion of him changed from a pest that needed to be stamped out immediately to that of a somewhat pesky but lovable kid brother who just refuses to grow up.



While we may never be able to say that WiiSucks' contributions were singularly impressive or notable, we can all acknowledge his fun-loving spirit and sense of childlike wonder. When we all forgot that the internet is not serious business, it was WiiSucks who would quietly slip in with a comment ridiculous enough to kill a kitten, and remind us all that we come to Destructoid not to argue or flame, but to have fun, and enjoy the randomness and fun-loving absurdity of the website we call home. WiiSucks' youth and immaturity kept us young, something we should all be wary of losing. Video games have brought us together here at Destructoid, and for most of us they are a thing that has grown out of our childhoods, and have blossomed into the bountiful harvest of community and gaming pleasure we have today. WiiSucks was a representation of that childlike innocence we all experienced at some point in our lives, and in remembering WiiSucks I hope that all of us can remember the joy we felt when we played our first video games at a very young age.

Since WiiSucks has left us permanently, along with much of the evidence of his existence, I would ask you all to join me in sharing your fondest memories of WiiSucks, followed by a moment of silence and a 21 Firetruck salute.







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44 comments | showing # 1 to 44
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shipero's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 14:23
shipero
He's banned? ...Again?
blehman's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 14:25
blehman
THERE IS NO SUCH THING OR PERSON NAMED WIISUCKS. Don't believe the lies.
DaedHead8's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 14:25
DaedHead8
Sure why not?
BahamutZero's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 14:26
BahamutZero
...

/silent tribute
Copyright 2008 Agent Chieftain's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 14:29
Copyright 2008 Agent Chieftain
I will mourn him. He was very dear to my heart, and his absence leave a void inside of me.

...

Anyways.
BahamutZero's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 14:33
BahamutZero
HIS NAME WAS JACK KLASSEN
BigPopaGamer's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 14:33
BigPopaGamer
So where are the tits I was promised.
Coonskin05's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 14:33
Coonskin05
HIS NAME, WAS JACK KLASSEN
Justice's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 14:34
Justice
What makes you think he's gone forever since he's said that he was leaving many times (not being sarcastic).
Snaileb 's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 14:36
Snaileb
HIS NAME WAS JACK KLASSEN
MaxVest's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 14:36
MaxVest
http://www.destructoid.com/blogs/WiiSucks

It's just... an empty shell.
Dynamic Sheep's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 14:37
Dynamic Sheep
WiiSucks is gone? I thought he was the internet's version of AIDS?
-D-'s Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 14:37
-D-
I LIKE VLASSIC PICKLES
MrSadistic's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 14:38
MrSadistic
Can someone point me to the free booze?
Knivy's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 14:41
Knivy
I knew he was real!! The doctors told me he wasn't and gave me pills but I knew better, yes.. I knew better 0_o...
JACK of No Trades's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 14:41
JACK of No Trades
I thought I saw him last night....
MaxVest's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 14:46
MaxVest
Although JackKlassen and Wiisucks are no more, we can still remember him here: http://www.destructoid.com/blogs/rationalside
BahamutZero's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 14:55
BahamutZero
HIS NAME WAS KYLE COOLKID
topgeargorilla's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 14:59
topgeargorilla
I don't get it. did he die or something?
Tragic Hero's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 14:59
Tragic Hero
Facepalms have gone down 20% since the banning...
king3vbo's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 15:00
king3vbo
No just some serious bannage
BlackSheep's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 15:03
BlackSheep
r.i.p.
Twisted Imp's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 15:05
Twisted Imp
I'd hate to say it but I miss the little guy...
Place seems much different.
topgeargorilla's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 15:06
topgeargorilla
oh. well as a canadian, he deserved it.
AgentMOO's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 15:10
AgentMOO
What is a WiiSucks? roflcopter
topgeargorilla's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 15:16
topgeargorilla
the kid was an emotionally stunted twat. seriously, he was probably homeschooled.
ironmanrules1333's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 15:16
ironmanrules1333
sssssssooooooooooooo uh...
VWGTI's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 15:30
VWGTI
Hi! My name is Jack Klassen.! I'm a completely ordinary teenage boy from San Diego, California. My interests include soccer, surfing, writing poetry, and luge. I am homeschooled by my father who fought in the Korean War and was exposed to nerve gas. He is kind of crazy but I still love him. We got the Internet two years ago and I started making new friends on Yahoo! messenger. Surprisingly, most of these new friends were older men who wanted to have illegal, underage sex with me. Needless to say, I got a boner like a rocketship and cybersex quickly became my favorite thing in the entire world. Wait, did I say boner like a rocketship? I meant my vagina got as wet as Lake Titicaca. I started saving all of the hot chat sessions I was having with the Pakistanis, lesbians, child molesters and other monsters who were instant messaging me all day and all night, and I decided to put them up here on this website so you can see exactly how disgusting the entire human race is. Since then, I have been in a waterskiing accident that mangled my genitals beyond repair, been diagnosed with cerebral palsy, brain cancer, and Crohn's disease, learned to speak Urdu and French, covered my naked body in superglue, went to French lesbian camp, made a Hindu eat a roast beef sandwich out of my vagina, and ruined perfectly good cybersex for at least one hundred people. Use the menu above to find out more about me and start reading my sexy adventures,
king3vbo's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 15:31
king3vbo
Hi! My name is Jack Klassen.! I'm a completely ordinary teenage boy from San Diego, California. My interests include soccer, surfing, writing poetry, and luge. I am homeschooled by my father who fought in the Korean War and was exposed to nerve gas. He is kind of crazy but I still love him. We got the Internet two years ago and I started making new friends on Yahoo! messenger. Surprisingly, most of these new friends were older men who wanted to have illegal, underage sex with me. Needless to say, I got a boner like a rocketship and cybersex quickly became my favorite thing in the entire world. Wait, did I say boner like a rocketship? I meant my vagina got as wet as Lake Titicaca. I started saving all of the hot chat sessions I was having with the Pakistanis, lesbians, child molesters and other monsters who were instant messaging me all day and all night, and I decided to put them up here on this website so you can see exactly how disgusting the entire human race is. Since then, I have been in a waterskiing accident that mangled my genitals beyond repair, been diagnosed with cerebral palsy, brain cancer, and Crohn's disease, learned to speak Urdu and French, covered my naked body in superglue, went to French lesbian camp, made a Hindu eat a roast beef sandwich out of my vagina, and ruined perfectly good cybersex for at least one hundred people. Use the menu above to find out more about me and start reading my sexy adventure
Samit Sarkar's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 15:40
Samit Sarkar
MaxVest beat me to it.
Origin488's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 15:57
Origin488
what did he get banned for, anyways?
Mr Wilson's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 16:12
Mr Wilson
Hi! My name is Jack Klassen.! I'm a completely ordinary teenage boy from San Diego, California. My interests include soccer, surfing, writing poetry, and luge. I am homeschooled by my father who fought in the Korean War and was exposed to nerve gas. He is kind of crazy but I still love him. We got the Internet two years ago and I started making new friends on Yahoo! messenger. Surprisingly, most of these new friends were older men who wanted to have illegal, underage sex with me. Needless to say, I got a boner like a rocketship and cybersex quickly became my favorite thing in the entire world. Wait, did I say boner like a rocketship? I meant my vagina got as wet as Lake Titicaca. I started saving all of the hot chat sessions I was having with the Pakistanis, lesbians, child molesters and other monsters who were instant messaging me all day and all night, and I decided to put them up here on this website so you can see exactly how disgusting the entire human race is. Since then, I have been in a waterskiing accident that mangled my genitals beyond repair, been diagnosed with cerebral palsy, brain cancer, and Crohn's disease, learned to speak Urdu and French, covered my naked body in superglue, went to French lesbian camp, made a Hindu eat a roast beef sandwich out of my vagina, and ruined perfectly good cybersex for at least one hundred people. Use the menu above to find out more about me and start reading my sexy adventure
thebigghurt's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 16:15
thebigghurt
for being a wanker and a cblogs commenting whore-troll or so it seems to me. Some people say it was because he was canadian. Is Eddie ok, I dont know?(milli vanilli ftw)
mistic's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 16:24
mistic
Though I read most of his posts, I'm not ungratefull for his early demise :-) ( at dtoid that is )
Gameboi's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 16:34
Gameboi
Hmmm....
blehman's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 16:41
blehman
HE DOESN'T EXIST! EVERYONE MUST BE IN ON THIS EXCEPT ME!!

*puts on foil hat, hides in basement*
UglyDuck's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 16:51
UglyDuck
Epic lulz <curly 'a' symbol> this thread.
GrayFox's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/19/2008 19:30
GrayFox
I always found the guy entertaining in an insane sort of way.
Natali Alinskaya's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/22/2011 09:56
Natali Alinskaya
Hello friends,this is a nice site and I wanted to post a note to let you know, good job! Thanks
Best regards, Natali, CEO of mp3 songs free download
house music
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