Profession: Law Student
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Sex: At least buy me dinner first
I'm a law student. I don't have the time or money for gaming. But I've been coming here for three years now, and I just can't bring myself to leave. I would make sweet love to every one of your mothers if they were here right now, just to thank them for bringing you into my life.
My dear friends, we are gathered here today to bear witness to the passing of our fallen comrade, WiiSucks.
WiiSucks began his journey here on Destructoid as so many others do: spouting forth a mass of intense failure from from an internet mouth that never seemed to close. Despite countless attempts by the users of Destructoid to "kill it with fire", the beast returned time and time again, always hungry to provide us with more of his childish antics. Many methods were tried, begging, pleading, hilarious Photoshops, and comments about his dubious parentage, but still WiiSucks persisted, standing his ground where so many other fail-slinging noobies had fallen beneath the onslaught of flame. He seemed not so much as a person as a dangerous force of nature, unstoppable and inescapable. "Cannot this scourge be removed from our fair website?" the masses asked of Ron Workman, Wielder of the Banhammer. But WiiSucks remained, creating community blogs at a rate which both shocked and alarmed those unfortunate to witness his display of immature might.
As time passed though, a curious thing began to happen. While the astounding rate of his comments and community blogs did not slow, the retaliation began to dwindle. Slowly, yet surely, the persistence of WiiSucks began to win over the hearts and minds of the Destructoid community. Some even began to support his campaign, taking the position that perhaps a little childishness is good for us every so often. As this change occurred, even WiiSucks' postings began slightly more coherent. From time to time, they were even funny enough to be worth reading. WiiSucks soon became one of Destructoid most recognizable personalities. The community's opinion of him changed from a pest that needed to be stamped out immediately to that of a somewhat pesky but lovable kid brother who just refuses to grow up.
While we may never be able to say that WiiSucks' contributions were singularly impressive or notable, we can all acknowledge his fun-loving spirit and sense of childlike wonder. When we all forgot that the internet is not serious business, it was WiiSucks who would quietly slip in with a comment ridiculous enough to kill a kitten, and remind us all that we come to Destructoid not to argue or flame, but to have fun, and enjoy the randomness and fun-loving absurdity of the website we call home. WiiSucks' youth and immaturity kept us young, something we should all be wary of losing. Video games have brought us together here at Destructoid, and for most of us they are a thing that has grown out of our childhoods, and have blossomed into the bountiful harvest of community and gaming pleasure we have today. WiiSucks was a representation of that childlike innocence we all experienced at some point in our lives, and in remembering WiiSucks I hope that all of us can remember the joy we felt when we played our first video games at a very young age.
Since WiiSucks has left us permanently, along with much of the evidence of his existence, I would ask you all to join me in sharing your fondest memories of WiiSucks, followed by a moment of silence and a 21 Firetruck salute.